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2.92 AVERAGE
2.92 AVERAGE
The truth is - a LOT of this book is familiar - well it’s familiar to me because I’ve read Bancroft’s “Why does he do that” and this book is pretty much the “starting point” of that. But it’s also familiar to me in the sense that all the movies, the things you see on TV these days is through this sort of reductive lens view of human relationships and romance. l’m guessing it’s romance that the author was going for here because if he was advocating for domestic violence - well I wouldn’t be surprised cause the language does allow for it to be interpreted in that way. The Venn diagram of an abuser and a seducer, as per the author’s definition in this book, are very very very very close circles; and those in the area outside the intersection are just pure evil I guess. I do appreciate the author for mentioning “The victim is to be sacrificed, not tortured.”
Let’s put aside the fact that this book has grossly disturbing tones and has quite a violent language [the other person is referred to as “victim” or “target” and at one point even enemy], let’s put all that aside. Let’s also put aside the fact that qualities are grouped in the their rather normative stereotyped gendered roles. Let’s just put aside everything that can be called problematic about this book and what it suggests.
It can’t be denied. I may dream and wish for a world not so sinister, but the reality is - the vast majority of it is. And I have to live in it, live with it. It is a rather reductive, perverse elaboration of human relations, but as long as the majority of society does live by this book, I guess that the points posited by the author will stand. [One that’s at the top of my head is that you can’t be a saint and a seducer.]
I had this geography teacher when I was in school and he was also our history teacher because this was not a very posh school.His classes were good, they were informative but they also glossed over a lot of the nuances of the topics. The thing was - even though he did gloss over a lot of the nuances, what he said still stood .Even though they were grossly reduced. You could argue with him that a lot has been overlooked and history was not that straightforward- but at the end of the day- you could never say he was wrong. Rough-handed with his understanding of history yes, but not wrong. It’s the same with this book - it’s not delicate, detailed or pretty- but it’s a brutal mirror upto society. Everyone around you is playing by these rules, consciously or subconsciously. At least now you too know how to play the twisted rules of society - whether you wish to play by them or not I guess it’s up to you.
It seems like an awful lot of work though, I must say.
One good part of the book though - it will help you identify if someone is using these techniques so you can get the fuck away from them.
/Highlights from book.
“Desirability is a social illusion.”
“We can endure feeling that another person has more talent, or more money, but the sense that a rival is more desirable than we are - that is unbearable.”
“Exactly, that's just it - I don't want any of the good things of life unless people are envious of them.” - Petronius, The Satyrnicon.
“No one can fall in love with you if he is even partially satisfied with what he has or who he is. The experience of falling in love originates in an extreme depression, an inability to find something that has value in everyday life. The “symptom” of predisposition to fall in love is not a conscious desire to do so, the intense desire to enrich our lives; it is the profound sense of being worthless and having nothing that is valuable and the shame of not having. It is for this reason falling in love occurs more frequently among young people since they are profoundly uncertain, unsure of their work and often ashamed of themselves. “ - Francesco Alberoni, Falling in Love
"The normal rhythm of life in general oscillates between a mild satisfaction with oneself and a slight discomfort originating in the knowledge of one's personal shortcomings. We should like to be as handsome, young, strong or clever as other people of our acquaintance. We wish we could achieve as much as they do, long for a similar advantage, the same or greater success. To be delighted with oneself is the exception, and often enough a smokescreen which we produce for ourselves and of course for others. Somewhere in it is a lingering feeling of discomfort with ourselves and a slight self-dislike. I assert that an increase of the spirit of discontent renders a person exceptionally susceptible to falling in love, and in most cases this attitude of disquiet is conscious but in some it reaches the threshold of awareness in the form of a slight uneasiness or a stagnant dissatisfaction or a realization of being upset without knowing why." - Theodor Reik, Of Love and Lust.
Let’s put aside the fact that this book has grossly disturbing tones and has quite a violent language [the other person is referred to as “victim” or “target” and at one point even enemy], let’s put all that aside. Let’s also put aside the fact that qualities are grouped in the their rather normative stereotyped gendered roles. Let’s just put aside everything that can be called problematic about this book and what it suggests.
It can’t be denied. I may dream and wish for a world not so sinister, but the reality is - the vast majority of it is. And I have to live in it, live with it. It is a rather reductive, perverse elaboration of human relations, but as long as the majority of society does live by this book, I guess that the points posited by the author will stand. [One that’s at the top of my head is that you can’t be a saint and a seducer.]
I had this geography teacher when I was in school and he was also our history teacher because this was not a very posh school.His classes were good, they were informative but they also glossed over a lot of the nuances of the topics. The thing was - even though he did gloss over a lot of the nuances, what he said still stood .Even though they were grossly reduced. You could argue with him that a lot has been overlooked and history was not that straightforward- but at the end of the day- you could never say he was wrong. Rough-handed with his understanding of history yes, but not wrong. It’s the same with this book - it’s not delicate, detailed or pretty- but it’s a brutal mirror upto society. Everyone around you is playing by these rules, consciously or subconsciously. At least now you too know how to play the twisted rules of society - whether you wish to play by them or not I guess it’s up to you.
It seems like an awful lot of work though, I must say.
One good part of the book though - it will help you identify if someone is using these techniques so you can get the fuck away from them.
/Highlights from book.
“Desirability is a social illusion.”
“We can endure feeling that another person has more talent, or more money, but the sense that a rival is more desirable than we are - that is unbearable.”
“Exactly, that's just it - I don't want any of the good things of life unless people are envious of them.” - Petronius, The Satyrnicon.
“No one can fall in love with you if he is even partially satisfied with what he has or who he is. The experience of falling in love originates in an extreme depression, an inability to find something that has value in everyday life. The “symptom” of predisposition to fall in love is not a conscious desire to do so, the intense desire to enrich our lives; it is the profound sense of being worthless and having nothing that is valuable and the shame of not having. It is for this reason falling in love occurs more frequently among young people since they are profoundly uncertain, unsure of their work and often ashamed of themselves. “ - Francesco Alberoni, Falling in Love
"The normal rhythm of life in general oscillates between a mild satisfaction with oneself and a slight discomfort originating in the knowledge of one's personal shortcomings. We should like to be as handsome, young, strong or clever as other people of our acquaintance. We wish we could achieve as much as they do, long for a similar advantage, the same or greater success. To be delighted with oneself is the exception, and often enough a smokescreen which we produce for ourselves and of course for others. Somewhere in it is a lingering feeling of discomfort with ourselves and a slight self-dislike. I assert that an increase of the spirit of discontent renders a person exceptionally susceptible to falling in love, and in most cases this attitude of disquiet is conscious but in some it reaches the threshold of awareness in the form of a slight uneasiness or a stagnant dissatisfaction or a realization of being upset without knowing why." - Theodor Reik, Of Love and Lust.
reading this book was a waste of money and time. i didn‘t learn any new things by reading it. everything the author tries to teach us is mentioned about a thousand times. although it only has 200 pages, this book is unnecessarily long and drawn-out.
Don't read the concise edition like I did. I found it quite average.