Turtles All the Way Down left me spinning with a lot of thoughts. Some positive, others not so much. It was a wild and fascinating ride, so much that I canât say I regret reading it, but I do wish it could have been just a bit more enjoyable.
My main motivation for picking up this book was that the main character, Aza Holmes, has OCD. As a person with OCD myself and a total psychology nut, I was intrigued by the concept of a story about a character with the disorder.
I went in mostly blind, diving headfirst into the story without reading the synopsis. I vaguely remembered BookTubers and people in the OCD community talking about it before, but I had no clue about the actual plot. I assumed it would be a diagnosis story but that wasnât the case (and it was my own fault for assuming hahah). My misconception aside, the story still had a rather large focus on Azaâs experience with OCD and it was portrayed extremely well. I loved how Green really managed to paint a picture of what itâs like in Azaâs head. It pulls you in and makes you feel all the emotions sheâs feeling and think all the thoughts sheâs thinking, as sheâs stuck in, as the story goes, âthe ever-tightening gyre.â Dare I say it stands on the edge of being soft horror, especially near the end of the book. And in doing so, it really, excellently works. If ever I needed a way to show someone what OCD really feels like I would likely turn to this book.
P.S. for curiosityâs sake, Aza has a mix of obsessions mainly focused on microbes, a fear of catching C. diff, and believing herself to be fictional. She has compulsions mainly in the form of re-reading wiki articles, re-opening a callus sheâs had since she was little, and reapplying band-aids, but (trying to avoid spoilers here) the compulsions get more severe as the story goes on. With that being said, even in the first chapter it may be a bit much for anyone whoâs very squeamish or uncomfortable with depictions of
Now, I may have sung praises for John Greenâs depiction of OCD but I still have to nitpick. I know he has OCD himself so I canât complain too much, but my one gripe with this aspect of the book was that, for whatever reason, Green seems to be allergic to the word OCD. Itâs not mentioned in the book at all, not even once. I found this puzzling and honestly a little frustrating. I know John wanted to describe the disorder in a way that doesnât just use therapy terms but rather lets the reader feel and experience all of Azaâs inner turmoil with her, and he did well to do that, but to never name the disorder at all, to have such an amazing opportunity to bring awareness, and to do so but never put a name to the experience... It felt a little ironic to me. Some would argue that the semantics really donât matter â anxiety, OCD, potato, potato â but thereâs already so little understanding in the general population of what OCD really is. Iâm sure it flies over plenty of readersâ heads and they just assume Aza has generalized anxiety disorder. And donât get me wrong, Iâm not saying OCD is worse than GAD. Itâs not. But having OCD is already so confusing and isolating in itself, Iâd hate for someone to be left in the dark if it can be prevented.
Anyway, thatâs probably 200 words too many on just the OCD aspect of the story. Onto the rest of it.
The writing style was interesting, and I donât mean that in a negative way. It wasnât anything fancy but it also felt like a very distinct thing. It reads a lot like how John talks in his YouTube videos, which surprised me but in retrospect I really should have expected it. Not my usual cup of tea but for this particular book it worked really well.
I thought the mystery plot was alright. Itâs not some Agatha Christie level mystery that leaves you on the edge of your seat but it didnât have to be. I donât really have any complaints here. I would have liked a bit higher of stakes or a few more twists and turns but there didnât have to be. It would have been nice to have the girls be just a bit more actively involved in it, but again, they didnât have to be. Everything tied up quite nicely and I thought the way it unfolded was an interesting spin on how most mysteries tend to go.
The characters were⌠I really donât know any gentler way to say this: they were bland, annoying teenagers. And donât get me wrong, I was a teenager once too. I understand that teens can be nearsighted little fricks who think themselves to be the next big philosophers. But man, I just really did not like these characters. Well, the girls at least. I didnât dislike them enough to DNF the book, but I just found them to have no positive or interesting traits whatsoever.
Aza I give a little more grace to because sheâs so wrapped up in her thought spirals that there really isnât much room for her to do a whole lot in the story. She spends a huge chunk of her days stuck in a cycle of obsessing, acting out compulsions, brief relief, obsessing yet again, and waiting for the chance to act the compulsions out once more. Rinse and repeat, quite literally. I get it. But it would have been nice to see that she had at least some sort of hobby (even one she abandoned due to the OCD cycle sucking up too much of her motivation and free time) or some likes and dislikes or⌠something. All we really learn about her is that sheâs mentally ill, loves driving her dadâs old car, and eats at Applebeeâs with her best friend. Thatâs⌠really not a lot to work with. Thereâs nothing memorable there. But again, I give Aza a bit of grace due to the repetitive, often all-consuming nature of her condition.
Daisy though⌠she really got on my nerves. It seemed like all she did through the story was complain, make jabs at Aza (which I realize was a plot point, so I can forgive this one), and do things that felt really unnecessarily reckless and somehow faced little to no repercussions for any of it â before anybody brings out the pitchforks, I understand that Daisy and her family struggle with money and that she just wanted to treat herself for once but it still felt pretty disappointing that her actions didnât lead to some sort of subplot. Maybe one in which she learns that just because Aza is anxious doesnât mean her concerns arenât sometimes warranted. Of course, it contributed to another subplot but it still felt like a bit of a wasted opportunity for even further chaos, which leads me to my next point: I know a lot of people canât stand strained friendship subplots but I donât usually mind them. Theyâre not my favorite thing in the world, but I know they serve a purpose⌠usually. I think Daisyâs actions would have been much more tolerable and they would have felt more purposeful if the author had built up a fondness for these characters in the readers before going full swing into reasons to be disappointed in them. How am I supposed to root for them becoming besties again if they donât seem to get along straight off the bat? Why should I want them to patch things up when the first thought Aza has about her best friend is that she never understood why she even hangs around her and she feels that she only tolerates her? Sure, that could have been waved off as anxiety distorting her view of her friend but when we see pretty much right off the bat that Daisy is easily annoyed by Aza, that seemed to confirm my suspicion that these never had a particularly healthy friendship.
And again, this dives into the fact that we really didnât get to know these girls. What do they like? What was their childhood like together? Theyâve been âlifelong friends,â so why donât we actually see that? Give us some sentimental flashbacks with Aza pining for the days past when Daisy was nicer to her or something. Anything to give us a reason to WANT them to reconcile. What do they even do besides eat at Applebeeâs and talk about whatâs itâs like to work at Chuck E. Cheese?! Now, in Daisyâs defense, she does like Star Wars and she writes fanfics about it. But man, somehow even that managed to be annoying. I donât know, maybe Iâm getting old.
Davis and Lucas were the only characters who didnât either severely annoy me or leave me wishing for something a little more interesting.
Davis was a sweet guy, and a decently well-rounded character! He had hobbies: poetry and star-gazing! Lovely! He also had a few likes and dislikes and although I canât fathom some of his philosophical ramblings (Iâm looking at you, ferris wheel quote), they didnât get on my last nerve like those of the other characters. Bonus points for writing a boy who allows himself to be vulnerable, even if only in front of a girl. Also, his interactions with his brother were really wholesome. Love a supportive older sibling. My only gripe with him is that I wouldâve liked to have seen him be a bit more determined to learn about Azaâs OCD. It wouldâve been nice to see him being supportive and actually understand whatâs going on in her brain rather than just being kind of confused but unbothered throughout it all. Even once Aza did finally explain why she acts the way she does, it felt pretty anticlimactic.
Lucas was a champ, I hoped nothing but the best for that kid. He started off seeming like a character who wouldnât have much importance in the story but ended up pleasantly surprising me. His and Azaâs interactions were very sweet. Thatâs really all I have to say about this character hahah.
All in all, if not for the excellently written view inside the mind of a person with OCD, Iâd likely have DNFed this book. The writing style was nice but nothing I found to be particularly wowing. The story, to me, was just âalright,â and the characters felt lackluster at best and unnecessarily annoying at worst. I donât regret reading it, I just think it could have been better â and Iâm unsure if I would ever read it again.