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beanusminimus's review
adventurous
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
relaxing
sad
struck me right in the middle of my little queer Jewish heart
itsmebee's review against another edition
4.0
Lovely. I read this book of essays in two days and it made me feel incredibly tender towards the whole world. Bergman's love and openness are so clearly written, despite the machinations and power structures that force queer and trans folks into closets. A beautiful meditation on "constellations" of family, Jewish identity, and queer love. Recommended.
lifeinpoetry's review against another edition
I mean, I liked some of this but when trying to connect to situations outside personal experience the book became less appealing. The appropriation of transracial adoption and the assumptions that of course a friend's cishet roommate must be a hateful, ungiving person if she doesn't want a stranger to both her and the friend to stay at their place. Yes, likely for selfish reasons but whenever I hear this, I always am curious about a person's trauma history. 1 in 4, etc.
jaxcb's review against another edition
3.0
I liked this book for the most part. As another reader suggested, Bear writes about hir family and support networks and how ze treasures and maintains the relationships in hir life. It was really great to read about queer family, in all of its manifestations. There was one part that soured the book for me - when Bear wrote about how, as a young queer, ze had difficulty relating and talking to hit family of origin, and said that it was a similar to the cultural isolation that transracial adoptees face (referring to, usually, kids of color adopted by white parents). It felt appropriative to me - cultural isolate, Bear wrote, is a term used to describe people whose family of origin doesn't share their ethnic or cultural identity. And I read it and was like, no. As a white queer person, I may feel estranged or isolated from my hetero family but I will never, ever know what it's like to be of color and to be adopted by white folks. While I can't relate to my family about certain things, they are still white and we share the same cultural background - we look alike, too. I would just be cautious of linking a white person's queer experience to a POC's experience. Kinda wrecked the book for me.
thegayngelgabriel's review against another edition
5.0
Still unendingly sweet qnd thoughtful. Rereading has reminded me of how necessary this book was for me, as a guide to seeing any kind of good future for myself. It's still necessary, and I carry bits and pieces of it with me always.
choirqueer's review against another edition
5.0
I had a huge grin plastered across my face the entire time I was reading this book. It was everything I could possibly have needed from a book at this moment in time. It left me feeling better and more hopeful about being a human and existing amongst other humans, about love and connection in this fucked up world. I loved this book so much and I want to hug it forever.
caseythecanadianlesbrarian's review against another edition
5.0
I thoroughly enjoyed this collection of well-written, down-to-earth essays, mostly about expanding and reclaiming the term family. There were some really moving pieces about his son, husband, friends, family of origin, religious community, ex-lovers, and everyone else Bear has claimed for family. Although the book does address some tough issues, over all it's pretty heart-warming. I think this quality can't be understated, as cheesy as it might sound. Bear writes about being taught by society that people like him, ("fat or queer or trans or unrepentantly nerdy or polyamourous") don't get families. This collection pretty much unilaterally proves that pervasive myth wrong.
The book is also unabashedly written for queer and/or trans people as readers, which is something I don't take for granted. It's not explaining queer and trans lives to everyone else, it's written with us in mind.
This is Bear's strongest book yet.
The book is also unabashedly written for queer and/or trans people as readers, which is something I don't take for granted. It's not explaining queer and trans lives to everyone else, it's written with us in mind.
This is Bear's strongest book yet.
battlepoet's review against another edition
4.0
An enjoyable read, as always. It wasn't as life changing as it used to be when I was coming out as queer/trans, which is ok.
starnosedmole's review against another edition
5.0
Bergman writes with an abundance of love about the importance of our chosen families.