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mobeanmt's review
2.0
I wanted to love this book. Being someone who seems similar on the face of things to Ari (had a baby last November, unexpected C section, struggled with some depression, etc) I was hoping to come away with some relief, some connection. I very much did not. I found her to be whiney and privileged.
tarynstan's review
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
missayme's review against another edition
4.0
I've been thinking about how to review this book for over a week now, back and forth at 2am, so I think I just have to get my thoughts down in all their muddled glory.
This is a searing, true, and (very occasionally) darkly comic portrait of those endless yet so short days and months after birth. I am certainly not one who thinks that readers can only relate and appreciate writing about what they themselves have known, but this book and this topic feel that they could be so alien to those without the same experience that I can't judge if the writing would have the same power to another audience. As a portrait of post natal depression it put into words emotions and experiences that have been indescribable for me. Certain passages ring with such clarity and precision that they took my breath away (the quote used as the back blurb was one of those).
I did find the main character a difficult one (again, to clarify, I don't expect to like the main character as a measure of good writing). But she is a deeply damaged (generationally so) woman who seems to view others only through a lens of their relationship and usefulness to her, and her hatred of women is hard reading. Her search for redemption through externalities (one woman after another, or sex, or her studies) and then through motherhood is toxic to me, and there was no redemption or growth to be found by the end of the novel. She will go on to make the same mistakes again and again. (I guess you could take this to mean that the character is solid and well drawn to provoke such a response.) As the sort of person whose views of motherhood/birth the protagonist (and, I suspect, the author having read her interviews) despises and pities, I found the antagonism to medical intervention and to formula feeding frustrating reading (formula stopped my baby from starving, so...), and quite frankly, the protagonist's claim at the end that a natural birth was more important to her than whether she or her baby lived absolutely horrifies me, fiction or no.
Would I recommend this book? Yes, with caveats. For me personally, with my PND as it was at the time, reading this a month earlier would have been very bad. Maybe for some it would put them off the whole process. Timing, I feel, is everything.
This is a searing, true, and (very occasionally) darkly comic portrait of those endless yet so short days and months after birth. I am certainly not one who thinks that readers can only relate and appreciate writing about what they themselves have known, but this book and this topic feel that they could be so alien to those without the same experience that I can't judge if the writing would have the same power to another audience. As a portrait of post natal depression it put into words emotions and experiences that have been indescribable for me. Certain passages ring with such clarity and precision that they took my breath away (the quote used as the back blurb was one of those).
I did find the main character a difficult one (again, to clarify, I don't expect to like the main character as a measure of good writing). But she is a deeply damaged (generationally so) woman who seems to view others only through a lens of their relationship and usefulness to her, and her hatred of women is hard reading. Her search for redemption through externalities (one woman after another, or sex, or her studies) and then through motherhood is toxic to me, and there was no redemption or growth to be found by the end of the novel. She will go on to make the same mistakes again and again. (I guess you could take this to mean that the character is solid and well drawn to provoke such a response.) As the sort of person whose views of motherhood/birth the protagonist (and, I suspect, the author having read her interviews) despises and pities, I found the antagonism to medical intervention and to formula feeding frustrating reading (formula stopped my baby from starving, so...), and quite frankly, the protagonist's claim at the end that a natural birth was more important to her than whether she or her baby lived absolutely horrifies me, fiction or no.
Would I recommend this book? Yes, with caveats. For me personally, with my PND as it was at the time, reading this a month earlier would have been very bad. Maybe for some it would put them off the whole process. Timing, I feel, is everything.
nssutton's review
2.0
You know you're in for it when a friend one-stars a book on the day you start reading it. I found this to be pretentious and off-putting, even after reading the NPR interview with the author about the mommy wars and women's anger. I like an unlikable protagonist as much as any other reader, but this one was unbearable and her anger toward other woman felt like nails on a chalkboard. There were some nuggets of almost redeem-ability there -- the intense nature of a girl crush friendship, especially when it crushes you when it inevitably implodes, how your relationship with your parents impact the way in which you parent.
But in the end, I was put off by the negative view of modern motherhood that permeated the story. One of the most fascinating parts of becoming a mother for me has been the way in which a whole world of women has opened up to me. Not only have my pre-mom friendships deepened but I have been able to connect with others in a way I had not been able to in the few years since I moved to this new area. There is this need to band together, to share your stories, experiences, to help each other find meaning and advice. This book almost felt like a personal assault on that, which is ridiculous I know, because you can't expect a book to always speak to your personal truth but I was like c'mon, build a bridge and get over yourself, Ari.
But in the end, I was put off by the negative view of modern motherhood that permeated the story. One of the most fascinating parts of becoming a mother for me has been the way in which a whole world of women has opened up to me. Not only have my pre-mom friendships deepened but I have been able to connect with others in a way I had not been able to in the few years since I moved to this new area. There is this need to band together, to share your stories, experiences, to help each other find meaning and advice. This book almost felt like a personal assault on that, which is ridiculous I know, because you can't expect a book to always speak to your personal truth but I was like c'mon, build a bridge and get over yourself, Ari.
pearloz's review
4.0
I don't know if I really liked the writing or if I like it because her angry philosophy and politics matched my own. Plot was thin at best but this was an easy read.
jenniferlyoung's review
4.0
Wow. This book. For any mom who has not experienced the hell of post partum depression, consider yourself lucky. This book is a very real look at PPD. If you think Ari's experience is abnormal, you're wrong. There were lots of things I liked, and lots of things I disliked. But overall I'm so glad this book exists.
Many people don't understand PPD, and the author really nails it. The desperation. Feeling rage, sadness, joy, and terror all at the same time.
I could not identify with the traumatic C-section, but I'm sure there are women out there who felt the same way.
I was disappointed that Ari never got any help. No therapy. No medication. In fact, she was a little crazy with the crunchiness. The wet nursing isn't even the thing that bothered me! Haha. Moms are not failures of they have a C-section! Or drugs! Or eat meat! I really wish that the author would have had Ari get some sort of help, but still a good, important book.
Many people don't understand PPD, and the author really nails it. The desperation. Feeling rage, sadness, joy, and terror all at the same time.
I could not identify with the traumatic C-section, but I'm sure there are women out there who felt the same way.
I was disappointed that Ari never got any help. No therapy. No medication. In fact, she was a little crazy with the crunchiness. The wet nursing isn't even the thing that bothered me! Haha. Moms are not failures of they have a C-section! Or drugs! Or eat meat! I really wish that the author would have had Ari get some sort of help, but still a good, important book.
meganstreb's review
4.0
I'm glad I read this book. But I don't know how much I enjoyed it. It felt like it was one of those "building character" experiences.
I disagreed with her feminism quite a bit, but it's hard to pull out the feminism (and the memories of women she's known) from the depression, the all-or-nothing thinking, the feeling of inadequacy.
I hope it's not an accurate reflection of women's experiences after giving birth, but I'm worried it is.
I disagreed with her feminism quite a bit, but it's hard to pull out the feminism (and the memories of women she's known) from the depression, the all-or-nothing thinking, the feeling of inadequacy.
I hope it's not an accurate reflection of women's experiences after giving birth, but I'm worried it is.