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4.3 AVERAGE
4.3 AVERAGE
challenging
dark
informative
reflective
tense
fast-paced
What more can I say that hasn't been said a hundred times?
Intense, honest, and incredibly necessary. Roxane Gay blasts open preconceptions, judgements (conscious or not) that society has about fat people -- especially fat women -- and the painful fatphobia and shaming they are subject to every single day. This memoir is so powerful precisely because Roxane makes it explicitly clear that this is HER life, HER opinion, HER experience. It's so personal as to almost feel voyeuristic, and yet it is (as with all her work) compulsively readable. But through it all, her writing is so clear and accessible that readers can find themselves in her.
Roxane Gay is one of the (if not THE) most important writers working today. Full stop. Read this. Read her entire bibliography. NOW.
Intense, honest, and incredibly necessary. Roxane Gay blasts open preconceptions, judgements (conscious or not) that society has about fat people -- especially fat women -- and the painful fatphobia and shaming they are subject to every single day. This memoir is so powerful precisely because Roxane makes it explicitly clear that this is HER life, HER opinion, HER experience. It's so personal as to almost feel voyeuristic, and yet it is (as with all her work) compulsively readable. But through it all, her writing is so clear and accessible that readers can find themselves in her.
Roxane Gay is one of the (if not THE) most important writers working today. Full stop. Read this. Read her entire bibliography. NOW.
challenging
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
This book is life changing. I truly think everyone should read this book. There are definitely triggering themes, so be aware going into it.
Gay's prose is so simple and yet so beautiful, that it's easy to consume the whole book within hours. I managed to slow myself down and take my time. I was finding myself rereading lines that were incredibly powerful, wanting to underline these significant points. Gay writes from a place of vulnerability that opens the reader up too, to connect to her journey.
It's a hard, deep, moving book, that I plan to share with everyone I know.
Gay's prose is so simple and yet so beautiful, that it's easy to consume the whole book within hours. I managed to slow myself down and take my time. I was finding myself rereading lines that were incredibly powerful, wanting to underline these significant points. Gay writes from a place of vulnerability that opens the reader up too, to connect to her journey.
It's a hard, deep, moving book, that I plan to share with everyone I know.
I think about this memoir all the time. I walked away with an entirely new perspective on my conscious/subconscious fatphobia as well as society’s fatphobic tendencies.
I stopped to feel and cry more times than I can count during this book, to be in my body and emotions in hopes of honoring Gay's writing and story. In the beginning, Gay proclaims, "This is not a story of triumph, but this is a story that demands to be told and deserves to be heard (14)," and so her truth was told, absorbed, and processed by readers like me. As a woman who grew up underweight due to a lack of food and has struggled with hunger on the opposite side of the spectrum, reading Gay's book allowed me to expand my empathy to grapple with how an obese woman carrying unresolved childhood trauma experiences the world: whether that includes being unable to find clothes that fit, worrying about chairs with arm rests, shamed and ridiculed by larger society for not fitting conventional beauty standards, or being invisible while highly visible.
This doesn't feel like a spoiler since Gay doesn't shy from revealing that her childhood trauma affected and still affects her to this day, that her childhood trauma is why she "needed to feel like a fortress, impermeable. I did not want anything or anyone to touch me (24)." Yet, she makes it clear that despite all of the rebellious phases of her life, she had a supportive family and various loved ones, that she was broke and not poor, an important distinction. She also had creative outlets like theater production and writing, safe spaces for her to fit in for a few hours at a time (68).
Gay grapples with victimhood and survivorship in a way that I am in awe of: "It took me a long time, but I prefer “victim” to “survivor” now. I don’t want to diminish the gravity of what happened. I don’t want to pretend I’m on some triumphant, uplifting journey. I don’t want to pretend that everything is okay. I’m living with what happened, moving forward without forgetting, moving forward without pretending I am unscarred. (27)." For so long, I've clung onto the strength of survivorship that I refused to use the v word; here, she presents a narrative of accepting the truth for what it is, to see that a person can be a survivor and a victim. I hope to be as radically honest with the world and myself, eventually. Until then, I will continue to take photos and document everything as Gay does in hopes of remembering all of the amazing things, in defiance of a memory that has been repeatedly stripped bare when erasure was necessary (33).
Throughout, Gay constantly straddles the line between wanting to speak her truth and wanting to be private, shielded from external judgement; ultimately, Gay decides to bless us with this honest account of her life, one that I will take with me throughout the various spaces I occupy. Truths like these allow me to emphasize more fully with the fat people in my life who I love but am hesitant to impose my ignorance and curiosity on (regardless of whether it comes from a place of love, I refuse to be the person who makes someone else relive their trauma to gain a better understanding of how or why to love them). Gay mentions various accounts of well-meaning loved ones who commented on her weight and body under the pretense of "I want what's best for you," as if anyone but Gay would know what's best for her body and wellbeing. Major props and respect to Roxane Gay, the force of a writer and person who has bared herself, revealing in the freedom of vulnerability and humanity.
Quotes I had a physical, visceral reaction to:
That’s what has scarred me the most. My no did not matter. (50)
The story of my life is wanting, hungering, for what I cannot have or, perhaps, wanting what I dare not allow myself to have. (153)
That’s a powerful thing, knowing you can reveal yourself to someone. It made me want to be a better person. (171)
My body was nothing. My body was a thing to be used. My body was repulsive and therefore deserved to be treated as such. (203)
Why do we view the boundaries people create for themselves as challenges? Why do we see someone setting a limit and then try to push? (219)
If I died, I would leave people behind who would struggle with my loss. (237)
My family understands me more now, I think, and that’s good. I want them to understand me. I want to be understood. (241)
Here I am, finally freeing myself to be vulnerable and terribly human. Here I am, reveling in that freedom. Here. See what I hunger for and what my truth has allowed me to create. (256)
This doesn't feel like a spoiler since Gay doesn't shy from revealing that her childhood trauma affected and still affects her to this day, that her childhood trauma is why she "needed to feel like a fortress, impermeable. I did not want anything or anyone to touch me (24)." Yet, she makes it clear that despite all of the rebellious phases of her life, she had a supportive family and various loved ones, that she was broke and not poor, an important distinction. She also had creative outlets like theater production and writing, safe spaces for her to fit in for a few hours at a time (68).
Gay grapples with victimhood and survivorship in a way that I am in awe of: "It took me a long time, but I prefer “victim” to “survivor” now. I don’t want to diminish the gravity of what happened. I don’t want to pretend I’m on some triumphant, uplifting journey. I don’t want to pretend that everything is okay. I’m living with what happened, moving forward without forgetting, moving forward without pretending I am unscarred. (27)." For so long, I've clung onto the strength of survivorship that I refused to use the v word; here, she presents a narrative of accepting the truth for what it is, to see that a person can be a survivor and a victim. I hope to be as radically honest with the world and myself, eventually. Until then, I will continue to take photos and document everything as Gay does in hopes of remembering all of the amazing things, in defiance of a memory that has been repeatedly stripped bare when erasure was necessary (33).
Throughout, Gay constantly straddles the line between wanting to speak her truth and wanting to be private, shielded from external judgement; ultimately, Gay decides to bless us with this honest account of her life, one that I will take with me throughout the various spaces I occupy. Truths like these allow me to emphasize more fully with the fat people in my life who I love but am hesitant to impose my ignorance and curiosity on (regardless of whether it comes from a place of love, I refuse to be the person who makes someone else relive their trauma to gain a better understanding of how or why to love them). Gay mentions various accounts of well-meaning loved ones who commented on her weight and body under the pretense of "I want what's best for you," as if anyone but Gay would know what's best for her body and wellbeing. Major props and respect to Roxane Gay, the force of a writer and person who has bared herself, revealing in the freedom of vulnerability and humanity.
Quotes I had a physical, visceral reaction to:
That’s what has scarred me the most. My no did not matter. (50)
The story of my life is wanting, hungering, for what I cannot have or, perhaps, wanting what I dare not allow myself to have. (153)
That’s a powerful thing, knowing you can reveal yourself to someone. It made me want to be a better person. (171)
My body was nothing. My body was a thing to be used. My body was repulsive and therefore deserved to be treated as such. (203)
Why do we view the boundaries people create for themselves as challenges? Why do we see someone setting a limit and then try to push? (219)
If I died, I would leave people behind who would struggle with my loss. (237)
My family understands me more now, I think, and that’s good. I want them to understand me. I want to be understood. (241)
Here I am, finally freeing myself to be vulnerable and terribly human. Here I am, reveling in that freedom. Here. See what I hunger for and what my truth has allowed me to create. (256)
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Normalerweise spielt der Körper von Autor*innen in Autobiografien keine große Rolle. Doch die amerikanische Autorin und Collegeprofessorin Roxane Gay hatte zum Zeitpunkt des Erscheinens einen BMI von mehr als 50 und galt somit als „super morbidly obese“, extrem krankhaft fettleibig. Ein normales Leben ist für sie damit schwierig. Zunächst schildert Gay, wie es überhaupt so weit kommen konnte. Vor ihrem 12. Lebensjahr hatte die junge Roxane nämlich keine Gewichtsprobleme. Das 12. Lebensjahr war eine Zäsur für sie, denn in diesem Alter wurde sie von einem Jungen, den sie für ihren Freund hielt, und mehreren von dessen Freunden in einer Waldhütte vergewaltigt. Die Schuld suchte sie bei sich selbst, sie schämte sich und erzählte es niemandem. Aber die Jungen taten es – und das zerstörte nicht deren Ruf an der Schule sondern den von Roxane. Roxane begann, ihren Körper in einen Schutzwall zu verwandeln, sich unattraktiv für Männer zu machen. Sie begann, Unmengen zu essen.
Gays Schilderungen ihres Schicksals sind schonungslos ehrlich. Und ihre weitere Entwicklung absolut nachvollziehbar. Ich will sie an dieser Stelle nicht nacherzählen, schließlich sollt ihr das Buch ja selber lesen. Sie erzählt von ihrem Werdegang, den Versuchen ihrer Familie, sie zum Abnehmen zu bewegen, den Widrigkeiten, denen man mit einem fettleibigen Körper ausgesetzt ist. Ich will auf eine häufige Kritik an dem Buch eingehen. Wenn man auf Goodreads mal in die 1- und 2-Sterne-Rezensionen hineinschaut, liest man häufig, Teile des Buches seien ein einziger Rant, eine Tirade von Beschwerden, dass die Gesellschaft ihr mit allem das Leben so schwer mache, wie mit Stühlen mit Armlehnen, unzureichenden Bauchgurten für Flugzeuge etc. So habe ich das nicht empfunden. Dass Hörbuch ist hierbei natürlich hilfreich, denn schon Gays Tonfall zeigt, dass es ihr nicht darum geht. Ja, sie zählt viele Dinge auf, die ihr kaum oder gar nicht möglich sind, aber für mein Dafürhalten will sie damit eher erklären, wie es Fettleibigen wie ihr geht, wie beschwerlich vieles für sie ist, wie demütigend, und dass der Leidensdruck daher sehr hoch ist. Bemühungen von außen, Hinweise auf ihre Gesundheit, sind unnötig und schaden nur, sogenanntes „Fat-Shaming“ natürlich erst recht. Fettleibige Menschen wissen selbst, wie ungesund ihr Zustand ist. Ich kann daher auch gut verstehen, warum sie auf radikale Operationen wie der Herstellung eines Schlauchmagens setzen, etwas, das Roxane Gay wohl inzwischen selbst hat vornehmen lassen.
Ich halte das Buch nicht für einen Katalog an Beschwerden und Vorwürfen an eine von Schlankheit besessene Gesellschaft. Es geht darum, Verständnis zu erzeugen, zu erklären und auf die Ursachen, die Fettleibigkeit haben kann, hinzuweisen.
Gays Schilderungen ihres Schicksals sind schonungslos ehrlich. Und ihre weitere Entwicklung absolut nachvollziehbar. Ich will sie an dieser Stelle nicht nacherzählen, schließlich sollt ihr das Buch ja selber lesen. Sie erzählt von ihrem Werdegang, den Versuchen ihrer Familie, sie zum Abnehmen zu bewegen, den Widrigkeiten, denen man mit einem fettleibigen Körper ausgesetzt ist. Ich will auf eine häufige Kritik an dem Buch eingehen. Wenn man auf Goodreads mal in die 1- und 2-Sterne-Rezensionen hineinschaut, liest man häufig, Teile des Buches seien ein einziger Rant, eine Tirade von Beschwerden, dass die Gesellschaft ihr mit allem das Leben so schwer mache, wie mit Stühlen mit Armlehnen, unzureichenden Bauchgurten für Flugzeuge etc. So habe ich das nicht empfunden. Dass Hörbuch ist hierbei natürlich hilfreich, denn schon Gays Tonfall zeigt, dass es ihr nicht darum geht. Ja, sie zählt viele Dinge auf, die ihr kaum oder gar nicht möglich sind, aber für mein Dafürhalten will sie damit eher erklären, wie es Fettleibigen wie ihr geht, wie beschwerlich vieles für sie ist, wie demütigend, und dass der Leidensdruck daher sehr hoch ist. Bemühungen von außen, Hinweise auf ihre Gesundheit, sind unnötig und schaden nur, sogenanntes „Fat-Shaming“ natürlich erst recht. Fettleibige Menschen wissen selbst, wie ungesund ihr Zustand ist. Ich kann daher auch gut verstehen, warum sie auf radikale Operationen wie der Herstellung eines Schlauchmagens setzen, etwas, das Roxane Gay wohl inzwischen selbst hat vornehmen lassen.
Ich halte das Buch nicht für einen Katalog an Beschwerden und Vorwürfen an eine von Schlankheit besessene Gesellschaft. Es geht darum, Verständnis zu erzeugen, zu erklären und auf die Ursachen, die Fettleibigkeit haben kann, hinzuweisen.
challenging
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
Powerful message and a great author. Deeper meanings and much more the reflect on than I expected.