Reviews

This review gets really personal, but I can’t talk about this book without getting deep about my own nonbinary experiences.

From the moment I had heard of I Wish You All The Best by Mason Deaver, I knew it was going to be one of favourite books. Which in some ways I knew was absolutely ridiculous because I had never even heard of Mason Deaver before hearing of this book. My expectations for this books were so extremely high, I really thought I would be disappointed, but no! Deaver, somehow on their fucking debut wrote one of my favourite books of all time and I couldn’t be happier.

I Wish You All The Best is about Ben, a nonbinary teen who gets kick out of their home for being who they are. Ben goes to live with their sister that they haven’t seen in ten years and try to graduate high school and you know be a teen.

I have never related to a book so much in my life. Like Ben, I’m also nonbinary, and though my parents didn’t kick me out, well, lets just say their reaction could have been better, but I suppose it could have been worse. When I had just come out all I could think about was running away, I didn’t know where I wanted to go, but I couldn’t stand living with my parents (and since they haven’t changed, still can’t). I often think about if I was more rebellious or impulsive, what would have happened if I did. For one, I probably would have actually transitioned and actually be surrounded by people who not only accept me but celebrate and are proud of who I am. But unlike Ben, I had a choice, I didn’t run away as much I would have liked. Ben was thrown out, and I have no words to describe how monstrous that discussion was.

Like Ben, I thought my parents would accept me. I thought they would be confused but they would understand me, they would realise that my gender was personal. It wasn't about them. I thought they would get it, but they didn’t and still haven’t. I know what it feels like to be Ben. Even though I don’t know what it’s like to be kicked out, I know what it's like to have the people who care about most, respect the most, who are role models reject simply for being you. Rejected something that you can’t change, something that is so foundational to who you are that you can never escape, something that will always be with you. It hurts, I’ve tried to deny that it hurts for over three years. But it does, I feel it in every conversation I have with them, when I’m around them, when I look at them. The pain is hard to describe, and no matter how many coming out videos or tumblr posts I read, nothing prepared me for actually coming out and I don’t think anything could have.

Unlike Ben, my parents aren’t all bad, they were quite lovely except for the fact that they are transphobic. I feel like I have just ripped into them, I’m sorry but it’s just how I feel. They have faults like everyone else. But I do believe that they love me, though it took me realise that. It’s just hard.

Ben and I are so similar, how their anxiety is portrayed, is literally how I was in high school. Ben and I both love to make art, we are both so self deprecating, oh my god! Ben, I think exactly like you, we love the point out all our flaws in out work, and can never see our accomplishments. How we point them out is exactly the same.

However this book is not about all gloom and doom, Ben starts living with his sister, Hannah, who is honestly iconic. I love her. There are people in this world who will love you and accept you, even if the closest ones if you life don’t. I wish I did have a parental figure in my life that loved and accepted me like Hannah. It’s hard to be a teenager in the first place and then on top of that being nonbinary, in a society where transphobia is a default is even harder.

Ben and Nathan friendship is beautiful, and they both give each other a lot of joy. It is so blissful. It reminded me so much of my best friend and she has helped me through so much. I know what it’s like to have anxiety consume you everyday, and having someone there is just lovely. I really don’t know how I could have made it without her.

Ben’s art teacher is another icon! She reminded me so much of my art teacher, as she is the reason why I love art. Art is now a massive part of my life, and I’m grateful that all the high school art teachers that I had were so amazing.

I also love that at the heart of this novel is the theme of queerness. I’ve read a lot of queer literature, and I’ve come to realise that queer romcoms don’t cut it for me any more. I don’t want to just read about two queer people falling in love but I want to read about what it means to be queer and that doesn’t have to be about queerphobia, but our different experiences, thoughts, and ideas. And I love how Deaver doesn’t shy away from talking about queer issues, but in a way that I think both queer and non queer people alike can understand.

Throughout history our nonbinary voices and other queer voices often been silenced, forgotten or censored. Mason Deaver has made me realise that if I were ever to write a book or make any art, not only do I need to write about queer people but trans and nonbinary people. I want our voices to be heard, I want others like me to feel represented, I want others to know what it like to be trans and nonbinary. But one experience can never speak for all. I want hundreds, thousands of books about trans and nonbinary experiences.

Thank you, Mason Deaver, for writing I Wish You All The Best. It truly means a lot to me.