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3.41 AVERAGE
3.41 AVERAGE
dark
slow-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
Okay, you might notice right off the bat that this review doesn't have a star rating, and that's because I feel personally uncomfortable giving this story a rating. While I was reading Luckiest Girl Alive, I wasn't having a great time, and I think there are a lot of issues with the story that I will get into. The problem is that some of the events of this book, specifically the gang rape of the main character, are coming from the author, Jessica Knoll's, real life.
In the final chapter before the Author's Note, she explains the events that happened to her in real life, and they are exactly the same as the fictionalized retelling. I feel weird and gross and unethical critiquing some of the events of this book knowing that it's someone's real story. I can't separate the ways the character reacts from the way the author may have reacted, so it feels really scummy to be like, "Well this character's self-destructive spiral didn't feel realistic or motivated." Knoll mentioned at one point she apologized to her own rapist, and so did the character. Knoll mentions she took Plan B after her rape, and so did the main character. Knoll remembers getting Chinese food the morning after her rape, and so did the main character. I'm not going to critique the story of someone's real life rape.
Do you see where I'm coming from?
Reading that ending made me feel like an asshole, too, because I really didn't enjoy this book, but I don't know how to navigate critiquing a book like this. There's so much wrong here, I don't even really know where to start.
TifAni FaNelli is a woman who reinvented herself after a very difficult childhood full of bullying, otherization, and a mysterious incident. Years later, she's a successful writer for Women's Magazine with a gorgeous, rich, and very well-connected fiancé. Ani is desperate to prove she isn't the scared, lonely child she once was, and she gets the opportunity when a documentary asks to interview her about "the incident."
One of the first things I noticed while reading this novel was the absolute relentless fatphobia and reference to anorexia. It is constant and inescapable. The main character considers herself horribly fat, disgustingly fat, hideously fat. She thinks about how fat she is all the time, even though she runs miles at a time with her fiancé and attends Pilates regularly. Take a guess at how much she weighs!
120lbs. She is 120lbs. Her height isn't given, but unless she's 4' 10" she's a perfectly healthy weight. Now, I'm a discerning reader. I can understand that her view of herself can be tied back to her childhood difficulties. I understand thinness as an indicator of wealth and status. However, I don't think that justifies the flippant and rude way the main character treats a serious health condition. She doesn't even change by the end of the story and learn to love herself. She's still rail thin!
Some quotes to illustrate my point.
<blockquote> This despite that fact that underneath the clothes was a genetic mess that not even a prom dress-induced bout of anorexia could fix </blockquote>
<blockquote> ...spat you out into the new atrium, shortly past the bony arms of recovering anorexics reaching into the salad bar for broccoli and fat-free Italian dressing. </blockquote>
<blockquote> The problem is that I've been eating like a beast. I have to go ano now if I want to be ready by September fourth. </blockquote>
<blockquote> Arielle Ferguson was our associate editor, very sweet and very clueless in her size eith dress. She lurched forward and selected a cookie, so pink it concerned me, between her fingers. Ugh Arielle, I wanted to telecommunicate to her, LoLo only wants the anorexic editors to eat </blockquote>
GASP A SIZE EIGHT! What a hideous monster of a woman. Seriously, this is just a smattering of the fatphobia and anorexia that's present in this story. It's horrible and I could imagine very triggering for anyone with an eating disorder. It's not handled well. It's not shown as serious. It's depicts as "just a thing women do!" Disgusting. The most overweight character in the book isn't treated much better. Arthur is a boy who weighs around three hundred pounds, and the author constantly describes him as greasy. He has a binge eating disorder, and he and Ani binge eat together. He's also gay, though he's in the closet.
I'm going to go ahead and spoiler a bit of this book, so please excuse me. The incident that's been built up to is a school shooting. I don't love this on principle. The idea of using a school shooting as your climax is pretty uncomfortable for me, especially the amount of graphic description Knoll uses. Furthermore, most of the people who die in the shooting are Ani's rapists and tormentors. Knowing what the author went through herself makes this scene feel very strange. I can't say this was the intention, but it feels a bit like a revenge fantasy on behalf of the author, one where she doesn't take any of the blame because Ani isn't the shooter.
Arthur is one of the shooters. He's one of the only characters who was ever really nice to Ani, though they had a big fight right before the event. I think it's weird to make your only fat, gay, bullied character into a school shooter.... Look, a lot of my complaints here really boil down to "the vibes are off." I'm not saying Arthur didn't have motivations, but compared to Ani he really wasn't that badly bullied. It seems like the most that happened was the popular kids calling him gay and then unfriending him. The book tries to come up with this lazy explanation at the end that he was really a psychopath, but I'm not buying it at all.
Every other character in this book is just the worst. Ani doesn't have a single supportive person in her life. Her fiancé is an asshole who doesn't believe what happened to her was rape and dismisses any of her emotions and opinions. PLUS he's a republican, so, gross. Her mother made her attend her rapist's funeral and told her that it was her fault she got raped because she has big breasts. Her dad doesn't care about her at all and leaves her so her can go to work the day after the school shooting. Her teacher called her a cheap mall rat in front of the whole class because she's got big breasts. Her friend encourages her to starve herself and gives her Adderall to help with food cravings.
There is one, singular, solitary good man in this story that has more than a few lines (yes, the documentary director turns out to be a good guy, but for a while Ani thought he was a sycophantic creep who wouldn't stop staring at her chest). Her teacher, Andrew Larson, was the one character I was rooting for. Ani was raped at a party when she was fourteen by some older boys at her school. Later, at another party, one of the men attempts to rape her again. She manages to run away, and he teacher finds her. He takes her to his apartment, patches her up, doesn't do a single creepy thing towards her, and takes her to report the assault to the principal of their school the next day. Ani lies and says nothing happens, and so Mr. Larson is pushed out of his job by the rapist's rich parents.
Years later, they meet again, and Ani wants to bang him so badly. I genuinely don't blame her for this reaction because she went through so much as a child and her teacher was the one safe space she could rely on. She's also hypersexual from these experiences which is an extremely common reaction to her trauma. However, I so incredibly badly didn't want them to have a romantic relationship. I thought it would be inappropriate for the teacher to have sex with his ex-student who was extraordinarily traumatized. I hoped with all my heart that he would be the one good person who helped her get into therapy or into a better support system BUT NO! They kiss, after she has a PTSD induced panic attack about the school shooting, and they would've banged if not for bad timing! AND HE HAS A PERFECTLY NICE WIFE AND TWO YOUNG CHILDREN. No one can be a good person here. Not a single ray of hope.
I can't believe I still have more to say. Beyond all the incredibly bad handling of serious topics, the book is just kind of boring. The mystery of what "the incident" is carries the plotless narrative until around 60%, but nothing exciting is really happening in the meantime. The main character is trying to get skinny and plan a wedding. That's it. After reading about the shooting, the plot just fumbles around for another 150 pages. I kept waiting for it to be revealed that the fiancé was more involved, or that the main character was hiding something, but there really is no more mystery or excitement beyond that point. Honestly, I felt like I was reading something like an exploitation film. The writing was basic. The atmosphere was non-existent. I'm done.
I don't really recommend reading Luckiest Girl Alive. I imagine that this was a very cathartic experience for the author to write, but I don't necessarily think it was one that needed to be published.
Trigger warnings for rape, sexual assault, "abortions" (it's the morning after pill which is not an abortion but I don't know if it's still a trigger), abuse, vomit, child death, graphic violence, school shootings, homophobia, suicide, self-harm.
In the final chapter before the Author's Note, she explains the events that happened to her in real life, and they are exactly the same as the fictionalized retelling. I feel weird and gross and unethical critiquing some of the events of this book knowing that it's someone's real story. I can't separate the ways the character reacts from the way the author may have reacted, so it feels really scummy to be like, "Well this character's self-destructive spiral didn't feel realistic or motivated." Knoll mentioned at one point she apologized to her own rapist, and so did the character. Knoll mentions she took Plan B after her rape, and so did the main character. Knoll remembers getting Chinese food the morning after her rape, and so did the main character. I'm not going to critique the story of someone's real life rape.
Do you see where I'm coming from?
Reading that ending made me feel like an asshole, too, because I really didn't enjoy this book, but I don't know how to navigate critiquing a book like this. There's so much wrong here, I don't even really know where to start.
TifAni FaNelli is a woman who reinvented herself after a very difficult childhood full of bullying, otherization, and a mysterious incident. Years later, she's a successful writer for Women's Magazine with a gorgeous, rich, and very well-connected fiancé. Ani is desperate to prove she isn't the scared, lonely child she once was, and she gets the opportunity when a documentary asks to interview her about "the incident."
One of the first things I noticed while reading this novel was the absolute relentless fatphobia and reference to anorexia. It is constant and inescapable. The main character considers herself horribly fat, disgustingly fat, hideously fat. She thinks about how fat she is all the time, even though she runs miles at a time with her fiancé and attends Pilates regularly. Take a guess at how much she weighs!
120lbs. She is 120lbs. Her height isn't given, but unless she's 4' 10" she's a perfectly healthy weight. Now, I'm a discerning reader. I can understand that her view of herself can be tied back to her childhood difficulties. I understand thinness as an indicator of wealth and status. However, I don't think that justifies the flippant and rude way the main character treats a serious health condition. She doesn't even change by the end of the story and learn to love herself. She's still rail thin!
Some quotes to illustrate my point.
<blockquote> This despite that fact that underneath the clothes was a genetic mess that not even a prom dress-induced bout of anorexia could fix </blockquote>
<blockquote> ...spat you out into the new atrium, shortly past the bony arms of recovering anorexics reaching into the salad bar for broccoli and fat-free Italian dressing. </blockquote>
<blockquote> The problem is that I've been eating like a beast. I have to go ano now if I want to be ready by September fourth. </blockquote>
<blockquote> Arielle Ferguson was our associate editor, very sweet and very clueless in her size eith dress. She lurched forward and selected a cookie, so pink it concerned me, between her fingers. Ugh Arielle, I wanted to telecommunicate to her, LoLo only wants the anorexic editors to eat </blockquote>
GASP A SIZE EIGHT! What a hideous monster of a woman. Seriously, this is just a smattering of the fatphobia and anorexia that's present in this story. It's horrible and I could imagine very triggering for anyone with an eating disorder. It's not handled well. It's not shown as serious. It's depicts as "just a thing women do!" Disgusting. The most overweight character in the book isn't treated much better. Arthur is a boy who weighs around three hundred pounds, and the author constantly describes him as greasy. He has a binge eating disorder, and he and Ani binge eat together. He's also gay, though he's in the closet.
I'm going to go ahead and spoiler a bit of this book, so please excuse me. The incident that's been built up to is a school shooting. I don't love this on principle. The idea of using a school shooting as your climax is pretty uncomfortable for me, especially the amount of graphic description Knoll uses. Furthermore, most of the people who die in the shooting are Ani's rapists and tormentors. Knowing what the author went through herself makes this scene feel very strange. I can't say this was the intention, but it feels a bit like a revenge fantasy on behalf of the author, one where she doesn't take any of the blame because Ani isn't the shooter.
Arthur is one of the shooters. He's one of the only characters who was ever really nice to Ani, though they had a big fight right before the event. I think it's weird to make your only fat, gay, bullied character into a school shooter.... Look, a lot of my complaints here really boil down to "the vibes are off." I'm not saying Arthur didn't have motivations, but compared to Ani he really wasn't that badly bullied. It seems like the most that happened was the popular kids calling him gay and then unfriending him. The book tries to come up with this lazy explanation at the end that he was really a psychopath, but I'm not buying it at all.
Every other character in this book is just the worst. Ani doesn't have a single supportive person in her life. Her fiancé is an asshole who doesn't believe what happened to her was rape and dismisses any of her emotions and opinions. PLUS he's a republican, so, gross. Her mother made her attend her rapist's funeral and told her that it was her fault she got raped because she has big breasts. Her dad doesn't care about her at all and leaves her so her can go to work the day after the school shooting. Her teacher called her a cheap mall rat in front of the whole class because she's got big breasts. Her friend encourages her to starve herself and gives her Adderall to help with food cravings.
There is one, singular, solitary good man in this story that has more than a few lines (yes, the documentary director turns out to be a good guy, but for a while Ani thought he was a sycophantic creep who wouldn't stop staring at her chest). Her teacher, Andrew Larson, was the one character I was rooting for. Ani was raped at a party when she was fourteen by some older boys at her school. Later, at another party, one of the men attempts to rape her again. She manages to run away, and he teacher finds her. He takes her to his apartment, patches her up, doesn't do a single creepy thing towards her, and takes her to report the assault to the principal of their school the next day. Ani lies and says nothing happens, and so Mr. Larson is pushed out of his job by the rapist's rich parents.
Years later, they meet again, and Ani wants to bang him so badly. I genuinely don't blame her for this reaction because she went through so much as a child and her teacher was the one safe space she could rely on. She's also hypersexual from these experiences which is an extremely common reaction to her trauma. However, I so incredibly badly didn't want them to have a romantic relationship. I thought it would be inappropriate for the teacher to have sex with his ex-student who was extraordinarily traumatized. I hoped with all my heart that he would be the one good person who helped her get into therapy or into a better support system BUT NO! They kiss, after she has a PTSD induced panic attack about the school shooting, and they would've banged if not for bad timing! AND HE HAS A PERFECTLY NICE WIFE AND TWO YOUNG CHILDREN. No one can be a good person here. Not a single ray of hope.
I can't believe I still have more to say. Beyond all the incredibly bad handling of serious topics, the book is just kind of boring. The mystery of what "the incident" is carries the plotless narrative until around 60%, but nothing exciting is really happening in the meantime. The main character is trying to get skinny and plan a wedding. That's it. After reading about the shooting, the plot just fumbles around for another 150 pages. I kept waiting for it to be revealed that the fiancé was more involved, or that the main character was hiding something, but there really is no more mystery or excitement beyond that point. Honestly, I felt like I was reading something like an exploitation film. The writing was basic. The atmosphere was non-existent. I'm done.
I don't really recommend reading Luckiest Girl Alive. I imagine that this was a very cathartic experience for the author to write, but I don't necessarily think it was one that needed to be published.
Trigger warnings for rape, sexual assault, "abortions" (it's the morning after pill which is not an abortion but I don't know if it's still a trigger), abuse, vomit, child death, graphic violence, school shootings, homophobia, suicide, self-harm.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body shaming, Bullying, Child death, Eating disorder, Gun violence, Misogyny, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Violence, Blood, Toxic friendship
Moderate: Fatphobia, Gore, Homophobia, Panic attacks/disorders, Self harm, Vomit, Suicide attempt
Minor: Abortion
emotional
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
I want to give it 2.5. It is a very quick read. I couldn't get over how much I could not stand the narrator. We did have a good discussion at book club about it.
dark
emotional
mysterious
sad
tense
medium-paced
I found the writing to be quite disjointed and I had a hard time following along. I think its a very interesting story line, but in the end.. so much more could have been done with it.
Not seeing the hype here, sort of the next Jackie Collins, only better writing
worst parts:
“She brought her fingers to her temples, stretching the skin so that she became an Asian shark.”
The bit where she unnecessarily uses the N word in full. The point could have so easily been made without it.
The rampant fatphobia of the main character (I assume she’s meant to be unlikeable - normally I love an unlikeable main character, but this one is so insufferable that I don’t find myself rooting for her in the end). E.g.
“It’s no wonder the only ring on her finger is the Cartier Trinity, what with the way she’s ruined her face and the fact that she spends more time sunning on the beach than she should running on a treadmill.” Or how about, “Kate Middleton looked so hungry on her wedding day it had to be commended.” Oh or how about, “…underneath the clothes was a genetic mess that not even a prom dress-induced bout of anorexia could fix - a stomach that was rippled with fat, a belly button that winked like an Asian eye.”
“She brought her fingers to her temples, stretching the skin so that she became an Asian shark.”
The bit where she unnecessarily uses the N word in full. The point could have so easily been made without it.
The rampant fatphobia of the main character (I assume she’s meant to be unlikeable - normally I love an unlikeable main character, but this one is so insufferable that I don’t find myself rooting for her in the end). E.g.
“It’s no wonder the only ring on her finger is the Cartier Trinity, what with the way she’s ruined her face and the fact that she spends more time sunning on the beach than she should running on a treadmill.” Or how about, “Kate Middleton looked so hungry on her wedding day it had to be commended.” Oh or how about, “…underneath the clothes was a genetic mess that not even a prom dress-induced bout of anorexia could fix - a stomach that was rippled with fat, a belly button that winked like an Asian eye.”
must read
For survivors like me, reading the authors end note really sealed the five stars. I cried, because the depth of her words and how they accurately reflect and convey what I have felt…. I wish she understood how much it feels empowering to be seen by someone you’ve never met.
She sees me, and she accepts me.
This book is truly… truly a gift.
For survivors like me, reading the authors end note really sealed the five stars. I cried, because the depth of her words and how they accurately reflect and convey what I have felt…. I wish she understood how much it feels empowering to be seen by someone you’ve never met.
She sees me, and she accepts me.
This book is truly… truly a gift.
challenging
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
dark
medium-paced