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raquelrose's review
emotional
hopeful
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? N/A
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Panic attacks/disorders, Transphobia, Mental illness, Alcohol, Homophobia, Cursing, and Dysphoria
Moderate: Emotional abuse
Minor: Physical abuse, Child abuse, Misogyny, Domestic abuse, Religious bigotry, and Suicidal thoughts
fcksnotfound's review
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Gaslighting, Mental illness, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, and Transphobia
Minor: Deadnaming and Misogyny
donutlookaway's review
challenging
emotional
sad
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Transphobia, Emotional abuse, and Homophobia
Moderate: Physical abuse, Violence, Misogyny, and Child abuse
emily_mh's review
emotional
hopeful
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
3.25
I don't know how to rate and review this, but here goes. The mental health rep here was handled really well. It portrayed anxiety and depression realistically; meds didn't work perfectly, Ben initially had an aversion to both therapy and medication, and their recovery wasn't linear. I also thought the nuance that Deaver brought to Ben and Hannah's relationship was good. I appreciated that they showed how Hannah wasn't necessarily in the wrong, but Ben could still be hurt by her actions. There wasn't much plot, but I still enjoyed reading it because it was super cathartic seeing Ben start to heal. I think they come a long way by the end of the book.
On the other hand, I think some other rep and information was not done well. For example, I really wish Nathan had been fleshed out as a character. It kind of felt like Deaver took the stereotypical "golden retriever" LI archetype and left it at that, giving him no motivations or desires unrelated to Ben. While it was obvious Ben and Nathan had a connection, one I was rooting for, it still felt like I barely knew Nathan. This is the book's biggest issue, because I think it is an example of the situation that readers and reviewers of the global majority have been pointing out for ages, where white authors write a LI of the global majority whose only purpose in the book is to assist the white MC in their development. If I am wrong here or out of my lane, I will fully delete this review. I wanted to flag it in case I wasn't.
On top of this, the book presents some misinformation about being gay, ace, and aro. It implies that a nonbinary person like Ben cannot be gay because being gay is about being attracted to the same gender, and as Ben doesn't have a gender, they cannot experience same-gender attraction. In reality, being gay is simply about non-women being attracted to non-women. This is the quote I am referring to:
"And besides, I don’t exactly have a gender, and being gay implies being interested in the same gender."
It also implies that to be ace or aro is to be touch averse, when only some aces and aros are touch averse - it's this very piece of misinformation that means so many aces and aros don't realise they are asexual or aromantic for ages. Literally a simple "some" in this sentence would have fixed this misinformation:
“'Touch aversion can be common in people who deal with panic attacks, or people dealing with anxiety. In fact, there are some people who are just born or develop that way, like asexual or aromantic people.'”
So, yeah. Do with this what you will.
Rep: bisexual NB MC, bisexual LI of the global majority (ethnicity not explicitly stated), Bahraini Shia Muslim pansexual NB SC, Chinese-American SC, SC of the global majority (Ben's therapist Dr. Taylor, whose ethnicity is also not explicitly stated), Black SC (implied, ethnicity not explicitly stated), Korean-American SC with ADHD
On the other hand, I think some other rep and information was not done well. For example, I really wish Nathan had been fleshed out as a character. It kind of felt like Deaver took the stereotypical "golden retriever" LI archetype and left it at that, giving him no motivations or desires unrelated to Ben. While it was obvious Ben and Nathan had a connection, one I was rooting for, it still felt like I barely knew Nathan. This is the book's biggest issue, because I think it is an example of the situation that readers and reviewers of the global majority have been pointing out for ages, where white authors write a LI of the global majority whose only purpose in the book is to assist the white MC in their development. If I am wrong here or out of my lane, I will fully delete this review. I wanted to flag it in case I wasn't.
On top of this, the book presents some misinformation about being gay, ace, and aro. It implies that a nonbinary person like Ben cannot be gay because being gay is about being attracted to the same gender, and as Ben doesn't have a gender, they cannot experience same-gender attraction. In reality, being gay is simply about non-women being attracted to non-women. This is the quote I am referring to:
"And besides, I don’t exactly have a gender, and being gay implies being interested in the same gender."
It also implies that to be ace or aro is to be touch averse, when only some aces and aros are touch averse - it's this very piece of misinformation that means so many aces and aros don't realise they are asexual or aromantic for ages. Literally a simple "some" in this sentence would have fixed this misinformation:
“'Touch aversion can be common in people who deal with panic attacks, or people dealing with anxiety. In fact, there are some people who are just born or develop that way, like asexual or aromantic people.'”
So, yeah. Do with this what you will.
Rep: bisexual NB MC, bisexual LI of the global majority (ethnicity not explicitly stated), Bahraini Shia Muslim pansexual NB SC, Chinese-American SC, SC of the global majority (Ben's therapist Dr. Taylor, whose ethnicity is also not explicitly stated), Black SC (implied, ethnicity not explicitly stated), Korean-American SC with ADHD
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, and Transphobia
Moderate: Abandonment and Cursing
Minor: Ableism, Alcohol, Death, Physical abuse, Drug use, Medical content, Misogyny, Outing, Pregnancy, Sexual content, Domestic abuse, Injury/Injury detail, Islamophobia, Sexual assault, Homophobia, Suicidal thoughts, and Vomit
Major: disownment, misgendering (mostly uninformed as Ben isn't out to most people) Moderate: body dysmorphia Minor: one implied use of the transphobic t-slur, suicidal ideation, off-page use of the homophobic f-slur, 1 HP reference, menstruationluananki's review
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
i cannot thank mason deaver enough for writing this book. i can’t put into words how much i appreciate ben’s story and all the characters that came with it. the amount of representation in this book is incredible, i loved it so much.
ben is an amazing protagonist. i related to them a lot and i was crying and laughing and screaming because this book is so so important.
have to say i was a bit worried at first that it would just be another heartbreaking queer story but it’s not and i’m very happy about that.
forever thankful for this book, i loved every page of it
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Transphobia, Abandonment, Alcohol, Mental illness, and Panic attacks/disorders
Moderate: Physical abuse, Religious bigotry, Dysphoria, Medical content, Deadnaming, Emotional abuse, and Misogyny
Minor: Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Vomit, and Outing
kaii's review
emotional
hopeful
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.75
I devoured this book in two days. not as emotionally hitting as I wanted it to be, but I very much enjoyed it. enby representation! we love to see it!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Panic attacks/disorders, Transphobia, and Mental illness
Moderate: Dysphoria, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, and Abandonment
Minor: Islamophobia, Outing, Physical abuse, Stalking, Misogyny, and Alcohol
anastasialuoivsbooks's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
funny
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.5
Firstly, I would like to say that 3.75 is not a bad rating for me, I just tend to be harsh in terms of rating. I adored this book and people do it filthy when they promote it as a MLM book. Beware of those people because that is not this. The story itself discusses how Ben does not like using him/his pronouns. The main character identifies as nonbinary. Do not do them injustice.
I really like Ben and Nathan together. Ben struggling with anxiety and depression are moments I really related to him and Nathan is kind of like the comedic character here and I related to him in that aspect. Their relationship starts off with Nathan trying to get close to Ben and Ben not really reciprocating that. It's a friends to lovers romance and I think the relationship is really believable. I know it's the bare minimum, but Nathan being considerate and patient with Ben truly made me really like his character.
I like Hannah and her husband, neither of them are perfect, especially Hannah. Her husband isn't really fleshed out here. This book tackles with Hannah and Ben's relationship and how her guilt for leaving may have impacted her decisions and how Ben's lingering resent is justified. Hannah's flaws are present here in this book, especially when their parents show up. It shows how the trauma you may have experienced in childhood still really shows even as an adult. You can see the teenager in Hannah that is still really hurt and angry. Their parents are despicable. I have encountered too many people far too similar to them. The father is misogynistic and the mother lets the bible influence her decisions and they expect that all the trauma that they have made on their children would be gone immediately. I appreciate that they went to therapy, but they cannot expect that the damage they'd do would disappear. They place so much pressure on their children it makes me sick.
We can see a change in Ben's character throughout the book. From them wanting to wear clothes they didn't think they could, to them wearing nail polish outside when they removed it when they first wore it. Hannah was very encouraging throughout this, but you can see how society has truly engraved in our heads systems that shouldn't be. Example is when both of them were looking at clothes for Ben and Hannah immediately went to the guys section without thinking.
Overall I really like this book and recommend it so much! It deserves more attention than it gets.
I really like Ben and Nathan together. Ben struggling with anxiety and depression are moments I really related to him and Nathan is kind of like the comedic character here and I related to him in that aspect. Their relationship starts off with Nathan trying to get close to Ben and Ben not really reciprocating that. It's a friends to lovers romance and I think the relationship is really believable. I know it's the bare minimum, but Nathan being considerate and patient with Ben truly made me really like his character.
I like Hannah and her husband, neither of them are perfect, especially Hannah. Her husband isn't really fleshed out here. This book tackles with Hannah and Ben's relationship and how her guilt for leaving may have impacted her decisions and how Ben's lingering resent is justified. Hannah's flaws are present here in this book, especially when their parents show up. It shows how the trauma you may have experienced in childhood still really shows even as an adult. You can see the teenager in Hannah that is still really hurt and angry. Their parents are despicable. I have encountered too many people far too similar to them. The father is misogynistic and the mother lets the bible influence her decisions and they expect that all the trauma that they have made on their children would be gone immediately. I appreciate that they went to therapy, but they cannot expect that the damage they'd do would disappear. They place so much pressure on their children it makes me sick.
We can see a change in Ben's character throughout the book. From them wanting to wear clothes they didn't think they could, to them wearing nail polish outside when they removed it when they first wore it. Hannah was very encouraging throughout this, but you can see how society has truly engraved in our heads systems that shouldn't be. Example is when both of them were looking at clothes for Ben and Hannah immediately went to the guys section without thinking.
Overall I really like this book and recommend it so much! It deserves more attention than it gets.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Mental illness, and Panic attacks/disorders
Minor: Misogyny
Another thing that may be triggering is when religious beliefs are the reasons for homophobia. Keep this in mind. Please search up the trigger warnings for this book and be mindful when you recommend this to others.
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