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cavy's review against another edition
1.0
There were a few nuggets of helpful information in this book, but I found much of it contradictory and even harmful. Nina Brown seems to have written this book with the assumption that everyone who was raised by self-absorbed people must be pathologically narcissistic themselves. Quite a bold sentiment from someone who is supposed to help people who's self esteem and sense of self has been constantly torn down growing up. Narcissists also tend to be gas-lighters, meaning people (including myself) who seek out books like this were often told that THEY were the problem, the one who is mentally unwell, not the parents. Some of this book honestly felt like an extension of that.
One of the few helpful segments talked about how you should stop trying to empathize with your abusive parent. That was something that had honestly never occurred to me and I really appreciate this advice, as I really do think it will help with enmeshment. However, the author quickly contradicts herself by accusing the reader of lacking empathy constantly and telling them to stop being such a selfish narcissist and empathize with people. OK, then.
Probably most odious of all is the ableism sprinkled throughout this book. This book is constantly accusing the reading of being unreasonably needy and taking advantage of people by asking them to do things they could do themselves. At one point the author very harshly says that all adults can take care of their basic needs and essentially implies that if you think you need help you're a self-absorbed loser.
This book doesn't just dump on the disabled community, no! It's also, wait for it . . . slut shaming! According to Nina Brown, you are being a narcissist if you (direct quote) "Dressing flamboyantly or in a manner to emphasize your sexuality". She goes on to explain, "The intent of these kinds of behaviors is to gain outside validation that you are significant, important, different, and better than others, and to ensure yourself that you do indeed exists and are worthwhile." (pg 138) And here I thought I just wanted to look cute! Apparently that's not allowed. Also not allowed are "feeling that you deserve to be recognized for any of the following . . . having talent and ability . . . achieving and accomplishing". No, no, everyone. Throw that Nobel Prize in the trash. Nina Brown says I'm a narcissist if I accept it!
My favorite section of this book is the references. There are only 6 and two of them are other books that Nina Brown has written. The other 4 are too old to hold much scientific weight in this day and age.
One of the few helpful segments talked about how you should stop trying to empathize with your abusive parent. That was something that had honestly never occurred to me and I really appreciate this advice, as I really do think it will help with enmeshment. However, the author quickly contradicts herself by accusing the reader of lacking empathy constantly and telling them to stop being such a selfish narcissist and empathize with people. OK, then.
Probably most odious of all is the ableism sprinkled throughout this book. This book is constantly accusing the reading of being unreasonably needy and taking advantage of people by asking them to do things they could do themselves. At one point the author very harshly says that all adults can take care of their basic needs and essentially implies that if you think you need help you're a self-absorbed loser.
This book doesn't just dump on the disabled community, no! It's also, wait for it . . . slut shaming! According to Nina Brown, you are being a narcissist if you (direct quote) "Dressing flamboyantly or in a manner to emphasize your sexuality". She goes on to explain, "The intent of these kinds of behaviors is to gain outside validation that you are significant, important, different, and better than others, and to ensure yourself that you do indeed exists and are worthwhile." (pg 138) And here I thought I just wanted to look cute! Apparently that's not allowed. Also not allowed are "feeling that you deserve to be recognized for any of the following . . . having talent and ability . . . achieving and accomplishing". No, no, everyone. Throw that Nobel Prize in the trash. Nina Brown says I'm a narcissist if I accept it!
My favorite section of this book is the references. There are only 6 and two of them are other books that Nina Brown has written. The other 4 are too old to hold much scientific weight in this day and age.