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Reviews
The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families by Elisabeth Sheff
lsparrow's review
3.0
Although I did feel that I got some insights from reading this book I was disappointed with the amount of information about children, families and parenting I was hoping for a bit more
jnnutter's review
4.0
4.25/5
I think this is an important read for anyone who knows humans in contemporary western society. As much as we should all be aware of the issues that other minority and culturally vulnerable populations face and the contexts in which they live their lives, polyamory is becoming increasingly prevalent, and whether or not one considers that their orientation, it is important to have the language to navigate when you encounter friends, colleagues, clients, etc who are.
This book is a qualitative study and in that vein it is not a practical guide for those seeking to live a polyamorous life. While I think it is a good primer for breaking down the social barriers between the hegemonic monogamous ideal that most of us are raised under, be aware that this is definitely a research study. In its vein it is well compiled, supported, and discussed from my perspective of doing that kind of research for the past decade or so.
Primarily focusing on families and impacts on children, I think this study does a good job of covering the basics. It is definitely feminist and LGBTQ friendly.
There are also keen insights drawn from polyamorist experiences that more traditional relationships, both romantic and not could learn from. Particularly regarding communication, openness, and social support.
I recommend, and in fact encourage everyone to read it, if only to make yourself aware of a segment of the population that is both ignored and stigmatized.
I think this is an important read for anyone who knows humans in contemporary western society. As much as we should all be aware of the issues that other minority and culturally vulnerable populations face and the contexts in which they live their lives, polyamory is becoming increasingly prevalent, and whether or not one considers that their orientation, it is important to have the language to navigate when you encounter friends, colleagues, clients, etc who are.
This book is a qualitative study and in that vein it is not a practical guide for those seeking to live a polyamorous life. While I think it is a good primer for breaking down the social barriers between the hegemonic monogamous ideal that most of us are raised under, be aware that this is definitely a research study. In its vein it is well compiled, supported, and discussed from my perspective of doing that kind of research for the past decade or so.
Primarily focusing on families and impacts on children, I think this study does a good job of covering the basics. It is definitely feminist and LGBTQ friendly.
There are also keen insights drawn from polyamorist experiences that more traditional relationships, both romantic and not could learn from. Particularly regarding communication, openness, and social support.
I recommend, and in fact encourage everyone to read it, if only to make yourself aware of a segment of the population that is both ignored and stigmatized.
orangejenny's review
4.0
First section set my expectations low: a glossary-like explanation of poly concepts (admittedly necessary, this is a jargon-heavy subject) followed by a blog-like digression into the author's personal life.
The middle and later parts of the book are much better, as they organize the results of the author's study of polyamorous families, and in particular the experience of children in those families.
Sheff's major findings are a) there's little that's unique to poly families, especially when compared with mainstream families "blended" by divorce and remarriage and b) that said, there are characteristics that often show up in poly relationships that can be beneficial to all kinds of relationships and families.
The story here is the lack of story. That, along with Sheff's calm discussion of both positive and negative poly experiences, makes this potentially quite de-stigmatizing.
The study has limitations (few respondents, especially for followups, self-selected participants), but it's a good addition to the limited data available on polyamory.
The middle and later parts of the book are much better, as they organize the results of the author's study of polyamorous families, and in particular the experience of children in those families.
Sheff's major findings are a) there's little that's unique to poly families, especially when compared with mainstream families "blended" by divorce and remarriage and b) that said, there are characteristics that often show up in poly relationships that can be beneficial to all kinds of relationships and families.
The story here is the lack of story. That, along with Sheff's calm discussion of both positive and negative poly experiences, makes this potentially quite de-stigmatizing.
The study has limitations (few respondents, especially for followups, self-selected participants), but it's a good addition to the limited data available on polyamory.
norma_cenva's review
5.0
Great book. Research well is done but can be a bit outdated in parts. The demographics are restrictive but it is understandable that it was probably done for the control of the quantitative research. I still think it is well worth the read even when it is dry at times as the topic is very important!
wordfey's review
3.0
Pros: research on children; polyaffectivity as a concept
Cons: almost everyone interviewed is allocishet, white, and lives in the U.S.
Yay for academic focus on the subject. The dense reporting style was fine for what it was, though I'd have liked to see the places where the author starts to get a voice, especially in the conclusion re: polyaffectivity as a counter for toxic masculinity, expanded.
The allocishet white focus was unnecessary. If the author had been willing to consider polyaffective behaviors, rather than just survey people who identified as the word "polyamorous," she would have had a broader set of people from whom to draw, including more queer and racially diverse options. And I'm not even certain about her argument that only allocishet white people identify as such--a simple Twitter search finds more diverse representation than this book.
Cons: almost everyone interviewed is allocishet, white, and lives in the U.S.
Yay for academic focus on the subject. The dense reporting style was fine for what it was, though I'd have liked to see the places where the author starts to get a voice, especially in the conclusion re: polyaffectivity as a counter for toxic masculinity, expanded.
The allocishet white focus was unnecessary. If the author had been willing to consider polyaffective behaviors, rather than just survey people who identified as the word "polyamorous," she would have had a broader set of people from whom to draw, including more queer and racially diverse options. And I'm not even certain about her argument that only allocishet white people identify as such--a simple Twitter search finds more diverse representation than this book.
kiramekihoshi's review
3.0
While More Than Two is a good guide to poly life, The Polyamorists Next Door is more of a research-based dissertation. I found it unreadable cover-to-cover, but more because the concepts were mostly so basic than for academic language. However, it is the only poly book I've found that speaks extensively about poly families with children, and it includes individually great passages to read and refer to as reference material.
rowena0528's review against another edition
5.0
Wonderful look at not only the different polyamorous families that the author interviewed for her research, but even had a look into the challenges of doing research on polyamorous families in general. Many different examples of polyamory in different phases of the relationship though out the book.
mzjai117's review against another edition
4.0
This book came about from 15 years of research in the poly community from the author. For those who continually say "What about the kids" when it comes to poly people Elisabeth gave those real life important answers. I felt like her research was ground breaking in the sense that very few books focus on poly households and the day to day lives of those families. I really liked that the author included LGBTQ people and their families as well in her research as well. One thing I can say that I was disappointed with is that there was virtually no representation of poly people of color. Which I brought up to a friend who's doing research on poly people of color. He stated and I agree that the poly community is divided along the color lines. Which I feel is very sad. All in all I'm happy that I read this book.
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