Reviews with content warning for Suicide attempt - My Dark Vanessa

this is a devastating, poignant read, yet so so important. This book details a dark story of Vanessa who was groomed and sexually abused at 15 by her high school English teacher. As she grows into an adult, she alongside a therapist begins to grapple with the reality of what has happened to her. To say this book is good, feels convoluted because the subject matter is so difficult to ingest. It’s hard to read and yet it’s perfect representation of how the grooming process happens over time and the ramifications it can have on a child. As someone who works with kids who have been in similar situations everyday, I applaud the author for her realism.
Please look up trigger warnings before starting this book if you so choose!

Content Warnings

b_barnes's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Content Warnings

hanhantap's review

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slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

This novel has really struck something in me. I can't shake the feeling of it after finishing it a week ago. It had been on my TBR for a while and, after seeing Suki Waterhouse reading it while she was on vacation a month or two ago, I decided to pick it up. I am thrilled I did, but damn.

My Dark V'anessa is an unraveling of long-hidden truths contrasted against the background of the #MeToo movement (which was brilliant of the author). It follows Vanessa slowly coming to terms with the fact that she was groomed and abused by her English teacher, Jacob Strane. Think of Lolita growing up and realizing that what happened was not love but an abuse of power. Strane gaslights Vanessa from the time that she is 15 to when she is in her thirties, trying to convince her that what he did to her was not by his choice, but by hers, that she had the power, that she could have stopped it whenever she wanted to.

The line that sticks out to me the most is during one of Vanessa's therapy sessions when she tells her therapist: "I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that{...} It’s my life. This has been my whole life.”

It was at this point when I had to put the book down and take an internal look at myself. While I have never been in Vanessa's shoes, I am a former Ezria shipper. "Ezria" meaning the relationship between Ezra Fitz and Aria Montgomery in Pretty Little Liars. Warning: I am about to spoil one of the major plot points of the show.

Like Strane, Ezra is Aria's English teacher, although he is fresh out of college and does not meet Aria in the classroom. Aria, a 16-year-old student, is a lot like Vanessa: stubborn, precocious, and 'mature for her age.' Ezra and Aria's relationship was painted as a forbidden romance. In the books, the pair is caught, Ezra is arrested, and then he leaves the town of Rosewood. Meanwhile, the show keeps Ezra around and has the couple be married by the end of the show, despite the fact that it was revealed in season 4 of the show that Ezra knew who Aria was when they met (including her age), knowingly deceived her, and had previously been in a relationship with her friend Alison when Ali was 14/15.

As a diehard supporter of the 'ship for four years at the point of this revelation, I was heartbroken, furious, and started to unravel the romanticization versus the reality of what this relationship was. It messed me up for years, causing me to lose friendships, my online community which I had helped cultivate and grow. I felt disgusted about what this 'ship had become and what I supported and defended for years. I needed it to be a love story, because if it wasn't, then what had I spent four years of my life making content about?

While I realize that it is not the same thing as young people who are literally abused and manipulated by adults in their lives, I was, in a way, groomed to believe that a relationship that Ezra and Aria's was healthy and romantic, full of passion and the star-crossed lovers trope. I was 14 when the show premiered in 2010. This put me in danger of falling for someone in a similar way to Vanessa and Aria because I had this idea in my head that I was not like the other girls, I was mature for my age, I would be able to take care of myself. When in reality, I was a child, vulnerable to the perverted desires of certain adults. It terrifies me to think about the what-ifs.

It is no coincidence to me that some of my friends from the fandom ended up in abusive and coercive relationships. It is common to see online that young people (especially teenage girls) are groomed and abused by (mostly) adult men in their late twenties, if not in their thirties or forties. Even in my own life, I watched as a teacher in my high school resigned due to an inappropriate relationship with a student. While I never trusted this man and always got a bad vibe from him, it was the worst way to learn that I had been right.

At the same time, a leader at my church was outed as a predator and forced to leave, while we were told it was due to attendance in the youth program. This was someone I looked up to and trusted, who helped me during some of the most difficult times in my life, someone who I went on cross-country mission trips with. I left the church partly because of their ousting from the congregation, putting them on a pedestal. I still have them in my network on LinkedIn, because there is part of me that wants to believe the lie that they left due to bad performance, rather than the facts at hand.

Reading My Dark Vanessa took me back to that space of wanting to believe that a relationship (while fictional) was a love story, that someone in my life was not what I thought them to be. Like Vanessa, it took me growing up and looking back at this period in my life without rose-colored glasses and realizing the ugly truth. This novel was a beautiful and painful mess that will stay with me for a long time.

Content Warnings

hailey_reads16's review

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated

5.0

MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS! READ WITH CAUTION!

The whole time I was reading this, I was waiting for the chapter where she’d finally turn him in. From the beginning, I assumed that’s how this would end, but seeing the direction that the author decided to take it all, it was really interesting. I feel like this book is alot more realistic than other books surrounding this topic tend to be. Strane ruined everything about Vanessa, controlled every aspect of her life, he was absolutely horrible. The man made me want to scream, cry, and throw up the whole novel. I 100% see why people may deem this book as controversial because the way Vanessa is written to be partial towards the man who abused her. But, I feel like that’s just really realistic. She was 15, a literal child, she grew attached to the person who paid her the most attention, who believed she was special.

I really liked this book, for how unique it was. The writing was great, and the way it was split up, junping from her past-self to the present… chefs kiss 💋. It made me want to scream at some parts, especially with how graphic it is, but I really enjoyed it. It shows the side of sexual abuse and trauma that isn’t really talked about alot. If you are mentally prepared for this, i’d definitely recommend.

Content Warnings

jadehusdanhicks's review against another edition

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challenging dark sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Plot
Strong character development? N/A
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? N/A
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.25

For a book that deals with such graphic themes as grooming. This book was well written. Did it make me uncomfortable? Yes. But that’s because the topic is a literal crime and your reading it from the victims point of view. Following Vanessa’s grief and coming to terms with her trauma from start to finish. This book deals with the theme very well without the morbid romanticisation like we get with authors like coho. Overall I can’t bash this book other than ensure you check triggers as this is dark and when you think it can’t get darker it will

Content Warnings

areebapatel's review

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dark emotional tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.0

Content Warnings

zaracampbell's review

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dark reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0

A harrowing glimpse into the complexities of trauma, abuse and grooming. A very powerful read from the perspective of a protagonist who struggles to come to terms with the psychological impacts of being groomed, and abused as a teenager.

Because even if I sometimes use the word abuse to describe certain things that were done to me, in someone else’s mouth the word turns ugly and absolute. It swallows up everything that happened

Content Warnings

kstockill's review

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challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Content Warnings

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