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3.33 AVERAGE
3.33 AVERAGE
challenging
dark
mysterious
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
The sophomore effort from the author of "Docile", K.M. Szpara presents his second novel, "First, Become Ashes" an urban fantasy that once again takes place in his native Baltimore, and I will say that while "Docile" was a powerful and controversial debut, I think his second book did a better job showcasing his finesse as a writer, but also incorporated more of his background as a paralegal and his degree in his divinity studies - because the second book was a bit more complex then the first one.
The story has multiple POV characters (all queer, which, again, for a fantasy novel - especially urban fantasy in the mainstream market, is unheard of) but the story does center around Lark, the 24 year old member of the Fellowship of the Anointed watches as his partner Kane leaves their compound to go on his Quest - only to find the FBI storming the compound two weeks later and letting him know that their leader and Matriarch Nova was abusing them for years, and that more importantly, magic is not real.
There are other characters as well, all flawed in this tragedy - and make no mistake, while the book has themes that run the gambit on human emotions, and with what can be seen as a HEA, this is a tragedy across the board - we meet Kane, the character who is the first to leave the compound and contact the FBI to help save his friends and family; we meet the sibling of Lark, Deryn, and their feelings about not being seen or treated like Lark; and Calvin, who has followed the Fellowship online and believes in Lark and his Quest, because Calvin needs magic to be real.
The characters of course are archetypes of the human psyche across the spectrum, and this also comes out in how they interact with the "truth" of the Fellowship and with FBI Agent Miller, who acts as the "lead" on the case for the Fellowship as the members are re-assimilated back into society.
I won't go to in-depth with the plot, as I believe that if you pick up this novel, you will need to go in slightly blind to truly determine if the magic is real or not. I will also say that you need to take the CW/TW for this book seriously- while the subject matter and how K.M. Szpara handles it is not for the faint of heart, I can understand why so many readers were initially turned off by this novel - especially if they are not fans of fantasy or not familiar with the genre. Many authors and world building have linked the ability to perform magic to the emotional spectrum of human emotions - and in "First, Become Ashes" is no different as the Fellowship is taught that Magic is harnessed and recharged via pain. While this itself is not unique, what is unique is the level of graphic description that K.M. goes into for the reader to understand the full level of dedication that the members of the Fellowship gave their leader.
In this, this is where the Masters in Divinity Studies comes into play - K.M. constructs the institutions of the Fellowship to be like that of organized religion, and indeed the magic, which is both seen and unseen by characters throughout the book, is held as a faith vs a knowledge factor.
While I did enjoy the book, there were moments and portions that kept it from being a perfect book. While K.M. improved the level of diversity both racial and queer representation compared to "Docile" thats pretty much where the improvement ended.
I didn't appreciate the ambiguity that he keeps the reader in - specifically, with regards to magic. While there are moments that it seems that the magic is real or not, there are later moments in the novel where he explicitly cancels out his prose describing the other parts. Following that, I felt that for a novel about a Quest, he did not fully utilize all of his POV characters to their potential. If you are going the route of multiple POVs, I would have expected more of a balance between the characters and how they are relaying the events to the reader. Finally, with the trauma that is shared by the members of the Fellowship, I don't understand why K.M. didn't allow the reader to see more of the healing process for the characters. For all of that they experienced, and especially with the material being dealt with - the characters and the readers deserved to see the healing process from that which was experienced.
Keeping all of this in mind, I encourage people to read the novel and form their own opinions about what they perceive to be the reality of the novel.
The story has multiple POV characters (all queer, which, again, for a fantasy novel - especially urban fantasy in the mainstream market, is unheard of) but the story does center around Lark, the 24 year old member of the Fellowship of the Anointed watches as his partner Kane leaves their compound to go on his Quest - only to find the FBI storming the compound two weeks later and letting him know that their leader and Matriarch Nova was abusing them for years, and that more importantly, magic is not real.
There are other characters as well, all flawed in this tragedy - and make no mistake, while the book has themes that run the gambit on human emotions, and with what can be seen as a HEA, this is a tragedy across the board - we meet Kane, the character who is the first to leave the compound and contact the FBI to help save his friends and family; we meet the sibling of Lark, Deryn, and their feelings about not being seen or treated like Lark; and Calvin, who has followed the Fellowship online and believes in Lark and his Quest, because Calvin needs magic to be real.
The characters of course are archetypes of the human psyche across the spectrum, and this also comes out in how they interact with the "truth" of the Fellowship and with FBI Agent Miller, who acts as the "lead" on the case for the Fellowship as the members are re-assimilated back into society.
I won't go to in-depth with the plot, as I believe that if you pick up this novel, you will need to go in slightly blind to truly determine if the magic is real or not. I will also say that you need to take the CW/TW for this book seriously- while the subject matter and how K.M. Szpara handles it is not for the faint of heart, I can understand why so many readers were initially turned off by this novel - especially if they are not fans of fantasy or not familiar with the genre. Many authors and world building have linked the ability to perform magic to the emotional spectrum of human emotions - and in "First, Become Ashes" is no different as the Fellowship is taught that Magic is harnessed and recharged via pain. While this itself is not unique, what is unique is the level of graphic description that K.M. goes into for the reader to understand the full level of dedication that the members of the Fellowship gave their leader.
In this, this is where the Masters in Divinity Studies comes into play - K.M. constructs the institutions of the Fellowship to be like that of organized religion, and indeed the magic, which is both seen and unseen by characters throughout the book, is held as a faith vs a knowledge factor.
While I did enjoy the book, there were moments and portions that kept it from being a perfect book. While K.M. improved the level of diversity both racial and queer representation compared to "Docile" thats pretty much where the improvement ended.
I didn't appreciate the ambiguity that he keeps the reader in - specifically, with regards to magic. While there are moments that it seems that the magic is real or not, there are later moments in the novel where he explicitly cancels out his prose describing the other parts. Following that, I felt that for a novel about a Quest, he did not fully utilize all of his POV characters to their potential. If you are going the route of multiple POVs, I would have expected more of a balance between the characters and how they are relaying the events to the reader. Finally, with the trauma that is shared by the members of the Fellowship, I don't understand why K.M. didn't allow the reader to see more of the healing process for the characters. For all of that they experienced, and especially with the material being dealt with - the characters and the readers deserved to see the healing process from that which was experienced.
Keeping all of this in mind, I encourage people to read the novel and form their own opinions about what they perceive to be the reality of the novel.
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
mysterious
sad
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
No
I devoured this after being told I would probably not like it. Whether my brain did it in spite, or I truly enjoyed the book is hard to determine XD
There is a significant trigger warning at the beginning of the book - that is not to be taken lightly. There are many plot points that could be challenging for some readers. There are some fairly graphic descriptions of things too, so be warned - this is not for everyone.
I found myself enamored by the cult element of the book. It always intrigues me that such things do happen, even though this is still a work of fiction. I love that the magic is really almost a side element. I'm not sure why this is categorized the way it is in my library because I'd definitely argue its placement.
I that Szpara did a great job making you feel for Lark. While you wanted to shake the character at times once you realize what's happening yourself, Lark hold a special place still for faith. I found the relationships between characters to feel true and was quite pleased at the overall arcs.
It's really hard not to spoil things here - just know that if you're highly sensitive to reading, you might want to pass on this one. There are some very dark themes, but I think those were part of the appeal to me!
There is a significant trigger warning at the beginning of the book - that is not to be taken lightly. There are many plot points that could be challenging for some readers. There are some fairly graphic descriptions of things too, so be warned - this is not for everyone.
I found myself enamored by the cult element of the book. It always intrigues me that such things do happen, even though this is still a work of fiction. I love that the magic is really almost a side element. I'm not sure why this is categorized the way it is in my library because I'd definitely argue its placement.
I that Szpara did a great job making you feel for Lark. While you wanted to shake the character at times once you realize what's happening yourself, Lark hold a special place still for faith. I found the relationships between characters to feel true and was quite pleased at the overall arcs.
It's really hard not to spoil things here - just know that if you're highly sensitive to reading, you might want to pass on this one. There are some very dark themes, but I think those were part of the appeal to me!
Second hand embarrassment might return to it because it's not bad just can't with one character
adventurous
challenging
dark
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
adventurous
dark
emotional
hopeful
mysterious
sad
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual violence
Moderate: Abandonment, Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Gun violence
Lots of Harry Potter references.
Coerced/forced consent/consent issues
challenging
dark
emotional
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
This book was deeply uncomfortable to read, and I’m honestly not sure what to say about it. Below are some random thoughts, but wanted to add a CW up top for: graphic sexual abuse, rape, consent violations, self-harm.
- I was going into this thinking the magic would be fake as heck and all be in Lark’s head. Like a Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story deal, where he has to reconcile with it all being a lie. But then it IS real? There are moments where it totally seems made up (e.g., the car camouflage, the wards around Druid Hill) and then others where it’s actually happening (e.g., the magic circle and healing thing). And I’m not sure what to make of that. Or whether it adds to or detracts from the message on healing from trauma.
- I’m not big into true crime podcasts or anything like that. But I definitely think this book is NOT a great example of how to safely deprogram a bunch of traumatized, confused former cultists. Especially if you know their rituals depend on self-harm. Putting them in a hotel setting with ready access to potential weapons or escape tools? Letting them meet with one another unsupervised? Immediately demanding they testify without addressing their experiences or trying to level set or meet them where they’re at? The fact that Lark was able to break out relatively easily just seemed poorly thought-out by these apparent FBI agents.
- The wackiest tonal shifts in the book come from the transitions between dark cult shit and… cosplaying nerds. It felt like a 180 when we’re introduced to Calvin in his LOTR getup. And then it comes back in whenever Calvin’s clothes or conversation starters center on pop culture references (e.g., Pokémon, TMNT, and Harry Potter, of all things - I was a bit surprised by the latter since this was written in 2021 and Rowling’s TERFness had been well-documented by then).
- Speaking of Calvin… I took issue with this character. Like, I love sci fi and fantasy, too. Wishing magic is real is one thing. Letting that desire dictate your actions, enable Lark’s potential delusions, and putting people in very real danger is another. Calvin just felt very irresponsible to me; when Lillian calls him out, that was probably the only moment I could wholeheartedly root for one of the characters.
- Kane, Lark’s partner and the FBI informant, is another POV character. The only chapters from his perspective take place in the past, detailing his physical and sexual abuse at the hands of Nova and others in the Fellowship (including Lark, though I guess that’s due to coercion); it’s implied that this is all part of his FBI testimony, or at least that’s my interpretation with the “Confidential” stamp. Anyway, the SA and rape scenes are written in such a way that feels… almost voyeuristic? Gratuitous? Something about the language and detail around the acts felt off-putting to me. Side bar: for people raised in a cult (and who are forced to wear chastity belts) there’s a level of precocity around sex that I found perplexing. But mostly I thought Kane’s voice was reduced to his trauma by making that the primary focus of his chapters.
- There is a graphic scene when Lark is told he was ready to be part of a secret ritual that turned out to be rape by an Elder. Kane follows and bears witness to the entire ordeal… and his first instinct is jealousy that the Elder gets to experience pleasure with Lark’s body (celibacy being one of the burdens on the Anointed… minus the sex rituals and some of the instances of care with their partners? I guess). Since Kane at this point is the only other Anointed privy to this aspect of the cult, and was himself recently violated (albeit in a different way) by Nova, it feels like an odd response to the situation.
- There’s something about the interplay between sexual assault/pain and pleasure that felt weird to me. I noticed it most often in the loaded interactions between Lark and Calvin. I think part of it had to do with the fact that Lark's experiences with pain and pleasure were very much tied to his abuse as an Anointed... and having Calvin engage with that romantically and without that context felt inappropriate or irresponsible somehow? Not sure if that makes sense.
- I saw a vlog about this book that said something to the effect of Lark being armed, dangerous, attacking FBI agents and NOT winding up in jail as “white privilege” and I thought it was hilarious. Given that Druid Hill is in Baltimore, I did think it was interesting that the majority of characters were white, the exception being Kane who is described by Calvin as “East Asian”.
DNF I don't care enough to try to keep reading this right now. All the content warnings are VERY correct and its making my brain rot a little bit