Reviews

Matemin Rengi by Emily X.R. Pan

ilovemydogsomuch's review against another edition

emotional inspiring reflective sad slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? No
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

cipotalectora's review against another edition

4.0

Once upon a time we were the standard colors of a rainbow, cheery and certain of ourselves. At some point, we all began to stumble into the in-betweens, the murky colors made dark and complicated by resentment and quiet anger. At some point, my mother slid so off track she sank into hues of gray, a world drawn only in shadows.

Contemporary and magical realism, a strange combination that does not happen often. First book I ever read that included magical realism was Like What For Chocolate but I read the Spanish version, Como agua para chocolate. I actually did not know this had that genre focused as well. I became interested in this book after seeing it pop up on my feed quite a lot but it also appeared as one of the "most anticipated releases of 2018" for those Booktubers some of us are familiar with. I must say, this has definitely become a favorite of mine. What makes it better is that it's an own voices book, and I do think this is one of the best debuts I've ever read.

Leigh Chen Sanders did not ever think the day she kissed her best friend would be the day she would find her mom lying dead on the floor with a bottle of sleeping pills on one side and a bloody knife on the other side. One thing she does believe though is that her mother has turned into a bird. A red bird, specifically. She is determined to find out why her mother committed suicide after she finds her suicide note. Leigh, being half Asian because of her Taiwanese-born mother and half White beause of her Irish-American father, she travels to Taipei, Taiwan to meet her grandparents, the people she had wished to meet for a very long time but never was able to for reasons she never knew. As she is trying to improve her Mandarin and is building a relationship with her maternal grandparents, she is set in a world she never knew about.

Set in the past and present, reality and magic, The Astonishing Color of After introduces us to the life of Leigh and how begins discovering secrets about her family, chases after ghosts and her mother-bird, learns about her Asian heritage, and begins to wonder what hope and love means.

Trigger/content warnings for depression and suicide. Emily provides the past and younger life of Leigh as she is growing up and we see how her mom went from shining her beautiful smile to losing her hope in life. The book does not focus on suicide nor on depression. Depression is mentioned and is something Dory, Leigh's mother, struggled with, but it wasn't the biggest role of the book. In reality, Leigh wants to find out why her mother killed herself.

Light the match. Touch the stick of incense—its tip alight and calm as an ember—to the vane of the feather.

I've read articles and watched videos stating East Asian countries are one of the highest (if not the highest) countries with suicide rates. There's a video I watched where a girl was so focused on school and her work but later became tired, stressed and sad that all she wanted to do was fly. The video has been taken down but it actually became viral, having comments of comparison between education in South Korea vs other countries. It was based and set in South Korea, but these things happen in all countries including Japan, China, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore, etc.

Mental health is a struggle everyone faces. Whether they have been diagnosed with an illness or not, everyone has something. I myself have panic disorder but I have also suffered from depression and so, because of my personal experience, I actually enjoy reading about mental health portrayed in books.

Mental health, though, varies in countries. I don't want to get into further detail because I am no expert in mental health statistics, but the views of mental health in East Asia need to change positively, at least slowly, and we can do something about that.

My mother is a bird.
And I am only a girl.
A girl, human and wingless—but what I have is the beginning of a plan.

The first thing I noticed about this book was the cover. I thought it shone brightly and beautifully at the bookstore that I told myself I would buy it next time I make a stop at B&N. It didn't happen until I was fully convinced I wanted to read this book. It has easily become one of my favorite books of the year and I will definitely be looking forward to the future works the author plans on publishing. I think the most beautiful part of this is that it's an own-voices book. Emily X.R. Pan was born in the U.S. but her parents are immigrants from Taiwan. I think it's amazing when people, authors or not, bring in their own heritage and culture and experience to any sort of writing piece or art form or musical sheet. She really managed to engross me with the world-building and the Asian heritage and the characters. Her writing was very easy to follow but it was also poignant, artistic and lyrical, short and prepossessing.

I actually took Mandarin for 3 years. I still remember my 2 favorite sentences: 我喜欢咖啡。我不喜欢汉堡包。 Also, my name was 梅姬。So, to the ones who understand, 你好！我叫梅姬。My school requires all students to take a Language Arts class and the only options were Spanish and Mandarin. I'm fluent in Spanish and the teacher was an American-born self-taught Spanish speaker, so I figured it would be better for me to take a language I was a complete stranger to. I took it for three years and, although it was interesting and nice to learn, I wouldn't go back to it. I guess it was because I wasn't completely focused on the language that I barely managed to pass the class for 3 years. It was beautiful, yes, but very difficult. So, with that being said, my teacher was actually born in Taiwan and immigrated to the United States to learn English. She would talk about her days there and would give us brief overviews of it even though we couldn't do anything but imagine it.

Emily actually built a beautiful world in the book. She described Taipei in beautiful ways and it was very easy to imagine it. Since Leigh's grandparents were from Taiwan, they, of course, spoke the language. There were so many characters and words I knew and remembered and was able to pronounce correctly with the right tone and it was actually nice seeing that; nice seeing a language I was quite familiar with. Another thing I liked was the descriptions of the traditions, the food, the celebrations—the different cultures every country has is just really interesting to me. Knowing my family and I have our own culture and traditions, it's beautiful and interesting to see how different others are.

Hold your finger to the sky with so much force it lengthens like a spine. Look up to the point of it and beyond. Thre. That tiny patch of the world, no bigger than the tip of your finger. At first glance, it might just look like one flat color. Blue, or gray, or maybe even orange.

But it's much more complex than that. Squint. See the daubs of lilac. The streak of sage no wider than a hyphen. That butterscotch smear ad the faint wash of carnelian. All of them coming together to swirl at the point just above your finger.

Breathe them in. Let them settle in your lungs. Those are the colors of right now.

Throughout Leigh's journey, we see that she begins to try and discover why her mother killed herself. She begins to see that it wasn't a person or an event, but depression itself. She begins to see that sometimes people lose faith and hope in life that there's nothing else to do. She blames herself for it and wishes she could've done something else about it, but she discovers things on her own that give her the answers she wants.

Magical realism is also something that I think the author managed to portray correctly. I think the whole idea of the main character being consumed by a shadow or dark dust, taking her back to the past and showing a memory of her mother, father, herself, or any other memory added mystery to the novel, but also entertainment. When Leigh saw her younger self smiling, shining, laughing with her mother, I felt like I wanted to capture the moment. One of the things Emily managed to do was impact me. I mean, after reading this, I began realizing even more than you really never know when or how you'll lose a loved one. Leigh is a teenage girl who struggles with grief, loss, and hopelessness until she looks for her answers and brings back everything she lost. The story is about how a teenage girl manages deal with her grief.

I actually felt bad for Leigh. She really wanted to learn about herself and her other heritage and was never able to meet her grandparents even though she really wanted to. She also wishes she looked more Taiwanese when she was in Taiwan because the people there would call her mixed blood and give her dirty looks at times because of how she looked—her white skin, brown hair and green tips. I can see where she came from though. I mean, I sometimes get sad when I don't know about my Hispanic tradition. I wasn't born in El Salvador, but my parents were, and its been years but they're still trying to remember everything they celebrated and did when they were teenagers. I still appreciate the fact that they try their best to bring out the tradition of their country and teach it to me. Slang too, slang is important y'all!

Okay, there were quite a lot of things I liked about this, but another thing was the color distinguishing of emotions. Also called, synesthesia. I really enjoyed reading about Axel, her best friend and the boy she likes, and how he would always ask what color she was feeling when there was an event occurring. It was either bright and vibrant or dark and shady. The colors would represent what each was feeling, either red for love, white for neutral, and so on. Now that I've mentioned Axel, diversity also has a role in this book. I mentioned before that Leigh is half White and half Asian, but Axel was also from Asia, specifically from Filipino descendant. There weren't any terms or the language of The Philippines was never brought up, but the small elements of it was a plus in the book. I wish it had more of it and Axel would actually bring parts of it up, but the book wasn't about that so I didn't completely wish for it. Leigh also had a friend who was lesbian and so the representation of LGBT was brought in but again, it was not the main focus.

I won't lie, the only problem I had with this was that it felt too long. I mean, it might be because the chapters were short. It reminded me of Artistotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe and how sometimes one chapter would be one page long. I didn't mind it because it actually allowed me to read the book faster, but the length of the book felt like it was too long.

There's no point in wishing. We can't change anything about the past. We can only remember. We can only move forward.

Overall, Emily X.R. Pan has written a thought-provoking and beautiful story about a teenage girl finding herself with the help of her mother, as a bird, guiding her. This debut has definitely won me over and I really hope Emily actually continues, or at least is interested in, writing more books with mental health representation. The setting was beautifully imaginative. The writing was artistic and I loved how she used art as a form of expressions and thoughts.

Art and magical realism combined created a beautiful story, and I hope there are more people who allow this book to be a part of their lives by creating an artistic journey as they're reading it.

sciamachy7's review against another edition

5.0

Speechless. A modern masterpiece. The message of healing infused with finding your identity plus the Asian heritage

maryeverettb's review against another edition

emotional hopeful sad fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

heresmika's review against another edition

4.5

this book was beautiful. it felt like reading a really long poem. every sentence had purpose, and just felt so descriptive and just wonderfully written. i cannot describe how much i enjoyed the writing here, it felt like looking at art. i absolutely love all the color references. since the beginning, the main character and her friend ask each other “what color?” to describe how they feel
about a situation. this kept coming back throughout the book and i loved hearing about the main character’s emotions and the way she sees the world!

when the main character’s mom died, she was sure her mom turned into a red bird. wanting to find her mom and talk to her one last time, the main character travels back to her mom’s home country, meeting her grandparents for the first time, while learning about her mom’s past. it’s a wonderful book that combines fantasy elements to talk about grief, family, moving to a foreign place, and so much more. despite covering difficult topics, it’s not difficult to read! at its core, it’s a YA book written from the POV of a teenage girl, so it’s raw and powerful, but still super easy to get into.

the story had so many small details that intertwined together to create a super interesting plot line. i like how we got the present moment, where the main character is looking for her mom; information about her family’s past through flashbacks; nightmares about the mom; and the emails she gets from her best friend. ALSO, i love how depression is treated as an actual illness that affects real life and can cause someone to also have physical problems. the talk about her mom’s treatment was such a good aspect of the book, and i think it was the first time i saw it mentioned in a book.

the ending of the story was a bit underwhelming, and that’s the only reason it’s not a 5 star read. but i absolutely loved the journey that led us to this point. it felt a little bit like a ghibli studio movie - some of it is confusing, but it’s so beautiful and interesting that you can’t look away. 

it’s been a while since i read the book, so i can’t comment about every plot point that i liked, but i still remember how good it felt to read this book :)

soleil_soleil's review against another edition

emotional informative inspiring reflective sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

Not as amazing as my personal hype made me think it would be... lol. The book has been following me around since grade 9 so I had to finally read it ;) I do like the fact that the story sheds light on mental health and, especially, depression, particularly through the perspective of a teen who is still learning about it. Encourages openness, kindness, and compassion.

"Children know the truth . . . they haven't learned to walk with a veil over their eyes. That's a habit that comes with adulthood."

competencefantasy's review against another edition

It's good I just can't with the subject matter right now

sweetpoet's review against another edition

5.0

This has gone to the top of my favorites list... I’ve never had a book make cry so much and feel so much hope at the same time! This is just a book anybody can relate to I believe, I loved the aspect of watching your loved ones go through depression, and feeling so freaking hopeless to help that person. This author has nothing but respect for this really important issue I’ve never read another book like this just so hopeful. And it’s not just all about how she wishes her mom was there it’s about her learning from things and about broken relationships fixing those, finding friendships and just love all around.

that_chick26's review against another edition

challenging emotional reflective slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

crawdad_lake's review against another edition

inspiring reflective tense slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? N/A
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

If you like the musical Next to Normal, this is a great book to get similar character connections and story. I love the culture that Leigh doesn't even know about being what pushes her forward. The grandparents were dear and the plot twist with Feng was overwhelmingly shocking! I had not seen it coming from a mile away and it was beautiful. I wish we got a more gradual connection back with the father, but that's barely a nick pick in a fantastic book like this.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Death of parent