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emshawkes's review against another edition
I found the author aligned with my parenting style so I bought this book secondhand and was somewhat amused and surprised to read in the introduction, on pages 4 and 5:
So it is somewhat ironic that I have also bought and read the following books by Sarah Ockwell-Smith:
[b:The Gentle Potty Training Book: The calmer, easier approach to toilet training|35669970|The Gentle Potty Training Book The calmer, easier approach to toilet training|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1499986255l/35669970._SY75_.jpg|57133254]
[b:The Gentle Sleep Book: A Guide for Calm Babies, Toddlers and Pre-schoolers|21527117|The Gentle Sleep Book A Guide for Calm Babies, Toddlers and Pre-schoolers|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1424981203l/21527117._SY75_.jpg|40853515]
[b:The Starting School Book: How to choose, prepare for and settle your child at school|58933317|The Starting School Book How to choose, prepare for and settle your child at school|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1630902448l/58933317._SY75_.jpg|73496854]
[b:The Second Baby Book: How to cope with pregnancy number two and create a happy home for your firstborn and new arrival|42270232|The Second Baby Book How to cope with pregnancy number two and create a happy home for your firstborn and new arrival|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1539170522l/42270232._SY75_.jpg|65892707]
[b:The Gentle Parenting Book: How to raise calmer, happier children from birth to seven|28067245|The Gentle Parenting Book How to raise calmer, happier children from birth to seven|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1449014771l/28067245._SY75_.jpg|48070196]
[b:The Gentle Discipline Book: How to raise co-operative, polite and helpful children|34093019|The Gentle Discipline Book How to raise co-operative, polite and helpful children|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1485909036l/34093019._SY75_.jpg|53200694]
I do not want to be like all of the other parenting experts: I have accepted now that people will call me a 'parenting expert' although it is a term I will never be comfortable with. My aim for this book is to produce something that will empower you, a book that will contain everything you need in order to be a confident parent who can tackle any situation your toddler might throw at you (sometimes literally). I don't want to write a toddler sleep book, a toddler eating book, a toddler behaviour book, a toddler potty training book, a toddler and new sibling book, a toddler twins book and so on, although I admit the thought of stacking up the royalties is quite appealing. You see, if I did write an entire toddler related series I really wouldn't be empowering you. Quite simply I hope that this book will be the only one that you need to read, giving you all the tools to parent confidently throughout the first five years of your child's life and sometimes beyond.
So it is somewhat ironic that I have also bought and read the following books by Sarah Ockwell-Smith:
[b:The Gentle Potty Training Book: The calmer, easier approach to toilet training|35669970|The Gentle Potty Training Book The calmer, easier approach to toilet training|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1499986255l/35669970._SY75_.jpg|57133254]
[b:The Gentle Sleep Book: A Guide for Calm Babies, Toddlers and Pre-schoolers|21527117|The Gentle Sleep Book A Guide for Calm Babies, Toddlers and Pre-schoolers|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1424981203l/21527117._SY75_.jpg|40853515]
[b:The Starting School Book: How to choose, prepare for and settle your child at school|58933317|The Starting School Book How to choose, prepare for and settle your child at school|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1630902448l/58933317._SY75_.jpg|73496854]
[b:The Second Baby Book: How to cope with pregnancy number two and create a happy home for your firstborn and new arrival|42270232|The Second Baby Book How to cope with pregnancy number two and create a happy home for your firstborn and new arrival|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1539170522l/42270232._SY75_.jpg|65892707]
[b:The Gentle Parenting Book: How to raise calmer, happier children from birth to seven|28067245|The Gentle Parenting Book How to raise calmer, happier children from birth to seven|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1449014771l/28067245._SY75_.jpg|48070196]
[b:The Gentle Discipline Book: How to raise co-operative, polite and helpful children|34093019|The Gentle Discipline Book How to raise co-operative, polite and helpful children|Sarah Ockwell-Smith|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1485909036l/34093019._SY75_.jpg|53200694]
sophiebeth23's review against another edition
5.0
Great book which offers lots of examples to better support our toddlers behaviour.
erikars's review against another edition
3.0
The ToddlerCalm framework is a useful way to remember some good tips for dealing with toddlers, but the book itself is so-so.
It starts with some background on how the toddler mind develops. Toddlers aren't mini-adults, and what we expect of adults just doesn't work with them. For example, toddlers don't really understand chains of reasoning, especially when they're upset. (To be fair, while we like to pretend otherwise, that's generally true of adults too.)
Based on other things I've read, this is a pretty good overview of toddler developmental, but it the presentation bugged me for two reasons. First, Ockwell-Smith falls into the common parenting book habit of being judgmental of certain parenting behaviors; more gently than other sources, but still disapproving. Second, her citations felt second hand. Instead of citing research psychologists, she tended to cite child experts and non-research psychologists. If this were a series of blog posts, I'd be fine with that. In a book, I expect better.
That said, Ockwell-Smith's attitude toward toddlers is consistently positive, respectful, and development oriented. Her model presents a concrete tips to steer between authoritarian and permissive parenting and instead aim for the authoritative style. When it comes to the concrete details of what she recommends, I find myself agreeing with most of it.
Key to her approach is to avoid one-size-fits-all solutions, and instead analyze the problems your child is having using the CRUCIAL framework.
C: Understand what control the toddler is trying to get; can they be given some control while still allowing your family to achieve their goals?
R: Know that your toddlers need a rhythm to their life. This doesn't mean a rigid schedule, but it call for familiar structures. Deviation from rhythm can cause behavior problems. Just as importantly, incorporating something into the daily rhythm can make new behaviors easier to incorporate.
U: It's worth taking the time to understand the real problem rather than assume the reasons for the child's behavior.
C: It's important to communicate with the child in a style they can understand. Get down on their level (literally and figuratively), don't use long chains of reasoning, relate things to what they understand.
I: Every toddler is an individual. Don't assume that what solved another child's problematic behavior will work for this child, but also don't assume something is wrong with your child just because they have some problem another child doesn't.
A: Take stock of your needs and your child's needs and avoid situations that tend to trigger bad behavior when they aren't critical. Don't let the social pressure of what you "should" do force you to do something that makes you and your children unhappy. The author gives the examples of skipping play date if your child is having a hard day and not feeling obliged to follow a schedule on things like weaning or potty training.
L: Always show your love for the child. In the stress of day-to-day life with a toddler, it can be easy to show anger and take the love for granted. Remembering how much you love your toddler when they're having a melt down can help you both.
Nothing earth shaking, but it's a nice mnemonic. I just wish that it'd been embedded in a book that didn't have so many small but annoying bits.
It starts with some background on how the toddler mind develops. Toddlers aren't mini-adults, and what we expect of adults just doesn't work with them. For example, toddlers don't really understand chains of reasoning, especially when they're upset. (To be fair, while we like to pretend otherwise, that's generally true of adults too.)
Based on other things I've read, this is a pretty good overview of toddler developmental, but it the presentation bugged me for two reasons. First, Ockwell-Smith falls into the common parenting book habit of being judgmental of certain parenting behaviors; more gently than other sources, but still disapproving. Second, her citations felt second hand. Instead of citing research psychologists, she tended to cite child experts and non-research psychologists. If this were a series of blog posts, I'd be fine with that. In a book, I expect better.
That said, Ockwell-Smith's attitude toward toddlers is consistently positive, respectful, and development oriented. Her model presents a concrete tips to steer between authoritarian and permissive parenting and instead aim for the authoritative style. When it comes to the concrete details of what she recommends, I find myself agreeing with most of it.
Key to her approach is to avoid one-size-fits-all solutions, and instead analyze the problems your child is having using the CRUCIAL framework.
C: Understand what control the toddler is trying to get; can they be given some control while still allowing your family to achieve their goals?
R: Know that your toddlers need a rhythm to their life. This doesn't mean a rigid schedule, but it call for familiar structures. Deviation from rhythm can cause behavior problems. Just as importantly, incorporating something into the daily rhythm can make new behaviors easier to incorporate.
U: It's worth taking the time to understand the real problem rather than assume the reasons for the child's behavior.
C: It's important to communicate with the child in a style they can understand. Get down on their level (literally and figuratively), don't use long chains of reasoning, relate things to what they understand.
I: Every toddler is an individual. Don't assume that what solved another child's problematic behavior will work for this child, but also don't assume something is wrong with your child just because they have some problem another child doesn't.
A: Take stock of your needs and your child's needs and avoid situations that tend to trigger bad behavior when they aren't critical. Don't let the social pressure of what you "should" do force you to do something that makes you and your children unhappy. The author gives the examples of skipping play date if your child is having a hard day and not feeling obliged to follow a schedule on things like weaning or potty training.
L: Always show your love for the child. In the stress of day-to-day life with a toddler, it can be easy to show anger and take the love for granted. Remembering how much you love your toddler when they're having a melt down can help you both.
Nothing earth shaking, but it's a nice mnemonic. I just wish that it'd been embedded in a book that didn't have so many small but annoying bits.
steph_84's review against another edition
2.0
Meh. This book is mostly fine, but I feel like it is written for strict, image-conscious parents, and I couldn’t relate to a lot of it.
There wasn’t much that was new for me and the section on sleep was so infuriating I nearly stopped reading altogether - suggesting that parents get distressed about their toddlers not sleeping because they’re worried about their toddler and hence providing advice to resolve that worry-problem, when really the problem is that extreme chronic sleep deprivation makes it impossible to parent or work effectively, makes us miserable, and drives us insane. There is also some attempt to make the content relevant for parents who have jobs working for someone else (not a fulltime parent or self-employed), but not a strong understanding of the actual experience.
There’s nothing terribly wrong with ToddlerCalm but I found Dan Seigel’s books on parenting and parts of Robin Barker’s “The Mighty Toddler” more relevant and useful.
There wasn’t much that was new for me and the section on sleep was so infuriating I nearly stopped reading altogether - suggesting that parents get distressed about their toddlers not sleeping because they’re worried about their toddler and hence providing advice to resolve that worry-problem, when really the problem is that extreme chronic sleep deprivation makes it impossible to parent or work effectively, makes us miserable, and drives us insane. There is also some attempt to make the content relevant for parents who have jobs working for someone else (not a fulltime parent or self-employed), but not a strong understanding of the actual experience.
There’s nothing terribly wrong with ToddlerCalm but I found Dan Seigel’s books on parenting and parts of Robin Barker’s “The Mighty Toddler” more relevant and useful.
takemyleaves's review
5.0
A little more how-to than BabyCalm, but not in a preachy way. I love the explanations as to how the toddler mind works and why certain methods of dealing with toddlers don't help. The how-to-apply-these-methods section at the end is a little dull if you're not going through the issues it lists, but I read it anyway to help drive the point deeper into my memory. A lot of parenting books are only useful for one read, but I could see myself checking this one again and again.
edmittance's review
2.0
Some good common sense stuff, but way too much wiffling, dissing of others, criticising others' dogma then launching into her own, selling of own trademarked workshops, and not really fleshing out own techniques.
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