Reviews

The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships by Hill Harper

melg0378's review

4.0

This book read like a true conversation to me. There is a lot of good things that I took from this book and will apply to conversations with my kids. I will also be getting them to read this book for themselves.

alaiyo0685's review

2.0

There are some great quotes in here, but all in all, the book wasn't life-changing in any way.

ebonyutley's review

2.0

Harper’s Conversation is harmless. I am exhaling. I can’t remember what it was, but I felt like there was something in the Essence review that made me not want to read it. Then people was all in my ear about The Conversation and since I’m trying to be a relationship researcher and all, I figured I should turn my attention to it. It definitely wasn’t a waste of time, but I’m not going to be re-reading. Besides knowing more about Harper’s relationships, it wasn’t super informative. The only conversation that happens between men and women occurs near the end of the book and left me wondering, who are these people? I appreciate Harper’s vulnerability. It was refreshing to read. I also am thrilled that there are no hints of patriarchal control or sexism in the book. He doesn’t attempt to speak for women or talk at women about how to make men happy. That’s what I mean by it being a “safe” book. He even calls out black men for not holding each other accountable. I get grief when I tell men it’s up to men to make the world a better place for women by keeping other men in check, but maybe if they hear it from a man… The book is well structured and easy to read. I really can’t say anything bad about it. I was surprised to hear of how many black women hate all black men and how many black men hate all black women. Maybe I’ve been isolated, but my people don’t talk like that. Neither my male nor female friends stereotype the race in that way which makes me wonder if those stereotypes are class issues? The one aspect of the book that made me uncomfortable were the implicit class arguments. Harper throws the lavish parties and eats all this great food and tells black people to be financially responsible. I kept thinking, it must be nice to live like that, to have friends like that, to travel like that, to spend money like that. My arguments will be in print soon, but I believe economics are the single most affective factor in black relationships. Black people in different class brackets are forced to make different decisions about relationships because of how much money they make. How many black men avoid relationships because they can’t afford them? How many women force themselves to fall in love with a man who can afford her? How many women stay in abusive situations for economic reasons? How many black folks can’t communicate across class boundaries? It not just about how you spend money but how you deal with not having money. The economic crisis is about to have a significant effect on relationships. People aren’t marrying because they can’t afford it. People aren’t divorcing because they can’t afford it. Because black people have always had tenuous issues with money (we used to be bred to make white people money), recessions effect us not only in new ways but worse ones. Granted, that’s a downer. Some people like to read about how the other half live. Honestly, I was resentful. I wanted to know why it was so important to Harper to let us know that he can hire a chef and buy the best wines for his friends. Maybe he was just being honest about his life and didn’t consider how folks who have consistently had less would feel. He wanted us to know about the struggles he had to overcome to achieve his loving relationship, but it’s almost beyond the pale of possibility when contextualized by his lavish lifestyle. His life, including his relationship read like a fairy tale.

brandiwyne4018's review

4.0

Loved the voice of his experience; brought me closer to the "self-help" part of the book.

shanaetheflyest's review

3.0

It was a little boring in the beginning, but Hill Harper is confronting serious issues in the Black community. Do I recommend it? I don't know...figure it out for yourself. When it comes to this book, I'm so indifferent.

dajuanlydell's review

4.0

Great analysis on the issues and opportunities that present Black Men & Women in terms of love and relationships.