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hollyd19's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
4.5
With sharp, honest writing Geller pieces together a mosaic of her life in the aftermath of her mother's death from alcohol withdrawal. Using her training as an archivist, Geller takes the fragmented records found in an old suitcase kept by her mother's on-again, off-again lover to formulate an account of her mom's history and revise her own memories of her youth.
Raised by alcoholic, often abusive parents and bounced between caregivers, Geller's youth was ragged and disjointed. Abandoned early on by her enigmatic mother, Geller was raised largely by her paternal grandmother -- possibly the only sober adult in her life until college. Knowing anecdotally about her mother's Navajo heritage but with no established connections herself, Geller is confronted with this added grief of lost community when a memorial service brings her back to the reservation where her mother was raised.
The writing in this memoir reflects the contradictions and tensions Geller felt as a person trying to grow up in a wildly dysfunctional household, attempting to break the cycles but with virtually no support to do so. Her role within her family -- immediate and extended -- is one of mature caregiver, even to those who traditionally should be providing her guidance. Geller's resilience is remarkable, but the memoir does not feel like a victory story, rather an endurance. Her circumstances are devastating, but somehow she maintains enough softness toward the people she loves to continue to be their touchstone even when it seems to be destroying her. This is a memoir of love but also extraordinary tragedy -- both acute and drawn-out.
I marveled at Geller's ability to write both poetically and phlegmatically, as if her numbness seeped through her pen. Critically, there was no sense of apathy, but rather a sense of unease and resignation. The end of the book was exceptionally poignant: Geller doesn't "triumph" over her circumstances. But she chooses her life and herself, and does so in small, faithful ways.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Death of parent, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Grief, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Abandonment, Animal cruelty, Body shaming, Child abuse, Infidelity, Physical abuse, Sexual assault, and Suicidal thoughts
Minor: Pregnancy
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