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Reviews
Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen: The Emotional Lives of Black Women by Inger Burnett-Zeigler
paulie_garrison's review against another edition
2.0
This book came off a little more self-helpy than what I thought it was going to be.
xavierbonilla's review against another edition
5.0
Powerful and important book. All throughout the book there is an emphasis on empowerment from within one’s being not by catering to an image of strength but by accepting all parts of one’s self and how to express thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a balanced way. Important message and much overdue. Fantastic work!
jorrdanthomas's review against another edition
I did skip some chapters due to them not relating to me. The style of writing was not for me.
mariahistryingtoread's review against another edition
2.0
I was initially very excited about this book. It promises to be an insightful, intimate look at the unseen burden on Black women from a clinical eye. Black women are strong for a variety of reasons, however, over the years what once was a boon has been manipulated to benefit others at the expense of the Black womans’ body, mind and soul. Before I get into the critique, I will say contrary to my relatively low star rating the book is not a total wash.
The first few chapters are genuinely quite good. Here is a quick rundown of what’s covered before the drop-off point at chapter four:
- the strain of being the only Black woman in a workplace -> you worry about how you're being perceived and do not want to conform to any stereotypes regardless of their validity (ie liking fried chicken or getting cornrows) because you know you'll automatically be mentally filed into a certain box
- Black women despite being more consistently the primary breadwinner in a household have the highest rates of unemployment outside of Black men and the highest rates of poverty of any demographic
- how rampant imposter syndrome runs in comparison to women of other demographics
Coping with the overwhelming knowledge of the inequity in the world -> you can do everything 'right' and still have nothing to show for it which compounds the feelings of inferiority
- Having no outlet for vulnerability leading to internalizing major systemic issues as personal ones
Chapter 3 ‘Intergenerational Trauma’ is by far the best. Trauma responses become ingrained behavior modeled for future generations because no one ever stops to think about why they're continuing the cycle. For Black women specifically this is a huge facet of the strong Black woman archetype because it has been projected onto us on such a massive scale that it is treated as endemic to the culture - Black women are brainwashed to believe certain things are normal for all Black women to go through so it goes unchecked. While these attributes are abundantly common, they are not 'normal' merely normalized.
Because a large part of the archetype is not discussing trauma, the stress, anxiety and/or depression Black women may face is reinforced as they are unconsciously feeding the misconception that something is wrong with them individually for not being able able get over it rather than recognizing that everyone struggles sometime and getting help is not a sign of weakness. Black women tend to measure themselves by the success of other prosperous Black women when ironically those Black women are likely to be hiding the weight of their struggles for the same reason. This is rooted in the idea that the Black woman needs to shoulder all responsibility as she is best equipped to handle it despite its roots in specious white supremacist ideology.
The trauma spreads - hence the title intergenerational - as a result of not properly confronting their trauma which will inevitably result in the child repeating their mistakes out of spite or ignorance, thus retraumatizing the mother unintentionally. Or, arguably, a better alternative, the child distances themselves irrevocably from their mother. Either way the outcome is fractured child-parent relationships.
On some level I was already aware of this information as this is not my first jaunt into non-fiction centering Black experiences. Still it was nice to have it put into words in a way that allowed me to better articulate my own conclusions on the subjects at hand.
Like I alluded to before, Chapter 4 is where the shoe drops..
Chapter 4 ‘Loss of Innocence’ revolves around sexual trauma except it focuses on generalizations about all women instead of highlighting particularities relevant to Black women. It does not talk about risk factors for Black women, why or how Black women are subjected more to sexual violence than some other groups, warning signs to watch out for or harmful cultural messaging that enables abusers to hide in plain sight inside our community. She uses Black examples like Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey only to not actively build on what exactly makes Black women more susceptible.
From there it degrades further at a steady rate.
Burnett-Zeigler does come back to Black women, but she does continue to lack intersectionality at times moving forward. This is most evident in her sparse use of testimonials to back up her points. The synopsis suggests there will be anecdotes to explore the full spectrum of Black womanhood. Instead, Burnett-Zeigler most often falls back on her own personal opinions rather than open the floor for others to share. To a point, I don’t mind because the duality of her experience as a Black woman and a psychologist suggests an opportunity for a nuanced, novel look at the everyday ailments plaguing us today. She has a voice that could provide a fresh perspective.
By not including more testimonials she exposes the limited framework from which this book is operating. It written by a cisgender heterosexual Black woman in the range of mid 30s to 40s. On its face that isn’t an issue. Authors have been writing about topics outside of their wheelhouse to great acclaim for centuries. You do not necessarily have to be a part of a group to write about it well. That being said, not all authors are able to step outside of themself to combat potential blinds spots that could impede intent. Purposely or not, Burnett-Zeigler ends up filtering everything through this extremely narrow lens. This is never made more obvious than when she discusses religion.
She is clearly a religious person. There’s no problem with that. Many people, especially Black people, prefer a faith based therapist or therapy program. Religion is huge amongst Black people in general.
The trouble comes from her allowing this fact to cloud her impartiality.
For instance, she makes a good point about how important a sense of community is to Black women due to years of isolationism. It is all for naught though since she just falls back on religion as the primary source of community building. She never talks about the alternative: how isolating being non-religious can be when you're Black considering the hold it has on the group.
Burnett-Zeigler makes sure to attach a, frankly disingenuous, ‘or other communities’ in discussing the significance of community bonding. Without going into detail it is merely a sign of her virtue signaling. It’s important for Black women to have any kind of community in order to be less vulnerable to victimization. If Black women are given a chance to form ties amongst one another there are usually more opportunities to assuage the more damaging physical and/or mental effects if not mitigate them entirely. In using this language, she comes off as if she is guarding herself against criticism through faux political correctness rather than a desire to be genuinely all inclusive.
“This tradition among Black women of using faith in God to gather their strength to get through difficult times is a core part of being a strong Black woman” is a direct quote from her. This is an extremely alienating statement for one and also patently untrue since there are absolutely strong Black women who fit the mold otherwise who are not religious. The author is obviously using her own personal idea of a 'strong Black woman' as a barometer rather than using the basic archetype to jump off of. The foundation she's building her argument off of is very biased.
Is religion important to a lot of Black women? Indisputably. The problem is that the amount of Black women who are religious has nothing to do with the concept. Being a ‘strong Black woman’ is about feeling unbearable pressure to meet impossible standards. While achieving religious harmony is a facet of some womens’ expectations it is not a fundamental requirement of the archetype. As such a distinction needs to be made from when she’s speaking about the concept of a ‘strong Black woman’ as a whole vs speaking about aspects only applicable to some.
She doesn't bring up the disadvantages of religious zeal at all. Religion very much can be and is a stressor due to how it differs across the country. It is often weaponized by Black elders as a means of maintaining power and control. It can make it difficult to break out of the archetype when you have been conditioned to believe that God is all you need to weather the storm.
When bad things happen it absolutely can make you question your faith, we’re all only human after all, and that can be traumatizing if you've spent your whole life devoted, only to have that safety net ripped away. I disliked how she established religion essentially as a curative for all predicaments. All the positive things she says about how religion is helpful is true, however, she doesn't dig past the surface to look at negative contributing factors that could skew the data. She states that a belief in God is related to Black women being not as stressed or traumatized.
There’s a caveat to this statement that Burnett-Zeigler chooses, consciously or not, to ignore. Going back to what I said before, if you’ve been raised to believe He will provide/He doesn't send us more than we can handle rhetoric then that can easily be twisted into brushing off the pain and burying true feelings to soldier on since God is supposed to be all you need. To ask for more is ungrateful. What's worse is this is a position that is culturally validated as most Black people believe in God.
The religious chapter exposes how surface level a lot of the assertions are in this book. There's not a lot of statistics or studies or talking to other experts or interview excerpts. It’s more her ideas conveyed in a way that belie their spurious nature. This book presents itself as a feminist takedown of an insidious, racist myth for Black women by a Black woman. It’s not. It’s a long form opinion piece by a mainstream feminist who happens to be Black.
I could go on, but I’m just going to leave it here. While the religious chapter exposes the most holes in the logic, believe me it extends past that. Like when she unintentionally stigmatizes parenting as a mentally ill person by framing the presence of all mental illness as a guarantee there will be deficient parenting when she (hopefully) means ‘untreated’ mental illness or when she attempts to garner sympathy for an interviewee on the basis of her being discriminated against as a Black mother without providing enough context to make a proper assessment of the situation.
The first few chapters are genuinely quite good. Here is a quick rundown of what’s covered before the drop-off point at chapter four:
- the strain of being the only Black woman in a workplace -> you worry about how you're being perceived and do not want to conform to any stereotypes regardless of their validity (ie liking fried chicken or getting cornrows) because you know you'll automatically be mentally filed into a certain box
- Black women despite being more consistently the primary breadwinner in a household have the highest rates of unemployment outside of Black men and the highest rates of poverty of any demographic
- how rampant imposter syndrome runs in comparison to women of other demographics
Coping with the overwhelming knowledge of the inequity in the world -> you can do everything 'right' and still have nothing to show for it which compounds the feelings of inferiority
- Having no outlet for vulnerability leading to internalizing major systemic issues as personal ones
Chapter 3 ‘Intergenerational Trauma’ is by far the best. Trauma responses become ingrained behavior modeled for future generations because no one ever stops to think about why they're continuing the cycle. For Black women specifically this is a huge facet of the strong Black woman archetype because it has been projected onto us on such a massive scale that it is treated as endemic to the culture - Black women are brainwashed to believe certain things are normal for all Black women to go through so it goes unchecked. While these attributes are abundantly common, they are not 'normal' merely normalized.
Because a large part of the archetype is not discussing trauma, the stress, anxiety and/or depression Black women may face is reinforced as they are unconsciously feeding the misconception that something is wrong with them individually for not being able able get over it rather than recognizing that everyone struggles sometime and getting help is not a sign of weakness. Black women tend to measure themselves by the success of other prosperous Black women when ironically those Black women are likely to be hiding the weight of their struggles for the same reason. This is rooted in the idea that the Black woman needs to shoulder all responsibility as she is best equipped to handle it despite its roots in specious white supremacist ideology.
The trauma spreads - hence the title intergenerational - as a result of not properly confronting their trauma which will inevitably result in the child repeating their mistakes out of spite or ignorance, thus retraumatizing the mother unintentionally. Or, arguably, a better alternative, the child distances themselves irrevocably from their mother. Either way the outcome is fractured child-parent relationships.
On some level I was already aware of this information as this is not my first jaunt into non-fiction centering Black experiences. Still it was nice to have it put into words in a way that allowed me to better articulate my own conclusions on the subjects at hand.
Like I alluded to before, Chapter 4 is where the shoe drops..
Chapter 4 ‘Loss of Innocence’ revolves around sexual trauma except it focuses on generalizations about all women instead of highlighting particularities relevant to Black women. It does not talk about risk factors for Black women, why or how Black women are subjected more to sexual violence than some other groups, warning signs to watch out for or harmful cultural messaging that enables abusers to hide in plain sight inside our community. She uses Black examples like Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey only to not actively build on what exactly makes Black women more susceptible.
From there it degrades further at a steady rate.
Burnett-Zeigler does come back to Black women, but she does continue to lack intersectionality at times moving forward. This is most evident in her sparse use of testimonials to back up her points. The synopsis suggests there will be anecdotes to explore the full spectrum of Black womanhood. Instead, Burnett-Zeigler most often falls back on her own personal opinions rather than open the floor for others to share. To a point, I don’t mind because the duality of her experience as a Black woman and a psychologist suggests an opportunity for a nuanced, novel look at the everyday ailments plaguing us today. She has a voice that could provide a fresh perspective.
By not including more testimonials she exposes the limited framework from which this book is operating. It written by a cisgender heterosexual Black woman in the range of mid 30s to 40s. On its face that isn’t an issue. Authors have been writing about topics outside of their wheelhouse to great acclaim for centuries. You do not necessarily have to be a part of a group to write about it well. That being said, not all authors are able to step outside of themself to combat potential blinds spots that could impede intent. Purposely or not, Burnett-Zeigler ends up filtering everything through this extremely narrow lens. This is never made more obvious than when she discusses religion.
She is clearly a religious person. There’s no problem with that. Many people, especially Black people, prefer a faith based therapist or therapy program. Religion is huge amongst Black people in general.
The trouble comes from her allowing this fact to cloud her impartiality.
For instance, she makes a good point about how important a sense of community is to Black women due to years of isolationism. It is all for naught though since she just falls back on religion as the primary source of community building. She never talks about the alternative: how isolating being non-religious can be when you're Black considering the hold it has on the group.
Burnett-Zeigler makes sure to attach a, frankly disingenuous, ‘or other communities’ in discussing the significance of community bonding. Without going into detail it is merely a sign of her virtue signaling. It’s important for Black women to have any kind of community in order to be less vulnerable to victimization. If Black women are given a chance to form ties amongst one another there are usually more opportunities to assuage the more damaging physical and/or mental effects if not mitigate them entirely. In using this language, she comes off as if she is guarding herself against criticism through faux political correctness rather than a desire to be genuinely all inclusive.
“This tradition among Black women of using faith in God to gather their strength to get through difficult times is a core part of being a strong Black woman” is a direct quote from her. This is an extremely alienating statement for one and also patently untrue since there are absolutely strong Black women who fit the mold otherwise who are not religious. The author is obviously using her own personal idea of a 'strong Black woman' as a barometer rather than using the basic archetype to jump off of. The foundation she's building her argument off of is very biased.
Is religion important to a lot of Black women? Indisputably. The problem is that the amount of Black women who are religious has nothing to do with the concept. Being a ‘strong Black woman’ is about feeling unbearable pressure to meet impossible standards. While achieving religious harmony is a facet of some womens’ expectations it is not a fundamental requirement of the archetype. As such a distinction needs to be made from when she’s speaking about the concept of a ‘strong Black woman’ as a whole vs speaking about aspects only applicable to some.
She doesn't bring up the disadvantages of religious zeal at all. Religion very much can be and is a stressor due to how it differs across the country. It is often weaponized by Black elders as a means of maintaining power and control. It can make it difficult to break out of the archetype when you have been conditioned to believe that God is all you need to weather the storm.
When bad things happen it absolutely can make you question your faith, we’re all only human after all, and that can be traumatizing if you've spent your whole life devoted, only to have that safety net ripped away. I disliked how she established religion essentially as a curative for all predicaments. All the positive things she says about how religion is helpful is true, however, she doesn't dig past the surface to look at negative contributing factors that could skew the data. She states that a belief in God is related to Black women being not as stressed or traumatized.
There’s a caveat to this statement that Burnett-Zeigler chooses, consciously or not, to ignore. Going back to what I said before, if you’ve been raised to believe He will provide/He doesn't send us more than we can handle rhetoric then that can easily be twisted into brushing off the pain and burying true feelings to soldier on since God is supposed to be all you need. To ask for more is ungrateful. What's worse is this is a position that is culturally validated as most Black people believe in God.
The religious chapter exposes how surface level a lot of the assertions are in this book. There's not a lot of statistics or studies or talking to other experts or interview excerpts. It’s more her ideas conveyed in a way that belie their spurious nature. This book presents itself as a feminist takedown of an insidious, racist myth for Black women by a Black woman. It’s not. It’s a long form opinion piece by a mainstream feminist who happens to be Black.
I could go on, but I’m just going to leave it here. While the religious chapter exposes the most holes in the logic, believe me it extends past that. Like when she unintentionally stigmatizes parenting as a mentally ill person by framing the presence of all mental illness as a guarantee there will be deficient parenting when she (hopefully) means ‘untreated’ mental illness or when she attempts to garner sympathy for an interviewee on the basis of her being discriminated against as a Black mother without providing enough context to make a proper assessment of the situation.
qxnnlories__bookishreads's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
3.5
The title of this book and its focus on black women's mental health is what got my attention. This book was somewhat hard to read because of the topics (e.g., sexual assault) discussed. But it was also insightful, thoroughly researched, and catered specifically to black women and girls. I appreciated the author providing personal details about her life, firsthand accounts of some of her patients/family members, and how being imbued with the "strong black women" myth affected their lives. Dr. Inger Burnett-Ziegler does a good job of recognizing and acknowledging that mental health issues in the black community can be taboo, and getting help can be problematic when healthcare professionals are unaware of or disregard cultural differences. Another reviewer mentioned that "the book was too scattered between memoir, self-help, and academic nonfiction" (Traci Thomas). I agree with her opinion on that part because I wasn't sure what the context of the book would contain, and these concepts threw me off at first until I learned to expect it. Overall, I do think this was a good book and could be an informational read for people who aren't well versed with the "strong black woman" myth and the effects cultures/American system has on black women receiving mental health care.
val_reads93's review against another edition
4.0
There are moments that I see why there are mixed reactions because there is a mix of personal and professional feedback.
This was extremely helpful where I am emotionally. I've had different therapists recommend books to read that have been good but don't fully make me feel seen. Even though there are more layers to my mental health being a strong woman has been very prevalent.
Every Woman that has ever felt the struggle to stop being so strong should definitely read this. It helps continue removing the stigma around mental health.
This was extremely helpful where I am emotionally. I've had different therapists recommend books to read that have been good but don't fully make me feel seen. Even though there are more layers to my mental health being a strong woman has been very prevalent.
Every Woman that has ever felt the struggle to stop being so strong should definitely read this. It helps continue removing the stigma around mental health.
tracithomas's review against another edition
3.0
What worked about this book for me was seeing Black women at the center of the conversation. So often books about mental health are written for "all people" which means white people, or at the very least no consideration is done for cultural differences between races. I appreciated that.
What didn't work for me was that the book was too scattered between memoir, self-help, and academic nonfiction. The book was too all over the place. I appreciate that the author tried to bring herself and her patients into the book, but wasn't wild about the advice sections. They felt unspecific.
What didn't work for me was that the book was too scattered between memoir, self-help, and academic nonfiction. The book was too all over the place. I appreciate that the author tried to bring herself and her patients into the book, but wasn't wild about the advice sections. They felt unspecific.
yayanae's review against another edition
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
5.0
shannonjulion's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
3.75