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tess_dennison's review
challenging
dark
emotional
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.5
michael070's review against another edition
dark
sad
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
bhavyab61's review against another edition
5.0
Absolutely brilliant. The perfect female gaze narrative.
I expected this to be a short and easy read but it wasn't. In a lot of ways, I'm glad it wasn't. Kandasamy is a master storyteller, holding the torch of millions of people who face domestic violence. She masterfully navigates the themes of love, identity and being - handling every topic with nuance. The book is a fitting answer for anyone who has ever asked "why couldn't they just leave?" to a survivor of violence and rape.
Kandasamy makes you question everything - the institution of politics, of marriage, of society and of love itself. The very ideas and impositions that force us into allowing and accepting abuse. While doing so, she also holds out a care for people that almost doesn't make sense; a kind understanding that stands the test of abuse and abandonment.
Stunning and moving. Will leave you in tears at multiple points. My only advice is don't read it on the bus ride back home because it's literature that's meant to be read and experienced, wholly; with tears that are meant to be shed and seen.
I expected this to be a short and easy read but it wasn't. In a lot of ways, I'm glad it wasn't. Kandasamy is a master storyteller, holding the torch of millions of people who face domestic violence. She masterfully navigates the themes of love, identity and being - handling every topic with nuance. The book is a fitting answer for anyone who has ever asked "why couldn't they just leave?" to a survivor of violence and rape.
Kandasamy makes you question everything - the institution of politics, of marriage, of society and of love itself. The very ideas and impositions that force us into allowing and accepting abuse. While doing so, she also holds out a care for people that almost doesn't make sense; a kind understanding that stands the test of abuse and abandonment.
Stunning and moving. Will leave you in tears at multiple points. My only advice is don't read it on the bus ride back home because it's literature that's meant to be read and experienced, wholly; with tears that are meant to be shed and seen.
lucyames's review
dark
informative
sad
tense
medium-paced
5.0
wow. beautiful, brilliant, gut wrenching, made me want to scream with each violation, so so powerful and resounding. my gosh.
lobotomy's review
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
5.0
"The institution of marriage creates its own division of labour."
Spot on in its exploration of the ostensible radical politics of "leftist" men who use maxims of the far left to disguise their patriarchal hunger for dominance without ever comprehending the true essence of these philosophies.
I have also grown really fond of the way Kandasamy weilds her words.
Spot on in its exploration of the ostensible radical politics of "leftist" men who use maxims of the far left to disguise their patriarchal hunger for dominance without ever comprehending the true essence of these philosophies.
I have also grown really fond of the way Kandasamy weilds her words.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Domestic abuse
Minor: Sexual assault
katarinabee's review
5.0
4.5⭐️ Beautifully written; horrifying content. A semi-autobiographical story about an out-spoken, strong woman who finds herself married to an abusive, manipulative husband.
I loved the way she talked about language and power. For example, she references the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, and then goes on to pose her own theory: “I think what you know in a language shows who you are in relation to that language. ... where your worldview shapes what parts of the language you pick up. ... who you are determines what language you inhabit, the prison-house of your existence permits you to access and wield some parts of a language. ... I can dig out every single world that I’ve uttered in Kannada. In this language, I am nothing but a housewife.”
She also talks about taking back power through writing - even the thought of later transforming her trauma into writing, taking control of her narrative, helps to make her current situation bearable.
Overall, a great read and important topic.
I loved the way she talked about language and power. For example, she references the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, and then goes on to pose her own theory: “I think what you know in a language shows who you are in relation to that language. ... where your worldview shapes what parts of the language you pick up. ... who you are determines what language you inhabit, the prison-house of your existence permits you to access and wield some parts of a language. ... I can dig out every single world that I’ve uttered in Kannada. In this language, I am nothing but a housewife.”
She also talks about taking back power through writing - even the thought of later transforming her trauma into writing, taking control of her narrative, helps to make her current situation bearable.
Overall, a great read and important topic.
rikkireads_'s review against another edition
5.0
Wowowowow. This book was kind of hard to read in an all-too-real way but the writing was INCREDIBLE. I'm actually not always a fan of when poets write prose. But this worked for me. Perhaps it is because I feel like I read about violence against women quite a bit, but this felt fresh, honest, engaging and readable. And clever! I mean I literally wanted to laugh at the beginning, the way Kandasamy introduced her mother and how the story ended was strangely humorous and engaging.
But as always I have two issues: 1. I don't know who I should recommend this to. I mean, everyone, sure! But a lot of people I know would not 'enjoy' the confronting nature of this book. (Also, the references to feminists and writers etc. who I was quite familiar with but not everyone would be...that might be something off-putting for others) but 2. on the flipside, there are so many people who SHOULD read this! People who need to understand the problem of victim-blaming in regards to DV. The way power and manipulation goes hand in hand with DV. These issues just need to get wider attention and understanding but I feel like it is usually or often people like me - feminists etc. - who read this powerful stories but they need to be understood by more than that.
But as always I have two issues: 1. I don't know who I should recommend this to. I mean, everyone, sure! But a lot of people I know would not 'enjoy' the confronting nature of this book. (Also, the references to feminists and writers etc. who I was quite familiar with but not everyone would be...that might be something off-putting for others) but 2. on the flipside, there are so many people who SHOULD read this! People who need to understand the problem of victim-blaming in regards to DV. The way power and manipulation goes hand in hand with DV. These issues just need to get wider attention and understanding but I feel like it is usually or often people like me - feminists etc. - who read this powerful stories but they need to be understood by more than that.
serendipitysbooks's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
When I Hit You is a chilling, confronting, courageous and creative exploration of an abusive marriage, all the more so when you learn the author experienced an abusive marriage herself, although she is very clear that this is a work of fiction. I felt tense and angry the whole time I was reading, despite knowing from the beginning that the narrator fled and survived; fully immersed in something I have thankfully not experienced in real life. While parts of the story are specific to India, most of it is, sadly universal. The descriptions of abuse - everything from control, isolation, gaslighting, emotional abuse including self-harm, anger, threats of violence, plus actual physical and sexual violence - are almost dispassionate but that in no ways lessens their impact. I really appreciated Kandasamy highlighting the way society enabled and excused the abuser - her parents encouraged her to stay, people witnessed physical abuse but did not intervene, doctors should have asked questions but did not, police who blamed her, his university employer passed the buck. Domestic abuse is a societal problem and we all have a role to play in stopping it. The story is told in episodic vignettes, and doesn’t rely solely on standard narrative techniques. There’s a scene presented as a screenplay, political and philosophical analysis, plus transcripts and summaries of conversations. Repetition is used to great effect, creating a trapped, claustrophobic feeling. Sometimes the prose is clinical, other times poetic and lyrical; frequently it’s fierce. This is a book that blends the personal and the political, the immediate lived experience with the abstract and theoretical. It starkly show the realities of an abusive marriage including why and how a woman - even a middle class, intelligent and educated woman - could marry a man who would go on to abuse her, and why it is so difficult to leave such a marriage. This is very much the story of a survivor, not a victim. I found it to be incredibly powerful.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Domestic abuse, and Rape