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deathbyathousandcuts's review
challenging
emotional
hopeful
reflective
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
2.75
Spoilers although the review! (can't really figure out how to do the spoiler wrap thingy sorry!)
Was this a flawless book? No, in fact there are quite a few things that are very problematic and I think I need to address them first before explaining why I gave this book a 2.75 stars still.
1) the glaringly problematic romantic relationship between our 17 years old protagonist Koda and Sadie, her dead dad's girlfriend (!!) who is 38 years old (!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Wrong on soooo many level. Is it a way to portray the fragile and intense emotions of grief, loss and identity crisis both Koda and Sadie went through? Uh, sure, I guess. But it's like the fact that a drug addict almost 40 year old woman is taking advantage of her dead ex's daughter (!!!!!!) is just weirdly glossed over in this book. [Besides one kiss there is no explicit taking advantage described/explicitly implied in the book but there is a very clear romantic relationship between the two which is still wrong and weird, not only because Koda is a minor(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but because, for the nth time, she is Sadie's dead ex's daughter(!!!!!!!!!).] Besides one input from Koda's best friend, who understandably, thinks their relationship is weird, the whole thing is very much portrayed in a positive light with a hopeful and open ending at the end of the book. Wtf.
2) Sadie's cultural appropriation. Sadie is white and has dreadlock which both Koda and Teddy (the bassist in Koda's dad's band and Sadie's best friend) point out, on separate occasion in the book. My confusion over this is just was it really necessary to add this to the book? To Sadie's character? I think about the book and its main themes and topics and I wonder, in what way, did Sadie having dreads and doing cultural appropriation helped the plot or added to her character? The only reasoning I can think of is that it was to symbolize that Sadie was stuck in time when people didn't care about things like cultural appropriation but then again her best friend, who is black and whose culture she was appropriating, pointed it out to her and it seemed like it wasn't the first time he did that, so why wouldn't she had them removed? I'm lost and confused why this was a detail about Sadie that followed us all throughout the story from the beginning to the end without ever adding any value to it really.
So why didn't I give it 0 stars? Certainly not because I approve or condone any of the above mentioned points but because this book is about grief and a loss of identity. About growing pains and being in love with your best friend but it never working out and being afraid. A lot of feelings, that are painfully relatable to me.
Koda's situation with her dad is very similar to mine and I understand how she feels. How wanting to know gets you desperate and how not knowing makes it so hard to figure out your identity. I related to her a lot on that part. Grief follows us all through our lives and it one of the hardest things we humans will ever have to endure. All things considered, grief of a loved one we knew well may hurt more than anything else but the grief of someone we didn't know but who we could have loved and who we needed but didn't have, sits on us permanently, always reminding us of something missing. And we have to learn to deal with the fact that we will just never know what's that something that's missing and find our identity despite missing pieces.
TL;DR:
There are some problematic points about this book (read point 1+2) but it does convey emotions of loss, grief, growing pains, loss of identity, and discovery of "oh you're in love with your best friend but she is straight" well. Because of that and because I personally did some serious trauma bonding with Koda as a reader, it gets a 2.75 from me. (Would be a lot higher were it not for 1+2 but oh well, this is the max I'm willing to give.)
Was this a flawless book? No, in fact there are quite a few things that are very problematic and I think I need to address them first before explaining why I gave this book a 2.75 stars still.
1) the glaringly problematic romantic relationship between our 17 years old protagonist Koda and Sadie, her dead dad's girlfriend (!!) who is 38 years old (!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Wrong on soooo many level. Is it a way to portray the fragile and intense emotions of grief, loss and identity crisis both Koda and Sadie went through? Uh, sure, I guess. But it's like the fact that a drug addict almost 40 year old woman is taking advantage of her dead ex's daughter (!!!!!!) is just weirdly glossed over in this book. [Besides one kiss there is no explicit taking advantage described/explicitly implied in the book but there is a very clear romantic relationship between the two which is still wrong and weird, not only because Koda is a minor(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but because, for the nth time, she is Sadie's dead ex's daughter(!!!!!!!!!).] Besides one input from Koda's best friend, who understandably, thinks their relationship is weird, the whole thing is very much portrayed in a positive light with a hopeful and open ending at the end of the book. Wtf.
2) Sadie's cultural appropriation. Sadie is white and has dreadlock which both Koda and Teddy (the bassist in Koda's dad's band and Sadie's best friend) point out, on separate occasion in the book. My confusion over this is just was it really necessary to add this to the book? To Sadie's character? I think about the book and its main themes and topics and I wonder, in what way, did Sadie having dreads and doing cultural appropriation helped the plot or added to her character? The only reasoning I can think of is that it was to symbolize that Sadie was stuck in time when people didn't care about things like cultural appropriation but then again her best friend, who is black and whose culture she was appropriating, pointed it out to her and it seemed like it wasn't the first time he did that, so why wouldn't she had them removed? I'm lost and confused why this was a detail about Sadie that followed us all throughout the story from the beginning to the end without ever adding any value to it really.
So why didn't I give it 0 stars? Certainly not because I approve or condone any of the above mentioned points but because this book is about grief and a loss of identity. About growing pains and being in love with your best friend but it never working out and being afraid. A lot of feelings, that are painfully relatable to me.
Koda's situation with her dad is very similar to mine and I understand how she feels. How wanting to know gets you desperate and how not knowing makes it so hard to figure out your identity. I related to her a lot on that part. Grief follows us all through our lives and it one of the hardest things we humans will ever have to endure. All things considered, grief of a loved one we knew well may hurt more than anything else but the grief of someone we didn't know but who we could have loved and who we needed but didn't have, sits on us permanently, always reminding us of something missing. And we have to learn to deal with the fact that we will just never know what's that something that's missing and find our identity despite missing pieces.
TL;DR:
There are some problematic points about this book (read point 1+2) but it does convey emotions of loss, grief, growing pains, loss of identity, and discovery of "oh you're in love with your best friend but she is straight" well. Because of that and because I personally did some serious trauma bonding with Koda as a reader, it gets a 2.75 from me. (Would be a lot higher were it not for 1+2 but oh well, this is the max I'm willing to give.)
Content Warnings
Moderate: Abandonment, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Cultural appropriation, Death, Death of parent, Drug abuse, Grief, and Suicide
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