Reviews with content warning for Death - Blue Nights

very painful and resonating in the bewilderment that grief and sudden loss can bring. i thought that there was an intention and real clarity in some things being loosely threaded together, but that the consistency of quintana's childhood, wedding, and death all blended into the same for didion writing this. this really gripped me, and as a lover of her work, i think this became one of my favorites. i especially think the beginning explanation of 'blue nights' and ending were really profound.

Content Warnings

ajoyr's review against another edition

Go to review page

emotional reflective fast-paced

4.0

Content Warnings

wellfedpages's review against another edition

Go to review page

challenging emotional reflective sad slow-paced

‘Let me just be in the ground and go to sleep'

- Quintana

What to say about a book that leaves you torn to shreds

I did not cry while reading this book

But crying is not the only sign of sadness, or feeling anything deeply

Crying is an outlet for something that splinters much deeper

It's wonderful if you can

But not everyone can. Or does. Or wants to

A friend once told me I should cry more

As if crying was like turning on a tap

When you have calcified into a certain person, you don't turn into someone else overnight

That is if you change at all

Which is only if you want to, or life shapes you to

I wonder if she would suggest that to a man

Perhaps not

Men don't cry. That is the natural order of things. Even if you do try to chip away at toxic masculinity

Women not crying is unnatural, cold, psychopathic

Because god forbid a woman shows a strong façade or keeps her grief private

Perhaps then I am a man

The only logical explanation for being the way I am, because last I checked I am not a psychopath

But what has that got to do with this book you ask?

Well it's a melancholy meditation on mortality, motherhood, memory and the middling circumstances we call life

And yes it's heart-breaking

Though each heart breaks differently

So let's not compare our shattered pieces

'When we talk about mortality we are talking about our children'

I don't have children, but her pain pierced through my cold little heart

Adoption, fear of abandonment, search for identity, the crippling fear of failing as a mother and ageing alone are things that she gently draws out from her boxes of memories and lays out for us in a new light

It also brought up personal feelings related to illness & hospitalization

How to faint on your bedroom floor and wake up in a pool of blood

How to insert cameras into your body

How to get afraid of getting up from a chair

to name a few

I also felt seen by certain passages in a way I rarely have

'I was short, I was thin, I could circle my wrists with my thumb and index finger. My earliest memories involve being urged by my mother to gain weight, as if my failure to do so were willful, an act of rebellion

'I ask what caused this neuritis, this neuropathy, this neurological inflammation.

Not weighing enough, he answers.

It does not escape me that the consensus on what is wrong with me has once again insinuated the ball in my court.

…

I drink the protein shakes.

I eat the freshly laid eggs from the farm in New Jersey and the perfect vanilla ice cream from Maison du Chocolat on Madison Avenue.

Nonetheless.

I do not gain weight.'

Didion's life dug deep into mine

Just like the opening lines by Quintana

Her passing away was sadly perhaps the petfect time to read this book

It's not just about losing a child, but a quest to know whether she knew that child at all, whether any of us can ever truly know another person, even if we know them intimately, even if we raise them.

We can keep trying to run through life, but as Didion reminds us -

'By that evening when the play closed it seemed clear that I had in fact maintained momentum, but it also seemed clear that maintaining momentum came at a certain cost...One phrase that came to mind that night was "pushing yourself". Another was "beyond endurance".'

So the question is, how far will you keep pushing?

Content Warnings

hlsreads's review against another edition

Go to review page

emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Content Warnings

katiehuntington's review against another edition

Go to review page

challenging reflective sad fast-paced

4.0

Content Warnings

annasophie's review against another edition

Go to review page

dark reflective sad slow-paced

2.5

I find this very hard to rate, and even harder to articulate why that is. There isn’t much narrative structure or much insight to be gained from what a person goes through following the loss of a loved one - guess that makes sense since losing someone throws everything into chaos, with no discernible meaning to be found - but there just isn’t much in this book that I even remember honestly. Not much to be said about Didion’s writing though, she’s always great. I just didn’t find much in the story beyond that, which maybe is the point but honestly, I’m not smart enough or willing enough to explore and analyze that further. So yeah, hard to give this an accurate rating.

Content Warnings

deadeye's review against another edition

Go to review page

dark emotional reflective medium-paced

3.75

Content Warnings

More...