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134 reviews for:
I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
Michael S. Sorensen
4.02 AVERAGE
134 reviews for:
I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
Michael S. Sorensen
4.02 AVERAGE
I had not given much thought to validation, or it's difference from active listening. This book caused me to think about my interactions, and practice ways to validate others. The examples in the book were helpful, and it was well written.
(Won through a Goodreads giveaway! Thank you to author Michael Sorensen for providing me a free e-copy.)
The introduction was a little off-putting; it’s very clear that, as Sorensen himself states, he doesn’t have much experience as a writer: overly descriptive language, cliches, excessive italics, and multiple grammatical errors (whose/whose, their/there/they’re). Most relevantly, the suggested lines and dialogue samples don’t quite read as natural, which doesn’t help his point about using them to replace the standard platitudes (“It could be worse,” etc).
But he’s clearly done some research — and admits upfront that the book is primarily based on personal experience rather than scientific backing, which doesn’t completely invalidate his advice but does make it less credible, especially since the majority of his example conversations are completely theoretical.
Not that I’m an expert either, but I had some fundamental disagreements with some of his suggestions. Explaining that you relate to the other person’s experience is all well and good, but not enough emphasis was given to how easy it is to make it about yourself (and I thought his examples did fall on that side, even if he does “redirect” to his conversational partner at the end). And as I understand “I statements,” the point isn’t to preface exactly what you were going to say otherwise — “I feel that you never take out the trash,” for example, will probably still put the addressee on the defensive — but rather to reframe the situation: “I feel like my time isn’t valued because I end up having to do most of the chores. If you could take out the trash earlier, it would help.”
Thankfully this book was a short one, the kind you can get through in a single sitting. Which is intentional, so you can “immediately start applying” his Four-Step Method in real life — a little presumptuous, but I guess it’s a fair assumption that you picked up this book because you wanted to read what he had to say.
The introduction was a little off-putting; it’s very clear that, as Sorensen himself states, he doesn’t have much experience as a writer: overly descriptive language, cliches, excessive italics, and multiple grammatical errors (whose/whose, their/there/they’re). Most relevantly, the suggested lines and dialogue samples don’t quite read as natural, which doesn’t help his point about using them to replace the standard platitudes (“It could be worse,” etc).
But he’s clearly done some research — and admits upfront that the book is primarily based on personal experience rather than scientific backing, which doesn’t completely invalidate his advice but does make it less credible, especially since the majority of his example conversations are completely theoretical.
Not that I’m an expert either, but I had some fundamental disagreements with some of his suggestions. Explaining that you relate to the other person’s experience is all well and good, but not enough emphasis was given to how easy it is to make it about yourself (and I thought his examples did fall on that side, even if he does “redirect” to his conversational partner at the end). And as I understand “I statements,” the point isn’t to preface exactly what you were going to say otherwise — “I feel that you never take out the trash,” for example, will probably still put the addressee on the defensive — but rather to reframe the situation: “I feel like my time isn’t valued because I end up having to do most of the chores. If you could take out the trash earlier, it would help.”
Thankfully this book was a short one, the kind you can get through in a single sitting. Which is intentional, so you can “immediately start applying” his Four-Step Method in real life — a little presumptuous, but I guess it’s a fair assumption that you picked up this book because you wanted to read what he had to say.
I found this to be a good reminder to pay attention to people and how to respect them and their feelings. I loved the short simplicity of it
A short yet to the point book which I find to be one of the most helpful communication skills anyone could integrate into their own lives.
If everyone in the world could read this book and take its simple lesson to heart then the world would be a better place. Listen to what people say. Don't just be waiting for your turn to talk. Don't dismiss or ignore other people's attempts to reach out.
"We want (and need) more than just a listening ear. As humans, we need to feel heard and understood. We need to feel accepted and appreciated. Good listeners, therefore, do more than just listen—they validate"
"We want (and need) more than just a listening ear. As humans, we need to feel heard and understood. We need to feel accepted and appreciated. Good listeners, therefore, do more than just listen—they validate"
Meh... maybe I wasn't listening. The author says he's not a professional...should have stopped listening at that point
informative
reflective
Great book. Short & to the point. I really took a lot from this book. I have it on audible, so that I can go back & re-listen to it.
I learned a lot! As someone who isn't the best person to communicate feelings, this made it easier to understand. My partner really appreciated it too!