Reviews tagging 'Self harm'

A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum

41 reviews

liv_txt's review against another edition

adventurous challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes

4.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Blood, Death, Grief, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Suicidal thoughts, Abortion, Domestic abuse, Murder, Sexual violence, Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Self harm, Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, Death of parent, and Sexism

Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Car accident, Pregnancy, Rape, Child abuse, and Miscarriage

puttingwingsonwords's review against another edition

reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Misogyny, Emotional abuse, Grief, Domestic abuse, Death of parent, Rape, Physical abuse, Self harm, and Sexism

Moderate: Suicide, Murder, Child abuse, Pregnancy, Self harm, Abortion, Alcohol, Suicidal thoughts, and Alcoholism

moonadjacent's review against another edition

dark emotional inspiring sad slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? No

3.5

There aren't that many events that actually go into the plot and the mystery is not much of a focal point so mystery-lovers would probably be disappointed with the 'reveal'. This book is much more about the characters, their relationships with each other, intergenerational trauma, and the cycle of abuse/violence from colonialism to sexism to family violence. 

Two excerpts that showcase these themes: 

"...had taught her that the traumas of the world were inseparably connected. She was not surprised when her father came home and beat them mercilessly, the tragedy of the Nakba bulging in his veins... She knew that the suffering of women started in the suffering of men, that the bondages of one became the bondages of the other."

"...how shame could grow and morph and swallow someone until she had no choice but to pass it along so that she wasn't forced to bear it alone... She saw the chain of shame passed from one woman to the next so clearly now, saw her place in the cycle so vividly." 

With the bleakness of the violence described, it would be easy to feel hopeless and unable to see a pathway for Deya (central character) to ever become a well-adjusted young woman free to make her own choices. However, while the author does not shy away from some quite graphic descriptions they also manage to maintain some sense of hope throughout the book. I believe the sense of wonder and escapism that books and storytelling bring to the characters is what helps keep this seemingly unwarranted hope stay alive.

Although the novel is somewhat repetitive in its recounting back and forth between set events and timeframes, I stayed hooked and eager to read til the end. I think Etaf Rum has done well to portray and give voice to a story that is true representation for a number of some. Even in the book, there is evidence that religion is not the basis for all culture, and culture cannot be taken as the sole basis for every action taken by a specific family or individual. How these influences manifest will be different for all and unfortunately terrible for some. Hopefully anyone with critical thinking skills can discern this difference and more of these stories can be shared without fearing potential backlash such as increasing prejudice towards Islam or Palestine.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Physical abuse, Abortion, Blood, Child abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Grief, Injury/Injury detail, Mental illness, Miscarriage, Misogyny, Pregnancy, Religious bigotry, Self harm, Sexism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, and Violence

Moderate: Death of parent, War, Alcoholism, Colonisation, Genocide, and Rape

Minor: Child death, Islamophobia, Suicide, Xenophobia, and Murder

casira's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful inspiring mysterious reflective sad tense slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? No
• Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

3.0

This book struggles, at times, with the message it ultimately wants to convey about its themes. There are a lot of complexities surrounding abusers and victims that are handled very well, but also some that are handled a bit poorly. It is ultimately about conveying the significance of choice and shaping one's own destiny, but that messaging can fall flat in circumstances when the choices at hand are entangled in questions of personal safety. There are moments that glorify a willingness to withstand torture and physical assault over "running away" that don't resonate in quite the way I think the author intended.

I'm also struggling a bit with the aspects of culture and tone regarding America, identity, and assimilation. I think Rum failed somewhat in marking the distinction between "there are elements of Arab/Palestinian culture that reinforce and enable abuse" and "Arab/Palestinian culture is inherently abusive." The reader walks away with a somewhat explicit message about the superiority of Western society. I think Rum's second book handles these themes far better.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Injury/Injury detail, Misogyny, Violence, Emotional abuse, Blood, Physical abuse, Self harm, Domestic abuse, Sexism, Child abuse, Death of parent, Alcoholism, Colonisation, Grief, and Islamophobia

Moderate: Murder, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Sexual violence, Rape, and Pregnancy

ratnix's review against another edition

dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes

3.75

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcohol, Alcoholism, Child death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Grief, Medical content, Mental illness, Murder, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexism, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, Violence, Abortion, Sexual assault, Self harm, Toxic relationship, and Misogyny

bookishevy's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful informative inspiring mysterious reflective sad tense fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Palestine, 1990. Seventeen-year-old naive bookworm Isra, who is married her off in Palestine to the much older Adam and taken to Brooklyn, where they live with her oppressive mother-in-law, Fareeda, who grows increasingly frustrated when Isra keeps birthing daughters instead of the sons they desire.

Brooklyn, 2008. Eighteen-year-old Deya, whose dreams of going to college are ignored while her grandmother sets up potential suitors for her, because she thinks the only way Deya can have a future is through marriage. Someone from Deya's past intervenes and Deya learns a shocking truth about her family that could strengthen her will to make her own choices about her future. 

There are so many layers to this story that is told through the eyes of three generations of Palestinian women having to grapple with rules made by the men within their culture as they struggle to find their voices amidst the fear of bringing shame to their family. The flashbacks to Fareeda and her family getting kicked out of their homes by Isreali forces and having to live in camps for years before migrating to the U.S. Struggling with the cultural differences while trying to maintain their Muslim/Arab identity. 

There were times I felt suffocated while reading Isra's dilemma. She's caught between wanting better for her daughters and a hopelessness around them ending up like her. I felt immense hate for Fareeda, while acknowledging that she's a product of this culture, raised to believe that girls/women should know their place or suffer the consequences. TW: domestic violence.

This is a heartbreaking read with a hopeful ending.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Domestic abuse

Moderate: Self harm

elizabethwb's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional hopeful informative inspiring mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

This book was so emotional, so hard to read, and so real. The ending left me in awe with a feeling of confusion, until I began to put together some pieces of the story that I had found confusing when they happened. It all fell into place. In the end, I was flabbergasted – an amazing read. I highly recommend this book.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexism, Toxic relationship, War, Miscarriage, Murder, Injury/Injury detail, Physical abuse, Sexual assault, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Grief, Sexual content, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Violence, Death, Rape, Self harm, Gaslighting, Genocide, Sexual violence, Death of parent, and Pregnancy

michaelion's review against another edition

emotional hopeful reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

I read Evil Eye last month and gave it 5 stars, and it's near impossible for me to give things 5 stars, so I figured this woman must be amazing I gotta read what else she has. Only one other book?! How heartbreaking! I need more! Etaf Rum the woman that you are!!!

I do feel that if I had read this book first and Evil Eye second, I still would've given Evil Eye 5 stars. These books were written for the culture. Not my culture, but the importance of them, the weight of them, were not just to represent Palestinians and Arabs, but to show other Arabs "this is who we are, we have stories to tell, and we have to be honest with ourselves" and I love that SO much. Etaf Rum you will always be famous!!!

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Alcoholism, Death of parent, Misogyny, Violence, Suicide, Emotional abuse, Death, Domestic abuse, Grief, Rape, Sexism, Injury/Injury detail, Murder, Self harm, Physical abuse, Child abuse, and Gaslighting

Moderate: Colonisation, Mental illness, Genocide, Abandonment, Child death, Confinement, Suicidal thoughts, Addiction, Adult/minor relationship, Deportation, Sexual assault, War, and Blood

Minor: Body horror, Car accident, Stalking, Fatphobia, Islamophobia, Drug use, and Miscarriage

jordynkw's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Emotional abuse, Sexual violence, Physical abuse, Pregnancy, Injury/Injury detail, Suicidal thoughts, Sexual assault, Death of parent, Death, Domestic abuse, and Violence

Moderate: Racial slurs, Toxic relationship, Car accident, Miscarriage, Misogyny, Alcohol, Gore, Suicide attempt, Violence, Abortion, Addiction, Alcoholism, Child death, Mental illness, Blood, and Self harm

lilystheme's review against another edition

dark emotional hopeful inspiring mysterious sad fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? Yes
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

i fucking love this book my god

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Child abuse, Sexual violence, Mental illness, Death, Physical abuse, Religious bigotry, Misogyny, Rape, Emotional abuse, Domestic abuse, Violence, Toxic relationship, Sexism, Cursing, Abortion, Suicidal thoughts, Grief, Death of parent, and Murder

Moderate: Sexism, Suicide, Genocide, War, Pregnancy, Self harm, Islamophobia, and Alcoholism