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3.99 AVERAGE
3.99 AVERAGE
Fine. Quiz at the end. Do that first. If you’re not laughing, maybe go back and reread in earnest, but I’m no therapist.
In truth, I picked this up because of Leanne Morgan’s bit in her comedy show about this. It was hilarious.
In truth, I picked this up because of Leanne Morgan’s bit in her comedy show about this. It was hilarious.
informative
fast-paced
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
This felt “old school” with traditional family roles and gender norms. The religious undertone was too much for my taste and detracted from the message. However the overall message did have some insight points.
My boyfriend suggested we read this book together and I absolutely loved it! It helps you, not only understand your partner, but yourself as well. I think a lot of couples, married or not, would benefit by reading this book.
I first read The Five Love Languages after what was, for me at the time, a devastating breakup in my college years. The thought must have occurred to me that I wasn't a particularly good romantic partner, and this book could help me learn from my mistakes. After reading it, I though I had discovered pure gold. Everyone in my life who even hinted that they had relationship issues was guaranteed to have this book recommended to them by me over the next decade. I made a promise to myself that I would read it again when I was about to get married, that my bride-to-be would also read it, and that we would re-read it every other year of our marriage to make sure we didn't forget how to love each other well.
Flash forward to the months before my wedding and our pastor handed us a copy of the book to read through before he tied the knot for us. On my second reading, I stalled out. My wife was good and went through the whole thing, but for my second reading, the ideas presented here seemed more like common sense than revolutionary relationship advice. Maybe that is to the author's credit, that the concepts in the book seemed so valuable that I internalized them and made them my new normal, but I have also shed the naivety of my youth, which made me love the book so much. I now understand that there is no one book to fix every troubled relationship, every time.
If your marriage could use a tune-up, (and if you're married, I can almost promise you it will eventually), then sure, give The Five Love Languages a whirl. It can't hurt, and in many cases it has radically helped couples learn to love each other correctly. Just know that it's not the be-all, end-all, and not a universal cure. If you finish and still need support in your marriage, admit it to yourself and your spouse, and go get more support!
...and yes. If someone were to ask me, it would still be the first I'd recommend.
Flash forward to the months before my wedding and our pastor handed us a copy of the book to read through before he tied the knot for us. On my second reading, I stalled out. My wife was good and went through the whole thing, but for my second reading, the ideas presented here seemed more like common sense than revolutionary relationship advice. Maybe that is to the author's credit, that the concepts in the book seemed so valuable that I internalized them and made them my new normal, but I have also shed the naivety of my youth, which made me love the book so much. I now understand that there is no one book to fix every troubled relationship, every time.
If your marriage could use a tune-up, (and if you're married, I can almost promise you it will eventually), then sure, give The Five Love Languages a whirl. It can't hurt, and in many cases it has radically helped couples learn to love each other correctly. Just know that it's not the be-all, end-all, and not a universal cure. If you finish and still need support in your marriage, admit it to yourself and your spouse, and go get more support!
...and yes. If someone were to ask me, it would still be the first I'd recommend.
emotional
informative
reflective
fast-paced
I gave it 2 stars instead of 1 because I think the information on the 5 love languages themselves are helpful. I did, however, not like his explanations and examples. I felt that he used SO many gender stereotypes. If you pay attention to when he uses male vs. female pronouns the gender stereotypes are so obvious. he say things like: "We believe that SHE is committed to meeting our needs, that HE loves us as much as we love him and would never do anything to hurt us." That's the quote that was most obvious to me but there are several others I underlined that bothered me.
Also, the section about the wife who went for help and had a husband who's love language was physical touch and he tells her to have sex with him once a week even though she says that she would not feel comfortable since she feels no love for him. She said it felt like her husband wants to "use my body," but he tells her that "that is why loving someone who is not loving you is extremely difficult.... if you express love as an act of love that is designed for the other person's benefit or pleasure, it is simply a choice. You are not claiming that the action grows out of a deep emotional bonding. You are simply choosing to do something for his benefit."
I totally disagree. You should NEVER have sex with someone or you want to. It shouldn't be about "his benefit."
Also, the entire section about physical touch and sex he talked about how "the male's desire for sexual intercourse has a physical root," but "her biological sexual drive is closely tied to her emotional need for love." Not all women need to be in love to have sex and not all men are able to just fuck without an emotional connection. Every individual is different.
John Gottman's 7 principles for making marriage work is a much better read and he provides a lot of information on how to communicate effectively in addition to discussing love languages. And it also has some activities for couples to do.
Also, the section about the wife who went for help and had a husband who's love language was physical touch and he tells her to have sex with him once a week even though she says that she would not feel comfortable since she feels no love for him. She said it felt like her husband wants to "use my body," but he tells her that "that is why loving someone who is not loving you is extremely difficult.... if you express love as an act of love that is designed for the other person's benefit or pleasure, it is simply a choice. You are not claiming that the action grows out of a deep emotional bonding. You are simply choosing to do something for his benefit."
I totally disagree. You should NEVER have sex with someone or you want to. It shouldn't be about "his benefit."
Also, the entire section about physical touch and sex he talked about how "the male's desire for sexual intercourse has a physical root," but "her biological sexual drive is closely tied to her emotional need for love." Not all women need to be in love to have sex and not all men are able to just fuck without an emotional connection. Every individual is different.
John Gottman's 7 principles for making marriage work is a much better read and he provides a lot of information on how to communicate effectively in addition to discussing love languages. And it also has some activities for couples to do.
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
Homespun wisdom mostly aimed at a heterosexual, christian, middle-class couple (or married woman, commonly). The examples in this edition were "updated" which makes me wonder what the examples were in the original book since these fall strictly along the demographics above. The men fish, hunt, and climb the corporate ladder. The women study sociology and do homemaking.
Which is actually not to say it's a bad book--there are ideas here that could be useful for many couples. Just that it didn't need as long as it is. A long magazine article could capture the main idea and flesh out each love language with some room to spare. The examples are what take up a lot of space, and they all seem to be draw from the same smallish pool.
The main idea is a good one, and I actually don't think it's as obvious as some of the reviewers here. I don't think it's a panacea either, but I do see a lot of value in trying to intentionally meet specific needs so that your partner can receive your love in the way that you want it to be received.
Which is actually not to say it's a bad book--there are ideas here that could be useful for many couples. Just that it didn't need as long as it is. A long magazine article could capture the main idea and flesh out each love language with some room to spare. The examples are what take up a lot of space, and they all seem to be draw from the same smallish pool.
The main idea is a good one, and I actually don't think it's as obvious as some of the reviewers here. I don't think it's a panacea either, but I do see a lot of value in trying to intentionally meet specific needs so that your partner can receive your love in the way that you want it to be received.