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nikexistiertnik's review
challenging
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
i'm actually in love with this book.
i spent my day reading it and when i tried to do anything else (like watching horseland or taking a nap) it didn't take long for me to pick it up again.
i don't know what it was, but i found myself laughing out loud, crying, squeaking and screaming, almost having panic attacks with ben, so i actually had to pause and concentrate on calming down before i could continue reading, but also getting hella excited and really having to force myself not to skip entire pages when there was too much tension and excitement for me to handle.
thank you for this story, i loved everything about it - the pain i felt, how much i could relate to ben, and the pure joy and happiness i experienced because of them.
and now i definitely have to check out mariam haidari.
i spent my day reading it and when i tried to do anything else (like watching horseland or taking a nap) it didn't take long for me to pick it up again.
i don't know what it was, but i found myself laughing out loud, crying, squeaking and screaming, almost having panic attacks with ben, so i actually had to pause and concentrate on calming down before i could continue reading, but also getting hella excited and really having to force myself not to skip entire pages when there was too much tension and excitement for me to handle.
thank you for this story, i loved everything about it - the pain i felt, how much i could relate to ben, and the pure joy and happiness i experienced because of them.
and now i definitely have to check out mariam haidari.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Panic attacks/disorders, Transphobia, Abandonment, and Emotional abuse
Moderate: Alcohol, Child abuse, Dysphoria, Homophobia, Deadnaming, and Medical content
Minor: Religious bigotry, Vomit, Outing, and Eating disorder
luananki's review
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
i cannot thank mason deaver enough for writing this book. i can’t put into words how much i appreciate ben’s story and all the characters that came with it. the amount of representation in this book is incredible, i loved it so much.
ben is an amazing protagonist. i related to them a lot and i was crying and laughing and screaming because this book is so so important.
have to say i was a bit worried at first that it would just be another heartbreaking queer story but it’s not and i’m very happy about that.
forever thankful for this book, i loved every page of it
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Transphobia, Abandonment, Alcohol, Mental illness, and Panic attacks/disorders
Moderate: Physical abuse, Religious bigotry, Dysphoria, Medical content, Deadnaming, Emotional abuse, and Misogyny
Minor: Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Vomit, and Outing
alphabetmafiamember's review
challenging
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.75
Content Warnings
Graphic: Abandonment, Alcohol, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Panic attacks/disorders, and Transphobia
Moderate: Dysphoria, Gaslighting, Physical abuse, Pregnancy, and Vomit
longlost's review
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
this book. this book. this book. if anyone ever tells me representation isn't important again i'm going to hit them with this book.
a published book with a nonbinary character ?? a MAIN character ?? who talks about their experiences with gender identity ?? and who also has a storyline outside their gender identity ?? written BY a nonbinary person ?? absolutely incredible. i cant describe how much this book meant to me as a nonbinary person.
as someone who's dealt with anxiety and depression and with a parent who would likely be unsupportive, so many parts of this book felt like they were peeking into my life. it meant so much to me to read a story where ben, a nonbinary character, succeeded and was happy. the book had its heavy moments, addressing ben and hannah's abuse from their parents and ben's fears of coming out after their first attempt was so traumatic. i adored the characters - nathan was so enjoyable to read about and i loved his relationship with ben and how it developed throughout the book (he was so determined to be ben's friend like !!!!! istg reading any part of the book that involved him made me so emotional bc he was just. SO KIND.) and mariam !! mariam my beloved !!!!!! my experience with coming to terms with my gender identity was very much supported by my online friends, so seeing mariam play such a supportive role to a fellow nonbinary kid was so heartwarming, and when they and ben got to properly meet in ben's town i could not have been happier. meleika and sophie were so sweet (meleika offering to pain ben's nails <333 absolutely blessed) and ben's complicated relationship with hannah was, while painful to read about, developed so realistically and i appreciate that despite their estrangement (even if the circumstances weren't either of their faults) hannah was there for ben in an instant. plus a good therapist ?? in MY queer book ????? as ben deserves. their struggle with their mental health was also very relatable to me, and how mason deaver addressed it in the text felt so authentic and caring. all-in-all a flawless book, 100/10, thank you mason deaver for this absolute masterpiece you are a hero of the ages <3
a published book with a nonbinary character ?? a MAIN character ?? who talks about their experiences with gender identity ?? and who also has a storyline outside their gender identity ?? written BY a nonbinary person ?? absolutely incredible. i cant describe how much this book meant to me as a nonbinary person.
as someone who's dealt with anxiety and depression and with a parent who would likely be unsupportive, so many parts of this book felt like they were peeking into my life. it meant so much to me to read a story where ben, a nonbinary character, succeeded and was happy. the book had its heavy moments, addressing ben and hannah's abuse from their parents and ben's fears of coming out after their first attempt was so traumatic. i adored the characters - nathan was so enjoyable to read about and i loved his relationship with ben and how it developed throughout the book (he was so determined to be ben's friend like !!!!! istg reading any part of the book that involved him made me so emotional bc he was just. SO KIND.) and mariam !! mariam my beloved !!!!!! my experience with coming to terms with my gender identity was very much supported by my online friends, so seeing mariam play such a supportive role to a fellow nonbinary kid was so heartwarming, and when they and ben got to properly meet in ben's town i could not have been happier. meleika and sophie were so sweet (meleika offering to pain ben's nails <333 absolutely blessed) and ben's complicated relationship with hannah was, while painful to read about, developed so realistically and i appreciate that despite their estrangement (even if the circumstances weren't either of their faults) hannah was there for ben in an instant. plus a good therapist ?? in MY queer book ????? as ben deserves. their struggle with their mental health was also very relatable to me, and how mason deaver addressed it in the text felt so authentic and caring. all-in-all a flawless book, 100/10, thank you mason deaver for this absolute masterpiece you are a hero of the ages <3
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Homophobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Transphobia, Mental illness, and Abandonment
Moderate: Alcohol, Cursing, and Religious bigotry
Minor: Physical abuse and Vomit
GRAPHIC: Abandonment: The first chapter shows us Ben's attempt to come out as nonbinary, and the rest of the book covers their story after being kicked out of their home. Child abuse: Ben's parents are shown to be emotionally abusive to them in multiple scenes, along with Hannah revealing later that their father hit her shortly before she left the house. Emotional abuse: Ben's parents are emotionally abusive on multiple occasions - there are two places in the book where they corner Ben in a public place so that they will be less confident speaking up against their demands and abuse. Gaslighting: Ben's parents minimize their abusive behaviour to them. Homophobia / transphobia: Ben's parents make transphobic and homophobic comments multiple times throughout the book, along with kicking Ben out of the house when they come out as nonbinary. Mental illness: The book has a spotlight on Ben's struggles with anxiety and depression, which worsen after they are kicked out of the house. Panic attacks/disorders: Ben has multiple panic attacks over the course of the book. MODERATE: Alcohol: In one scene at a party Ben is pressured into drinking alcohol. Cursing: Characters swear occasionally throughout the book. Religious bigotry: Ben's mother uses their religion as justification for why they can't be nonbinary. MINOR: Physical abuse: Near the end of the book Hannah recount how their father hit her shortly before she left the house. Vomit: After drinking alcohol at a party, Ben throws up outside.nerdmaryart's review
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
5.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Transphobia and Emotional abuse
Minor: Alcohol and Vomit
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