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divergentpixie's review
challenging
emotional
funny
informative
inspiring
mysterious
reflective
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Loved this. Was so real and the characters made me happy.
I love the friend group and Sam’s dad.
I felt like I was really there with Sam, reliving everything.
The writing is so well done.
The ending was wrapped up so nicely, there were no questions left unanswered.
-autistic rep
-queer
-found family
-ghosts?
*homophobia, assault, transphobia
I love the friend group and Sam’s dad.
I felt like I was really there with Sam, reliving everything.
The writing is so well done.
The ending was wrapped up so nicely, there were no questions left unanswered.
-autistic rep
-queer
-found family
-ghosts?
*homophobia, assault, transphobia
Content Warnings
Graphic: Grief
Moderate: Biphobia, Transphobia, Stalking, Physical abuse, Hate crime, and Child death
Minor: Alcohol and Vomit
kyanitecourage's review
dark
hopeful
mysterious
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
Content Warnings
Graphic: Transphobia, Hate crime, Death, Homophobia, Toxic friendship, Child death, Bullying, Stalking, Alcoholism, Panic attacks/disorders, Self harm, and Murder
Moderate: Biphobia, Toxic friendship, and Alcohol
emmiej's review
challenging
emotional
informative
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
3.75
Content Warnings
Graphic: Biphobia, Body shaming, Bullying, Cancer, Child death, Gaslighting, Grief, Homophobia, Murder, Outing, Panic attacks/disorders, Self harm, Stalking, Suicidal thoughts, and Transphobia
melsage1823's review
adventurous
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
5.0
Disclaimer: This is an own voices review as I am like Sam, Nonbinary, Autistic and Asexual, however please do not just read my review when considering if this book is for you.
An absolutely amazing book with super positive representation, themes of found family, healing and a twisty murder mystery that lingers on every character throughout the book. This book was written with such beautiful care and you can tell that Maya definitely wanted to make a book their teenage self needed.
I had no dislikes I thought everything was handled beautifully. Would have loved to explore more of Sky and his subplot but I feel like that would have dragged from the main plot.
I'm just absolutely amazed. First of all the representation was just perfect and healed the wound in my heart I've had from being misunderstood by people. There are still people that our out to harm Sam but everyone mostly treats Sam like a human being. The stimming and meltdowns were written so well and very delicately but I wouldn't expect anything less from an Autistic Author. Sure Sam had a passionate special interest that would be a bit odd to neurotypicals but they were treated like The Good Doctor or Sheldon Cooper. It's so refreshing to have this representation in literature. I really hope this book inspires Autistic people to write their own stories so we have more fabulous stories like this. The queer representation is perfect too and I felt like I could relate to characters like Sam, Sky and Shep so so much.
Be warned that if you are experiencing a casual murder mystery, don't. The main focus is of Sam healing from their truama, finding a found family of queer friends and overcoming their fear of not living to nineteen. The found family development made me cry especially Sam's relationship with Shep who's an absolute angel. It's nice to see a healthy Autistic/Allistic couple represented in literature. As you follow Sam through their move to Astoria it's clear how even through the bad times Sam's new family are there to help them. Its beautiful and I think reading the book for Sam's amazing and healthy new friendships is worth it alone. Especially when we learn why they had to move.
The slow paced build up to the mystery of who killed Billy was well developed as I had no idea who could have done it till the very end of the book. There were lots of twists and turns that left me in huge suspense. The plot overall balances well with fluff and Sam dealing with their move as well as Billy's case. I don't think it was rushed or dragged out, it was just the right length. I also think the twist didn't seem far fetched as it foreshadowed how bad Carl was.
MacGregor writes amazing characters and it absolutely shows here. Each character introduced were compelling and unique in their own way. For me though the standouts had to be Sam themself, Shep, Sky and Junius. Every character managed to make you feel a curve ball of emotions even if it came from Sam's pov. I already mentioned but I want to say we stan a healthy relationship between a neurotypical parent and an Autistic child. Junius was such a kind character that I wish he was real. The book really makes you care for him and Sam's relationship. Junius is a prime example of how all parents of Autistic children should be and was a great role model. I also loved that he was Aro-Ace as it positively showed that singal parenting can work. There's some great touching moments between Sam and Junius that I don't want to spoil. Seriously all the dynamics Sam had with every character was written beautifully and with alot of intrigue.
Finally, I'd say I loved the fact that this book wasn't about Sam having to dramatically forgive the person that hurt them and forced them to move. It lets Sam take control of their own story and doesn't centre anybody that hurt them. I asked Maya about this at a book talk and they said they didn't want any of Sam's bullies to have a platform which clearly showed as none of their major bullies from Montana get proper names and characters like Blaise don't get forgiveness. It's great as it shows that you aren't owed forgiveness if you hurt someone.
Overall, this book hit hard, super hard. It's a book I wish little Mel had gotten the chance to read. It's so empowering, I'd recommend to it anyone but if your identify under the Trans umbrella and are Autistic you definitely need to pick this up its life changing.
An absolutely amazing book with super positive representation, themes of found family, healing and a twisty murder mystery that lingers on every character throughout the book. This book was written with such beautiful care and you can tell that Maya definitely wanted to make a book their teenage self needed.
I had no dislikes I thought everything was handled beautifully. Would have loved to explore more of Sky and his subplot but I feel like that would have dragged from the main plot.
I'm just absolutely amazed. First of all the representation was just perfect and healed the wound in my heart I've had from being misunderstood by people. There are still people that our out to harm Sam but everyone mostly treats Sam like a human being. The stimming and meltdowns were written so well and very delicately but I wouldn't expect anything less from an Autistic Author. Sure Sam had a passionate special interest that would be a bit odd to neurotypicals but they were treated like The Good Doctor or Sheldon Cooper. It's so refreshing to have this representation in literature. I really hope this book inspires Autistic people to write their own stories so we have more fabulous stories like this. The queer representation is perfect too and I felt like I could relate to characters like Sam, Sky and Shep so so much.
Be warned that if you are experiencing a casual murder mystery, don't. The main focus is of Sam healing from their truama, finding a found family of queer friends and overcoming their fear of not living to nineteen. The found family development made me cry especially Sam's relationship with Shep who's an absolute angel. It's nice to see a healthy Autistic/Allistic couple represented in literature. As you follow Sam through their move to Astoria it's clear how even through the bad times Sam's new family are there to help them. Its beautiful and I think reading the book for Sam's amazing and healthy new friendships is worth it alone. Especially when we learn why they had to move.
The slow paced build up to the mystery of who killed Billy was well developed as I had no idea who could have done it till the very end of the book. There were lots of twists and turns that left me in huge suspense. The plot overall balances well with fluff and Sam dealing with their move as well as Billy's case. I don't think it was rushed or dragged out, it was just the right length. I also think the twist didn't seem far fetched as it foreshadowed how bad
MacGregor writes amazing characters and it absolutely shows here. Each character introduced were compelling and unique in their own way. For me though the standouts had to be Sam themself, Shep, Sky and Junius. Every character managed to make you feel a curve ball of emotions even if it came from Sam's pov. I already mentioned but I want to say we stan a healthy relationship between a neurotypical parent and an Autistic child. Junius was such a kind character that I wish he was real. The book really makes you care for him and Sam's relationship. Junius is a prime example of how all parents of Autistic children should be and was a great role model. I also loved that he was Aro-Ace as it positively showed that singal parenting can work. There's some great touching moments between Sam and Junius that I don't want to spoil. Seriously all the dynamics Sam had with every character was written beautifully and with alot of intrigue.
Finally, I'd say I loved the fact that this book wasn't about Sam having to dramatically forgive the person that hurt them and forced them to move. It lets Sam take control of their own story and doesn't centre anybody that hurt them. I asked Maya about this at a book talk and they said they didn't want any of Sam's bullies to have a platform which clearly showed as none of their major bullies from Montana get proper names and characters like Blaise don't get forgiveness. It's great as it shows that you aren't owed forgiveness if you hurt someone.
Overall, this book hit hard, super hard. It's a book I wish little Mel had gotten the chance to read. It's so empowering, I'd recommend to it anyone but if your identify under the Trans umbrella and are Autistic you definitely need to pick this up its life changing.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Transphobia, Homophobia, Hate crime, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Toxic relationship, Medical trauma, Medical content, Murder, Torture, Suicidal thoughts, Panic attacks/disorders, and Stalking
Minor: Alcoholism, Biphobia, Alcohol, and Kidnapping
Sam eventually tells Shep what happened to them in Montana and the hate crime is quite a graphic and serious one do be warned. Billy's murder attempts to murder several people throughout the book including Sam and its quite graphic too. Do be warnedemily_mh's review
emotional
mysterious
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
3.25
There wasn’t anything I hated about this book but I also don’t feel super enthusiastic about it having read it. I’ve broken the book down into its three core elements:
The mystery. As with all mysteries, this consists of two parts: the investigation and the solution. The investigation was pretty lacklustre. Sam and their friends don’t really figure out anything beyond what’s already obvious. I also feel like a mystery should be peppered with mini reveals as the characters tease out the red herrings, but because of the lack of investigation, there weren’t really any. Because the mystery is the driving force of this book, it didn’t feel driven at all, but kind of wandery. To add to that, the solution was underwhelming. This was because I didn’t really know the suspects beyond surface level archetypal stuff, so none of them were compelling characters.
The MC. I think Sam was the best part of the book. I loved the autism rep in them especially; it was woven in well with the narrative. They also seemed very real in their trauma responses, especially regarding their belief that they would die prematurely. Sam’s development with regard to their PTSD wasn’t rushed or unnatural, and I loved seeing them be able to find a place in which to belong. Having said all that, because I didn’t like the writing style of this book, and the book is written in first-person, the poor writing style became entwined with Sam’s narrative voice. This was a struggle.
The romance. The attraction here wasn’t signposted very well, so I didn’t find the romantic connection between Sam and Shep believable. I honestly just wish there hadn’t been a romance at all.
P.S. I’m not sure how good the adoption rep is here, but I do know that there might be an issue in the fact that we are not given any information on Sam’s background before they are in foster care at age 7.
Rep: autistic queer ace nonbinary MC, aroace Afro-Latino SC, queer Latina LI, Vietnamese-American SC, bisexual SC, Jewish SC, sapphic Black SC, questioning SC
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death, Mental illness, Stalking, Hate crime, Transphobia, Violence, and Murder
Moderate: Cursing, Child death, Self harm, Biphobia, and Gun violence
Minor: Classism, Vomit, Fire/Fire injury, Excrement, Injury/Injury detail, Blood, Cancer, Terminal illness, Death of parent, Suicide, Alcohol, Car accident, Racism, Alcoholism, Addiction, War, Grief, Police brutality, Sexual content, and Ableism
Major: queerphobia, medical emergency, anaphylactic shock Moderate: migraines Minor: foster system, loss of a loved one, drowningthewildmageslibrary's review against another edition
5.0
Okay, welcome to one of my favorite reads of 2023! Seriously, I loved this book so much. I don't have the words. It was just everything. Also, wasn't expecting a murder mystery but I'm here for it!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Hate crime, Grief, Homophobia, Death, Transphobia, and Bullying
Moderate: Murder, Panic attacks/disorders, Violence, and Stalking
Minor: Outing
merle_bookdragon's review against another edition
adventurous
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
mysterious
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
I don't even exactly know where to start or end but this book was wonderful.
I'm usually not big on murder mystery but I guess if you package it in a YA queer contemporary with a wonderful protagonist it works. I really enjoyed Sam's POV, learning more about how they see the world and of course the wonderful realizations they had when they were finally surrounded by good friends. And my god are good friends groups one of my favorite things in literature. Sam, Shep, Sky, Aidan, and Ronnie and Jax, too, are such a wonderful group and I just wish everyone could be surrounded by such a safe group of people.
I think while this might sound cheesy one of my other favorite things was the wonderful representation we had in this book. Sam is autistic and nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns, and they also identify themselves as panromantic and being on the ace spectrum. We also see Latina, Black, Vietnamese, bi, and aroace rep (and more I'm sure) in Sam's friend group and in the LGBTQIA+ club at school.
The murder mystery part starts slowly and then grows more apparent towards the second half of the book when it becomes obvious that Sam and Shep have stirred a pot that somebody clearly doesn't want to have stirred. I really liked the dynamic development and without any spoilers - I didn't guess who the murder was.
And just for a little bit of emotional pain, because Sam was really good at inflicting that on me:
I'm usually not big on murder mystery but I guess if you package it in a YA queer contemporary with a wonderful protagonist it works. I really enjoyed Sam's POV, learning more about how they see the world and of course the wonderful realizations they had when they were finally surrounded by good friends. And my god are good friends groups one of my favorite things in literature. Sam, Shep, Sky, Aidan, and Ronnie and Jax, too, are such a wonderful group and I just wish everyone could be surrounded by such a safe group of people.
I think while this might sound cheesy one of my other favorite things was the wonderful representation we had in this book. Sam is autistic and nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns, and they also identify themselves as panromantic and being on the ace spectrum. We also see Latina, Black, Vietnamese, bi, and aroace rep (and more I'm sure) in Sam's friend group and in the LGBTQIA+ club at school.
The murder mystery part starts slowly and then grows more apparent towards the second half of the book when it becomes obvious that Sam and Shep have stirred a pot that somebody clearly doesn't want to have stirred. I really liked the dynamic development and without any spoilers - I didn't guess who the murder was.
And just for a little bit of emotional pain, because Sam was really good at inflicting that on me:
"I'm not afraid of the dead, Dad. They're dead. [...] The living are scarier."
Content Warnings
Graphic: Transphobia, Bullying, Homophobia, and Violence
Moderate: Biphobia, Death, Murder, Toxic friendship, and Stalking
Minor: Self harm, Alcoholism, Cancer, Domestic abuse, Vomit, and Outing
aexileigh's review
dark
emotional
mysterious
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Murder, Outing, Child death, Hate crime, Panic attacks/disorders, Stalking, Biphobia, Bullying, Death, and Transphobia
Moderate: Toxic relationship, Injury/Injury detail, Misogyny, Blood, Cancer, Emotional abuse, Self harm, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Cursing, and Domestic abuse
lnel's review
adventurous
dark
mysterious
reflective
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Hate crime
Minor: Stalking
sarah984's review against another edition
dark
emotional
mysterious
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
1.5
I feel terrible giving this book such a low rating but I didn't like it at all.
I will say first off that I really liked Sam's relationship with their dad, and the way that emotions are described being interpreted through facial expressions and the general autistic point of view.
Every character that wasn't Sam or their dad was pretty one-note, though. I kept forgetting about Sky even though he was part of the core friend group, and it took me like half the book to realize Aidan and Dylan were two different guys. There were two different characters whose entire personality was "mean girl". The slang is really embarrassing (stop saying emoji!) and the constant brand name and meme references are already dated.
The mystery was also just really bad. The perpetrator is pretty easy to guessbecause it's the one adult with zero redeeming qualities. The author also seems to want to write a book where true crime sleuths save the day while acknowledging how damaging and ghoulish true crime superfans can be and that did not work for me. The way everything worked out comes across as "digging at old wounds and invading peoples' privacy is bad unless I do it."
I will say first off that I really liked Sam's relationship with their dad, and the way that emotions are described being interpreted through facial expressions and the general autistic point of view.
Every character that wasn't Sam or their dad was pretty one-note, though. I kept forgetting about Sky even though he was part of the core friend group, and it took me like half the book to realize Aidan and Dylan were two different guys. There were two different characters whose entire personality was "mean girl". The slang is really embarrassing (stop saying emoji!) and the constant brand name and meme references are already dated.
The mystery was also just really bad. The perpetrator is pretty easy to guess
Content Warnings
Graphic: Hate crime and Panic attacks/disorders
Moderate: Biphobia, Bullying, Death, Child death, Stalking, Ableism, Alcohol, Homophobia, Injury/Injury detail, Medical content, Murder, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, and Transphobia
Minor: Police brutality, Toxic friendship, Racism, Toxic relationship, Vomit, Cancer, Death of parent, Chronic illness, Cursing, and Child abuse