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hollyd19's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
4.5
With sharp, honest writing Geller pieces together a mosaic of her life in the aftermath of her mother's death from alcohol withdrawal. Using her training as an archivist, Geller takes the fragmented records found in an old suitcase kept by her mother's on-again, off-again lover to formulate an account of her mom's history and revise her own memories of her youth.
Raised by alcoholic, often abusive parents and bounced between caregivers, Geller's youth was ragged and disjointed. Abandoned early on by her enigmatic mother, Geller was raised largely by her paternal grandmother -- possibly the only sober adult in her life until college. Knowing anecdotally about her mother's Navajo heritage but with no established connections herself, Geller is confronted with this added grief of lost community when a memorial service brings her back to the reservation where her mother was raised.
The writing in this memoir reflects the contradictions and tensions Geller felt as a person trying to grow up in a wildly dysfunctional household, attempting to break the cycles but with virtually no support to do so. Her role within her family -- immediate and extended -- is one of mature caregiver, even to those who traditionally should be providing her guidance. Geller's resilience is remarkable, but the memoir does not feel like a victory story, rather an endurance. Her circumstances are devastating, but somehow she maintains enough softness toward the people she loves to continue to be their touchstone even when it seems to be destroying her. This is a memoir of love but also extraordinary tragedy -- both acute and drawn-out.
I marveled at Geller's ability to write both poetically and phlegmatically, as if her numbness seeped through her pen. Critically, there was no sense of apathy, but rather a sense of unease and resignation. The end of the book was exceptionally poignant: Geller doesn't "triumph" over her circumstances. But she chooses her life and herself, and does so in small, faithful ways.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Death of parent, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Grief, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Abandonment, Animal cruelty, Body shaming, Child abuse, Infidelity, Physical abuse, Sexual assault, and Suicidal thoughts
Minor: Pregnancy
krys_kilz's review
challenging
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.5
This book was HEAVY, so please be mindful of the trigger warnings before reading. With that said, this memoir felt almost easy in a way even though the subject matter was anything but. As the friend I read it with put it, it was like listening to a friend.
Geller's voice was refreshing. She doesn't sugar coat anything nor does she attempt to give her pain/trauma a deeper meaning or poetic beauty. She simply lays it all out without apology. And that raw vulnerability felt like a breath of fresh air. As a survivor, your story doesn't have to prioritize other people's comfort or inspire others with your unbelievable strength. It doesn't have to be palatable. It can just be.
I especially appreciated how Geller spoke about forgiveness and the repeating cycles of addiction and recovery. And how you cannot force other people to change no matter how much you love them.
Structuring the memoir around archived family photos, journal entries, and letters was also a really cool writing methodology.
tw: death of a parent, alcoholism, addiction, child abuse, domestic abuse
Geller's voice was refreshing. She doesn't sugar coat anything nor does she attempt to give her pain/trauma a deeper meaning or poetic beauty. She simply lays it all out without apology. And that raw vulnerability felt like a breath of fresh air. As a survivor, your story doesn't have to prioritize other people's comfort or inspire others with your unbelievable strength. It doesn't have to be palatable. It can just be.
I especially appreciated how Geller spoke about forgiveness and the repeating cycles of addiction and recovery. And how you cannot force other people to change no matter how much you love them.
Structuring the memoir around archived family photos, journal entries, and letters was also a really cool writing methodology.
tw: death of a parent, alcoholism, addiction, child abuse, domestic abuse
"...the longer I stood there, the more I realized I wasn't angry at myself. I wasn't even angry at my mother. I was angry at things outside our control. I was angry at the broken communities we were born into, and the godly men who perpetuated the cycles of abuse. Who told us to seek happiness in ignorance and faith in a God who seemed indifferent to our suffering. Who taught us to forgive too readily, and that forgiveness restored power, when in my experience, forgiveness had only taken my power away."
"Can't you see? Everything keeps repeating. All of this has happened before. I don't want you to end up like our parents."
Eileen took my hands, drew them down into her lap, and looked into my eyes. "I'm just happy you made it out," she said, softly. "It had to get one of us, you know?"
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Child abuse, Death of parent, Domestic abuse, and Drug use
Moderate: Pregnancy, Racism, Sexual assault, and Suicide attempt
mondovertigo's review
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Domestic abuse, Death of parent, Infidelity, Alcoholism, and Drug abuse
Moderate: Child abuse and Pregnancy
Minor: Racism and Animal death
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