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argrenier's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.5
Graphic: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, and Child abuse
bumblebean's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
Graphic: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Fire/Fire injury, and Gaslighting
antidietleah's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Graphic: Child death, Sexual assault, Medical content, and Medical trauma
Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Suicide, Grief, Fire/Fire injury, and Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Racial slurs
msprufrock's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
However. Most of the story points are based on what seems to me to be a pretty ableist idea, that it's possible to "cure" autism. I'm not autistic, but I've listened and spoken to enough folks on the spectrum to know that it's not possible and not needed. Often, these treatments are harmful to autistic people. The only voices in the novel pointing this out are the protesters, who are pretty much always portrayed in a more villainous role.
I don't know. With that being so central to the plot, I'm uncomfortable giving it a high rating or recommending it.
Graphic: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, Child death, Death, Sexual assault, and Murder
Moderate: Suicide
moriahleigh's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Emotional abuse, Sexual assault, Suicide, Grief, Fire/Fire injury, Abandonment, and Alcohol
Minor: Bullying, Infertility, Panic attacks/disorders, Terminal illness, and Toxic friendship
sarahmarcotte's review against another edition
- Loveable characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
0.25
-I want to preface the review by saying I really really wanted to like this book, and I was deeply disappointed with what it actually turned out to be. I know that this review is extremely negative and focuses almost entirely on Kim's portrayal of autism, but I feel strongly that it's necessary to call this out for what it is: a one-sided narrative that centers the feelings of abusers over the rights of autistic children and pedals pseudo-science in its attempts to pathologize and demonize autism and other developmental disabilities. I'm a strong believer in acknowledging problematic aspects of art while maintaining the ability to explore its other more positive parts, but the ableism in this novel was so unrelenting and overwhelming, so central to its narrative, that I find it nearly impossible to do that here.
-Autism cannot be cured, nor should we attempt to find a cure. Autistic people are normal and complete the way that they are. So much of the strife in this book is caused by Elizabeth's inability to accept Henry for who he is, the way she's constantly embarrassed and ashamed by the simple fact of his existence. Overall, nearly every character believes that developmental/neurological disabilities are tragedies, that the natural response to having a disabled child is grief and despair, and that disabled children are burdens. I had had a sliver of hope when the novel began that this would simply be a discussion of how caretakers of disabled people become overextended and burned out because resources to make care easier and more manageable are underfunded, unaffordable, and/or unavailable, but instead, the blame was shifted onto vulnerable children who existed only as plot devices to be acted upon or talked about. They had no agency and no characterization outside of their disability.
-The biggest complaint that I have about this book and the reason I rated it as low as I possibly could was that it spreads unchallenged, harmful misinformation about autism and its treatment. Several characters make passing, unchallenged claims that vaccines cause autism. In one instance, this is in the context of the defense attorney presenting scientific evidence, which is particularly egregious because instead of the prosecution rebutting with the wealth of evidence showing that there is no connection between autism and vaccines, they accept this evidence and carry on with the case, making it appear to the reader as though these studies are reliable. Similar issues occurred with the discussion of experimental treatments to cure autism.
-I haven't seen anyone else mention this, but it sort of baffles me that none of the characters have in-home caretakers for their children or even hire help for household chores. If they can spend thousands of dollars on HBOT treatments alone (one session costs $100, so they're spending literally $200 A DAY on the chance that an untested and potentially dangerous treatment might cure autism)
-Overall, I took issue with the way that motherhood was portrayed throughout the novel. Elizabeth says that while her obsessive and controlling behavior focused specifically on Henry's autism, if he hadn't been autistic, then she would have just obsessed over something else, and this is accepted as a normal aspect of motherhood. These (privileged) mothers constantly choose to martyr themselves, desperate for someone to congratulate them for how much they care and how much they do, all while feeling deeply resentful towards their children for prohibiting them from living independent lives and having identities outside of their role as a parent. Anyone who critiques their behavior for any reason is told that they don't understand a mother's love and they have no idea what they're talking about. It's toxic to suggest total self-sacrifice is a healthy or normal expression of love. Mothers need and deserve time and care for themselves just as much as any other person, and their children need and deserve a healthy, emotionally regulated parent who doesn't resent them or feel that their life is a burden.
-The language used in this book was appalling. It is vile and hateful to discuss autistic children by referring to them as "lifeless machines," "lab rats," and "trained monkeys." Let's also refrain from extended debates about the relative worth of disabled children's lives based on how neurotypical they can act. Personally, I think "all children equally deserve to live" is a pretty low ethical bar to stumble over.
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-The complete lack of an autistic person's perspective (or even the perspective of someone who doesn't think you can cure autism???) is so inappropriate. I don't like to make assumptions about authors based on the content they write, but this book really makes me believe that Angie Kim either doesn't believe that autistic people have feelings or interior lives, or at least doesn't think they're worth mentioning. I'm further put off by Kim's repeated comments that she's connected with families of autistic children and loves hearing from families of autistic children about her book, never that she's close with autistic people or likes to hear from autistic people themselves. The positive reviews of this book make a fuss about how the novel has so many complex characters and explores the nuances of important issues, but I read a book filled with one-sided perspectives from characters who refused to take responsibility for their actions or really acknowledge how they've hurt the people around them.
-The only people in this novel who seem to believe that autistic people have intrinsic worth are portrayed as militant, conniving harpies trying to ruin the lives of innocent mothers who just want the best for their children.
-This novel had so many twists and turns I just didn't care about by the end of it. There's only so many times a character can lie about the same thing before I just lose interest in trying to keep track. By the end they were all so totally unlikable that I didn't care at all what happened to them.
-The writing constantly used metaphors comparing various characters to mothers scolding, punishing, or being condescending towards disobedient children and toddlers. I don't really know what to make of this, but in the context of everything else happening, it seems extremely odd that the parent-child relationship is repeatedly being referred to as a power struggle.
-I think one of the more complicated aspects of this novel is the discussion about how the mothers sometimes had fantasies about the death of their child. So, people have bad, inappropriate, or otherwise disturbing thoughts from time to time. Thoughts are not actions. Having bad thoughts doesn't make you a bad person. But the way the novel attempts to just normalize repeated fantasies of losing a child without any indication that professional help exists and is available makes it seem as though people should just suffer through this experience. It doesn't make you a bad person to struggle with dark thoughts, but it is doing disservice to you and your child to ignore your mental health.
-I greatly disliked how Matt had more POV chapters than Mary did, and his crime against her was only clearly portrayed as violence at the end of the novel. I also found it inappropriate that in Mary's POV, blame was still somewhat cast on her
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I love a book with some fucked up characters. I love to read about people fucking up in creative, stupid ways. I love to see people be flawed and continue existing in the world as complicated beings. I try not to categorize entire people as good or bad. But as much as I don't believe in condemning people, there are actions that we must firmly and completely condemn. This novel goes to great lengths to avoid that. Elizabeth is completely in the wrong for abusing her child, and while there are passing remarks about how difficult this must have been for Henry,
Graphic: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Child death, Sexual assault, Suicide, and Murder
weird_but_fucking_beautiful's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Child death, Death, Suicide, Grief, Fire/Fire injury, and Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Infertility, Car accident, Death of parent, and Gaslighting
Minor: Panic attacks/disorders and Stalking
mairyhammoth's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Fire/Fire injury
Moderate: Ableism, Death, Emotional abuse, and Racism
Minor: Car accident
dlrosebyh's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Graphic: Death and Sexual assault
Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Infertility, and Suicide
betsygrace's review against another edition
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.5
Graphic: Ableism, Adult/minor relationship, Bullying, Child abuse, Child death, Chronic illness, Confinement, Emotional abuse, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood, Medical content, Medical trauma, Murder, Toxic friendship, Injury/Injury detail, and Classism