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4.41 AVERAGE
4.41 AVERAGE
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
Frighten the Horses is, on the surface, an account of a trans man coming out after decades of struggle. Oliver shares how he grappled with day to day difficulties and even physical illness caused by striving to be the person society told him he was supposed to be. This memoir is far more than a coming-out story. It’s rare to find a book that makes you feel as though you’re not just reading, but living within its pages. Frighten the Horses is one of the most captivating and unputdownable memoirs I have ever encountered.
Oliver’s storytelling and the way he structures his narrative create an experience so immersive and powerful that I found it nearly impossible to put the book down. This memoir is an emotional rollercoaster in the best possible way, from trans joy that leaps off the page, often creeping up on the reader in the most tender and unexpected moments, to entire chapters I read with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Oliver has an outstanding ability to pull the reader alongside him through every triumph and heartbreak. His portrayal of both his family and his chosen family is breathtaking, at times beautiful, at others deeply painful, but always honest and deeply felt. I know I’ll be thinking about this book for a long time to come.
My one critique is the use of sanist language in one instance. When describing sorting his possessions into piles, the author refers to his home as looking like it belonged to ‘the demented hoarders in E.L. Doctorow’s Homer and Langley’. Not being personally familiar with the Collyer brothers, I was disappointed to find that the author chose to refer to two real people with very real mental health disorders as ‘demented’. This moment felt out of place in an otherwise deeply thoughtful and compassionate book.
Overall, I would widely recommend this insightful and necessary memoir. As always, be sure to check Content and Trigger Warnings before diving in.
Thanks to NetGalley and Atlantic Books for the e-ARC. All opinions are my own.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content, Dysphoria
Moderate: Ableism, Homophobia, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, Transphobia
Minor: Drug use
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
A brave, unflinching examination of navigating transition later in life.
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
emotional
hopeful
reflective
tense
medium-paced
I think I’ve decided not to rate memoirs - it feels a little wrong to me to put a starred judgment on someone’s deep inner workings. That all said, this was a really engaging read and gave me some insight into the journey of one person’s internal and external fight to acceptance of their gender identity. And as someone who provides gender-affirming healthcare I found that very valuable.
There’s a certain kind of life many of us are taught to chase – a so-called "ideal" that comes with stability, family, and a well-painted picture of happiness. For Oliver Radclyffe, he had all that and more. Raised in a privileged family, he seemed to have it all, and to the outside world, his life as a wife and mother of four was picture-perfect. But behind the scenes, Oliver was unraveling, feeling trapped in a body and life that didn’t align with who he was inside.
Frighten the Horses isn’t just another memoir – it’s a candid, raw, and surprisingly witty account of Oliver’s journey to embracing his identity as a trans man. The stress of hiding his truth took a toll, with his hair falling out, moods swinging, and a body that felt as if it were at war with itself. His story of transition is as much a journey of mental awakening as it is a physical one, and it’s told with grace and honesty. Oliver lays out the reality of transitioning without bitterness or anger; instead, he fills the pages with self-awareness, resilience, and a touch of humor that makes this memoir feel refreshing.
What sets Frighten the Horses apart is Oliver's voice – open, heartfelt, and anything but cynical. His story isn’t about proving anything or fighting against anyone; it’s about embracing who he is, even when the journey is messy and daunting. It’s a beautiful reminder that the path to self-discovery isn’t always neat, and sometimes, breaking free from expectations means breaking open parts of ourselves we didn’t even realize were locked away.
By the time I finished the last page, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Oliver is someone I’d genuinely like to know. Frighten the Horses left me feeling inspired, grateful, and more aware of the strength it takes to live authentically. This memoir is a must-read for anyone navigating their own path to self-acceptance or anyone just looking for a beautifully honest story of what it means to truly come into your own.
Thank you to NetGalley and Grove Atlantic for the advanced reader's copy; all opinions expressed in this review are my own.
Frighten the Horses isn’t just another memoir – it’s a candid, raw, and surprisingly witty account of Oliver’s journey to embracing his identity as a trans man. The stress of hiding his truth took a toll, with his hair falling out, moods swinging, and a body that felt as if it were at war with itself. His story of transition is as much a journey of mental awakening as it is a physical one, and it’s told with grace and honesty. Oliver lays out the reality of transitioning without bitterness or anger; instead, he fills the pages with self-awareness, resilience, and a touch of humor that makes this memoir feel refreshing.
What sets Frighten the Horses apart is Oliver's voice – open, heartfelt, and anything but cynical. His story isn’t about proving anything or fighting against anyone; it’s about embracing who he is, even when the journey is messy and daunting. It’s a beautiful reminder that the path to self-discovery isn’t always neat, and sometimes, breaking free from expectations means breaking open parts of ourselves we didn’t even realize were locked away.
By the time I finished the last page, I couldn’t shake the feeling that Oliver is someone I’d genuinely like to know. Frighten the Horses left me feeling inspired, grateful, and more aware of the strength it takes to live authentically. This memoir is a must-read for anyone navigating their own path to self-acceptance or anyone just looking for a beautifully honest story of what it means to truly come into your own.
Thank you to NetGalley and Grove Atlantic for the advanced reader's copy; all opinions expressed in this review are my own.