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3.33 AVERAGE
3.33 AVERAGE
A book that suffers from not quite knowing what it wants to be, to the point of feeling almost like two separate plots that are mashed together, negating the successful completion of either storyline. Also, terrible marketing.
Read the full review and more on the blog!
Content warnings include: physical/sexual/emotional/child abuse, gaslighting and manipulation, unsafe sadomasochism, rape, non-consensual BDSM, cult mentality and brainwashing, self harm, unconsensual chastity devices, denial of bodily autonomy, sex on-page, FBI raid, violence, character gets shot.
When I read the author’s debut book, Docile, I had some mixed feelings but overall a good time. It made me excited to see what else he would write, and First, Become Ashes sounded intriguing enough on its own to catch my interest already.
Many of the issues I had with Docile also apply to First, Become Ashes, with the caveat that Docile was still enjoyable and at least somewhat successful. I was confused about what Docile was trying to be, but it ultimately told a rounded story with a satisfying conclusion that subverted the initial expectations it set up. First, Become Ashes meanwhile felt like two different concepts mashed together, neither succeeding because both end up not quite committing.
First, Become Ashes is a victim of its marketing in more than one way. Firstly it’s presented as the story of Lark, who grew up in a cult believing monsters and magic are real, just to be confronted with our pragmatic and contemporary world that doesn’t subscribe to the concept of magic. Secondly, the graphics created by the publisher (now deleted, but I saw it and it thus influenced my approach to the book) make it sound like a fun, cutesy romp with some BDSM erotica.
It’s neither of those two things.
For most of the book, I had no idea where it was heading. Every time I thought I got a clue it was thrown off course again. This lasted until the very end. There were buildups that seemingly amounted to nothing or were keeled over and forgotten as a new turn developed.
This was reflected not just in the plot, but also the characters. There’s four POV characters, which I liked due to their different perspectives, but to be honest it could have easily been broken down to two or three. Generally, several of the side characters ended up irrelevant to the plot – the little that they do contribute could have easily been implemented another way. That said, I liked several of those characters.
In regards to representation, there was on-page queer, mlm, nonbinary, polyamorous and East Asian(-American) representation through the four protagonists.
Ultimately the main issue was that the book didn’t know what it wanted to be, or it tried to be two contrasting things at the same time. There was this constant back and forth between magic-is-real and magic’s-not-real, to the point it got frustrating and distracted from the plot.
In that context, several plot elements were confusing and seemed really misplaced to me.
One of those misplaced things was the romantic subplot. It wasn’t entirely bad, but personally I didn’t really like its development and how it tied in with the rest of what was happening.
Ultimately I just don’t think this book was successful in any way. It was well written and not a chore to read, and definitely intriguing with its view on cult mentality if you can stomach the content warnings. However, for me it didn’t deliver with its plot or conversations about trauma and years of abuse and manipulation.
I received an ARC and reviewed honestly and voluntarly.
Read the full review and more on the blog!
Content warnings include: physical/sexual/emotional/child abuse, gaslighting and manipulation, unsafe sadomasochism, rape, non-consensual BDSM, cult mentality and brainwashing, self harm, unconsensual chastity devices, denial of bodily autonomy, sex on-page, FBI raid, violence, character gets shot.
When I read the author’s debut book, Docile, I had some mixed feelings but overall a good time. It made me excited to see what else he would write, and First, Become Ashes sounded intriguing enough on its own to catch my interest already.
Many of the issues I had with Docile also apply to First, Become Ashes, with the caveat that Docile was still enjoyable and at least somewhat successful. I was confused about what Docile was trying to be, but it ultimately told a rounded story with a satisfying conclusion that subverted the initial expectations it set up. First, Become Ashes meanwhile felt like two different concepts mashed together, neither succeeding because both end up not quite committing.
First, Become Ashes is a victim of its marketing in more than one way. Firstly it’s presented as the story of Lark, who grew up in a cult believing monsters and magic are real, just to be confronted with our pragmatic and contemporary world that doesn’t subscribe to the concept of magic. Secondly, the graphics created by the publisher (now deleted, but I saw it and it thus influenced my approach to the book) make it sound like a fun, cutesy romp with some BDSM erotica.
It’s neither of those two things.
For most of the book, I had no idea where it was heading. Every time I thought I got a clue it was thrown off course again. This lasted until the very end. There were buildups that seemingly amounted to nothing or were keeled over and forgotten as a new turn developed.
This was reflected not just in the plot, but also the characters. There’s four POV characters, which I liked due to their different perspectives, but to be honest it could have easily been broken down to two or three. Generally, several of the side characters ended up irrelevant to the plot – the little that they do contribute could have easily been implemented another way. That said, I liked several of those characters.
In regards to representation, there was on-page queer, mlm, nonbinary, polyamorous and East Asian(-American) representation through the four protagonists.
Ultimately the main issue was that the book didn’t know what it wanted to be, or it tried to be two contrasting things at the same time. There was this constant back and forth between magic-is-real and magic’s-not-real, to the point it got frustrating and distracted from the plot.
In that context, several plot elements were confusing and seemed really misplaced to me.
One of those misplaced things was the romantic subplot. It wasn’t entirely bad, but personally I didn’t really like its development and how it tied in with the rest of what was happening.
Ultimately I just don’t think this book was successful in any way. It was well written and not a chore to read, and definitely intriguing with its view on cult mentality if you can stomach the content warnings. However, for me it didn’t deliver with its plot or conversations about trauma and years of abuse and manipulation.
I received an ARC and reviewed honestly and voluntarly.
adventurous
dark
emotional
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Torture, Blood, Fire/Fire injury, Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Confinement, Gun violence, Toxic relationship
Minor: Police brutality, Medical content
adventurous
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Look, I know it's reductionist and terrible to just say "well, that was weird," but it's all I can really think about for this book. Graphic upsetting sex, sado-masochism, controlling cult leaders, and... magic? I think the dichotomy between the real life and the world of the cult was very interestingly handled--the book felt like horror/fantasy and then like lighthearted YA--but I didn't particularly like any of the characters. I was impressed it actually wrapped up, though; I thought it was going to be a cliffhanger ending.
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
mysterious
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Plot
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Pedophilia, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence
A lot of people wonder who this book is for -- it's me.
Same as with Docile, I read it in one day but I didn't have to stop to cry and think so that was more fun?
Same as with Docile, I read it in one day but I didn't have to stop to cry and think so that was more fun?
dark
emotional
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
I read this for my “f-ed up” Bookclub so I knew going into it that it would be interesting. I feel like every page was like, “omg is this really happening?” It was suspenseful but not a thriller and really makes me wonder what other books this author has written.
oh boy, how do i talk about this one????
i knew szpara's debut was simply not for me at all, but i saw someone mention this one and became curious. despite the mixed bag of opinions i went into this one optimistic, especially since i thought that the cult aspect of this was quite interesting. i didn't even mind any of the trigger warnings (of which there are aplenty, and should be checked out) and i was mostly hoping that this would be an interesting look at sex and power and abuse. this was... not really that. i don't actually know who this was written for except maybe people who enjoy certain tropes revolving around sexual abuse, but anyway.
i don't think it was poorly written on like... an ability to write sentences level, but there were a lot of other choices that did not particularly work for me. for example, i don't really think that nova, the antagonist, was particularly well fleshed out—she's mostly like a looming figure in the background that you know has done Awful Things and is a Bad Person (and probably charismatic, consider she's the head of a cult that forces people to partake in bdsm). i also thought that lillian felt pretty one dimensional, which i guess isn't the biggest deal because there are ten thousand other things happening at any given time, but i digress. and sometimes i felt the language being used was just.... just a touch too online, i dunno. and for the most part it felt like no one was particularly good at their jobs, they just did things that progressed the very, very thin plot forward.
my biggest issue with this book is the absolutely buckwild tonal shifts that happen between calvin's pov and everyone else's. calvin is a professional who is introduced in the middle of doing LOTR cosplay and is on a podcast. i don't think these things would've actually bothered me so much if his tone wasn't basically a complete 180 from everyone else's and a lot of his feelings towards lark just ended up feeling weird and predatory to me rather than romantic or anything of that nature.
i definitely did not enjoy this book as a romance, but i guess i enjoyed seeing the absolutely fucked dynamics going on here. i mean, this reads like fanfiction, almost, which is not a bad thing so much as something i found to be jarring. look—i don't mind if you're going to write graphic rape scene after graphic rape scene so long as you include somewhere (in the book, on your website, etc, which this book did) appropriate trigger and content warnings but i did not realize i was essentially picking up torture porn. and perhaps i would have felt differently had i gone into it expecting that but i did not, and here we are (i did learn something about myself, though. i've liked some fucked up shit but i did not appreciate all the stuff with fluids. it was not for me at all. nor was the use of and heavy focus on cock cages in this context, but these are me issues and not book issues). i am only really bothered because i had been expecting one thing (an exploration into power, sex, cults, and abuse) and got something else (dubcon/rape but make it hot and wildly unsafe bdsm practices). honestly i just think there's a level of nuance here that could make this work that does not exist in-text, which is a shame. and, also, i just didn't really like any of the characters, and i was especially not a fan of calvin. good god, his perspective was rough.
all in all: really interesting concept but the execution did not work for me. don't really know how i felt about how the magic noncon/rape cult was handled based on the marketing/what i had expected and some aspects were just too thin for me to ignore.
i knew szpara's debut was simply not for me at all, but i saw someone mention this one and became curious. despite the mixed bag of opinions i went into this one optimistic, especially since i thought that the cult aspect of this was quite interesting. i didn't even mind any of the trigger warnings (of which there are aplenty, and should be checked out) and i was mostly hoping that this would be an interesting look at sex and power and abuse. this was... not really that. i don't actually know who this was written for except maybe people who enjoy certain tropes revolving around sexual abuse, but anyway.
i don't think it was poorly written on like... an ability to write sentences level, but there were a lot of other choices that did not particularly work for me. for example, i don't really think that nova, the antagonist, was particularly well fleshed out—she's mostly like a looming figure in the background that you know has done Awful Things and is a Bad Person (and probably charismatic, consider she's the head of a cult that forces people to partake in bdsm). i also thought that lillian felt pretty one dimensional, which i guess isn't the biggest deal because there are ten thousand other things happening at any given time, but i digress. and sometimes i felt the language being used was just.... just a touch too online, i dunno. and for the most part it felt like no one was particularly good at their jobs, they just did things that progressed the very, very thin plot forward.
my biggest issue with this book is the absolutely buckwild tonal shifts that happen between calvin's pov and everyone else's. calvin is a professional who is introduced in the middle of doing LOTR cosplay and is on a podcast. i don't think these things would've actually bothered me so much if his tone wasn't basically a complete 180 from everyone else's and a lot of his feelings towards lark just ended up feeling weird and predatory to me rather than romantic or anything of that nature.
i definitely did not enjoy this book as a romance, but i guess i enjoyed seeing the absolutely fucked dynamics going on here. i mean, this reads like fanfiction, almost, which is not a bad thing so much as something i found to be jarring. look—i don't mind if you're going to write graphic rape scene after graphic rape scene so long as you include somewhere (in the book, on your website, etc, which this book did) appropriate trigger and content warnings but i did not realize i was essentially picking up torture porn. and perhaps i would have felt differently had i gone into it expecting that but i did not, and here we are (i did learn something about myself, though. i've liked some fucked up shit but i did not appreciate all the stuff with fluids. it was not for me at all. nor was the use of and heavy focus on cock cages in this context, but these are me issues and not book issues). i am only really bothered because i had been expecting one thing (an exploration into power, sex, cults, and abuse) and got something else (dubcon/rape but make it hot and wildly unsafe bdsm practices). honestly i just think there's a level of nuance here that could make this work that does not exist in-text, which is a shame. and, also, i just didn't really like any of the characters, and i was especially not a fan of calvin. good god, his perspective was rough.
all in all: really interesting concept but the execution did not work for me. don't really know how i felt about how the magic noncon/rape cult was handled based on the marketing/what i had expected and some aspects were just too thin for me to ignore.
challenging
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
N/A
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
I loved this book and I couldn't wait to talk to my book club about it. There was so much to unpack with Lark's story. This book was very hard to read, the content made me uncomfortable but it was sooo worth it. Magical realism was woven into the story (and I am a sucker for magical realism). I will be thinking about this book for a long time.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual assault