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adventurous
dark
emotional
funny
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
This book was amazing and had me on the edge of my seat multiple times. Yeah its long, took me about 2 weeks to read, BUT i didnt want to put it down. This translation by Robin Buss made it so easy and understandble to read. Im sad its over. I would absolutely read it again. All 1200+ pages!
Content Warnings
Minor: Child death, Confinement, Death, Drug use, Racism, Slavery, Suicidal thoughts, Violence, Forced institutionalization, Blood, Grief, Suicide attempt, Murder, Classism
adventurous
challenging
informative
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
the grandfather of sassy men. what a messy book. love it. didn’t love a lot of elements. justice for ali! the sheer amount of adult minor relationships were disgusting, book could've been much much much shorter but it also wasnt intended to be read in 8 days. but i do love seeing the origins of infamous tropes. that was cool.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Animal cruelty, Bullying, Child death, Confinement, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Infidelity, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Racial slurs, Racism, Suicidal thoughts, Torture, Violence, Xenophobia, Blood, Police brutality, Grief, Stalking, Murder, Fire/Fire injury, Cultural appropriation, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Abandonment, War, Injury/Injury detail, Classism
Moderate: Ableism, Child abuse, Slavery, Antisemitism, Trafficking, Death of parent, Alcohol
Minor: Self harm, Lesbophobia, Colonisation
adventurous
emotional
funny
hopeful
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
lord this book was long. aesthetically it reminded me of the princess bride. the ocean, the ships and rocky islands, a long-lost lover returning in a mask to encounter his beloved (now promised to another) searches in the wilds for hidden chambers, young men mourning/revenging their betrayed and dead fathers…drama/intrigue/romance/danger and swashbuckelry of it all. dantes was so good at vengeance like he really did elevate it to an art. the deliberation....the slow reveal of information... the level of control he has over them without them ever KNOWING it...
gorgeous writing and dramatic flair, with some genuinely emotionally powerful plot beats and reveals. I feel like I come close to Getting catholicism. eugenie is an absolute lesbian ICON. it's quite a beautiful story about never giving up and finding reasons to live again after many years of despair and torment. and it's about the humanity of forgiveness, and decency
on the other hand, it was ALSO about a 45 year old man marrying his nubile young oriental slave girl who he raised like a father and who's obsessed with him so. MAN I was really rooting for dantes and mercedes but ig widows can't remarry huh. older women with sons can only go to the convents for the rest of their lives.
I actually really like haydee - her court scene was marvelous - but that romantic plotline....💀 also the 'mute nubian slave who is hyper-loyal to the white master who saved his life' is also a bit. ????? man, ali got nothing
many of the dramatic scenes were tortuously drawn out, and things went so often to suicide it became a running joke to me. like morel, and morel's son? no man in this book has any problem-solving ability or resilience for misfortune, they're just immediately going to kill themselves when faced with any problem. and dantes could have saved morel HOURS ago, and morel's son days ago. it was kind of dumb I think. note from 2/3 through: GOOD THING FUCKING DANTES IS AROUND TO KEEP THE MOREL MEN FROM OFFING THEMSELVES AT EVERY INCONVENIENCE!!!!
notes from the lb:
IMPRISONMENT
- okay so this crew just came to port and their captain died at sea and I’m crying bc they’re all like ‘it’s such a shame…we’re bringing the news to his widow now…but he spent ten years fighting the english so it was ABSOLUTELY worth it’ like okay…tell me you’re french without telling me you’re french 😭
- What, no wine?” said Dantès, turning pale, and looking alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the empty cupboards. “What, no wine?…" - dantes is freaking out because wine is considered a basic necessity to have stocked and he realizes this means that his father has been living in desperate poverty, despite leaving him plenty of money when he last left. however his being so fixated on wine as a staple, and the narrator’s reading of these lines with such horror and disbelief, just makes me want to make fun of the french
- this audiobook narrator does ‘villainous schemer’ and 'evil henchman’ SO well
- oh sweet we get post-revolutionary gentry talking politics
- really funny how chill villefort’s dad is about being a possible suspect for murder and apparently leading the treason club but ig if you’ve lived through the rise and fall of french revolution’s government and then napolean establishing his empire and then getting defeated and then the bourbons being placed back in power you probably know how to roll with the punches (I LOVED old Noirtier. what a guy)
- the powerlessness of the prisoners is absolutely devastating - the dehumanization and brutality is so well conveyed
- dantes is losing his mind and praying and sobbing and trying to starve himself to death meanwhile 50 feet away this old man is literally writing his life’s treatise on paper he processed himself with ink he made and a pen he scrounged up from seafood, using the light from a lamp that burned oil he rendered from the fat of his evening meals. talk about resourceful…
- I hope dantes actually regains the things that are like, important to him and doesn’t JUST become consumed in the lust for vengeance. like that’s cool but what about him as a person? what he lost, and what he deserves to have back? (I noticed early on how he hadn't thought once about mercedes, but about money and meting out punishment instead. this was still when I thought he'd get back w her tho 😔)
FRANZ AND ALBERT
- just enthralling to watch him take on so many disguises so well and sweep in to solve issues and lie like a champ and smooth things over with money and take back his home and do what he needs to. can’t wait until he starts on using that for revenge
- my favorite thing about 19th century adventure fiction is the long descriptions of drug trips (dumas was a big hashishhead lmao)
- WHY does this translation keep using ‘female’ instead of woman 😭 I’m about to look at the original text I KNOW 'femme’ can just be translated as 'woman’ just be normal
- of course her lover murdered her and her father THANKED him for it bc he considered what was about to happen to her worse than death but like. did she even get a choice? did he just do it without asking her bc he assumed he knew best? maybe she wanted to live. we’ll never know bc she has no voice and no choice in this story. she’s just a plot device to be raped and murdered to prop up a TERTIARY villain. god this part of the book sucked
- the random misogyny where men are either bad or good but if women are bad they’re daughters of eve 😭
- italian women refusing to give albert the time of day is soo funny. ‘even’ the mistresses. 'women are faithful in their infidelity’ yes but also maybe you’re just ugly bro
- I wonder if dantes is intentionally playing up the exotic eastern persona as part of his disguise or if his heart truly yearns for orientalism (this was so crazy)
- dantes being like ‘the brief physical pain of an execution not enough for vengeance. you need EXCRUCIATING torture for your mental well-being’ out of NOWHERE and franz is like. ahaha. yeah well what can ya do
- went from ‘hm albert being here is just a coincidence I’m sure’ to 'oh dantes is going to murder this kid to kick off his vengeance’ to 'OH….he’s setting himself up as their friend to get into high society in paris and cozy up to his betrayers!!! he set this up w luigi so he could be the hero!’(he is so elaborate and exhausting)
- franz is like what about dueling and dantes is like first of all I love dueling and I would duel anyone for any reason. second of all I’m so good at it I WOULD immediately kill them. however I do also need to torture
VALENTINE, VILLEFORTE, AND DANGLARS
- danglars’ wife hating his tacky ass is so funny. this women has CLASS….
- so his sex slave is an 18 yr old girl and now she’s not his slave anymore and ALSO he sees her as a daughter….hmm so that’s how it is. yeah I don’t think she’s actually his mistress i think that’s a story he concocted to add to his mystique. I think he probably rescued her from some bad situation and she fixated on him as her savior and imagines herself in love but he knows that is a full child (DIDN'T STOP HIM FROM MARRYING HER 🤢🤢🤢)
- oh eugénie… that guy was like ‘you always notice the beauty of women more than other girls do’ and then she said haydeé should show more of her collarbone and throat which was chalked up to her having 'an artist’s eye" okay lesbian
- now valentine said she loves max but specifically states that he promised her a brotherly affection and she doesn’t make any promise back to him which SHE says is bc of her family situation not jiving w his but umm maybe she cares abt him and is lonely yes but maybe she doesn’t care abt him like THAT. adding her to my list of 'women in classics who were def a little yuriful’ next to kitty from anna karenina
- max being like ‘ough….my dearest love…I am your servant…our hearts beat as ONE….every moment apart is AGONY’ and valentine being like 'that’s nice of you to say :)’ is so. ahagdjjf. and then she wanted to go to a CONVENT and was only dissuaded bc it would make her grandfather upset. okay!!!
- reading count of monte cristo smiling knowingly because all the readers probably THINK valentine and maximilian are in love based on what they say to each other but I know better. such is the insight of the yuri warrior. also I’m pretty sure maximilian is like 34 and valentine is 18 or 19…barf...wait did max just threaten suicide if valentine didn’t promise to marry him. jesus christ dude get a GRIP
- valentine being such a good caretaker for her grandfather and loving him so much and paying such close attention allowing him freedom and the ability to communicate in a time before computers didn’t exist where all you had were other people if you were disabled like that…villeforte trying to discredit him and talk over him…MAN…she has no social or political power and he has no physical power but they take care of each other in the ways that they can
- AND when he was inviting villeforte to his house for dinner and villeforte was like (nervously) haha I’d rather not go (I got stabbed there and my stillborn son was taken from me) and dantes was like oh haha you’d better come!!!! or else I’ll think you super rude!!!! knowing full well villeforte got stabbed there and his stillborn infant son was taken from him. the things you can say under the guise of civility….
- DEBRAY MILF LOVERRRRR. madame danglars quickly becoming my favorite character. her absolute contempt for her shitty husband is so funny. I’m so glad she’s fucking a 28 year on the side lmao
- really funny that dantes came upon a smuggler who stabbed one of dantes’ own enemies and was like hmmm you know what this guy would be great at? household management and hosting parties :) and he literally was
- actually a bit fucked up to mock a woman w the stillborn death of her infant. that birth was sure as shit more traumatizing tonher than villeforte. and she didn't do ANYTHING to dantes! misogyny moment. women can cheat on whoever they want
-comc but take a shot every time someone declares they’re going to throw their lives away for the sake of their honor
at a certain point I lost interest in the revenge plot bc it got so slow and abstract for me and I felt like dantes was so disconnected from his emotions
EUGENIE, VALENTINE, AND NOIRTIER
- I don’t think this reveal that villeforte’s father murdered franz’s grandfather has anything to do with dantes but it is a fucking crazy scene
eugénie doesn’t give a shit abt this fancy little lad lol. WAIT. SAPPHO MENTIONED??? (SHE'S LITERALLY GAY???)
- she’s literally a mean artsy lesbian who’s in love w her singer best friend…holy shit. wasn’t reading comc for the wlw but I’ll take it
- eugénie stating her determination to remain free and alone and unmarried is so beautiful. that’s exactly how I feel. and her father knows how strong-willed she is and is already in despair. HA
- ‘I do not see why I should encumber my life with a perpetual companion’ where’s that whoopi goldberg quote. just like whoopi goldberg
- she’s soo disrespectful to her dad lmao. AND VAIN. I LOVE A COLD VAIN WOMAN WHO DOESN'T WANT MEN
- eugénie just said she hated men and she’s about to run away with her ‘female companion’ and be free to be an artist I’m losing my mind
- hard to overstate how delighted I am by this. like. I’m giddy. eugénie has worn men’s clothing before and she does so again! huh! she cuts all her hair off! huh! she declares herself handsome - she loves how shes looks, she’s excited and happy! Louise says yes you’re adorable! they make account of their money and make their getaway! just like that!!! I’m over the moon!!! they made it!!! they’re in love!! they’re never going to have to worry about being married to a man again!!
- Alexandre Dumas himedanshi warrior for real
- eugénie has been cool and detached and rather self-interested this entire time and has claimed that she loves nobody but that’s clearly not true, its just that her parents are neglectful and only care about money and appearances and openly use her as a pawn to increase their own fortunes, of course she’s distant and disinterested in them! and once she becomes liberated and plans to run off with lousie she’s laughing, joking, happy, clearly very affectionate and excited to go on this journey with her…she may be less friendly w strangers but thats okay too I love her 🥺🥺🥺
- I rly thought that would be the last we saw of eugénie and louise but in the next chapter they show up and they’re sleeping in the same bed 😏
- this poisoning drama is crazyyyyy
- he’s like ‘it’s so horrible how her grandparents both died in really scary and suspicious ways and then a servant died and now she’s really sick and I’m afraid she’s been poisoned like they were’ and dantes is like well maybe they deserved it and god’s punishing them…just ignore it. and morel has to be like 'DUDE I LOVE HER…..’
-valentine and noitier 🥺🥺🥺
CADAREUSSE
- that was such a goddamn good death scene. THAT is what we mean by revenge is best served cold. and dantes was actually very gracious to cad and forgiving - he provided him wealth and freedom and a kind ear, and only abandoned him in the end when it was clear he never took those opportunities to change. and he didn’t even kill him - he just watched his hired little murderer do it
- but what a powerful scene! the dying man, the relentless priest never letting him forget his faults and his mistakes, the name reveal at the the very end….not even telling US….mwah. AND THEN HE GOES ‘ONE’ ALL OMINOUSLY HOLY SHIT that was great
- it was kind of funny to me that dantes was pressuring cad to believe in god at the very end of his life but that’s catholic adventure novelist alexandre dumas for you ig
HAYDEE
- WHAT’S THIS! IT’S HAYDÉE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR
- SHE HAS HER OWN BILL OF SALE…HAYDEÉ….
MERCEDES
- the mercedes and dantes conversation was aching and beautiful and tragic but. BUT
-mercedes is like ‘dying heroically isn’t actually the solution to anything what are you talking about’ and dantes is like 'oh you don’t know what you’re talking about. WOMEN amiright’ on god you are all so fucking stupid. morel. albert. dantes. SOOOO ready to off themselves in the name of their dignity. I’m going to fucking lose it
- dantes reuniting w mercedes in the home of his father with less than an hour and a half left…don’t tease me like this dumas
- okay that’s enough of passivity in the arms of the almighty. fucking BULLSHIT. I guess they'll be together in heaven or some shit
- anyway mercedes I LOVE YOU.....you deserved happiness and to be with your hot fiancee as a silver fox too...
DANGLARS
- madame danglars handing that note her husband wrote to her, over to her lover to read that says ‘to my most faithful wife’ and he looks at her for a second that is so fucking funny
- danglars is genuinely so funny. he’s only read one book in his whole life (don quixote) and he thinks he can understand italian because he knows a few phrases from opera
- they’re doing crazy shit to danglars in prison. scream. the physical and psychological torture is straight-up an art form
- dantes was kind of like a proto-jigsaw if you think about it
MOREL
- dantes showing up and claiming what he’s owed immediately to watch danglers squirm is so funny. yesss torment that man by taking his money away hehe
- this is all very touching but the number one reason morel has not to kill himself is that valentine is alive and dantes had rather reveal his actual identity that tell him that??? dude must really live for the melodrama
- oh help max being like ‘oh you seem happier here’ and dantes responding 'Ah yes thank you. I had forgotten for a moment that all happiness is fleeting’ omg 😭
- ‘I tormented you so you could really appreciate life’ okay dantes I do not think you had the right to do that tho. with that logic you could say he convinced danglars to appreciate every piece of food he ate for the rest of his life
anyway a lot of this was dantes claiming to act for god and be in god's role - he is fully convinced he’s the emissary of god which would be some kind of diagnosable disorder in the 21st century probably but it’s 1845 and they’re all catholic so it’s fine. and when he started counting them like ONE. TWO. that was thrilling
that moment where dantes is like this is enough. this suffering is enough, I’ve gone too far, let’s try to save him, I’ve overstepped. I was like oh what a relief. like, take your revenge but be decent about it, right? there’s limits. I was expecting him to keep pushing, but dantes himself sees the debt paid. dantes is still a compassionate and humane person, even with his thirst for revenge, towards the person most at fault here
oh look out we got another woman swearing to commit suicide if her lord/master/father/guy she wants to fuck (???) dies. omg. dantes calling Haydee ‘another Mercedes’ is sooo fucking disrespectful to both of them btw they aren’t even that similar
see here’s the other side of how catholicism and xtianity/religion in general is present in the story and it’s interpreting a very young slave woman’s feelings for her much older FOSTER FATHER and the only man she really knows and trusts as an act of divine reward for everything he’s suffered and if you look at that situation removed from the lens of an almighty hand or even at all critically you can see it’s really sad and fucked up but since you’re meant to read it as god bestowing haydeé onto dantes as a reward (take into account the misogyny and orientalism of treating her like a reward too) it’s treated like a happy ending. ‘God has given me this victory of getting to fuck my nubile oriental slave foster daughter who’s obsessed with me’ OKAY DUMAS
I liked a lot of it but definitely some parts got bogged down in overly detailed and elaborate descriptions tho the writing was beautiful and very emotionally heavy but it was actually very funny in many parts and the revenge bits were really delicious and thematically hit super hard and it didn’t leave me feeling miserable and nasty on their account but rather pleased and satisfied and I never thought we’d get a few lesbians so that was super fun and I really was pulling for mercedes and dantes to be together ALAS but I liked haydeé quite a lot honestly and I would have enjoyed this finale a lot more if they hadnt gotten together bc I didn’t want dantes to die like I want the victim of a terrible injustice to live and be happy moving forward but not like THAT so it was a bit fucked up but everything else ended really nicely so yeah a great adventure novel for sure shame about the misogyny/orientalism/quasi-incest at the very end there
anyway moral of the story: NEVER KILL YOURSELF ✌
gorgeous writing and dramatic flair, with some genuinely emotionally powerful plot beats and reveals. I feel like I come close to Getting catholicism. eugenie is an absolute lesbian ICON. it's quite a beautiful story about never giving up and finding reasons to live again after many years of despair and torment. and it's about the humanity of forgiveness, and decency
on the other hand, it was ALSO about a 45 year old man marrying his nubile young oriental slave girl who he raised like a father and who's obsessed with him so. MAN I was really rooting for dantes and mercedes but ig widows can't remarry huh. older women with sons can only go to the convents for the rest of their lives.
I actually really like haydee - her court scene was marvelous - but that romantic plotline....💀 also the 'mute nubian slave who is hyper-loyal to the white master who saved his life' is also a bit. ????? man, ali got nothing
many of the dramatic scenes were tortuously drawn out, and things went so often to suicide it became a running joke to me. like morel, and morel's son? no man in this book has any problem-solving ability or resilience for misfortune, they're just immediately going to kill themselves when faced with any problem. and dantes could have saved morel HOURS ago, and morel's son days ago. it was kind of dumb I think. note from 2/3 through: GOOD THING FUCKING DANTES IS AROUND TO KEEP THE MOREL MEN FROM OFFING THEMSELVES AT EVERY INCONVENIENCE!!!!
notes from the lb:
IMPRISONMENT
- okay so this crew just came to port and their captain died at sea and I’m crying bc they’re all like ‘it’s such a shame…we’re bringing the news to his widow now…but he spent ten years fighting the english so it was ABSOLUTELY worth it’ like okay…tell me you’re french without telling me you’re french 😭
- What, no wine?” said Dantès, turning pale, and looking alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the empty cupboards. “What, no wine?…" - dantes is freaking out because wine is considered a basic necessity to have stocked and he realizes this means that his father has been living in desperate poverty, despite leaving him plenty of money when he last left. however his being so fixated on wine as a staple, and the narrator’s reading of these lines with such horror and disbelief, just makes me want to make fun of the french
- this audiobook narrator does ‘villainous schemer’ and 'evil henchman’ SO well
- oh sweet we get post-revolutionary gentry talking politics
- really funny how chill villefort’s dad is about being a possible suspect for murder and apparently leading the treason club but ig if you’ve lived through the rise and fall of french revolution’s government and then napolean establishing his empire and then getting defeated and then the bourbons being placed back in power you probably know how to roll with the punches (I LOVED old Noirtier. what a guy)
- the powerlessness of the prisoners is absolutely devastating - the dehumanization and brutality is so well conveyed
- dantes is losing his mind and praying and sobbing and trying to starve himself to death meanwhile 50 feet away this old man is literally writing his life’s treatise on paper he processed himself with ink he made and a pen he scrounged up from seafood, using the light from a lamp that burned oil he rendered from the fat of his evening meals. talk about resourceful…
- I hope dantes actually regains the things that are like, important to him and doesn’t JUST become consumed in the lust for vengeance. like that’s cool but what about him as a person? what he lost, and what he deserves to have back? (I noticed early on how he hadn't thought once about mercedes, but about money and meting out punishment instead. this was still when I thought he'd get back w her tho 😔)
FRANZ AND ALBERT
- just enthralling to watch him take on so many disguises so well and sweep in to solve issues and lie like a champ and smooth things over with money and take back his home and do what he needs to. can’t wait until he starts on using that for revenge
- my favorite thing about 19th century adventure fiction is the long descriptions of drug trips (dumas was a big hashishhead lmao)
- WHY does this translation keep using ‘female’ instead of woman 😭 I’m about to look at the original text I KNOW 'femme’ can just be translated as 'woman’ just be normal
- of course her lover murdered her and her father THANKED him for it bc he considered what was about to happen to her worse than death but like. did she even get a choice? did he just do it without asking her bc he assumed he knew best? maybe she wanted to live. we’ll never know bc she has no voice and no choice in this story. she’s just a plot device to be raped and murdered to prop up a TERTIARY villain. god this part of the book sucked
- the random misogyny where men are either bad or good but if women are bad they’re daughters of eve 😭
- italian women refusing to give albert the time of day is soo funny. ‘even’ the mistresses. 'women are faithful in their infidelity’ yes but also maybe you’re just ugly bro
- I wonder if dantes is intentionally playing up the exotic eastern persona as part of his disguise or if his heart truly yearns for orientalism (this was so crazy)
- dantes being like ‘the brief physical pain of an execution not enough for vengeance. you need EXCRUCIATING torture for your mental well-being’ out of NOWHERE and franz is like. ahaha. yeah well what can ya do
- went from ‘hm albert being here is just a coincidence I’m sure’ to 'oh dantes is going to murder this kid to kick off his vengeance’ to 'OH….he’s setting himself up as their friend to get into high society in paris and cozy up to his betrayers!!! he set this up w luigi so he could be the hero!’(he is so elaborate and exhausting)
- franz is like what about dueling and dantes is like first of all I love dueling and I would duel anyone for any reason. second of all I’m so good at it I WOULD immediately kill them. however I do also need to torture
VALENTINE, VILLEFORTE, AND DANGLARS
- danglars’ wife hating his tacky ass is so funny. this women has CLASS….
- so his sex slave is an 18 yr old girl and now she’s not his slave anymore and ALSO he sees her as a daughter….hmm so that’s how it is. yeah I don’t think she’s actually his mistress i think that’s a story he concocted to add to his mystique. I think he probably rescued her from some bad situation and she fixated on him as her savior and imagines herself in love but he knows that is a full child (DIDN'T STOP HIM FROM MARRYING HER 🤢🤢🤢)
- oh eugénie… that guy was like ‘you always notice the beauty of women more than other girls do’ and then she said haydeé should show more of her collarbone and throat which was chalked up to her having 'an artist’s eye" okay lesbian
- now valentine said she loves max but specifically states that he promised her a brotherly affection and she doesn’t make any promise back to him which SHE says is bc of her family situation not jiving w his but umm maybe she cares abt him and is lonely yes but maybe she doesn’t care abt him like THAT. adding her to my list of 'women in classics who were def a little yuriful’ next to kitty from anna karenina
- max being like ‘ough….my dearest love…I am your servant…our hearts beat as ONE….every moment apart is AGONY’ and valentine being like 'that’s nice of you to say :)’ is so. ahagdjjf. and then she wanted to go to a CONVENT and was only dissuaded bc it would make her grandfather upset. okay!!!
- reading count of monte cristo smiling knowingly because all the readers probably THINK valentine and maximilian are in love based on what they say to each other but I know better. such is the insight of the yuri warrior. also I’m pretty sure maximilian is like 34 and valentine is 18 or 19…barf...wait did max just threaten suicide if valentine didn’t promise to marry him. jesus christ dude get a GRIP
- valentine being such a good caretaker for her grandfather and loving him so much and paying such close attention allowing him freedom and the ability to communicate in a time before computers didn’t exist where all you had were other people if you were disabled like that…villeforte trying to discredit him and talk over him…MAN…she has no social or political power and he has no physical power but they take care of each other in the ways that they can
- AND when he was inviting villeforte to his house for dinner and villeforte was like (nervously) haha I’d rather not go (I got stabbed there and my stillborn son was taken from me) and dantes was like oh haha you’d better come!!!! or else I’ll think you super rude!!!! knowing full well villeforte got stabbed there and his stillborn infant son was taken from him. the things you can say under the guise of civility….
- DEBRAY MILF LOVERRRRR. madame danglars quickly becoming my favorite character. her absolute contempt for her shitty husband is so funny. I’m so glad she’s fucking a 28 year on the side lmao
- really funny that dantes came upon a smuggler who stabbed one of dantes’ own enemies and was like hmmm you know what this guy would be great at? household management and hosting parties :) and he literally was
- actually a bit fucked up to mock a woman w the stillborn death of her infant. that birth was sure as shit more traumatizing tonher than villeforte. and she didn't do ANYTHING to dantes! misogyny moment. women can cheat on whoever they want
-comc but take a shot every time someone declares they’re going to throw their lives away for the sake of their honor
at a certain point I lost interest in the revenge plot bc it got so slow and abstract for me and I felt like dantes was so disconnected from his emotions
EUGENIE, VALENTINE, AND NOIRTIER
- I don’t think this reveal that villeforte’s father murdered franz’s grandfather has anything to do with dantes but it is a fucking crazy scene
eugénie doesn’t give a shit abt this fancy little lad lol. WAIT. SAPPHO MENTIONED??? (SHE'S LITERALLY GAY???)
- she’s literally a mean artsy lesbian who’s in love w her singer best friend…holy shit. wasn’t reading comc for the wlw but I’ll take it
- eugénie stating her determination to remain free and alone and unmarried is so beautiful. that’s exactly how I feel. and her father knows how strong-willed she is and is already in despair. HA
- ‘I do not see why I should encumber my life with a perpetual companion’ where’s that whoopi goldberg quote. just like whoopi goldberg
- she’s soo disrespectful to her dad lmao. AND VAIN. I LOVE A COLD VAIN WOMAN WHO DOESN'T WANT MEN
- eugénie just said she hated men and she’s about to run away with her ‘female companion’ and be free to be an artist I’m losing my mind
- hard to overstate how delighted I am by this. like. I’m giddy. eugénie has worn men’s clothing before and she does so again! huh! she cuts all her hair off! huh! she declares herself handsome - she loves how shes looks, she’s excited and happy! Louise says yes you’re adorable! they make account of their money and make their getaway! just like that!!! I’m over the moon!!! they made it!!! they’re in love!! they’re never going to have to worry about being married to a man again!!
- Alexandre Dumas himedanshi warrior for real
- eugénie has been cool and detached and rather self-interested this entire time and has claimed that she loves nobody but that’s clearly not true, its just that her parents are neglectful and only care about money and appearances and openly use her as a pawn to increase their own fortunes, of course she’s distant and disinterested in them! and once she becomes liberated and plans to run off with lousie she’s laughing, joking, happy, clearly very affectionate and excited to go on this journey with her…she may be less friendly w strangers but thats okay too I love her 🥺🥺🥺
- I rly thought that would be the last we saw of eugénie and louise but in the next chapter they show up and they’re sleeping in the same bed 😏
- this poisoning drama is crazyyyyy
- he’s like ‘it’s so horrible how her grandparents both died in really scary and suspicious ways and then a servant died and now she’s really sick and I’m afraid she’s been poisoned like they were’ and dantes is like well maybe they deserved it and god’s punishing them…just ignore it. and morel has to be like 'DUDE I LOVE HER…..’
-valentine and noitier 🥺🥺🥺
CADAREUSSE
- that was such a goddamn good death scene. THAT is what we mean by revenge is best served cold. and dantes was actually very gracious to cad and forgiving - he provided him wealth and freedom and a kind ear, and only abandoned him in the end when it was clear he never took those opportunities to change. and he didn’t even kill him - he just watched his hired little murderer do it
- but what a powerful scene! the dying man, the relentless priest never letting him forget his faults and his mistakes, the name reveal at the the very end….not even telling US….mwah. AND THEN HE GOES ‘ONE’ ALL OMINOUSLY HOLY SHIT that was great
- it was kind of funny to me that dantes was pressuring cad to believe in god at the very end of his life but that’s catholic adventure novelist alexandre dumas for you ig
HAYDEE
- WHAT’S THIS! IT’S HAYDÉE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR
- SHE HAS HER OWN BILL OF SALE…HAYDEÉ….
MERCEDES
- the mercedes and dantes conversation was aching and beautiful and tragic but. BUT
-mercedes is like ‘dying heroically isn’t actually the solution to anything what are you talking about’ and dantes is like 'oh you don’t know what you’re talking about. WOMEN amiright’ on god you are all so fucking stupid. morel. albert. dantes. SOOOO ready to off themselves in the name of their dignity. I’m going to fucking lose it
- dantes reuniting w mercedes in the home of his father with less than an hour and a half left…don’t tease me like this dumas
- okay that’s enough of passivity in the arms of the almighty. fucking BULLSHIT. I guess they'll be together in heaven or some shit
- anyway mercedes I LOVE YOU.....you deserved happiness and to be with your hot fiancee as a silver fox too...
DANGLARS
- madame danglars handing that note her husband wrote to her, over to her lover to read that says ‘to my most faithful wife’ and he looks at her for a second that is so fucking funny
- danglars is genuinely so funny. he’s only read one book in his whole life (don quixote) and he thinks he can understand italian because he knows a few phrases from opera
- they’re doing crazy shit to danglars in prison. scream. the physical and psychological torture is straight-up an art form
- dantes was kind of like a proto-jigsaw if you think about it
MOREL
- dantes showing up and claiming what he’s owed immediately to watch danglers squirm is so funny. yesss torment that man by taking his money away hehe
- this is all very touching but the number one reason morel has not to kill himself is that valentine is alive and dantes had rather reveal his actual identity that tell him that??? dude must really live for the melodrama
- oh help max being like ‘oh you seem happier here’ and dantes responding 'Ah yes thank you. I had forgotten for a moment that all happiness is fleeting’ omg 😭
- ‘I tormented you so you could really appreciate life’ okay dantes I do not think you had the right to do that tho. with that logic you could say he convinced danglars to appreciate every piece of food he ate for the rest of his life
anyway a lot of this was dantes claiming to act for god and be in god's role - he is fully convinced he’s the emissary of god which would be some kind of diagnosable disorder in the 21st century probably but it’s 1845 and they’re all catholic so it’s fine. and when he started counting them like ONE. TWO. that was thrilling
that moment where dantes is like this is enough. this suffering is enough, I’ve gone too far, let’s try to save him, I’ve overstepped. I was like oh what a relief. like, take your revenge but be decent about it, right? there’s limits. I was expecting him to keep pushing, but dantes himself sees the debt paid. dantes is still a compassionate and humane person, even with his thirst for revenge, towards the person most at fault here
oh look out we got another woman swearing to commit suicide if her lord/master/father/guy she wants to fuck (???) dies. omg. dantes calling Haydee ‘another Mercedes’ is sooo fucking disrespectful to both of them btw they aren’t even that similar
see here’s the other side of how catholicism and xtianity/religion in general is present in the story and it’s interpreting a very young slave woman’s feelings for her much older FOSTER FATHER and the only man she really knows and trusts as an act of divine reward for everything he’s suffered and if you look at that situation removed from the lens of an almighty hand or even at all critically you can see it’s really sad and fucked up but since you’re meant to read it as god bestowing haydeé onto dantes as a reward (take into account the misogyny and orientalism of treating her like a reward too) it’s treated like a happy ending. ‘God has given me this victory of getting to fuck my nubile oriental slave foster daughter who’s obsessed with me’ OKAY DUMAS
I liked a lot of it but definitely some parts got bogged down in overly detailed and elaborate descriptions tho the writing was beautiful and very emotionally heavy but it was actually very funny in many parts and the revenge bits were really delicious and thematically hit super hard and it didn’t leave me feeling miserable and nasty on their account but rather pleased and satisfied and I never thought we’d get a few lesbians so that was super fun and I really was pulling for mercedes and dantes to be together ALAS but I liked haydeé quite a lot honestly and I would have enjoyed this finale a lot more if they hadnt gotten together bc I didn’t want dantes to die like I want the victim of a terrible injustice to live and be happy moving forward but not like THAT so it was a bit fucked up but everything else ended really nicely so yeah a great adventure novel for sure shame about the misogyny/orientalism/quasi-incest at the very end there
anyway moral of the story: NEVER KILL YOURSELF ✌
Content Warnings
Graphic: Confinement, Suicide
Moderate: Child death, Incest, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide
Minor: Incest
Multiple attempts at suicide, long internal monologuing about suicide, and one non-graphic suicide.
Many years of confinement in a dungeon.
Child murder, accidental infant near-murder.
A woman burning to death.
A man marries his foster daughter.
my toxic trait is that I looked at this 1,060 page book and said "hmm... at 100 pages a day that's only 10 days." Then I thought, "Abby, that's ridiculous." Then I proceeded not to be able to drag my eyes away from the page for a week straight. So. That happened.
This is one of those books that I've heard of forever, with most people (myself included) too intimidated by the sheer size of the thing to actually attempt it, and those who have gone on the adventure insisting it's worth it. Happily, I now find myself in the latter group. Most of my knowledge of it came from Wishbone, a couple of mentions of it in other books, and that weird cameo The Count made in Once Upon a Time season 6 (in retrospect now the cameo is even weirder than it was before I really knew who he was... why did they do that... *sigh*) All that to say that after rocketing through the first 150 pages and reaching the end of everything I already knew happened, I simply had to know how there were NINE HUNDRED MORE PAGES and what they could possibly contain. (also I'm seeing people saying it should've been shorter and no. incorrect. I disagree most heartily. you gotta let edmond cook, okay.)
This novel originally being published serially explains so much, honestly. He had to keep the people coming back for more, and oh how I wish I could've been a fly on the wall as people discussed this in the 1840s, because it's INSANE. In the best way possible, but insane nonetheless. Dantès really needed to see a therapist, but who needs therapy when there's revenge, am I right?
He's a genius, though, tbh. I'm incredibly impressed. He doesn't even have to enact his own revenge, he just has to move a lil dirt and let the buried secrets reveal themselves. What an icon.
That's the thing that kept me hooked, I think. I like Dantès. I want good things for him. And I had to keep going, just on the hope that he'd get something of a happy ending. And, you know, the bandits and pirates and prison escapes and buried treasure and murder and all the DRAMA by golly I couldn't look away! (it's also SO funny? which was such a pleasant surprise, I laughed a LOT) The first part is more action/adventure, and then it switches to an almost Jane Austen-esque societal drama, and I ate 👏 it 👏 up 👏 Every character is important, every character has a part to play, and it's a safe bet to assume every character is actually Dantès in disguise until proven otherwise.
The moral of the story: Don't do bad things. Be nice to people. No matter how deep you bury misdeeds, they will come back to bite you in the butt. Oh, and you can do anything if you have about a gazillion dollars and a costume closet. The world is your oyster.
And also, "wait and hope." That's arguably the most important thing you're supposed to take away. (Idk I think adding "find buried treasure" to my life plan is also a theme, but. Maybe that's just me.)
Overall I don't think I'll ever come down from the high of being able to say I've read this, full and unabridged. Huzzah for me. 😂 It's a masterpiece, plain and simple. If I'm honest, I feel pretty confident I'm going to read it again someday. And that I've already found my top book of 2025 because I haven't been able to stop thinking about it in the 48 hours since I finished it, and I doubt it's going to leave my head anytime soon.
The size is more intimidating than it should be, okay? At least give it 150 pages and see how you like it. Or don't. It's your life. Unlike Dantès, I cannot actually move enough money around to alter your subconscious. You're welcome.
Five stars. WHEW was that a ride.
**content warnings for revenge (duh) (if that's something you don't like in books, that's like... 90% of this book so... keep that in mind), suicide (some just considered, some carried out), violence (both threatened and carried out), murder, drug use, some off-page sexual assault-ish stuff and some off-page adultery, and some mild profanity
This is one of those books that I've heard of forever, with most people (myself included) too intimidated by the sheer size of the thing to actually attempt it, and those who have gone on the adventure insisting it's worth it. Happily, I now find myself in the latter group. Most of my knowledge of it came from Wishbone, a couple of mentions of it in other books, and that weird cameo The Count made in Once Upon a Time season 6 (in retrospect now the cameo is even weirder than it was before I really knew who he was... why did they do that... *sigh*) All that to say that after rocketing through the first 150 pages and reaching the end of everything I already knew happened, I simply had to know how there were NINE HUNDRED MORE PAGES and what they could possibly contain. (also I'm seeing people saying it should've been shorter and no. incorrect. I disagree most heartily. you gotta let edmond cook, okay.)
This novel originally being published serially explains so much, honestly. He had to keep the people coming back for more, and oh how I wish I could've been a fly on the wall as people discussed this in the 1840s, because it's INSANE. In the best way possible, but insane nonetheless. Dantès really needed to see a therapist, but who needs therapy when there's revenge, am I right?
He's a genius, though, tbh. I'm incredibly impressed. He doesn't even have to enact his own revenge, he just has to move a lil dirt and let the buried secrets reveal themselves. What an icon.
That's the thing that kept me hooked, I think. I like Dantès. I want good things for him. And I had to keep going, just on the hope that he'd get something of a happy ending. And, you know, the bandits and pirates and prison escapes and buried treasure and murder and all the DRAMA by golly I couldn't look away! (it's also SO funny? which was such a pleasant surprise, I laughed a LOT) The first part is more action/adventure, and then it switches to an almost Jane Austen-esque societal drama, and I ate 👏 it 👏 up 👏 Every character is important, every character has a part to play, and it's a safe bet to assume every character is actually Dantès in disguise until proven otherwise.
The moral of the story: Don't do bad things. Be nice to people. No matter how deep you bury misdeeds, they will come back to bite you in the butt. Oh, and you can do anything if you have about a gazillion dollars and a costume closet. The world is your oyster.
And also, "wait and hope." That's arguably the most important thing you're supposed to take away. (Idk I think adding "find buried treasure" to my life plan is also a theme, but. Maybe that's just me.)
Overall I don't think I'll ever come down from the high of being able to say I've read this, full and unabridged. Huzzah for me. 😂 It's a masterpiece, plain and simple. If I'm honest, I feel pretty confident I'm going to read it again someday. And that I've already found my top book of 2025 because I haven't been able to stop thinking about it in the 48 hours since I finished it, and I doubt it's going to leave my head anytime soon.
The size is more intimidating than it should be, okay? At least give it 150 pages and see how you like it. Or don't. It's your life. Unlike Dantès, I cannot actually move enough money around to alter your subconscious. You're welcome.
Five stars. WHEW was that a ride.
**content warnings for revenge (duh) (if that's something you don't like in books, that's like... 90% of this book so... keep that in mind), suicide (some just considered, some carried out), violence (both threatened and carried out), murder, drug use, some off-page sexual assault-ish stuff and some off-page adultery, and some mild profanity
Content Warnings
Moderate: Child death, Death, Drug use, Miscarriage, Slavery, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Murder, Classism
Minor: Cursing, Infidelity, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Alcohol
adventurous
mysterious
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
No
Loved the plot. Sometimes it fun to see a mary sue just do their thing. Only complaints are the sketchy romantic relationships, though that is probably more to do with the time period of the author.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Torture, Kidnapping, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Murder
Moderate: Child death
Minor: Adult/minor relationship
adventurous
dark
emotional
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
This is THE revenge novel. It fully embraces dramatic storytelling and I'm here for it. The poetic justice makes it a satisfying read, even if it is a bit drawn-out. While it delves into some deeper themes about morality, redemption, punishment, and honor, at its heart the story is a big power fantasy, and boy was it cathartic to see those evil people punished via the most convoluted revenge plot, each person punished in their own specific yet appropriate way.
And what an emotional read! I totally fell in love with the main character over the course of this.
And what an emotional read! I totally fell in love with the main character over the course of this.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Child death, Death, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Death of parent, Murder
Minor: Incest, Infidelity, Slavery, Terminal illness, Grief
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
mysterious
reflective
relaxing
sad
tense
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child death, Confinement, Death, Drug abuse, Drug use, Gun violence, Infidelity, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Racism, Slavery, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Forced institutionalization, Xenophobia, Blood, Medical content, Trafficking, Grief, Medical trauma, Stalking, Suicide attempt, Death of parent, Murder, Pregnancy, Colonisation, Injury/Injury detail, Classism
Moderate: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, Antisemitism, Alcohol
adventurous
dark
emotional
hopeful
mysterious
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Content Warnings
Moderate: Child death, Drug use, Mental illness, Miscarriage, Slavery, Suicide, Medical trauma, Murder, Abandonment
adventurous
dark
emotional
funny
mysterious
reflective
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
No
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, Animal death, Bullying, Child death, Confinement, Death, Emotional abuse, Gun violence, Incest, Infidelity, Mental illness, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Sexism, Slavery, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Terminal illness, Forced institutionalization, Blood, Medical content, Grief, Death of parent, Murder, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Abandonment, Alcohol, War, Injury/Injury detail
adventurous
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
Content Warnings
Graphic: Confinement, Suicidal thoughts
Moderate: Child death, Suicide, Murder