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3.5. There were times I loved this book and the grungy, pretentious angst of the author but the last bit of the book felt abrupt and didn’t settle well enough.
Towards the end of this book, I began to think about my friend Donnie and how we were all pushing our memories at each other as much as we could in the aftermath.
Hsu's memoir "Stay True" is measured, unhurried, and well-plotted - not in terms of plot, of course; the events of his life that are detailed in this book were not exactly planned. However, the connections he makes (and takes his time making over the course of the book) are very well planned, and he frequently makes callbacks to earlier parts of the book by using similar phrasing. For example, he mentions "We stayed up so late, possessed by delirium, that we came up with a theory of everything, only we forgot to write it down" on page 6, then says on page 100, "We came up with brilliant theories but forgot to write them down."
Additionally, after discussing his Taiwanese-American immigrant parents' accents and how they were a marker of how "[being] American would remain an incomplete project" (p. 23), he then discusses how people form their identities by choosing which parts of themselves to "accent" (28). I thought that was a really cool connection, which I feel like, after learning a bit more about Hsu, was probably intentional.
Over the course of "Stay True," Hsu discusses the place of Asian Americans in society in the 1990s, representation in media, assimilation, and carving out one's identity. He also, of course, discusses loss.
This book hits hard. There are two narratives going on at once: Hsu's trying out different aspects of his identity, trying to find out who he is, and his friendship with Ken and Ken's subsequent murder. As someone who lost a friend in a similar manner just a few months ago, this really hit close to home. The title, "Stay True," is derived from an inside joke that Hsu and Ken shared but that he can no longer remember. He talks about how he sometimes wonders whether he and Ken were really as good of friends as he thought and what parts of his psyche he really knew nothing about. I've been going through some similar thoughts recently. Even though Donnie and I were often in the same circles and had fun together during college, we mostly lost touch afterwards, and we maybe only messaged once a year. I sometimes feel like I don't really have a right to grieve as much as I have been. I don't really know how to resolve that feeling. Everyone's been really nice about it, especially Aika, but I still feel confused sometimes. I did love him as a friend though, and I still do.
As Hsu says, "We continue to know our friend, even after they are no longer present to look back at us." (57).
Some more quotes that stuck out to me/that I loved:
"Suburbs suggest stability and conformity, yet they are rarely beholden to tradition. Rather, they are slates that can be wiped clean to accommodate new aspirations." (17)
"Making my zine was a way of sketching the outlines of a new self, writing a new personality into being." (27)
"Derrida remarked that friendship's driver isn't the pursuit of someone who is just like you. A friend, he wrote would 'choose knowing rather than being known.'" (56-57)
"They are fragments of a story he feels but can't tell." (72)
"But the right person persuades you to try it, and you feel as though you've made two discoveries. One is that this thing isn't so bad. The other is a new confidant." (101)
Hsu's memoir "Stay True" is measured, unhurried, and well-plotted - not in terms of plot, of course; the events of his life that are detailed in this book were not exactly planned. However, the connections he makes (and takes his time making over the course of the book) are very well planned, and he frequently makes callbacks to earlier parts of the book by using similar phrasing. For example, he mentions "We stayed up so late, possessed by delirium, that we came up with a theory of everything, only we forgot to write it down" on page 6, then says on page 100, "We came up with brilliant theories but forgot to write them down."
Additionally, after discussing his Taiwanese-American immigrant parents' accents and how they were a marker of how "[being] American would remain an incomplete project" (p. 23), he then discusses how people form their identities by choosing which parts of themselves to "accent" (28). I thought that was a really cool connection, which I feel like, after learning a bit more about Hsu, was probably intentional.
Over the course of "Stay True," Hsu discusses the place of Asian Americans in society in the 1990s, representation in media, assimilation, and carving out one's identity. He also, of course, discusses loss.
This book hits hard. There are two narratives going on at once: Hsu's trying out different aspects of his identity, trying to find out who he is, and his friendship with Ken and Ken's subsequent murder. As someone who lost a friend in a similar manner just a few months ago, this really hit close to home. The title, "Stay True," is derived from an inside joke that Hsu and Ken shared but that he can no longer remember. He talks about how he sometimes wonders whether he and Ken were really as good of friends as he thought and what parts of his psyche he really knew nothing about. I've been going through some similar thoughts recently. Even though Donnie and I were often in the same circles and had fun together during college, we mostly lost touch afterwards, and we maybe only messaged once a year. I sometimes feel like I don't really have a right to grieve as much as I have been. I don't really know how to resolve that feeling. Everyone's been really nice about it, especially Aika, but I still feel confused sometimes. I did love him as a friend though, and I still do.
As Hsu says, "We continue to know our friend, even after they are no longer present to look back at us." (57).
Some more quotes that stuck out to me/that I loved:
"Suburbs suggest stability and conformity, yet they are rarely beholden to tradition. Rather, they are slates that can be wiped clean to accommodate new aspirations." (17)
"Making my zine was a way of sketching the outlines of a new self, writing a new personality into being." (27)
"Derrida remarked that friendship's driver isn't the pursuit of someone who is just like you. A friend, he wrote would 'choose knowing rather than being known.'" (56-57)
"They are fragments of a story he feels but can't tell." (72)
"But the right person persuades you to try it, and you feel as though you've made two discoveries. One is that this thing isn't so bad. The other is a new confidant." (101)
informative
reflective
sad
fast-paced
A sad coming of age story when you lose your friend and the reflection and changes your life takes after that point. I’m not sure if it’s a tribute to this friend or a memoir and that was an issue for me in reading this. It doesn’t quite know what it wants to be, though I’m sure the author given how they describe themselves, would say it’s art and it’s whatever we want it to be. I will also admit that there’s so much shit talking about San Diego, where his friend Ken was from that I felt an instant dislike for the narrator that probably colored the rest of the book since it’s my home and a place I love.
Content Warnings
Minor: Death, Misogyny, Violence, Kidnapping, Alcohol, Injury/Injury detail
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
slow-paced
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
A touching tribute to friendship, especially adolescent male friendship. How do friends influence and shape each other? Full of pop-culture references to the 1990s in the Berkeley CA area, this book will take just about anyone back to the days of lounging around dorm rooms, sharing music, and driving around with your best friend aimlessly. When tragedy strikes and the friendship is over, how does Hua cope with his grief and his guilt and move on with his life while also honoring his best friend?
emotional
fast-paced
adventurous
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
medium-paced
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced