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mk_pagano's review against another edition
5.0
This is a beautifully written, upbeat contemporary that deals with tough subject matter (unwanted pregnancies, abortion, parental relationships, friendship ups and downs) with an amazing amount of grace. Such heavy themes could come off as too much to handle, but the way Rebecca writes about Audrey and her family and friends and boyfriend is anything but overwhelming. Audrey is a super-relatable character which makes being in her head an absolute pleasure. Her group of friends are real and honest and wonderful and flawed. Her relationship with her boyfriend Julian is pitch-perfect without becoming cloying. And I love the way she relates to her mom and pseudo step-dad. If you're in the mood for something that will make you smile and cry at the same time, pick this up!
aelong1399's review against another edition
4.0
Audrey is the picture of how someone grows up when they’re given unconditional love and support in all their relationships. She is a model for healthy teen sexuality, friendships (even when fighting!) and romantic relationships. I hope millions of girls read this and find her to be a role model for them.
menshevixen's review against another edition
5.0
You Don't Know Me But I Know You is a gorgeous example of a slice-of-life contemporary that takes time and care with its characters, allowing them room to grow, both by themselves and with one another. From the lovely, occasionally painful realism of the girls' friendships (Rose! MY ROSE) to Audrey's journey with her mother (and her birth mother), this debut is full of quiet moments that together form a poignant portrait. The options available to teen mothers are presented thoughtfully, with no more weight given to one than the others, and no judgment reserved for any. I particularly enjoyed watching Julian and Audrey together; their relationship isn't placed on a pedestal, avoids being romanticized (despite being deeply romantic), and contains what feels like a plot twist to this reader, too familiar with stories depicting a girl becoming pregnant and a boy reacting in less than ideal ways.
You Don't Know Me But I Know You is a wonderful read for contemporary fans, readers who love art and music, and anyone looking for an introspective novel on the many faces of family.
Low-key fave: Adam with that pork dumpling action!
You Don't Know Me But I Know You is a wonderful read for contemporary fans, readers who love art and music, and anyone looking for an introspective novel on the many faces of family.
Low-key fave: Adam with that pork dumpling action!
punkystarshine's review against another edition
slow-paced
4.0
Okay here's the thing: I'm giving this 4 stars because I think it's a good, important book. I'm really happy there are teen girls out there who will be able to read this, I think it is covering teen topics in a way a lot of media shies away from. But I didn't really enjoy it. Though, I recognize that this is a me problem, hence the 4 stars. The first Rebecca Barrow book I read was And Don't Look Back, so I was hoping for another mystery/dark/thriller-type book. This was, instead, teen drama about a straight girl. Specifically, a story about a teen girl who gets pregnant. Not my particular jam. Two of Audrey's friends are queer, so that was nice. But ultimately I found Audrey to be inconsistent in her treatment of her best friend, and overall it was just not the action-packed drama I had come to this book hoping for after And Don't Look Back. (Which again, is a me problem. I was not the target audience for this book.) It also took me a little while to realize this, so I kept expecting the boyfriend to get murdered or the new girl to reveal herself to be evil haha oops. But everyone was perfectly lovely and all the problems were solved with little to no conflict. Which is...fine. And probably nice for some people. Just again, not my speed.
shanlyz's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.0
Because she had been feeling sick all weekend, maybe even before that. And she was dead tired all of a sudden.
Lining up all those facts like that made Audrey feel stupid, like someone had given her a checklist of clichés and she'd run through them all, ticking every box.
But they were clichés for a reason.
Ir's probably nothing, she told herself.
No need to panic.
Right. Tell that to the alarm bells screaming, shrill and insistent, in the back of her mind.
"You're going to think this is ridiculous," she interrupted. You’re going to think I'm ridiculous, but- I think I might be, maybe, a little…pregnant?"
I am pregnant.
But it's okay, she reasoned. Because things are going to be okay.
Julian said so. Julian's never wrong. He never lies.
She pressed her face into the pillows so her world-weary, soul-deep moaning couldn't be heard. Fuck. Fucking fuck shit fuck.
Okay. She had to calm down. She had to relax. And most of all, she had to forget about that tiny thrill, of nerves and disbelief and something almost like excitement, that she'd felt in the split second between seeing the results and Julian squeezing her hand.
Easy.
You don't know me but I know you. I’ll love you forever-that's the first thing I have to say-but we can't stay together. I'll miss you when you're not with me anymore.
Audrey came back from her regularly scheduled throw up…😂😅
There are so many questions I want to ask you. The reason I placed you for adoption was so that we could both have a chance at a good life, and now I have that good life, but I feel as if I can't rest easy until I know you do, too. Your mom is a wonderful person, so I feel confident in thinking that she will have tried her best to give you a wonderful world, and that's good.
But still, when I'm lying awake at night, I want to know whether you like cats or dogs. Do you play an instrument?
I'm selfish, I know. I have no right to want to know all these things about you, and yet I do.
Mosty I want to know if you are happy, and I know that happines is an oddly unquantifiable thing, but if any part of your answer could be yes, then I would be so happy.
I'm going to give this letter so the adoption agency, and maybe they’ll give this letter to you.
All my love to you and Laura-I hope the two of you are good together as you were the day you were born, Audrey.
Audrey hadn't ever doubted that her adoption had been the best for everyone involved, but to know for certain that it was true?
Well, duh of course she knew why, but she wished she hadn't.This this was what she'd been searching for. The good thing she'd needed to remind her that things got better even when it didn't seem like they ever could. Look at Amanda Darby and the place she'd been in seventeen years ago, and then look at the beauriful life she had now.
Look at the life Audrey herself had: family, friends, the best boy in the world. And sure, right now everything was fucked up and confusing and so, so hard, but still, she wouldn't change it for anything.
There had been a girl exactly like her all chose years ago who'd made a hard decision for a good reason, and now look where they all were.
She'd thought that if Amanda Darby regretted it at all, it would make her decision harder, and change the way she thought about her whole life. She’d thought that if Amanda Darby didn't regret it at all, it would push her closer to the adoption choice, even though she knew it wasn't right for her. But, no. Reading those words written by the woman who'd gifted her with this life, what Audrey really saw was the power available to her right now. That power to choose the beginning of the rest of her life.
So that only left one thing.
The idea of an abortion-it had been playing in the back of her head ever since she'd found out she was pregnant. Think about all the options, And oh, she wanted to live her life. And it was scary, but knowing that she had thought it through, that all the deliberating and worrying and everything else could be over soon-it filled Audrey with calm.
She was making her choice, her own right choice.
“Nobody knows what they're doing when the have a baby, not really. I would wager that nobody really knows what they're doing in anything. Every parent every day is questioning then decisions. Your birth mother. She trusted me wich you, because she thought I could do a better job than her that you'd have a life she wanted for you. But here you are, seventeen, having to decide to get an abortion. I don't think that's what she wanted for you and so I feel guilty about that too. You make decisions that you think-that you hope-are the best thing for you in that moment, and that's all you can do. I made the decision to adopt. Your birth mother decided on me. You decided on art. And now you're deciding on this."
"What if I have this abortion and then in ten years, fifteen years- what if I can't have kids then? Or what if I do this and I regret it or I change my mind?”
Her mom's face shifted then: she looked stern and the kind of imposing Audrey would never associate with her mom. "Listen to me," she said, grabbing for Audrey's hands. "Really think about this. Because it's your life, and you're in control. Do you think that's what's going to happen? That you're going to be…punished if you choose this way?"
"I don't know," Audrey said softly. "That's the problem."
"Or are you scared?" her mom asked. "Because fear can be a strange thing. It can do strange things to your mind. You have to see through that and remind yourself of your own truth. Getting you was the best thing that ever happened to me, and maybe it seems strange to say that what you’re going through right now might be the best thing to happen to you, but it really might. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have no idea what good things are going to happen.”
Are you scared?
Yes, Audrey thought. Yes, I am scared. But I hope that I'm doing the right thing. No. I am doing the right ching. This baby isn't my baby, the baby. My baby is years away, when I’m older and wiser and hopefully happy. So I can make that baby happy.
I know that. I know.
If Amanda Darby could be happy, then so could Audrey. And more than that, she should be happy. Amanda had given Andrey the opportunity to do that, to have a mom who loved her so much even when Audrey didn't deserve it, who would make the world move to give Audrey everything she ever needed.
And maybe Audrey would grow up to be an artist, or maybe not.
She could be a teacher or a mother or a person who tried to make the world a little brighter. She could do all those things because of what her mom did for her, what Amanda did for her, what she did for herself.Her life could go in ten thousand different directions, and all of them were right.
So tomorrow, and in two weeks, and in a couple of years, she'd be that happy. That was a promise to herself that she'd do everything to keep.
Lining up all those facts like that made Audrey feel stupid, like someone had given her a checklist of clichés and she'd run through them all, ticking every box.
But they were clichés for a reason.
Ir's probably nothing, she told herself.
No need to panic.
Right. Tell that to the alarm bells screaming, shrill and insistent, in the back of her mind.
"You're going to think this is ridiculous," she interrupted. You’re going to think I'm ridiculous, but- I think I might be, maybe, a little…pregnant?"
I am pregnant.
But it's okay, she reasoned. Because things are going to be okay.
Julian said so. Julian's never wrong. He never lies.
She pressed her face into the pillows so her world-weary, soul-deep moaning couldn't be heard. Fuck. Fucking fuck shit fuck.
Okay. She had to calm down. She had to relax. And most of all, she had to forget about that tiny thrill, of nerves and disbelief and something almost like excitement, that she'd felt in the split second between seeing the results and Julian squeezing her hand.
Easy.
You don't know me but I know you. I’ll love you forever-that's the first thing I have to say-but we can't stay together. I'll miss you when you're not with me anymore.
Audrey came back from her regularly scheduled throw up…😂😅
There are so many questions I want to ask you. The reason I placed you for adoption was so that we could both have a chance at a good life, and now I have that good life, but I feel as if I can't rest easy until I know you do, too. Your mom is a wonderful person, so I feel confident in thinking that she will have tried her best to give you a wonderful world, and that's good.
But still, when I'm lying awake at night, I want to know whether you like cats or dogs. Do you play an instrument?
I'm selfish, I know. I have no right to want to know all these things about you, and yet I do.
Mosty I want to know if you are happy, and I know that happines is an oddly unquantifiable thing, but if any part of your answer could be yes, then I would be so happy.
I'm going to give this letter so the adoption agency, and maybe they’ll give this letter to you.
All my love to you and Laura-I hope the two of you are good together as you were the day you were born, Audrey.
Audrey hadn't ever doubted that her adoption had been the best for everyone involved, but to know for certain that it was true?
Well, duh of course she knew why, but she wished she hadn't.This this was what she'd been searching for. The good thing she'd needed to remind her that things got better even when it didn't seem like they ever could. Look at Amanda Darby and the place she'd been in seventeen years ago, and then look at the beauriful life she had now.
Look at the life Audrey herself had: family, friends, the best boy in the world. And sure, right now everything was fucked up and confusing and so, so hard, but still, she wouldn't change it for anything.
There had been a girl exactly like her all chose years ago who'd made a hard decision for a good reason, and now look where they all were.
She'd thought that if Amanda Darby regretted it at all, it would make her decision harder, and change the way she thought about her whole life. She’d thought that if Amanda Darby didn't regret it at all, it would push her closer to the adoption choice, even though she knew it wasn't right for her. But, no. Reading those words written by the woman who'd gifted her with this life, what Audrey really saw was the power available to her right now. That power to choose the beginning of the rest of her life.
So that only left one thing.
The idea of an abortion-it had been playing in the back of her head ever since she'd found out she was pregnant. Think about all the options, And oh, she wanted to live her life. And it was scary, but knowing that she had thought it through, that all the deliberating and worrying and everything else could be over soon-it filled Audrey with calm.
She was making her choice, her own right choice.
“Nobody knows what they're doing when the have a baby, not really. I would wager that nobody really knows what they're doing in anything. Every parent every day is questioning then decisions. Your birth mother. She trusted me wich you, because she thought I could do a better job than her that you'd have a life she wanted for you. But here you are, seventeen, having to decide to get an abortion. I don't think that's what she wanted for you and so I feel guilty about that too. You make decisions that you think-that you hope-are the best thing for you in that moment, and that's all you can do. I made the decision to adopt. Your birth mother decided on me. You decided on art. And now you're deciding on this."
"What if I have this abortion and then in ten years, fifteen years- what if I can't have kids then? Or what if I do this and I regret it or I change my mind?”
Her mom's face shifted then: she looked stern and the kind of imposing Audrey would never associate with her mom. "Listen to me," she said, grabbing for Audrey's hands. "Really think about this. Because it's your life, and you're in control. Do you think that's what's going to happen? That you're going to be…punished if you choose this way?"
"I don't know," Audrey said softly. "That's the problem."
"Or are you scared?" her mom asked. "Because fear can be a strange thing. It can do strange things to your mind. You have to see through that and remind yourself of your own truth. Getting you was the best thing that ever happened to me, and maybe it seems strange to say that what you’re going through right now might be the best thing to happen to you, but it really might. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have no idea what good things are going to happen.”
Are you scared?
Yes, Audrey thought. Yes, I am scared. But I hope that I'm doing the right thing. No. I am doing the right ching. This baby isn't my baby, the baby. My baby is years away, when I’m older and wiser and hopefully happy. So I can make that baby happy.
I know that. I know.
If Amanda Darby could be happy, then so could Audrey. And more than that, she should be happy. Amanda had given Andrey the opportunity to do that, to have a mom who loved her so much even when Audrey didn't deserve it, who would make the world move to give Audrey everything she ever needed.
And maybe Audrey would grow up to be an artist, or maybe not.
She could be a teacher or a mother or a person who tried to make the world a little brighter. She could do all those things because of what her mom did for her, what Amanda did for her, what she did for herself.Her life could go in ten thousand different directions, and all of them were right.
So tomorrow, and in two weeks, and in a couple of years, she'd be that happy. That was a promise to herself that she'd do everything to keep.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Pregnancy and Abortion
abscarlet's review against another edition
2.0
This book was... okay. Not something I really would’ve chosen, but I was going on a road trip and frantically checked out two or three books from the online library. This just happened to be one I selected randomly. It was a good book, but a little too high-school feeling for me. Drama, messy emotions, unfinished conversations. I would’ve enjoyed this book more a few years ago, I think.
lexiww's review against another edition
4.0
It’s unfair to call this simply a book about teen pregnancy. Yes, 17-year-old Audrey finds herself unexpectedly pregnant by her longtime beloved, Julian. And appropriately, the bulk of this nuanced novel follows her as she wrestles with choosing what to do next. Adopted as a baby herself, Audrey ruminates on that option: How might the life of her child differ from her own upbringing? Should she follow the path of her birth mother, who she has only ever read a single letter from? If she keeps the baby, can she offer all she gratefully experienced growing up? She also wonders about abortion: How might it shape the person she is trying to become—and who is that, anyway? Through starkly genuine conversations with her boyfriend, her mother, and her best friend, Audrey is encouraged in earnest to make her choice with integrity. In this debut novel, Barrow has crafted soulful, complex characters who will resonate with readers who’ve had to contemplate the weight of their decisions upon their futures and themselves.— Lexi Walters Wright, First published June 1, 2017 (Booklist)
abbygdickerson's review against another edition
3.0
I really liked this book but not at the beginning. I saw the potential in the book and kept reading. After Audrey found out she was pregnant, not a lot happened for a while except worsening friendships and indecisiveness. In the end I was glad I kept reading because I really enjoyed the ending.
charmaineac's review against another edition
1.0
What a frustrating book! Audrey spent so much time in limbo — indecisive, uncommunicative, and combative. I hated how often she had her head in the clouds, intentionally ignoring reality. I hated how she revealed the weight of these secrets in snippets, to selective individuals. But the cherry on top of that was how she'd then get MAD at all these people for not understanding her. And she had the audacity to tell a friend to communicate more. Do what I say, not what I do, huh?
And then there was the giant showdown in the school hallway. Listen, Audrey had a somewhat valid reason for keeping her secret. And when given a chance to explain, all she says is... "This is different." No! That's not how you win a fight!! She should have said that she had been TRYING to tell this person (because she had), but they wouldn't give her a word in edgewise. That was the real reason, wasn't it?
These dysfunctional friendships were exhausting. I can't imagine having such an intense group of friends. They were people who would drop everything for each other, maybe. But they were also people who would play mind games with each other, make SNARKY comments about each other, and throw each others' secrets in their faces. I don't know about you, but those are not friends I'd want to keep in my life.
Another point of contention (and I think this is just me)... I just was not feeling Julian at all. He was too much of a doormat/puppy dog, and never pushed Audrey like he should have. And the whole "rock god" persona felt so contrived (in my opinion). He was the voice of reason at many times though, which made it so infuriating when Audrey didn't listen to him. I can't even imagine what it would be like in his situation, wanting to talk things through and make decisions before they were made for him. If Audrey wouldn't even TALK about what she wanted to do, Julian's conclusions seemed 100% logical... and also ridiculously scary for him.
Audrey seems like the kind of person you want on your side when the sun is shining. She's a good times person, and knows how to make others happy. But when the storm rolls around... well, let's just say she is NOT the person I'd want in my corner at all.
It became evident what choice Audrey and Julian would make once we got through a certain portion of the book without a resolution. To make that clear: a choice to keep it is a book about the pregnancy journey, a choice to put it up for adoption is a book about family, and a choice to abort it is about the choice itself. Not sure if that's a spoiler or not.
In terms of redeeming qualities, I did like the conclusion though. I liked Coop's party scenes. I liked watching these kids make up, have fun, and live. I just wish we got to see the full letter response (what a cop-out)!
And then there was the giant showdown in the school hallway. Listen, Audrey had a somewhat valid reason for keeping her secret. And when given a chance to explain, all she says is... "This is different." No! That's not how you win a fight!! She should have said that she had been TRYING to tell this person (because she had), but they wouldn't give her a word in edgewise. That was the real reason, wasn't it?
These dysfunctional friendships were exhausting. I can't imagine having such an intense group of friends. They were people who would drop everything for each other, maybe. But they were also people who would play mind games with each other, make SNARKY comments about each other, and throw each others' secrets in their faces. I don't know about you, but those are not friends I'd want to keep in my life.
Another point of contention (and I think this is just me)... I just was not feeling Julian at all. He was too much of a doormat/puppy dog, and never pushed Audrey like he should have. And the whole "rock god" persona felt so contrived (in my opinion). He was the voice of reason at many times though, which made it so infuriating when Audrey didn't listen to him. I can't even imagine what it would be like in his situation, wanting to talk things through and make decisions before they were made for him. If Audrey wouldn't even TALK about what she wanted to do, Julian's conclusions seemed 100% logical... and also ridiculously scary for him.
Audrey seems like the kind of person you want on your side when the sun is shining. She's a good times person, and knows how to make others happy. But when the storm rolls around... well, let's just say she is NOT the person I'd want in my corner at all.
It became evident what choice Audrey and Julian would make once we got through a certain portion of the book without a resolution. To make that clear: a choice to keep it is a book about the pregnancy journey, a choice to put it up for adoption is a book about family, and a choice to abort it is about the choice itself. Not sure if that's a spoiler or not.
In terms of redeeming qualities, I did like the conclusion though. I liked Coop's party scenes. I liked watching these kids make up, have fun, and live. I just wish we got to see the full letter response (what a cop-out)!