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saidboobily's review
lighthearted
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
If you’ve ever heard or read any of Dean Wesley Smith’s writing advice, you probably know that he advises against revision and editing. His adherence to such advice shows in this book, because it’s obviously a first draft.
On pages 17 and 20, you’ll find nearly identical similes made for blood splatter at murder scenes. On pages 21 and 32, you’ll find a blatant contradiction in which a previously jettisoned warp core is inexplicably back in place but merely offline.
The resolution of the mystery is ridiculous. Picard uncharacteristically contemplates casual violence against an unnamed character for driving erratically. Most annoyingly—and I’m not one to whine about representation or sexual objectification—Dr. Beverly Crusher is almost constantly referred to in narration as “the Luscious Bev.” Toward the end of the book, for what I think is the only time, a character even refers to her as such as if it’s her actual name. To top that off, there’s an uncharacteristic sexual tension between Picard and Crusher throughout that feels as though Smith was told by his editor to tone it down. It’s there, but it feels like Smith is trying to hide it in plain sight until the last few chapters when it becomes more obvious.
Terrible book. No wonder Smith’s most notable works are Star Trek novels and the novelization of the X-Men movie.
One last thing: Smith claims in his lectures that he’s such a good mimic that he regularly does ghostwriting for major bestselling authors who’ve failed to meet a deadline. There are passages in this book where he’s clearly trying to ape Raymond Chandler. It’s like watching Michael J. Fox try to impersonate Michael Jackson.
On pages 17 and 20, you’ll find nearly identical similes made for blood splatter at murder scenes. On pages 21 and 32, you’ll find a blatant contradiction in which a previously jettisoned warp core is inexplicably back in place but merely offline.
The resolution of the mystery is ridiculous. Picard uncharacteristically contemplates casual violence against an unnamed character for driving erratically. Most annoyingly—and I’m not one to whine about representation or sexual objectification—Dr. Beverly Crusher is almost constantly referred to in narration as “the Luscious Bev.” Toward the end of the book, for what I think is the only time, a character even refers to her as such as if it’s her actual name. To top that off, there’s an uncharacteristic sexual tension between Picard and Crusher throughout that feels as though Smith was told by his editor to tone it down. It’s there, but it feels like Smith is trying to hide it in plain sight until the last few chapters when it becomes more obvious.
Terrible book. No wonder Smith’s most notable works are Star Trek novels and the novelization of the X-Men movie.
One last thing: Smith claims in his lectures that he’s such a good mimic that he regularly does ghostwriting for major bestselling authors who’ve failed to meet a deadline. There are passages in this book where he’s clearly trying to ape Raymond Chandler. It’s like watching Michael J. Fox try to impersonate Michael Jackson.
bev_reads_mysteries's review against another edition
1.0
A Hard Rain (2002) by Dean Wesley Smith is a Star Trek novel focused almost entirely on Captain Jean-Luc Picard as 1940's private eye Dixon Hill. The real world Enterprise is danger--all ship's systems are offline because of the the ship's proximity to the "Blackness." The engines are working and the ship is drifting towards certain destruction. Commander Data and Geordie LaForge have been working like fiends to develop a device that will counteract the effects of the "Blackness" and go to the holodeck to do test runs of the device.
But...the effects of the "Blackness" is such that their test program is taken over by the last holodeck program run. Which just happens to be the captain's Dixon Hill program. The device's main component (known hereafter as the Heart of the Adjuster) goes missing and it's up to Dixon Hill (the Captain), Data, and Beverly Crusher to take on the gangsters of the 1940s and find out who stole the Heart before the Enterprise is destroyed.
Occasionally, the writing flows smoothly--but mostly the story is wooden as is the dialogue and the book as a whole is pretty much a mess. The best part of the whole novel is Data quoting from all sorts of detective/crime novels from the Mack Bolan Executioner series to Inspector French to various fictional detectives created expressly to mention in the Dixon Hill story. It also appears to be a recycle of the STNG episode "The Big Goodbye"--even down to one of the team getting shot and the holodeck safety measures being off-line so the man's life really is in danger. In "The Big Goodbye" Dixon Hill was apparently hired to find a mysterious object. In this story Captain Picard as Dixon Hill is hunting for the "Heart of the Adjuster*"--which his crew in the real world actually needs. There's also a "Whelan" character who seems to be an echo of the Dr. Whalen who joined Picard, Beverly, and Data on the holodeck in the television episode. If it's meant to be an homage to that episode, it lacks the crisp dialogue and the freshness of the script. Not to mention that the solution of the mystery is downright silly.
*And...speaking of the Adjuster, Captain Picard and company seem to have lost a fair amount of their scientific smarts. This "gizmo" (Picard's word, not mine) that is some sort of important object that Data and Geordie need to fix what's wrong with the Enterprise is officially called an "Adjuster." That's some fancy, high-tech lingo right there. Doesn't even sound like Star Trek technobabble. And why do they need an Adjuster to fix what's wrong? Why because the "Blackness" (yes, friends, another high-tech word for the unknown astronomical field they encounter) is causing the ship's systems to go haywire. [I can be just as technical as the next guy, let me tell you.]
Another little pet peeve...how many times are we going to call Dr. Beverly Crusher the "Luscious Bev"??? I mean, seriously. It doesn't even sound natural for Picard's hardboiled Dixon Hill character.
Not recommended at all--either as a Star Trek novel or as a mystery.
First posted on my blog My Reader's Block. Please request permission before reposting. Thanks.
But...the effects of the "Blackness" is such that their test program is taken over by the last holodeck program run. Which just happens to be the captain's Dixon Hill program. The device's main component (known hereafter as the Heart of the Adjuster) goes missing and it's up to Dixon Hill (the Captain), Data, and Beverly Crusher to take on the gangsters of the 1940s and find out who stole the Heart before the Enterprise is destroyed.
Occasionally, the writing flows smoothly--but mostly the story is wooden as is the dialogue and the book as a whole is pretty much a mess. The best part of the whole novel is Data quoting from all sorts of detective/crime novels from the Mack Bolan Executioner series to Inspector French to various fictional detectives created expressly to mention in the Dixon Hill story. It also appears to be a recycle of the STNG episode "The Big Goodbye"--even down to one of the team getting shot and the holodeck safety measures being off-line so the man's life really is in danger. In "The Big Goodbye" Dixon Hill was apparently hired to find a mysterious object. In this story Captain Picard as Dixon Hill is hunting for the "Heart of the Adjuster*"--which his crew in the real world actually needs. There's also a "Whelan" character who seems to be an echo of the Dr. Whalen who joined Picard, Beverly, and Data on the holodeck in the television episode. If it's meant to be an homage to that episode, it lacks the crisp dialogue and the freshness of the script. Not to mention that the solution of the mystery is downright silly.
*And...speaking of the Adjuster, Captain Picard and company seem to have lost a fair amount of their scientific smarts. This "gizmo" (Picard's word, not mine) that is some sort of important object that Data and Geordie need to fix what's wrong with the Enterprise is officially called an "Adjuster." That's some fancy, high-tech lingo right there. Doesn't even sound like Star Trek technobabble. And why do they need an Adjuster to fix what's wrong? Why because the "Blackness" (yes, friends, another high-tech word for the unknown astronomical field they encounter) is causing the ship's systems to go haywire. [I can be just as technical as the next guy, let me tell you.]
Another little pet peeve...how many times are we going to call Dr. Beverly Crusher the "Luscious Bev"??? I mean, seriously. It doesn't even sound natural for Picard's hardboiled Dixon Hill character.
Not recommended at all--either as a Star Trek novel or as a mystery.
First posted on my blog My Reader's Block. Please request permission before reposting. Thanks.
judenoseinabook's review
1.0
Wasn't too keen on this at all. But I did decide to finish it instead of putting it down after a few pages. I hoped the story would improve but it didn't. Didn't like the way Data was portrayed as a 1 dimensional idiot and as for Luscious Bev and her high heels! It was downright disrespectful to a well qualified intelligent character. I know it was only a fantasy within a sci fi novel but I felt it took too many liberties with well established characters
birdmanseven's review
2.0
This almost made it to three stars despite it's goofiness, but it was ultimately unsatisfying. I don't know who approved of calling Dr. Crusher "The Luscious Bev" nearly every time she's mentioned, but it was a terrible mistake. Next, having the holodeck characters come back to life as part of the malfunction was unnecessary and made everything very low stakes. The resolution, which I won't give away, was just plain dumb. Then the only really intriguing mystery goes unresolved. Honestly, now I'm rethinking that second star.
At least it was short.
We discussed The Big Goodbye and more in this special Trek themed episode of the All the Books Show: https://soundcloud.com/allthebooks/episode-230-picard-and-the-next-generation
At least it was short.
We discussed The Big Goodbye and more in this special Trek themed episode of the All the Books Show: https://soundcloud.com/allthebooks/episode-230-picard-and-the-next-generation
sayshara's review
4.0
Usual Star Trek Holodeck shenanigans. Really- how were holodecks ever allowed onto ships with all of their safety issues? Also, that ending!
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