Reviews with content warning for Terminal illness - A Heart That Works

I made the mistake of starting this book just before going to bed. Only my four year old son crying from a nightmare tore me away. With the spell broken, I went to bed and tried to sleep. I had read half of it by then. I finished it the next day.

It's said the death of a child is the worst possible tragedy to happen to a parent. I didn't know if I believed that until I became a parent myself, to a premature, underweight, slight little goblin of a child, that has grown up to be a beautiful bright eyed, silken haired boy. A boy not unlike Henry in this book. I've often feared my son's death. I remember during the first few months of his life I was wracked with night terrors about keeping this little voiceless baby alive. To this day, I check his breathing about 5 times before I go to sleep myself. I hope I only ever have to imagine what Rob, Leah and the Delaney family and friends went through in losing their beautiful boy.

Delaney is a comedian. I've watched his stand-up and I was a fan of his show Catastrophe. I had no idea his child was ill, and died, during the filming of successive seasons. I think only the mind of a comedian could write something like this. It is a sad, incredibly heart-wrenching book, but there is humour here, often dark. There is also parts of a manifesto on life and the NHS, and grief. And anecdotes of other events and tragedies from his and his family's life.

Misery loves company is the crude premise I would give to this book. And from the tortuous events in his life, and his reaction to them, and taking comfort in them, I would offer this book to anyone who has dealt with a similar grief. At least to know that grief can be respectful, and also fucking monkey shit insane. There are no wrong answers to grief. There are wrong answers in responding to it however, and while Delany offers insight into how you might respond yourself, he judges that response with a cruelty I think excessive, and yet also completely justified. If there was a definitive explanation of the difference between Sympathy and Empathy, it is in his rant about the phrase "If there's anything you need...".

I want to give this a full 5, but I feel something is missing. Maybe he wrote it too soon after his son's death, but he admits there are parts of his grieving process he left out. He couldn't think about them; They were too painful.

I hope, for the sake of others who might learn, and find relief, and companionship in his words, that he revisits this book at a later date.

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