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neural_lauren_unreal's review against another edition
5.0
A digestible blend of real-life scenarios and psychology concepts.
nonabgo's review against another edition
2.0
Well this was anticlimactic... I keep going back between 2 and 3 stars on this one. I might change my mind after mulling it over some more, but here it is for now.
I understand why this book has been around for 30 years and still being recommended, but it was a hit-and-miss for me.
It would have been a useful book had I read it 10-15 years ago, for sure, it might have helped me avoid a lot of heartbreak and wasted time, but I was in no position to read self-help books back then and definitely not mature enough for something like this. As it is, a lot of the stuff it talks about I found out by myself, through lots of introspection and, well, growing up.
The book starts with a lot of promise. And if one reads through the lines, there is definitely useful advice in it. However, it was extremely tedious to read and it took me 5 freaking months to finish it, because of the following:
1. It's your typical self-help book, a genre a loathe. It presumes that all its readers are five year olds who need to be hand-held through the process.
2. It's repetitive. I started by liking how it doesn't just preach, but draws from experiences of real people (or so we're told), but each case study is the same as the previous one. Every woman in this book is the same, each comes from a broken family, each had at least one alcoholic parent and each fell in love with at least one alcoholic man. It gets boring after the first 2-3 chapters.
3. It focuses on women who are affected by alcoholism (mostly) or drug use. Either their parents or their partners are alcoholics and every one of them is a member of Al-Anon. There are countless other dysfunctional relationships and women "who love too much" because of other reasons, but the author chose to get stuck with alcoholism. As a person who "loved too much", I was keen on finding out about other experiences that were similar to mine (which did not involve alcohol or drug use, abuse, anorexia, a broken family), except that I didn't. Sure, one can read between the lines and extrapolate to their own particular situation, but given how repetitive this book was, maybe focus on other situations as well?
4. It's binary. I realize it was written 30 years ago, maybe an update should be in order.
5. The author talks too much. If this is the kind of therapist she is, I wonder why people go to her. She describes entire conversations where she doesn't let her patient talk at all, instead she simply draws conclusions from her patient's clothes, hair and makeup and tells them what she thinks is wrong with them.
6. The ending is, well, meh. I lack another word. I don't know what I expected, maybe some solutions to not get in such a position in the first place or practical solutions to get out of such a situation, but instead it's just a bunch of "affirmations" and finding god.
I think this book should come with a warning label: Useful if you are a co-alcoholic, otherwise don't bother. The advice for the rest of us women who are not in that particular niche situation is few and far in between and requires too much effort to discover.
I understand why this book has been around for 30 years and still being recommended, but it was a hit-and-miss for me.
It would have been a useful book had I read it 10-15 years ago, for sure, it might have helped me avoid a lot of heartbreak and wasted time, but I was in no position to read self-help books back then and definitely not mature enough for something like this. As it is, a lot of the stuff it talks about I found out by myself, through lots of introspection and, well, growing up.
The book starts with a lot of promise. And if one reads through the lines, there is definitely useful advice in it. However, it was extremely tedious to read and it took me 5 freaking months to finish it, because of the following:
1. It's your typical self-help book, a genre a loathe. It presumes that all its readers are five year olds who need to be hand-held through the process.
2. It's repetitive. I started by liking how it doesn't just preach, but draws from experiences of real people (or so we're told), but each case study is the same as the previous one. Every woman in this book is the same, each comes from a broken family, each had at least one alcoholic parent and each fell in love with at least one alcoholic man. It gets boring after the first 2-3 chapters.
3. It focuses on women who are affected by alcoholism (mostly) or drug use. Either their parents or their partners are alcoholics and every one of them is a member of Al-Anon. There are countless other dysfunctional relationships and women "who love too much" because of other reasons, but the author chose to get stuck with alcoholism. As a person who "loved too much", I was keen on finding out about other experiences that were similar to mine (which did not involve alcohol or drug use, abuse, anorexia, a broken family), except that I didn't. Sure, one can read between the lines and extrapolate to their own particular situation, but given how repetitive this book was, maybe focus on other situations as well?
4. It's binary. I realize it was written 30 years ago, maybe an update should be in order.
5. The author talks too much. If this is the kind of therapist she is, I wonder why people go to her. She describes entire conversations where she doesn't let her patient talk at all, instead she simply draws conclusions from her patient's clothes, hair and makeup and tells them what she thinks is wrong with them.
6. The ending is, well, meh. I lack another word. I don't know what I expected, maybe some solutions to not get in such a position in the first place or practical solutions to get out of such a situation, but instead it's just a bunch of "affirmations" and finding god.
I think this book should come with a warning label: Useful if you are a co-alcoholic, otherwise don't bother. The advice for the rest of us women who are not in that particular niche situation is few and far in between and requires too much effort to discover.
entitled's review against another edition
5.0
Ця книга змінила моє сприйняття себе та мої стосунки з чоловіками. Корисно тим, хто мав близьких людей з залежностями (алкоголь, їжа …), та хто відчуває себе обтяженою відповідальністю за партнера у стосунках, і не відчуває себе цінною.
van_wolfing's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
slow-paced
3.5
kasandra17's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
5.0
celestialmaps's review against another edition
3.0
I didn't like how Freudian psychology was used to explain some phenomena in the beginning. That aside, the book gave some good pointers on how to resolve core issues that fuel unhealthy relationships.
thelauramay's review against another edition
5.0
While it *absolutely* has the world's cheesiest title, this is a hell of a book. Though it's targeted at people who struggle with co-dependence, I don't think there's any woman who wouldn't benefit from reading it - at least, unless you have NO intimacy issues, NO attachment issues, and are a perfectly secure and serene human being. That said, it would be particularly helpful for women with an experience of abuse, trauma, or living with e.g. alcoholics, cheaters, emotionally unavailable people. (And I do say 'women' - while the book is surely also useful for co-dependent men, all bar one of the stories is told from the position of co-dependent woman/unavailable (etc) man. I suspect that would make it harder to digest and/or relate to this book as a man.)
This book would form a particularly useful complement to working through narcissistic/self-sacrifice or -subjugation schemas (see J Young), those prone to 'fawning'/ease and appease as a 'four F' strategy (P Walker), and/or those who are anxiously/avoidantly attached.
This book would form a particularly useful complement to working through narcissistic/self-sacrifice or -subjugation schemas (see J Young), those prone to 'fawning'/ease and appease as a 'four F' strategy (P Walker), and/or those who are anxiously/avoidantly attached.
valenmmesa's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
tense
slow-paced
4.5