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Reviews tagging 'Toxic relationship'
Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating by Adiba Jaigirdar
12 reviews
perpetualpages's review
emotional
funny
hopeful
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.25
CWs: racism, Islamophobia, homophobia (biphobia and lesbophobia), bullying and toxic friendship, gaslighting, and parental abandonment
When a book has Adiba's name on the cover, here I come running. But when "fake dating" is in the title itself, I'm full on sprinting. I had such a desperate NEED for this queer contemporary rom-com, and it more than delivered!
Hani and Ishu is a story about self-love as much as it is about first love. When the story begins, both Hani and Ishu find themselves in situations where they don't feel confident standing up for themselves. In fact, it's hard for both of them to even recognize that the support systems they depend on are not serving them. As they get tangled up in this fake relationship together, they each challenge the other person to grow. Hani shows Ishu that there's no reason why families, even traditional immigrant families, can't support each other unconditionally. In return Ishu shows Hani that being assertive and being decisive is crucial in drawing boundaries and being treated the way you deserve to be treated. As in all the best romantic pairings, these characters teach each other that growing comes from being even more yourself, and I enjoy that a lot.
I also think it's great how this story challenges monolithic thinking when it comes to Bengali culture and Islam. While these two experiences can intersect, they don't always, and we see that even in how Hani follows the Muslim faith and Ishu doesn't. Even though both of their families are Bengali, they don't speak the same language, have the same values, practice the same religion, or even utilize the same family structures or dynamics.
Hani's family is very supportive and open-minded, being accepting of her bisexuality and supporting her in everything she does. Ishu's family is a bit more traditional, though not necessarily religious, and her parents have more of a strict view on her academic success and the need for her to be "on the right path." While Hani's friends assume that her parents "won't let" her drink, date, eat certain foods, or be queer "because of their strict faith," that's very much not the case, and it opens up a very necessary commentary about how white people, especially, tend to conflate these cultures and religions and write them off as "oppressive" just because they don't actually understand the multitudes of experiences that both contain.
In relation to that, another major theme in the story the importance of finding people who allow you to be yourself, who celebrate you and support you in both actions and words. For so long, Hani has minimized herself in order to make her friends happy, because they made her feel like mentioning her religion or her beliefs would be "too much." So she goes to great lengths not to "inconvenience" them with calls to prayer or dietary restrictions, because they've written off those things as "outside the norm" instead of just things that are a normal part of her life. Throughout the course of the story, Ishu is showing Hani that it doesn't take a lot of effort or thought to accommodate those different parts of her life, even coming from someone like Ishu who doesn't practice the same religion. It's not difficult to care about people or respect people, and slowly but surely Hani is realizing what kind of friendship and love she really deserves.
If you know me, you know I also love narrative parallels, and I thought there were some incredible narrative through-lines about the very human desire to be accepted. Everyone wants to feel like they belong in some way—whether it's with their friends, their peers, their family, or their community—and sometimes we sacrifice parts of ourselves in order to feel accepted.
You see that with Ishu as she takes up this campaign to become Head Girl, and how she has to sacrifice being herself in order to schmooze with her classmates and drum up votes. With Hani, it's in how she sacrifices her spiritual and emotional well-being in order to stay in her friends' good graces, even if she doesn't feel connected to them or what they're doing. You even see it with Hani's father, who's running for local office, and leaning into his assumed affiliation with the Muslim community to win their votes. It's also apparent in Ishu's older sister, Nik, who felt she had to sacrifice her mental health and happiness in pursuing a career path that was already decided for her by her parents.
We all want to be accepted and seen, and sometimes we makes mistakes to that end and put parts of ourselves to the side in hopes that people will see us. Throughout the story, the characters are learning how to make amends and bridge the gap between their truth and their reality, and even if doing so is difficult or imperfect, it's still necessary and life-long work. In that way, the "fake dating" plotline serves as a greater metaphor for the different fronts we put up for other people's benefit, and how pursuing what is true about ourselves is much more worthwhile.
In terms of actual plot, there were a couple of logistical things that kept this from being a five-star book, for me personally. There two specific plot points that felt a little bit flimsy for me, and it was hard for my brain to let go of those discrepancies as the story came to a close, even though I recognize how those narrative choices led to where the story needed to go. It's hard to explain without spoiling (which I won't), but while I think the story realistically explores racial gaslighting and a lack of "justice," per say, for marginalized folks in public settings, I still had a few minor logistical questions by the end that I didn't feel were satisfactorily addressed on the page.
Do I think that's a huge deal? No. I was still very much satisfied with the character growth and narrative arcs presented in the story, and as a reader I resonate more with thematic ideas than with plot.
With that said, this is another phenomenal book from Adiba that I know is going to be so loved by so many readers, and deservedly so. Definitely check out this book if you enjoy fake dating shenanigans (duh), ultra slow burn yearning and romance, and sharp social commentary. This is a sapphic fake dating story, yes, but it's also so much more, and I had a blast reading through it.
When a book has Adiba's name on the cover, here I come running. But when "fake dating" is in the title itself, I'm full on sprinting. I had such a desperate NEED for this queer contemporary rom-com, and it more than delivered!
Hani and Ishu is a story about self-love as much as it is about first love. When the story begins, both Hani and Ishu find themselves in situations where they don't feel confident standing up for themselves. In fact, it's hard for both of them to even recognize that the support systems they depend on are not serving them. As they get tangled up in this fake relationship together, they each challenge the other person to grow. Hani shows Ishu that there's no reason why families, even traditional immigrant families, can't support each other unconditionally. In return Ishu shows Hani that being assertive and being decisive is crucial in drawing boundaries and being treated the way you deserve to be treated. As in all the best romantic pairings, these characters teach each other that growing comes from being even more yourself, and I enjoy that a lot.
I also think it's great how this story challenges monolithic thinking when it comes to Bengali culture and Islam. While these two experiences can intersect, they don't always, and we see that even in how Hani follows the Muslim faith and Ishu doesn't. Even though both of their families are Bengali, they don't speak the same language, have the same values, practice the same religion, or even utilize the same family structures or dynamics.
Hani's family is very supportive and open-minded, being accepting of her bisexuality and supporting her in everything she does. Ishu's family is a bit more traditional, though not necessarily religious, and her parents have more of a strict view on her academic success and the need for her to be "on the right path." While Hani's friends assume that her parents "won't let" her drink, date, eat certain foods, or be queer "because of their strict faith," that's very much not the case, and it opens up a very necessary commentary about how white people, especially, tend to conflate these cultures and religions and write them off as "oppressive" just because they don't actually understand the multitudes of experiences that both contain.
In relation to that, another major theme in the story the importance of finding people who allow you to be yourself, who celebrate you and support you in both actions and words. For so long, Hani has minimized herself in order to make her friends happy, because they made her feel like mentioning her religion or her beliefs would be "too much." So she goes to great lengths not to "inconvenience" them with calls to prayer or dietary restrictions, because they've written off those things as "outside the norm" instead of just things that are a normal part of her life. Throughout the course of the story, Ishu is showing Hani that it doesn't take a lot of effort or thought to accommodate those different parts of her life, even coming from someone like Ishu who doesn't practice the same religion. It's not difficult to care about people or respect people, and slowly but surely Hani is realizing what kind of friendship and love she really deserves.
If you know me, you know I also love narrative parallels, and I thought there were some incredible narrative through-lines about the very human desire to be accepted. Everyone wants to feel like they belong in some way—whether it's with their friends, their peers, their family, or their community—and sometimes we sacrifice parts of ourselves in order to feel accepted.
You see that with Ishu as she takes up this campaign to become Head Girl, and how she has to sacrifice being herself in order to schmooze with her classmates and drum up votes. With Hani, it's in how she sacrifices her spiritual and emotional well-being in order to stay in her friends' good graces, even if she doesn't feel connected to them or what they're doing. You even see it with Hani's father, who's running for local office, and leaning into his assumed affiliation with the Muslim community to win their votes. It's also apparent in Ishu's older sister, Nik, who felt she had to sacrifice her mental health and happiness in pursuing a career path that was already decided for her by her parents.
We all want to be accepted and seen, and sometimes we makes mistakes to that end and put parts of ourselves to the side in hopes that people will see us. Throughout the story, the characters are learning how to make amends and bridge the gap between their truth and their reality, and even if doing so is difficult or imperfect, it's still necessary and life-long work. In that way, the "fake dating" plotline serves as a greater metaphor for the different fronts we put up for other people's benefit, and how pursuing what is true about ourselves is much more worthwhile.
In terms of actual plot, there were a couple of logistical things that kept this from being a five-star book, for me personally. There two specific plot points that felt a little bit flimsy for me, and it was hard for my brain to let go of those discrepancies as the story came to a close, even though I recognize how those narrative choices led to where the story needed to go. It's hard to explain without spoiling (which I won't), but while I think the story realistically explores racial gaslighting and a lack of "justice," per say, for marginalized folks in public settings, I still had a few minor logistical questions by the end that I didn't feel were satisfactorily addressed on the page.
Do I think that's a huge deal? No. I was still very much satisfied with the character growth and narrative arcs presented in the story, and as a reader I resonate more with thematic ideas than with plot.
With that said, this is another phenomenal book from Adiba that I know is going to be so loved by so many readers, and deservedly so. Definitely check out this book if you enjoy fake dating shenanigans (duh), ultra slow burn yearning and romance, and sharp social commentary. This is a sapphic fake dating story, yes, but it's also so much more, and I had a blast reading through it.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Islamophobia, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Bullying and Racism
mezzano's review
emotional
lighthearted
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
When I read The Henna Wars and saw the amount of love, compassion, and accountability Adiba Jaigirdar puts into her writing, I knew I had to read her subsequent novel, Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating. While her debut novel was delightful and a fast-read, Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating is required reading. This novel is very much a story which celebrates diversity and culture, while also advocates for the characters (and therefore the readers) to stand up for themselves in difficult situations.
As a white reviewer, I cannot speak to the quality of the representation in this novel, but can point to the fact that Adiba Jaigirdar is an Own Voices author who uses her own experiences as a LGBT Muslim South Asian to help her write her stories. As far as queer representation is concerned, I appreciated that Hani's family was accepting when her friends were not. I also appreciated how the book discussed and addressed biphobia in the story. These characters are grappling with serious issues like peer pressure, biphobia, and family conflicts, but they act in ways which are reasonable to the situation and their age. These characters are teenagers, where simply talking out their issues pose their own challenges. I loved watching these characters learn to grow and stand up for themselves. There was a moment when I was reading where I reflected on my own challenges with my LGBT identity, family, and friendships, and thought that this book would have been perfect for a younger version of me. There is a part of Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating where every reader can find something to relate to and love.
Words cannot express how much anyone should pick up this book and read it if they are a fan of YA. This is one of the best Young Adult/Teen novels I've read this year, representation aside. The fact that this book is so diverse is "icing on the cake". Please make sure to pick up a hard copy of this book at your local bookstore--I know I will be doing so.
As a white reviewer, I cannot speak to the quality of the representation in this novel, but can point to the fact that Adiba Jaigirdar is an Own Voices author who uses her own experiences as a LGBT Muslim South Asian to help her write her stories. As far as queer representation is concerned, I appreciated that Hani's family was accepting when her friends were not. I also appreciated how the book discussed and addressed biphobia in the story. These characters are grappling with serious issues like peer pressure, biphobia, and family conflicts, but they act in ways which are reasonable to the situation and their age. These characters are teenagers, where simply talking out their issues pose their own challenges. I loved watching these characters learn to grow and stand up for themselves. There was a moment when I was reading where I reflected on my own challenges with my LGBT identity, family, and friendships, and thought that this book would have been perfect for a younger version of me. There is a part of Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating where every reader can find something to relate to and love.
Words cannot express how much anyone should pick up this book and read it if they are a fan of YA. This is one of the best Young Adult/Teen novels I've read this year, representation aside. The fact that this book is so diverse is "icing on the cake". Please make sure to pick up a hard copy of this book at your local bookstore--I know I will be doing so.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Biphobia, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Racial slurs, and Hate crime
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