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4.41 AVERAGE
4.41 AVERAGE
a lot of my thoughts on this are going to go into my reading journal and not here as this hit me very personally, but,, wow.
this book floored me
i love it so much and i want you to love it too
ive never really read a memoir from a trans man before and it hit me incredibly hard and i related so deeply to so much of this book. i now have massive respect for oliver radclyffe
this book floored me
i love it so much and i want you to love it too
ive never really read a memoir from a trans man before and it hit me incredibly hard and i related so deeply to so much of this book. i now have massive respect for oliver radclyffe
emotional
funny
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
Thanks to NetGalley and Roxane Gay Books for the ARC!
Oliver Radclyffe’s Frighten the Horses is a reflective and effective memoir on the author’s journey from cishet-presenting housewife to lesbian to trans man. It’s a complicated story in the simplest of terms, and that is its greatest strength.
Radclyffe resists so many memoirish tropes, avoiding existential drama in favor of experiential detail. He is less concerned with the hand-wringing of becoming a capital-S “Self” and more preoccupied with the handholding people need to be themselves. The book is richly shaded by his excellent ability to depict mundane anxieties—Is the Amazon algorithm going to be overtly queer if he searches for lesbian books? Or, as his parents wonder, Will he be sent to a men’s prison if he’s arrested post-transition?
There are, of course, some complex themes, such as reflections on what it means to be a man—the distinction between violence and strength, and what it means to choose gentleness in the face of that ambiguity. Similarly, Radclyffe’s descriptions of dysphoria are really effective, focusing primarily on simple physicality and the discomfort of phantom limb sensations.
I suspect the writing style found in Frighten the Horses will be divisive. Radclyffe’s prose is characterized by the same kind of solid, workmanlike masculinity that he seeks to embody throughout his life, which makes the writing both approachable and—perhaps to its detriment—unaffected. Gender and sexual identity are often such volatile topics, particularly in memoir, so there’s something entrancing about the author’s pragmatic, almost methodical, journey to understanding himself, even if it precludes dramatic narrative turns.
Most admirably, this is just such a generous book. I think memoirs often depict an untouchable narrator, steamrolling the people around them to discover their truest self, but Radclyffe never does that. He never demonizes anybody, and he’s very compassionate in his understanding of the cost of coming out. For example, he’s forthright about his ex-husband’s cruelty, but he also seems attuned to the insecurities that animate it. Elsewhere, we read some very pointed and painful conversations, but there’s rarely—if ever—a dichotomy between who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Instead, the author gracefully depicts these moments as unfortunate timing—a shame that this is where these lives intersect. So many memoirs fail from a lack of perspective, but Radclyffe brings it in spades.
I have a feeling Frighten the Horses will fly under the radar, but Oliver Radclyffe has written a memoir that will resonate with the readers who find it, and I hope it signals an authorial future filled with many more books.
Oliver Radclyffe’s Frighten the Horses is a reflective and effective memoir on the author’s journey from cishet-presenting housewife to lesbian to trans man. It’s a complicated story in the simplest of terms, and that is its greatest strength.
Radclyffe resists so many memoirish tropes, avoiding existential drama in favor of experiential detail. He is less concerned with the hand-wringing of becoming a capital-S “Self” and more preoccupied with the handholding people need to be themselves. The book is richly shaded by his excellent ability to depict mundane anxieties—Is the Amazon algorithm going to be overtly queer if he searches for lesbian books? Or, as his parents wonder, Will he be sent to a men’s prison if he’s arrested post-transition?
There are, of course, some complex themes, such as reflections on what it means to be a man—the distinction between violence and strength, and what it means to choose gentleness in the face of that ambiguity. Similarly, Radclyffe’s descriptions of dysphoria are really effective, focusing primarily on simple physicality and the discomfort of phantom limb sensations.
I suspect the writing style found in Frighten the Horses will be divisive. Radclyffe’s prose is characterized by the same kind of solid, workmanlike masculinity that he seeks to embody throughout his life, which makes the writing both approachable and—perhaps to its detriment—unaffected. Gender and sexual identity are often such volatile topics, particularly in memoir, so there’s something entrancing about the author’s pragmatic, almost methodical, journey to understanding himself, even if it precludes dramatic narrative turns.
Most admirably, this is just such a generous book. I think memoirs often depict an untouchable narrator, steamrolling the people around them to discover their truest self, but Radclyffe never does that. He never demonizes anybody, and he’s very compassionate in his understanding of the cost of coming out. For example, he’s forthright about his ex-husband’s cruelty, but he also seems attuned to the insecurities that animate it. Elsewhere, we read some very pointed and painful conversations, but there’s rarely—if ever—a dichotomy between who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Instead, the author gracefully depicts these moments as unfortunate timing—a shame that this is where these lives intersect. So many memoirs fail from a lack of perspective, but Radclyffe brings it in spades.
I have a feeling Frighten the Horses will fly under the radar, but Oliver Radclyffe has written a memoir that will resonate with the readers who find it, and I hope it signals an authorial future filled with many more books.
emotional
inspiring
Advanced reader's copy review
I have completely fallen in love with Oliver Radclyffe’s writing. He has a spectacular voice, with blunt humor, dazzling intellect, and so much love and hope for his life and future. In this memoir, he walks the reader through his journey of self discovering and gender affirmation. He opens the book with his queer light bulb moment in 2011, and then moves both forward and backwards in time to tell his story. I struggled a bit with the inconsistent timeline, especially in the beginning of the book when it jumps around the most. But I understood the importance of each time period to Oliver’s journey. And I appreciated his honesty in exposing these vulnerable moments. I also loved how he turned to books to help him figure himself out. I desperately want a full reading list. And I now want to get more involved with queer support groups after reading Oliver’s amazing experiences with them. Overall, this was an honest and heartfelt memoir that left me both emotionally raw but also hopeful for queer adulthood. I highly recommend it.
Thank you Grove Atlantic and Netgalley for the free advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review
I have completely fallen in love with Oliver Radclyffe’s writing. He has a spectacular voice, with blunt humor, dazzling intellect, and so much love and hope for his life and future. In this memoir, he walks the reader through his journey of self discovering and gender affirmation. He opens the book with his queer light bulb moment in 2011, and then moves both forward and backwards in time to tell his story. I struggled a bit with the inconsistent timeline, especially in the beginning of the book when it jumps around the most. But I understood the importance of each time period to Oliver’s journey. And I appreciated his honesty in exposing these vulnerable moments. I also loved how he turned to books to help him figure himself out. I desperately want a full reading list. And I now want to get more involved with queer support groups after reading Oliver’s amazing experiences with them. Overall, this was an honest and heartfelt memoir that left me both emotionally raw but also hopeful for queer adulthood. I highly recommend it.
Thank you Grove Atlantic and Netgalley for the free advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review
challenging
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
tense
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Graphic: Drug abuse, Misogyny, Sexual content, Transphobia, Dysphoria, Injury/Injury detail
Moderate: Alcoholism, Body horror, Body shaming, Child abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Homophobia, Infidelity, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Blood, Medical content, Grief, Lesbophobia, Outing, Gaslighting, Toxic friendship, Classism
Minor: Addiction, Bullying, Cancer, Cursing, Deadnaming, Domestic abuse, Eating disorder, Fatphobia, Gun violence, Mental illness, Physical abuse, Racism, Rape, Sexual assault, Forced institutionalization, Vomit, Religious bigotry, Car accident, Pregnancy, Alcohol, Pandemic/Epidemic
challenging
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
reflective