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megryanreally's review against another edition
5.0
Finally finished! Started reading this when I started my journey this year towards self-enlightenment, self-love, and discovering what I desired in a partner. Was helpful in my growth.
millenniumiguana's review against another edition
3.0
It was about 80% useful content and 20% BS consisting of things like Astrology, Handwriting Analysis, and Feng Shui.
rick2's review against another edition
3.0
Pretty decent. Some definite gold nuggets buried within.
Some of its kind of outdated, talking about personal ads, and what not. But I think the principles carry over.
I think the drawback of this is that it is fairly prescriptive in a way that I don’t really associate with Buddhism. I think there’s kind of a missing trend of overall acceptance of wherever you’re at or what you’re looking for. This book precepts that you’re looking for a long-term Monogamous heteronormative relationship.
Some of its kind of outdated, talking about personal ads, and what not. But I think the principles carry over.
I think the drawback of this is that it is fairly prescriptive in a way that I don’t really associate with Buddhism. I think there’s kind of a missing trend of overall acceptance of wherever you’re at or what you’re looking for. This book precepts that you’re looking for a long-term Monogamous heteronormative relationship.
juliajjshields's review against another edition
4.25
this has been on my tbr for awhile. while I’m in a relationship & this is more tailored to those looking for love, I still found it insightful & enjoyed it . warning for long list of resonant quotes ahead
This is an older book (published early 1999) so huge focus around ads in the newspaper as a way to get yourself out there. pre dating app era & just the beginning of people meeting on the internet. so interesting to here & learn about!!
I found it to be quite radical for the time. While no acknowledgement of nb folks (always saying she/he rather than they), there are chapters on queer relationships & the author herself identifies as bisexual. very open conversations on sex & the role of it in relationships.
Overall so many takeaways & solid listen :) 6.5 hrs audiobook
ON BUDDHISM
- “Buddhism is more of a philosophy for living than a religion or dogma. It’s about being awake, free from illusions & fear so that compassion & loving kindness permeate all of our relationships”
- “Buddhism is a very earthbound approach to living that focuses on our moment to moment awareness of every aspect of our life”
- “Buddhists do not refer to God. Rather to the essence or energy at the core of all people & all creation. There’s no supreme being to lean on or tell you what to do…it gives you the ultimate responsibility for your behavior”
- “The Buddha taught that we can find refuge within ourselves through mindfulness of thoughts, body sensations & attachments. This means self knowing…this frees us to connect with our true essence”
- In Buddhism there’s no concept of sin. All harmful acts are seen as stemming from unconsciousness and disconnecting from our essence”
QUOTES
- “it’s our attachment to be free of pain that causes suffering”
- “as with everything, you need to keep stripping away the layers of your expectations, projections, & hopes so you meet people without having past filters & memories clouding your vision. Keep asking who is this person right now? Who am I right now?…remember not to get attached to the outcome”
- “if you present an image & that’s what they fall in love with, then you’ll be stuck trying to maintain that image. You won’t have an authentic relationship or feel loved because it’s your acting job they liked.” On friendships, love, family & all relationships
- “To make a decision based on reality, we have to accept that it will be this way because the present time is the only truth we have. Otherwise our decision is based on projections & wishful thinking”
- fall in love vs crawl in love / falling for a fantasy, projected image towards the future vs moving slow & grounded in the present reality of who the person is . crawling is staying mindful & aware
- Explanation of how I’ve felt after relationships that moved too quickly, caught up in euphoria then smacked by the reality of the situation. It’s part of why moving slow & developing that connection is so important & why I believe my love now is so much stronger, genuine & warm
- The “then what?” exercise when confronting fear. seeing melodramatic thoughts as separate from true essence
rahikh90's review against another edition
4.0
I enjoyed reading the book (mostly) and liked the fact that the book was re-iterating a lot of points one must know and remember on his/her spiritual journey. I loved the fact that majority of chapters were starting with beautiful pieces from Rumi's poems and my most favorite of them "Beyond ideas, there’s a field. Will you meet me there?"
What I disliked about the book which could be really personal is at times it was a little confusing and difficult to understand due to very long sentences and paragraphs. (again this might be because I'm reading the book as my second language but I'm comparing it relative to other amazing books I have come across on my spiritual journey).
Anyways, thanks Charlotte for reminding me one more time that "it's better to have a fight, stir it all up, have the relationship fall apart, and be on your own than to live with a chronic tight chest and clutter in your brain."
and to remember that "there is no right or wrong way of doing things. Growth comes from recognizing our patterns, being willing to explore them, and not repeating the story lines that keep us stuck."
What I disliked about the book which could be really personal is at times it was a little confusing and difficult to understand due to very long sentences and paragraphs. (again this might be because I'm reading the book as my second language but I'm comparing it relative to other amazing books I have come across on my spiritual journey).
Anyways, thanks Charlotte for reminding me one more time that "it's better to have a fight, stir it all up, have the relationship fall apart, and be on your own than to live with a chronic tight chest and clutter in your brain."
and to remember that "there is no right or wrong way of doing things. Growth comes from recognizing our patterns, being willing to explore them, and not repeating the story lines that keep us stuck."
wanwanorange's review against another edition
challenging
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
nmonzyk's review against another edition
4.0
A few parts are dated (like a discussion of personal ads and telephone dating)—this book did come out in the 90s—but overall, the advice presented here remains useful to those in either brand new or established relationships (or those looking for a relationship). I’d particularly recommend it if you’re interested in mindfulness, good communication, and growth in relationships.