Reviews with content warning for Suicide attempt - Beautiful Music for Ugly Children

Reviews tagging 'Suicide attempt'

Beautiful Music for Ugly Children by Kirstin Cronn-Mills

4 reviews

macaronis_telegraph's review

lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

1.25

This book is a little out of the norm for what I usually pick up, but as a trans man looking for a fun quick read, I thought I'd give this one ago.

The main thing I want to note is that Beautiful Music for Ugly Children is NOT an own-voices text. Author Kirstin Cronn-Mills is a cis woman, and while I personally have no issues with cis authors exploring trans stories, there were lots of moments in the book that Cronn-Mills could have handled differently. This book was missing almost all of the nuance of trans life, amounting main character Gabe's experience to a name change and desire of a dick only. There is little to no discussion of anything else, not even binding, no mentions of gender dysphoria, and Gabe seems to effortlessly pass in his pre-t state to the extent of being unrecognizable when in boy-mode to the people he went to school with. Gabe never reaches out to find other LGBTQ persons in his community or online. Any disscussion of gender doesn't move beyond stereotypes - Gabe's best friend, Paige, is a textbook "girly-girl," her favorite colors are pink and purple, and her hobbies include tying ribbons in her hair and painting nails. In an argument with Paige, Gabe defends his being a man by telling Paige to remember how he never used to play with dolls or wear dresses. As a trans man who loved playing with dolls and wearing dresses when he was little, it feels to me that Cronn-Mills did little research and therefore ended up skipping over many of the real things that make up what it means to be transgender.

An example of where Cronn-Mills could have easily expanded: Gabe gets a hybrid STP/Packer, but once he has it, we never know how he actually feels about it. Does it bring him gender euphoria? Does it take him time to get used to having that weight between his legs? Is he excited to put it on in the mornings or is seeing it an unhappy reminder that he doesn't have a real one? All these different possible feelings are valid, but we never hear about any of it. And it's not like the material is hard to get. Every trans man I've talked to that uses a STP and/or a packer has at least one funny or awkward story to tell about it. STPs take time and practice to work out how to use. You will make a mess the first few times and that is a memorable experience in itself. These things need to be cleaned, so learning how to do that, the adventure of sneaking it out of your room to the bathroom to wash if you don't want your folks to know you have one. The silicone getting dirty and dusty and hairy. I've heard stories of packers melting after getting left out in the sun, or falling out onto a public bathroom floor, or parents walking in to see it left out in the open. There is so much interesting and funny and emotional material that Cronn-Mills could have gone into in just this one little thing alone and she didn't, and it left the representation in this book feeling flat and unthoughtful. I honestly have to wonder if Kristin Cronn-Mills actually talked to even a single trans man before writing this book.

One thing that was explored, was done in an extremely distasteful way. We find out about Gabe's feelings towards his menstrual cycle through a flashback, and this flashback is of him about to attempt suicide shortly after first getting his period. I don't really have the words to say much more about that chapter in particular, other than that it was handled really badly.

Lastly, I also want to mention the conflict between Gabe and his parents, which was also handled in a bad way. Gabe's parents took the victim and mourning root in their reaction to Gabe's coming out. Which isn't uncommon, and rightfully should be explored. My issue is when Gabe and his mom had their big emotional talk that starts the recovery of their relationship, there is no actual apology from his mother, and Gabe is alright with this and acts like all is fixed, when he was the one doing the apologizing and comforting, while his mom continues to mourn the death of her "baby girl" who hasn't gone anywhere. Their discussion as a family shouldn't have ended here, or at least, Gabe shouldn't have been okay with it. His mom's words were not at all entirely accepting although Cronn-Mills and therefore Gabe handled it all like they were.

I enjoyed how it ended, a return to real life and Gabe off to community college, but over all, there are better books with much better representation out there to try instead (not to mention, ones with more up-to-date terminology!).

Content Warnings