Scan barcode
my_personal_escape's review against another edition
3.0
Graphic: Pedophilia, Alcohol, Death of parent, Emotional abuse, Body shaming, Domestic abuse, Mental illness, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Grief, Physical abuse, Child abuse, Rape, Alcoholism, Drug abuse, and Eating disorder
Moderate: Incest, Terminal illness, Cancer, and Homophobia
Minor: Gaslighting and Forced institutionalization
mjscooke's review against another edition
4.0
Moderate: Homophobia, Emotional abuse, Adult/minor relationship, Grief, Death of parent, Pedophilia, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Incest, Alcoholism, and Alcohol
Minor: Suicidal thoughts
badmom's review against another edition
4.5
Graphic: Child abuse, Alcoholism, Addiction, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, Emotional abuse, and Adult/minor relationship
Moderate: Body shaming, Cancer, Chronic illness, Death of parent, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Eating disorder, Homophobia, and Self harm
Minor: Medical content, Outing, Bullying, and Classism
lady_moon's review against another edition
5.0
"I’m crying because for the first time I can remember, I’m present, and my emotions feel like a gift, a celebration, a reward. It’s just me, myself, and the sky."
I can believe how raw this memoir was. Colton Haynes did not shy from anything. He hid absolutely nothing. It feels almost disrespectful to try dear down this memoir by analyzing it - it has so much emotion and honesty. Colton Haynes himself comes to many ugly conclusions about his childhood and teenage years towards the end. It was brutal. I can only admire his bravery in sharing this book with the world. If half of this had happened to, I would take it to the grave with me.
I started it without having an idea what exactly I'm getting into. I didn't have any expectations. And I got so much more emotion, rawness and tears than I expected. And let me tell, the audiobook, being narrated by Colton Haynes himself, added to it. There was one or two times, as he talked about his mother's death, where his voice shook. I was crying for the last two or three chapters at this point. I'm so so glad I decided to give this a chance. I know many people pick up memoires based on that if they like the celebrity or not. I believe anyone who does or doesn't know/like/care about Colton Haynes particularly (like I was) can pick up this book and get the full experience.
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Toxic relationship, Child abuse, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Death of parent, Mental illness, Cursing, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Self harm, Sexual harassment, and Sexual assault
Moderate: Cancer, Eating disorder, Fatphobia, Abandonment, Body shaming, Blood, Pedophilia, Suicide, Death, Grief, Incest, and Medical content
Minor: Terminal illness
chione23's review
5.0
I got what I expected: a heartfelt story about making it as a gay actor in an industry that told you you couldn't be and overcoming these struggles and a rough childhood.
I also got a lot of things I hadn't bargained for.
The dedication at the beginning of the book already got to me. In it, Colton tells his readers not to dream about breaking their arms to be acknowledged and cared for. He says that we all deserve love without pain.
In his prologue, he goes down memory lane very literally and figuratively. When he speaks about trying to find himself in the pieces of memories he'd collected, I recognised myself. The way he wrote reminded me a bit of Jonas Jonasson, probably because of the grotesque of it all. That is also what made me laugh out loud at some points, albeit very cynically. Mostly, the moments described in the book do take you on a journey with only small glimpses at happiness and little room for triumph when the punches come one after another. There are happy memories in it, but they do not feel nearly as far away and dreamy as you would expect from the life of a star. They feel achievable.
Haynes is very good at writing about the things he experienced both on a literal and on a metaphorical level when describing just the right parts of his surroundings. <Spoiler> I realized how invested in this story I was when I caught myself growing distrustful after being shocked by the first instance he was sexually abused and being weary of every new man introduced and their intentions. I caught myself longing for him to turn eighteen already so I could tell myself what was happening to him was somehow fine. And I longed for the coming out I knew would come and wished would give me that high that felt like it was missing.
Haynes doesn't censor himself or pull any punches. He talks about predators taking advantage of young people in the industry and also his time as a phone findom and how tantric massages felt therapeutic to him.
When he talks about how being closeted enabled him in hiding things that were actually not okay and not getting help because he was made to treat hiding being gay as something shameful and wrong and not okay anyway, it got me thinking. When he talks about coming out still not solving his problems and feeling extraterrestrial his whole life, it touched me deeply.
I caught myself longing for the breakdown he had while reading his very vivid description of a horrible time in his life and addiction. And I recalled his advice: You don't need to be in pain to deserve love. You don't need to get to his rock bottom to let yourself get better. </Spoiler>
I also caught myself learning a lot about the world of photography and fashion modeling that I had never been interested in but couldn't help but be fascinated by after hearing Haynes' descriptions of the art of photography. Sharing that passion seems to be another of his goals.
<Spoiler> When I finally had that context for how he looked returning to Arrow and that it wasn't a poor attempt to age him up but a very real struggle, when I learned he left Teen Wolf for getting paid less than his counterparts and that he left Arrow because he was depressed, and neither because he wasn't wanted anymore, I recognised that these inside scoops about these iconic TV series I had watched during my lifetime meant little to me now, I just wanted him to not miss out on his deserved success. </Spoiler>
People are calling this a confession or an apology. I don't see it. <Spoiler> It's not just the Paris trip, it's the attempt to make his sisters feel like stars, it's spending his money on others when he didn't have it or when they wouldn't ever know where it came from. I always see a good person. Yes, he was a kid fighting with his brother. Yes, he was a teenage boyfriend saying yes to a proposal and not meaning it. Yes, he got married while his mom was dying and divorced when she was dead. He never fell to the level of what others did to him, even at his lowest.
The perspective changes were a real highlight. From dancing himself to watching dancers in a strip club and wondering if he ever had their energy, being paid to dominate others and only really getting it years later on the other side. Even his envy over the other teenagers having their stage moms who dedicated so much to helping their kids achieve the dreams he had gets reflected upon when he turns into a stage mom himself for his fiancé, forcing his own dreams on him because he never got to live them and then resenting him when he does succeed and pushing him away for this reason and others.
Other moments that will stick with me for a long time are his description of wanting to protect his brother's innocence but also resenting him for it and the moment he realizes he is not desirable anymore, at his rock bottom, and feels relief. His coming out to his mother, who he felt always knew and was his strongest ally, going horribly, and their journey back together to the point where he dedicated this memoir to her.
</Spoiler>
A lot of quotes got me to read them out loud and over and over to fully comprehend them.
You need to be prepared for a quiet and thoughtful day that might have you questioning your gender, your pride, your dreams, your coming out and whether you should maybe call the people who've paved your way and watched out for you in your life.
I read Miss Memory Lane in a day. I only started crying at the very end of the acknowledgements when he thanked his cat and I somehow realized he was okay now.
Moderate: Alcohol, Alcoholism, Fatphobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Religious bigotry, Sexual content, Suicide, Medical content, Mental illness, Medical trauma, Outing, Pedophilia, Sexual assault, Death of parent, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Terminal illness, Toxic relationship, Body shaming, Bullying, Cancer, Child abuse, Cursing, Death, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Self harm, Sexual harassment, Violence, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Drug use, Eating disorder, Gaslighting, Grief, Homophobia, Infidelity, and Rape
kayleemalone's review against another edition
4.0
Graphic: Grief, Toxic relationship, Death of parent, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Sexual assault, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, and Pedophilia
Moderate: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Body shaming, and Bullying
greyys_libraryy's review
5.0
Graphic: Abandonment, Addiction, Alcohol, Domestic abuse, Drug use, Rape, Drug abuse, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Emotional abuse, and Sexual assault
Moderate: Fatphobia, Death of parent, Eating disorder, Grief, Homophobia, Medical content, Mental illness, Cancer, Medical trauma, Body shaming, Child abuse, and Death
Minor: Toxic relationship and Suicidal thoughts
readalongwithnat's review against another edition
4.0
Graphic: Drug use, Eating disorder, Death of parent, Sexual content, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Body shaming, Fatphobia, Alcoholism, and Alcohol
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts, Sexual content, Sexual assault, Rape, Grief, Toxic relationship, and Sexual violence
imtonysturtle's review
4.0
Graphic: Addiction, Alcohol, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Drug use, Alcoholism, Physical abuse, Adult/minor relationship, Emotional abuse, Pedophilia, and Sexual content
Moderate: Dysphoria, Mental illness, Eating disorder, Grief, and Bullying
Minor: Death of parent, Medical content, Terminal illness, Car accident, Death, Vomit, and Cancer
njokitiagha's review
5.0
Graphic: Child abuse, Body shaming, Pedophilia, Rape, Emotional abuse, Dysphoria, Death, Adult/minor relationship, Addiction, Homophobia, Eating disorder, Drug use, Death of parent, Alcohol, Drug abuse, Mental illness, Domestic abuse, Sexual violence, Physical abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, and Grief