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This was my first time reading something by Akwaeke Emezi but am certainly intrigued to read more of their works. This poetry collection is quite varied in both form and topic with grief, rage and religion being key themes. As the title suggests, Emezi does highlight quite a few trigger warning details, specifically sexual assault, but isn’t too explicit. The poems contain a rawness and emotional honesty which I really appreciated and at times I could relate to their feelings too. Some were slightly too abstract for me personally to understand but overall as a collection it was enjoyable and one I’d certainly recommend. My favourite poems were:
‘"BUT WHY DID YOU FEEL YOU HAD TO KILL YOURSELF, BABY LOVE?"
1. i thought it would be a useful sacrifice
2. habit, or morbid tradition
3. god and i were in a feud
4. this world is foul i needed to bathe in my blood
5. spite and vengeance
6. no one else would do it
7. i missed not existing
8. how can you ask me that
9. knowing how lonely
10. i have been’
And:
‘I WAS BORN IN A GREAT LENGTH OF RIVER
if i run the water at full bludgeoning force it takes the bathtub thirteen minutes to fill twenty seconds for the bath bomb to dissolve eleven if i stir, four seconds for epsom salts i sink as deep as i can, involve my lungs it takes nothing if i add nothing
// when i was nine, i could hold my breath for seventy-five seconds, i practiced in class practiced underwater from one end of the pool to the other, the long way, i held the air deep in my stomach, ballooned it into my cheeks let it out in small measured hisses, i rationed it
// in ghana twenty years later, i tripped on a rock while trying to leave the ocean and got seized by the quick tide, it tossed and sucked me, i couldn't stand, so instead i curled against the floor as waves battered over my head, i held my breath and i did not die, do you hear? i did not die what i'm saying is, it doesn't matter which water i will never know what it's like to drown’
And these two quotes from their other poems were great too:
‘…we said in twenty years they'd put us both in each other's documentary, how could they not’
And ‘…what wars have been fought on me what hauntings i carry in the blaze of unspeakable light look at me through tears of blood through the healing flesh fall on your knees beatify me canonize me mark me full of blasphemy give me an army for what the fire has made of me you have been seeking wonders in all the wrong places now here, gaze upon me! i am the fucking miracle!’

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graceburke's review against another edition

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emotional fast-paced

4.0

I'm definitely not a poetry person, but I love Emezi, so thought I'd give this a try. Incredibly vulnerable and emotional. My love for Emezi remains strong after this beautiful, concise book of poetry.
My favorites: Disclosure, Sanctuary, I was Born in a Great Length of River, Mourning, and Self-Portrait as an Abuser

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starrysteph's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad fast-paced

4.25

beautiful. chilling.

CW: rape, self harm, suicide, child abuse, emotional & physical abuse, homophobia, transphobia, death, blood, violence, cannibalism, medical trauma

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bookiecharm's review against another edition

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4.0

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suzyreadsbooks's review against another edition

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emotional reflective fast-paced

4.5

ahhhh the combo of reading this whole collection on pub day & then having the chance to immediately listen to Akwaeke Emezi explain some of their intentions & thought processes at a virtual book talk 🥹Such a wonderful, immersive reading experience!!!

After having read so much of their work, there’s a familiarity that travels across genres. This poetry collection is fiery and covers many difficult topics that you might be familiar with if you’ve read any of their other autobiographical work, but it also includes a distinct gentleness and an acknowledgment of the possibility of transformation.

While reading, I was struck by how religious this book was, with biblical references woven throughout. During the talk, Emezi spoke about how so much of who they are is deeply religious, speaking particularly about religion as ritual, religion as being an entity that is in service to a community rather than as a hierarchical relationship.

The “What If” poems, imagining Jesus, Mary, and Joseph as family friends, were some of my favorites, particularly “what if jesus was my big brother” and “what if mary auntie explained mortality”

I also loved the poems that were more dense blocks of text, which Emezi described as “a practice in releasing constraint.” esp the poem “disclosure”!!

other favorites: i was born in a great length of river, sanctuary, “but why did you feel you had to kill yourself, baby love?”

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