Reviews

Genital Grinder by Ryan Harding

j_heck36's review

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dark slow-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? A mix
  • Strong character development? It's complicated
  • Loveable characters? No
  • Diverse cast of characters? Yes

2.0

modernzorker's review against another edition

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3.0

I’ve reviewed some extreme horror before, but today is when the kid gloves come off for a bare-knuckle throwdown. Before you dive into Ryan Harding’s short story compilation, make sure you haven’t eaten for the past twelve hours and there’s plenty of hot water, because you’re going to need a long shower after this literary torture session. Edward Lee wrote the introduction, and he has nothing but praise for both author and text.

Let that sink in for a moment. Edward "I Write Books About Bestiality-Practicing, Inbred, Scat-Loving Hillbillies" Lee throws his doe eyes at Harding the way my dog does when he wants a treat for going outside and crapping in the yard like a good boy. I can excuse my dog on the basis I like to call 'because he's a dog'. Lee's excuse? I'm not going there. One encounter with The Pig was about fifty too many for me, thankyouverymuch.

Horror is filled with books that make you think, “Man, they couldn't put that on screen if they tried!” Then you realize Lee’s Header was filmed in 2006, A Serbian Film crossed the ocean in 2010, and Tom Six has been paid to write and direct three, three, movies since 2009 with the sole selling point being an ever-increasing number of peoples' mouths sewn to other people’s anuses. Surely we have, by now, reached not just the bottom of the barrel, but the bottom of the goddamn septic tank, right? Genital Grinder is 168 pages of Ryan Harding proving we were not even close.

"Genital Grinder" isn’t one novel, but rather a collection of short stories sharing a loose affiliation with one another by virtue of taking place in the same town and featuring several of the same characters, and you will not want to attempt it unless you have a cast-iron stomach. I cannot stress this enough: if any of the previous books I've reviewed were difficult for you to navigate, give this one a pass.

There...there are an awful lot of you still reading this. Are you sure you want--

What's that?

You are?

Sigh.

Oooookay, then. (FML...)

Harding is a splatterpunk’s splatterpunk, unafraid to throw every bodily fluid imaginable and then some right in your face, but if you dig below all the blood and puke, there’s competent writing and a feverishly diseased imagination awaiting. The stories all deal with different subject matters, each being its own self-contained nightmare. The book’s title comes from two of the most revolting pieces within, ‘Genital Grinder: A Snuff Film in 5 Acts’ and ‘Genital Grinder II: Dis-Membered’. No hyperbole, the first ‘Genital Grinder’ story with Von and Greg is the only thing I’ve ever read in my life that damn near made my stomach scream in terror and escape my abdomen by way of my esophagus. The second, while disturbing, is played much more for laughs, as is ‘Damaged Goods’ (which also features the idiotic duo perpetrating the most deplorable 'get rich quick' scheme imaginable). Other stories include ‘Bottom Feeder’ where a guy visiting a bar at last call goes home with the wrong gal, ‘Development’ where a kid working the local film department finds himself printing off an unimaginable series of photographs, ‘Emissary’ which is a love(?) letter to those shockumentaries like "Faces of Death" and "Banned In America", and ‘Sharing Needles’ which sees either the return of a serial killer from two decades earlier or the rise of a copycat who knows everything the original would have and then some.

None of this would work if Harding wasn’t such a competent storyteller, and it’s tempting to claim this is the first case of a writer using his gift for evil I’ve ever come across. What makes it so impressive is hard to put into words, but if I may digress into Dungeons & Dragons terms: if Edward Lee is Chaotic Evil (brutalizing the reader for sheer shock value) and Wrath James White is Lawful Evil (brutalizing the reader for the sake of making him ponder something important), then Ryan Harding is Neutral Evil (brutalizing the reader due to the demands of the story). Harding’s a slave to narrative here--he will capitulate to any demand it makes of him, a fact which renders his type of writing the most horrifying of all, in my opinion.

Most disturbing scene:
Screw you for making me remember.

It happens in ‘Genital Grinder: A Snuff Act in 5 Acts’. Von and Greg have kidnapped beautiful local news anchor Geisha Hammond and porn actress Lolita Ream with plans to create the first honest-to-gawd legit snuff film released for public consumption. Hammond has the most legitimate reason imaginable for why she’s not ready for her close-up, but as far as the two would-be gore-nographers are concerned, it’s no excuse to waste a perfectly good tub of bath water. I’m not saying any more because I paid ten bucks for my lunch earlier today, and as generous as you all are, I'd prefer not to get reacquainted with it.

Besides, it'll make you hate me even more to stumble across it yourselves with no warning the same way I did. And that thought makes me smile.

Damn it, Harding's rubbing off on me, and I hate all of you for it.

sunnybopeep's review against another edition

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3.5

Really really super gross incel-centric short story collection. Delivered what it promised. The last story was honestly a total knock-out, and I’m sad it wasn’t longer!!!

rellwood74's review

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5.0

Yeah, this took a while to get through because it is truly repulsive, but in a good way. If you like not just spatter gore, but disgusting images of oozing pustules, sex with rotting corpses, slurping down a bowl of "spontaneous abortion", guys ejaculating maggots (stuck in there through a straw slipped in the urethra), questionable activities involving a toilet brush, then you might be able to stomach this book.

It isn't all gross out though. It is an anthology of sorts, short stories written over time by the author. The characters are intertwined with each other in various ways throughout. There are two major players whose antics cover three main chapters. These are the most repugnant males ever written, Greg and Von. They are who Beevis and Butthead would grow up to be. They spend their nights dumpster diving behind the local woman's clinic in search of treasure in the form of used tampons and maxi pads. They are featured in three different stories which basically span a couple of days. These stories are the ones that contain the most graphic, disgusting, mental raping I have ever come across. They also have some of the most hilarious moments. Ryan Harding somehow managed to make these two idiots actually semi-likable. Oh, you would never be friends with them, but you don't wish death on them. Truly, they are Beevis and Butthead. The activities contained in their chapters give the book its name. It took me three attempts to finish this book, and I realize that each attempt stopped during those Beevis and Butthead chapters.

I must also warn you that any woman depicted in this book is never in a good light. There are no nice girls here, they are all “sluts and whores who deserve what they get”. No animals or kids are in the book, and no one sympathetic either, so don’t worry about feeling guilty about who gets what.

The other stories mixed between those main chapters are kind of standalones that have different themes. For the most part, they have minimal gross out in them and are more Twilight Zone than major gore. I enjoyed them all.

The first is in the first person POV of a guy trapped under the weight of the big woman he took home the previous night, she died on top of him and is slowly crushing him. He spends his last moments monologuing in his head, realizing that no one is coming for help. No real gore here.
Another story features a movie rental clerk who loves to watch those "Faces of Death" type movies. He is puzzled over the fact that he keeps seeing the people in the films who should have been dead, walking around town.

There is the dual POV story which is a mix of first-person journal entries, and the third person POV of a high school kid who realizes that his father is a serial killer who stopped years ago, but hasn't been caught.

As I finished reading this book last night there were a few scenes that I had to skim past simply because the gore was too much. There were other scenes that I highlighted on my Kindle because I laughed so hard, I probably woke up my neighbors.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who likes splatter gore, mixed with insanity and humor. The bumbling antics of Greg and Von had me in stitches as well as partially throwing up in my mouth.

gothichues's review against another edition

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2.0

This is the first hardcore horror book that I've read and I will say that this is not for the faint of heart. It is very graphic, gruesome, disturbing and intense. I decided to pick this up because "typical" horror books that I read recently didn't scare me enough so I tried venturing into the extreme and, oh boy, did I get what I wanted. It didn't gave me nightmares per se but it did send some shivers down my spine that I have to take a break here and there because of the detailed descriptions of torture (mainly on a person's genitalia). I can't quite say that I enjoyed this entirely because I was bored in some parts but I got the grossness and the heebie-jeebies so I think it is alright.

bmacenlightened's review against another edition

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3.0

I read this book because I had heard it was the worst of the worst, and quite honestly it wasn't as shocking as I had hoped it would be. There were points where I was disgusted but the shock was all gone because it beat me over the head with how disgusting it could be. The writing itself was interesting enough, with good pacing, and nothing seemed like it went on too long outside of the disgusting passages. I guess its just in a context like this they never really go anywhere. I suppose my favorite would be Bottom Feeder just cause it was the first introduction to the style of the book and the rest were just more of the same. Recommended for a couple hours of disgust but there are surely better examples of shock horror.

carleylightfoot's review against another edition

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4.0

What the fuck did I just read

stefanie_duncan's review

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dark tense fast-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? N/A
  • Strong character development? It's complicated
  • Loveable characters? No
  • Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? No

4.0


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rachel_jozie's review

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adventurous dark funny fast-paced

4.0

*I'm not going to give you the 'what this book is about' blurb - you can read that elsewhere. 


1. This is a collection of short stories all written by the same author (Ryan Harding, clearly) and each has a small common thread. They're not all the same, and some are quick, as in, if you don't read carefully enough, you may miss it. The connections are all there though, trust me. Because Ryan is freaking great and so good at what he does. 
2. While I enjoy the gory perversion of many of these stories, especially Greg and Vons escapades, I really loved the twists and turns of 'Sharing Needles' and 'Emissary'. Oh! and 'Development'. They have a similar flow/feel to them, but there's just something dark and twisted about them in a way I can't shake. A hidden sinister that creeps me out. 
3. Greg and Von are such bumbling idiots. They're a darker, more depraved, version of Lloyd and Harry from Dumb and Dumber and it's disturbingly hilarious. You laugh, but then feel bad for doing so because such terrible things are happening. Oh, who am I kidding? If you choose to read this, you're not feeling bad, because that's just how we roll! :)

questionablereads's review

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challenging dark tense slow-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? N/A
  • Strong character development? N/A
  • Loveable characters? No
  • Diverse cast of characters? Yes
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

This is a weird dark spatter punk short story collection that will leave you feeling completely grossed out, in the best of ways.