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wardenred's review against another edition
emotional
funny
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
I think regret is important. It’s how you learn to live with things instead of running from them.
Well, once again, I have a lot of feelings. And a lot of thoughts, about this book in particular, but also the trilogy as a whole. I think there's a conclusion I've come to: this entire story would work so much better if it wasn't a romance. Maybe it should have been simply a contemporary or, I don't know, something from the realm of literary fiction, even. Something with a focus on all the different way abuse and trauma can affect people, and those around them; a story showing the different journeys, and their intersections, and how sometimes you need to let go and walk forward. If this story was told that way, without following the necessary constraints of the romance genre, I think I would have loved it wholeheartedly. I probably wouldn't even be frustrated by Caspian over and over again, or at the very least my ratio of frustration to sympathy would skew heavily towards the latter instead of swinging wildly back and forth.
Because honestly, while this is very much a story about love, I don't feel like it's really a love story. I can't really buy the happy ending the characters got, because there's so much working against them, including the super different stages they're on. Arden has come such a long way from the first chapter of the first book, it's almost unbelievable. His is probably one of my favorite character arcs ever. Throughout this book in particular, he's been consistently moving forward, exploring life, facing the consequences of his blunders, admitting responsibility when he messed up, setting up his personal borders, and expanding an infinite amount of empathy toward others. Like, Nathaniel would have been trivially easy for Arden to villainize in his head on more than one occasion, but every time, even when rightfully blaming Nathaniel for certain actions and choices, Arden never forgot that this "other guy" who is hurting the person Arden loves with the purpose of fixing him is also a person with feelings and pains of his own. All in all, Arden is constantly on this upward curve where it's clear things aren't going to be easy, but they're going to be fine in the end. I loved reading about all of his relationships with other people who weren't Caspian: how he maintained his friendship with Nick, how he handled his fuck-up with Ellory, and his entire friendship with benefits with George. It all gave me the impression he was headed toward a good place, in terms of life in general.
Caspian, meanwhile... Well, the way Arden puts it at one point, "It kind of feels like there’s me, and there’s what he went through, but that’s the only thing that counts." I would rephrase it as, "It kind of feels like there's life, and there's what he went through," and Caspian keeps dwelling on the latter. Which is, looking at it outside the romance genre constraints/expectation/structure context, valid. He's been through some super bad shit. It never stopped haunting him. His abuser still shows up in his life all the damn time. I still feel like he's his own main problem at this point, but I'd be interested in seeing how he would approach solving it eventually... without Arden doing all the emotional and psychological heavy lifting. Even by the very end of the book, I don't feel like Caspian is anywhere close to the mental place where he should be for this relationship to work. He's only just beginning. Maybe he'll stop playing this "go away, but don't go too far; you make me so happy, I despise who I am with you; I'll give you everything money can buy, but I won't listen to what you're saying" game he's had going on for three damn books. Maybe. But I actually find it hard to believe that he won't start relapsing, or otherwise letting the trauma rule his life. I guess I'm placing all my hopes on Arden's plan to find that queer-friendly, kink-friendly therapist, because yeah, Arden, you're completely right, the two of you can't do this alone.
Honestly, the first 75% or so of this book were so heavy, there were pages that were painful to read, and I still, for the most part, loved reading that big part because it felt genuine. The characters were steadily growing apart, to the extent that they were in each other's life at all, and painful as it was, it felt like the right trajectory somehow. Maybe they should have grown apart, for a good long while, and then met again when they were in more similar places. Instead, the last ~25% happened, and where the previous part of the book felt genuine, this last act was just so... contrived? Artificial? Like, from the moment the side plot with Arden's father popped up, I just felt like this was a hastily plotted fix-it fanfic written with a purpose to fit the genre convention. Like the author was just sitting there staring at the page and thinking, "Okay, but how do I get them into the same room now? Maybe some really bad thing needs to happen. Is there something I can milk out of the previous two books? Oooh, that backstory about Arden's father, let's try that." Everything that followed afterward was like... in the same vein.
Also, I am super angry that the villain was left unpunished, theoretically retains the power to intrude on Caspian's entire orbit, and what he tried to do to Arden was swept completely under the rug and Arden wasn't even allowed to process it properly because he needed to go deliver an epiphany to Caspian. Just... ugh.
All those frustrations aside, though, I loved most of the time I've spent with this trilogy. Because of Arden, mainly. I get the feeling he'll remain my favorite character of all time. I also loved the bubble of people he surrounded himself with, the several trans characters leading happy and fulfilling lives, the kink positivity, the friendships, and Arden's mom and her partners (a big separate yay for poly representation). Also, Alexis Hall's writing is fabulous.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Emotional abuse, Sexual content, and Drug use
Moderate: Stalking
Minor: Medical content and Alcohol
dobbsthedog's review against another edition
5.0
CW: rape (not on page), attempted sexual assault, stalking
Reread April 2022
Sigh… this trilogy is just so freaking good. And this reread was done as a buddy read, which has been great, and I’m so sad it’s over! 😩
I recently read And They Lived by Steven Salvatore and the title comes from the bit at the end of fairy tales, “And they lived happily ever after”. One of the characters was talking about how everyone puts so much importance on the last part, the HEA, but not on the and they lived, which really is the more important part. I thought about this a lot throughout this reread. How to Belong really isn’t your typical romance, as the MC and LI aren’t together for the majority of the book. Obviously it’s a bit different where it’s part of a trilogy, but in this one we see Arden living his life, having other relationships, and being okay without Caspian. And honestly, at one point, about 5 chapters from the end, Arden tells Caspian to choose himself and choose happiness, even if that doesn’t include Arden, and I would have been completely happy with the book if it had ended there. Because I would have known that they lived, and they were okay. I think it takes some serious storytelling skill to be able to leave people feeling good about a romance ending without an HEA. I mean, that didn’t happen, but it almost felt like the last few chapters were more of an epilogue, if that makes sense?
Anyway, I love this trilogy, and it was even better as part of a buddy read.
_____
Reread December 2021, still fucking fantastic.
This series was fantastic. I wasn’t really sure what to expect going in, as I’ve had zero interest in reading any of the Fifty Shades books or any other similar books, but I thoroughly enjoyed these. There was a lot of very kinky sex, but there was also so much other stuff going on and everything was written with the author’s typical sense of humour and geekiness.
Though it’s not my place to say, it felt like the very heavy topics were handled really well. And there were a lot. Abuse, rape, disability, stalking. It felt like they were handled in a kind and respectful way and I appreciated that.
Also, the level of geekiness and for want of a better word, nostalgia, in this book was just amazing. Some favourite bits:
• Caspian reading The Princess Bride to Arden 🥺
• Arden’s safe word with George is Poe
• Ellery, Arden, and Nik reading Choose Your Own Adventure books
• 8 gazillion Hugo Weavings
Just so much to love with these three books, and I think that this last one was the best.
Reread April 2022
Sigh… this trilogy is just so freaking good. And this reread was done as a buddy read, which has been great, and I’m so sad it’s over! 😩
I recently read And They Lived by Steven Salvatore and the title comes from the bit at the end of fairy tales, “And they lived happily ever after”. One of the characters was talking about how everyone puts so much importance on the last part, the HEA, but not on the and they lived, which really is the more important part. I thought about this a lot throughout this reread. How to Belong really isn’t your typical romance, as the MC and LI aren’t together for the majority of the book. Obviously it’s a bit different where it’s part of a trilogy, but in this one we see Arden living his life, having other relationships, and being okay without Caspian. And honestly, at one point, about 5 chapters from the end, Arden tells Caspian to choose himself and choose happiness, even if that doesn’t include Arden, and I would have been completely happy with the book if it had ended there. Because I would have known that they lived, and they were okay. I think it takes some serious storytelling skill to be able to leave people feeling good about a romance ending without an HEA. I mean, that didn’t happen, but it almost felt like the last few chapters were more of an epilogue, if that makes sense?
Anyway, I love this trilogy, and it was even better as part of a buddy read.
_____
Reread December 2021, still fucking fantastic.
This series was fantastic. I wasn’t really sure what to expect going in, as I’ve had zero interest in reading any of the Fifty Shades books or any other similar books, but I thoroughly enjoyed these. There was a lot of very kinky sex, but there was also so much other stuff going on and everything was written with the author’s typical sense of humour and geekiness.
Though it’s not my place to say, it felt like the very heavy topics were handled really well. And there were a lot. Abuse, rape, disability, stalking. It felt like they were handled in a kind and respectful way and I appreciated that.
Also, the level of geekiness and for want of a better word, nostalgia, in this book was just amazing. Some favourite bits:
• Caspian reading The Princess Bride to Arden 🥺
• Arden’s safe word with George is Poe
• Ellery, Arden, and Nik reading Choose Your Own Adventure books
• 8 gazillion Hugo Weavings
Just so much to love with these three books, and I think that this last one was the best.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Pedophilia, Rape, and Stalking
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