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angorarabbit's review
dark
funny
hopeful
informative
lighthearted
reflective
sad
slow-paced
3.5
Context: I have been following Ms Doughty’s YouTube channel for a few years now, it’s about time I read her first book.
This is mainly a memoir and I am not qualified to judge Ms Doughty’s life. Her writing style is bright and breezy even when talking about serious things. That is not to say that she makes light of her topics, she absolutely does not. She sounds like the type of funeral director I wish my mother had talked to when choosing the casket for my grandfather.
There has been many deaths in my life, human and non-human animals. And I have been watching the videos so the message of the book was something I was familiar with already. I can see that it would be very helpful for those who are having their first encounter with the US funeral industry.
One of my fears about death is the mess someone or other will have to clean up. I would be happy if my cats could eat not just my eyeballs but the rest of me as well, leaving a nice clean skeleton to put in some anatomy lab somewhere. While it does not seem like putting bodies in the forest for the bear, wolf, and mountain lion to consume willt be feasible (at least not legally) in the near future, I hope Ms Doughty and others will make a future in the US where loved ones are not pressured to go into debt while their grief is still fresh and where everyone can grieve as they need too.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child death, Drug abuse, Grief, Injury/Injury detail, Gore, Medical content, Suicidal thoughts, Terminal illness, Suicide, Dementia, Cannibalism, Death of parent, Blood, and Death
Moderate: Car accident
Graphic descriptions of the process of cremation, embalming, and other funeral practices.annabulkowski's review against another edition
adventurous
funny
hopeful
informative
lighthearted
relaxing
fast-paced
4.75
sairina's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
emileers's review against another edition
1.0
I think this probably could have been good. It’s an interesting premise, but very quickly I realized that it wasn’t quite the reckoning with our fear of death it set out to be, and read more along the lines of a quirky goth girl trying to write the source material for her prestige television show - I’m picturing a black comedy on showtime.
And that was BEFORE I googled her author photo. Very Mortician Adams meets goth girl with pigtails from NCIS. It’s on brand, I guess.
I understand that this is a book about death, not a book about grief, but to me she often handles the grief of families that accompany the bodies that so interest her in an absolutely flippant way. Not to mention her very careless handling of mental illness and race.
Her thoughts when reviewing the personal effects of a man who committed suicide? “Jackpot, I thought, one serving of understanding of the mind of a depressed madman, coming right up.”
Interested in her account of her coworkers’ (who she admires) thoughts on race and fat phobia? “This is a lot of Mexican. It’s gonna stink. Bigger people always stink.” So much for helping us see death as natural and beautiful. To her credit (I guess?), the author does in this portion of the book take issue with her coworkers calling this particular body (who was formerly a person) “the Mexican,” and yet this is still one of the stories she chooses to single out and tell. And at no point in the book does she actually seem to have an issue with these coworkers.
THEN there’s her (attempted? Considered?) suicide, where, with absolutely zero indication that it’s coming, the author drives out to a forest and says that she knew she went out to die? The only thing that’s given as a possible reason for this is the person she’s mentioned in about 3 sentences prior rejecting her. Look, I don’t want to diminish anything that was going on in her personal life, so I can’t say that I don’t “believe her,” but I do think at a minimum, this portion of the book left a lot to be desired in the reader understanding how she got there.
Most of my issues with this book come from not liking the author herself (and it is her story after all) but her flippant, sarcastic, quirky take on death just don’t work, in my opinion. She says that she understands the gravity of hundreds of years of fear in America around death and bodies, and the grief of the families she works with, but if that’s the case, why can’t she take it more seriously?
And that was BEFORE I googled her author photo. Very Mortician Adams meets goth girl with pigtails from NCIS. It’s on brand, I guess.
I understand that this is a book about death, not a book about grief, but to me she often handles the grief of families that accompany the bodies that so interest her in an absolutely flippant way. Not to mention her very careless handling of mental illness and race.
Her thoughts when reviewing the personal effects of a man who committed suicide? “Jackpot, I thought, one serving of understanding of the mind of a depressed madman, coming right up.”
Interested in her account of her coworkers’ (who she admires) thoughts on race and fat phobia? “This is a lot of Mexican. It’s gonna stink. Bigger people always stink.” So much for helping us see death as natural and beautiful. To her credit (I guess?), the author does in this portion of the book take issue with her coworkers calling this particular body (who was formerly a person) “the Mexican,” and yet this is still one of the stories she chooses to single out and tell. And at no point in the book does she actually seem to have an issue with these coworkers.
THEN there’s her (attempted? Considered?) suicide, where, with absolutely zero indication that it’s coming, the author drives out to a forest and says that she knew she went out to die? The only thing that’s given as a possible reason for this is the person she’s mentioned in about 3 sentences prior rejecting her. Look, I don’t want to diminish anything that was going on in her personal life, so I can’t say that I don’t “believe her,” but I do think at a minimum, this portion of the book left a lot to be desired in the reader understanding how she got there.
Most of my issues with this book come from not liking the author herself (and it is her story after all) but her flippant, sarcastic, quirky take on death just don’t work, in my opinion. She says that she understands the gravity of hundreds of years of fear in America around death and bodies, and the grief of the families she works with, but if that’s the case, why can’t she take it more seriously?
pandaintheshelves's review against another edition
funny
informative
reflective
5.0
A girl always remembers the first corpse she shaves. It's like a virginity, your first time is awkward, you're not really sure what to do, and it's over before you know it. But with each subsequent corpse, you learn a little more, make fewer mistakes, and figure out how to find pleasure in the little things
This is one of the best first lines I've ever read 😅
If someone had told me a month ago that a non-fiction book would make me laugh and cry to the same extent, I wouldn’t have believed them.
I wish this author were my professor because she made learning about end-of-life rituals and customs fun without being disrespectful or emotionally detached.
Brace yourself, this is not for the faint of heart. It also may be particularly difficult for people who've experienced a recent loss ⚠️ Be mindful of your mental health and check the content warnings, please. That's the most important thing 🙏
Content Warnings
Graphic: Medical content, Suicide, and Terminal illness
Moderate: Child death and Cannibalism
kimreads14's review
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
informative
inspiring
reflective
5.0
WOOF 5⭐️
It took me a while to get through this book. Not because it was badly written or uninteresting (quite the opposite actually) but because Doughty does not sugarcoat it.
This work was mind-blowing! It highlights how much of a taboo death has become in the West, and how the best way to make the passing of a loved one easier would be to lift the veil surrounding the natural aspect of life.
It's crazy how sometimes you find a book (or a book finds you) at the most perfect time in your life. My dad has been sick for the past 2 years and there have been multiple times when his medical team and I thought it was the end. It put me in a constant state of anxiety and fear. Yet, after reading this book, while not healed from this anxiety, I have to recognize that if tomorrow is the day then it will be easier. It's always the not knowing that plays with your head, but thanks to Caitlin Doughty's work, I'm very much more knowledgeable about the "after", not just for my dad, but also for my other loved ones and me.
Doughty offers so much information on how other non-Western cultures handle death and how it was also handled in the past in the West. I loved how all the information she gave was always linked to a small story of things that happened during her career.
On top of that, Doughty will make you cry (kinda hard not to, seeing the topic of the book 😅), but she will also make you laugh out loud! This book was fascinating. But FYI you might very much need to be kind to yourself and read it in more than one sitting.
It took me a while to get through this book. Not because it was badly written or uninteresting (quite the opposite actually) but because Doughty does not sugarcoat it.
This work was mind-blowing! It highlights how much of a taboo death has become in the West, and how the best way to make the passing of a loved one easier would be to lift the veil surrounding the natural aspect of life.
It's crazy how sometimes you find a book (or a book finds you) at the most perfect time in your life. My dad has been sick for the past 2 years and there have been multiple times when his medical team and I thought it was the end. It put me in a constant state of anxiety and fear. Yet, after reading this book, while not healed from this anxiety, I have to recognize that if tomorrow is the day then it will be easier. It's always the not knowing that plays with your head, but thanks to Caitlin Doughty's work, I'm very much more knowledgeable about the "after", not just for my dad, but also for my other loved ones and me.
Doughty offers so much information on how other non-Western cultures handle death and how it was also handled in the past in the West. I loved how all the information she gave was always linked to a small story of things that happened during her career.
On top of that, Doughty will make you cry (kinda hard not to, seeing the topic of the book 😅), but she will also make you laugh out loud! This book was fascinating. But FYI you might very much need to be kind to yourself and read it in more than one sitting.
lydiagm's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
priceliketag's review against another edition
challenging
dark
funny
lighthearted
reflective
medium-paced
5.0