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liralen's review
2.0
Heywood came of age when it was a constant battle for a girl to be taken seriously as an athlete, to not be 'just one of the girls'.
And she wasn't -- Heywood excelled in track and cross-country, regularly smashing records and priding herself on running with the boys' team. Local papers regularly sang her praises, her times were competitive on a national level, and her dreams went beyond high school, beyond college, to the Olympics.
This picture that Heywood paints of herself, though, it's neither flattering nor meant to be. She's talented, and driven, and arrogant; she views boys as worthy of her competition but also as objects to use and discard; she both scorns other girls (for not being so fast, so driven, so sleek) and resents them deeply when they do present a challenge. She is determined that the brilliance of her star will eclipse all those around her—until she burns out. It makes for a fair amount of give and take in her look back at high school. Although she depicts her younger self as not a little bit mean, as so focused on winning that she lost out on other things, she also talks of that time as the peak of not only her running career but also her life. In some ways, at fifteen and sixteen I was most alive, and I've lived expecting my world to turn back to that place where I felt with conviction that I was the sun, some place of magnetic attraction (211). By the time she says that, though, it's already clear to the reader.
I don't mean to come down on Heywood for being a not-always-likeable teenager; I'd only find that problematic if she didn't seem, as a writer, to recognise her younger self's flaws. And if Heywood employed harsh measures in order to succeed, it was because those measures were necessary: she was working against a system that believed female athletes were second-rate, male athletes desperate to cut her down to size, and coaches who perpetrated incredible abuse. With better coaches, a more modern understanding of training (that included things like rest days), an ability to nourish her body as well as simply hone it, I imagine her perseverance could have taken her a long way in the world of running. As it is, following her body's rebellion, Heywood has found a different kind of success -- as a professor, as a bodybuilder. (It does strike me that it is less that she has lost that drive/arrogance/obsession and more that she has translated it to something more sustainable.)
Heywood's academic background is in poetry, which I suspect influences the writing in a big way. It reminds me of [b:Body Story|1532246|Body Story|Julia K. Depree|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1347382041s/1532246.jpg|1524317] in that respect -- neither works well for me, style too often taking precedence over substance. That's a bit part of my sub-par rating, though I think the story she tells here is important.
And she wasn't -- Heywood excelled in track and cross-country, regularly smashing records and priding herself on running with the boys' team. Local papers regularly sang her praises, her times were competitive on a national level, and her dreams went beyond high school, beyond college, to the Olympics.
This picture that Heywood paints of herself, though, it's neither flattering nor meant to be. She's talented, and driven, and arrogant; she views boys as worthy of her competition but also as objects to use and discard; she both scorns other girls (for not being so fast, so driven, so sleek) and resents them deeply when they do present a challenge. She is determined that the brilliance of her star will eclipse all those around her—until she burns out. It makes for a fair amount of give and take in her look back at high school. Although she depicts her younger self as not a little bit mean, as so focused on winning that she lost out on other things, she also talks of that time as the peak of not only her running career but also her life. In some ways, at fifteen and sixteen I was most alive, and I've lived expecting my world to turn back to that place where I felt with conviction that I was the sun, some place of magnetic attraction (211). By the time she says that, though, it's already clear to the reader.
I don't mean to come down on Heywood for being a not-always-likeable teenager; I'd only find that problematic if she didn't seem, as a writer, to recognise her younger self's flaws. And if Heywood employed harsh measures in order to succeed, it was because those measures were necessary: she was working against a system that believed female athletes were second-rate, male athletes desperate to cut her down to size, and coaches who perpetrated incredible abuse. With better coaches, a more modern understanding of training (that included things like rest days), an ability to nourish her body as well as simply hone it, I imagine her perseverance could have taken her a long way in the world of running. As it is, following her body's rebellion, Heywood has found a different kind of success -- as a professor, as a bodybuilder. (It does strike me that it is less that she has lost that drive/arrogance/obsession and more that she has translated it to something more sustainable.)
Heywood's academic background is in poetry, which I suspect influences the writing in a big way. It reminds me of [b:Body Story|1532246|Body Story|Julia K. Depree|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1347382041s/1532246.jpg|1524317] in that respect -- neither works well for me, style too often taking precedence over substance. That's a bit part of my sub-par rating, though I think the story she tells here is important.
booksaremagic's review
4.0
I don't know how many stars to give this book. I devoured it (I guess the pun is intended.) Leslie was a runner with anorexia as a teenager and college athlete. Now she is a bodybuilder and professor at SUNY Binghamton. There is a long, hard story (or stories) behind her eating disorder and compulsive drive to win. I am careful how many times I read this book because I can tend toward perfectionistic thinking sometimes and I can definitely be competitive. In my opinion, many memoirs that talk about anorexia can be triggering for people with eating disorders, no matter the general tone or outcome of the book. (Side note: I very much hate when my middle school students use "I'm so triggered right now" as a catchphrase. Triggering is a real psychological phenomenon and it's not happening to them at the moment they're using the phrase. Gah.)
But I do like this book a lot and I do relate to the author's telling of her story. Her details are not my details. I did not struggle with anorexia. However, I feel our stories are the same somehow; I feel I've been where she's been emotionally. That's really naive and annoying of me to say, I'm sure, having not been through exactly what she's been through, but I feel like I know what she's talking about and I'm right there with her.
But I do like this book a lot and I do relate to the author's telling of her story. Her details are not my details. I did not struggle with anorexia. However, I feel our stories are the same somehow; I feel I've been where she's been emotionally. That's really naive and annoying of me to say, I'm sure, having not been through exactly what she's been through, but I feel like I know what she's talking about and I'm right there with her.
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