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pacifickat's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
fast-paced
4.25
"Why is it that when one part of my life ends, every part of my life ends?" -Abby Wambach
"I want to be stronger. I need help."
"Dude, it's not a failure to ask for help."
- Abby Wambach and Kara Mirarchi
"I keep waiting for the thoughts to tire themselves out, to sit down and take a rest. But still they come, rattling through my mind with the urgency and reliability of an express train."
-Abby Wambach
There are times Abby is exhausting to listen to. I think she finds herself exhausting, too. This isn't a critical assessment, just an observation of her personality, especially when actively living in addiction. This memoir is raw and honest and, at times, tiring to listen to, mirroring the way it's tiring to struggle day in and day out with self hatred, emotional regulation disfinction, obsessive throughts, and grief with no single source. The book does a good job of showing how these issues can stack over time, adding layers of difficulty to getting sober, finding clarity, and achieving healthy balance.
Abby tends to live in extremes, all highs and lows, throughout her career and afterwards as she struggles to transition to retirement from sport. She uses "Chill Abby" and "Intense Abby" to casually refer to these dichotomous oscillations in attitude and behavior. She is either obsessively 'all in' to what she is doing (training, relationships, cold-turkey sober, dieting, self improvement) or 'all out' (partying, emotionally checked out, adicted to alcohol and drugs, binge eating, spiraling out of control). Her neediness could swallow people whole, which she openly admits. It's quite self aware, which I admire in a memoir. Am I tired of listening to these crazy cycles of ups and downs? Yes. Is that entirely the point? Also, yes.
On another note, the epilogue to this book is almost the best part (asside from Abby's first person accounts of soccer matches). This makes me think that the title is actually quiet clever, a double entendre. Abby's soccer career, her incredible triumphs and failures on the world stage as a sport celebrity, are what she would like to consider the 'foreward' to the rest of her life. She's not over, just beginning again. Love, life, happiness, and a meaningful legacy await in her future. There's something beautiful in that, after reading how much she struggled as a human, and barely held on during her soccer carreer and retirement transition. It reminded me a bit of Jeff Lowe's 'Metanoia' film (a rock climbing legend diagnosed with ALS once his sports career ended).
I think my primary criticisms would be:
1. That while Abby admirably argues to end the gender wage gap in sports, and for fair compensation and representation of female athletes, she fails to recognize her own place of extreme privilege. It is difficult to give genuine credence to this message from someone who can completely rennovate a 4000 square foot home in Portland into a dream home, buy a Tesla on a whim while traveling to Hawaii, fly wherever she wants at the drop of a hat, buy suitcase-sized bottles of vodka and gallons of red wine on a weekly basis, party and golf and go to Deepak Chopra retreats, and pay a $10k cash bail for a DUI without batting an eye. I wish the book made it clear that her extra income likely came from corporates partnerships and ad revenue due to her enormous popularity, while many female athletes never achieve that level of recognition or any significant wealth. The book never details this though. I think it cheapens the message.
2. She seems genuinely frustrated that she has not made enough money in her soccer career to retire and not have to work for a living at the age of 35. She makes an offhanded comment that she doesn't know where her next paycheck will come from after quitting soccer, as if all her money from continuing ad revenue, speaking engagements, and this very memoir won't continue to provide a comfortable income for her. Who ends a career at 35 and expects not to have to work for a living (besides pro athletes)? Maybe we should all be rethinking the insane levels of compensation some (mostly male) athletes are awarded, and question our societal value system that weighs sports icons above essential workers who can't even make a living wage (school teachers, anyone???)? This caused a bit of disconnect between me, an average reader (in my mid-30's), and Abby, a world icon who doesn't seem to realize her lifestle is completely unachievable for most. I wish she had simply nodded to this fact and acknowledged the system is a bit ludicrous.
3. Lastly, THERAPY. Abby doesn't address it in any real detail other than she has some meditation beads, perhaps attended a retreat, and went to court-ordered DUI educational sessions following her arrest. She relies a ton on teammates and friends (notably not her wife or family) to catch her when she falls and hold her together, but girl could use a therapist! Most people can't muscle and self actualize their way into mental health and healing.
In any case, I found the audiobook version of this memoir, narrated by Abby herself, to be quite engaging and would recommend it to any other soccer nerds out there. It's a worthwhile read.
"I want to be stronger. I need help."
"Dude, it's not a failure to ask for help."
- Abby Wambach and Kara Mirarchi
"I keep waiting for the thoughts to tire themselves out, to sit down and take a rest. But still they come, rattling through my mind with the urgency and reliability of an express train."
-Abby Wambach
There are times Abby is exhausting to listen to. I think she finds herself exhausting, too. This isn't a critical assessment, just an observation of her personality, especially when actively living in addiction. This memoir is raw and honest and, at times, tiring to listen to, mirroring the way it's tiring to struggle day in and day out with self hatred, emotional regulation disfinction, obsessive throughts, and grief with no single source. The book does a good job of showing how these issues can stack over time, adding layers of difficulty to getting sober, finding clarity, and achieving healthy balance.
Abby tends to live in extremes, all highs and lows, throughout her career and afterwards as she struggles to transition to retirement from sport. She uses "Chill Abby" and "Intense Abby" to casually refer to these dichotomous oscillations in attitude and behavior. She is either obsessively 'all in' to what she is doing (training, relationships, cold-turkey sober, dieting, self improvement) or 'all out' (partying, emotionally checked out, adicted to alcohol and drugs, binge eating, spiraling out of control). Her neediness could swallow people whole, which she openly admits. It's quite self aware, which I admire in a memoir. Am I tired of listening to these crazy cycles of ups and downs? Yes. Is that entirely the point? Also, yes.
On another note, the epilogue to this book is almost the best part (asside from Abby's first person accounts of soccer matches). This makes me think that the title is actually quiet clever, a double entendre. Abby's soccer career, her incredible triumphs and failures on the world stage as a sport celebrity, are what she would like to consider the 'foreward' to the rest of her life. She's not over, just beginning again. Love, life, happiness, and a meaningful legacy await in her future. There's something beautiful in that, after reading how much she struggled as a human, and barely held on during her soccer carreer and retirement transition. It reminded me a bit of Jeff Lowe's 'Metanoia' film (a rock climbing legend diagnosed with ALS once his sports career ended).
I think my primary criticisms would be:
1. That while Abby admirably argues to end the gender wage gap in sports, and for fair compensation and representation of female athletes, she fails to recognize her own place of extreme privilege. It is difficult to give genuine credence to this message from someone who can completely rennovate a 4000 square foot home in Portland into a dream home, buy a Tesla on a whim while traveling to Hawaii, fly wherever she wants at the drop of a hat, buy suitcase-sized bottles of vodka and gallons of red wine on a weekly basis, party and golf and go to Deepak Chopra retreats, and pay a $10k cash bail for a DUI without batting an eye. I wish the book made it clear that her extra income likely came from corporates partnerships and ad revenue due to her enormous popularity, while many female athletes never achieve that level of recognition or any significant wealth. The book never details this though. I think it cheapens the message.
2. She seems genuinely frustrated that she has not made enough money in her soccer career to retire and not have to work for a living at the age of 35. She makes an offhanded comment that she doesn't know where her next paycheck will come from after quitting soccer, as if all her money from continuing ad revenue, speaking engagements, and this very memoir won't continue to provide a comfortable income for her. Who ends a career at 35 and expects not to have to work for a living (besides pro athletes)? Maybe we should all be rethinking the insane levels of compensation some (mostly male) athletes are awarded, and question our societal value system that weighs sports icons above essential workers who can't even make a living wage (school teachers, anyone???)? This caused a bit of disconnect between me, an average reader (in my mid-30's), and Abby, a world icon who doesn't seem to realize her lifestle is completely unachievable for most. I wish she had simply nodded to this fact and acknowledged the system is a bit ludicrous.
3. Lastly, THERAPY. Abby doesn't address it in any real detail other than she has some meditation beads, perhaps attended a retreat, and went to court-ordered DUI educational sessions following her arrest. She relies a ton on teammates and friends (notably not her wife or family) to catch her when she falls and hold her together, but girl could use a therapist! Most people can't muscle and self actualize their way into mental health and healing.
In any case, I found the audiobook version of this memoir, narrated by Abby herself, to be quite engaging and would recommend it to any other soccer nerds out there. It's a worthwhile read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcoholism, Drug abuse, Injury/Injury detail, Lesbophobia, Misogyny, Addiction, Cursing, Toxic relationship, Alcohol, and Drug use
Moderate: Blood and Infidelity
Minor: Fatphobia and Abandonment
Diet details, Body image issues, Obsessive thoughts, Manic episodes, Depression, Self sabotage, Self hatred, Childlessness, Binges and benders, Prescription drug addiction, Narcotics addiction, Emotional instability, Extreme emotional neediness, Police arrestboredacademic's review
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
4.25
Content Warnings
Moderate: Addiction, Drug abuse, and Alcoholism
Minor: Toxic relationship, Pregnancy, Misogyny, Injury/Injury detail, and Cursing
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