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arisbookcorner's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
5.0
"I've learned I can spiderweb across a man's life in equal parts love and regret. I'm not easily forgotten, but often left behind. [...] I'm never quite enough and yet always still way too much. Too loving. Too clingy. Too good. Too nice. Too hard to pin down. Too irresponsible. Too much off the mark. Too much of a prude. Sometimes these men get caught between what they seek and what they seek to lose and before long everything has crashed down around us, the dust and ruin of our collective lives now smoldering at our feet." ('A Goddess Makes Platanos', 12)
I love essay collections as it's become increasingly clear and this one did not disappoint. The writing was lyrical and vivid, every word feels intentional. I wasn't at all surprised to read that the author was also a poet. The essays can be read out of order but I enjoyed reading them front to back even though they aren't in chronological order, I felt like I gained a better understanding of Dixon's life in the fragments. My heart ached for Dixon multiple times, not because I pitied her but because I appreciated her raw vulnerability and I saw myself in many of her stories. She writes about a variety of topics, effortlessly depicting grief, sexual desire, online dating, friendship, living with a chronic illness. I was particularly struck by the essay regarding a suicide attempt ('An Imprint Instead of a Flash'), her reeling from her divorce and envying a white woman who seems content with her fatness (the titular essay). I don't have the mental capacity to write about 'An Imprint Instead of a Flash' but it broke me wide open and is an absolute must read. Throughout the collection Dixon writes what many of us fear to say or admit. In one of my favorite essays 'Native Tongue' she recalls, “I carried a stick of Teen Spirit deodorant in my backpack because one of the boys sniffed the air every time I entered the room and I was terrified to be the fat Black girl existing in a cloud of stench” ('Native Tongue', 26). I don't personally know the experience of being a fat Black girl but I could relate to middle school me probably thinking something like that about a classmate and also fearing that people thought the same about me. It's just one line but it conveyed so much and stayed with me. Beyond that one line 'Native Tongue' resonated with me for the evoking the constant out of place feelings I felt growing up as a Black girl who didn't fit the stereotypical image of Black girls held by mostly white classmates but some Black ones as well. I spoke differently, didn't know all the latest songs, Dixon sums up my existence in describing herself, "What I can remember now that I am solidly in middle age is that the intersection of popularity and Blackness was where I always got lost" ('Native Tongue', 26). I also really enjoyed 'Karaoke' an essay that made me ache for pre-pandemic life in a way that no other book has as she sums up the exhilaration of moving into a new city, being a millennial and feeling satisfied with life in that moment, "There is a small jolt of clarity that reminds me this is my life. One I've built and reshaped and shoulder all on my own. I think it's what I thought life would be when I moved to Philadelphia. Friends and Friday nights and laughter in a city I'd conquered. All of those things aren't true, but it's getting there." (81) With this passage she captures the emotional highs and lows of millennial life that are universal but particularly meaningful for young Black women.
Another favorite essay that made me immediately want to call my father was 'Ordinary History', in it Dixon describes her relationship with men including her father. It becomes evident that she's a daddy's girl, as am I. “For my entire life, I have known love between the folds of greeting cards, flower deliveries, hometown newspaper announcements, ruffles of my hair and pinches of my chin. My father still carries the tiny slip of paper the nurse handed him the night I was born, the measurements of my birth, tattered and adored in his wallet. He carries my beginnings like a prize. [...] I knew his expectations of education and success as much as I also knew he wanted me to be happy and loved outside of the confines of his shadow. He often reminds me that I am worthy" (21), my father doesn't carry that paper around but he constantly reminds me that I deserve the world and the very best treatment when it comes to men and he has always showered me with love. He's quietly been there to pick up the pieces so many times when I felt at my lowest, ugly and unwanted. I have obviously never been a father but I thought this line, "I knew his expectations of education and success as much as I also knew he wanted me to be happy and loved outside of the confines of his shadow" in particular was so beautiful and rang true. Additionally earlier in the essay she observes, "Perhaps it was my hunger for them to be a fraction of who my father is that drove me to forget myself and accept the scraps I was offered" (20) and I almost dropped the book because DRAG ME. I've often wondered if I self sabotage myself in that way but had never seen what I experienced so succinctly conveyed in one devastating line.
THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN is an intense, soulful memoir-in-essays where Dixon willingly exposes herself to the reader. This exposure allows for the creation of a stunning collection of essays where Dixon meditates on growing up in a small town, being a fat Black woman, the quirks of being a Black Midwesterner, lover of hip-hop, all while grappling with a desire to be seen, and feeling like a misfit. I was surprised by how much of myself I was able to see in these essays especially with Dixon's 90s culture references. I was fairly young in the '90s but I was delighted by her inclusion of MASH, AOL chat rooms and MTV Raps. Similarity having grown up in Chicago/Chicagoland I can't completely identify with small town Black Midwestern life but I find myself nodding in familiarity with some of the cultural aspects of Black Midwesterners. The writing style is pithy and evocative. The essays sing from one story to the next. Each essay contains multiple lines that reverberate with the reader. My copy is heavily underlined and I know I'll be coming back to this crucial collection when I need to feel less alone.
I love essay collections as it's become increasingly clear and this one did not disappoint. The writing was lyrical and vivid, every word feels intentional. I wasn't at all surprised to read that the author was also a poet. The essays can be read out of order but I enjoyed reading them front to back even though they aren't in chronological order, I felt like I gained a better understanding of Dixon's life in the fragments. My heart ached for Dixon multiple times, not because I pitied her but because I appreciated her raw vulnerability and I saw myself in many of her stories. She writes about a variety of topics, effortlessly depicting grief, sexual desire, online dating, friendship, living with a chronic illness. I was particularly struck by the essay regarding a suicide attempt ('An Imprint Instead of a Flash'), her reeling from her divorce and envying a white woman who seems content with her fatness (the titular essay). I don't have the mental capacity to write about 'An Imprint Instead of a Flash' but it broke me wide open and is an absolute must read. Throughout the collection Dixon writes what many of us fear to say or admit. In one of my favorite essays 'Native Tongue' she recalls, “I carried a stick of Teen Spirit deodorant in my backpack because one of the boys sniffed the air every time I entered the room and I was terrified to be the fat Black girl existing in a cloud of stench” ('Native Tongue', 26). I don't personally know the experience of being a fat Black girl but I could relate to middle school me probably thinking something like that about a classmate and also fearing that people thought the same about me. It's just one line but it conveyed so much and stayed with me. Beyond that one line 'Native Tongue' resonated with me for the evoking the constant out of place feelings I felt growing up as a Black girl who didn't fit the stereotypical image of Black girls held by mostly white classmates but some Black ones as well. I spoke differently, didn't know all the latest songs, Dixon sums up my existence in describing herself, "What I can remember now that I am solidly in middle age is that the intersection of popularity and Blackness was where I always got lost" ('Native Tongue', 26). I also really enjoyed 'Karaoke' an essay that made me ache for pre-pandemic life in a way that no other book has as she sums up the exhilaration of moving into a new city, being a millennial and feeling satisfied with life in that moment, "There is a small jolt of clarity that reminds me this is my life. One I've built and reshaped and shoulder all on my own. I think it's what I thought life would be when I moved to Philadelphia. Friends and Friday nights and laughter in a city I'd conquered. All of those things aren't true, but it's getting there." (81) With this passage she captures the emotional highs and lows of millennial life that are universal but particularly meaningful for young Black women.
Another favorite essay that made me immediately want to call my father was 'Ordinary History', in it Dixon describes her relationship with men including her father. It becomes evident that she's a daddy's girl, as am I. “For my entire life, I have known love between the folds of greeting cards, flower deliveries, hometown newspaper announcements, ruffles of my hair and pinches of my chin. My father still carries the tiny slip of paper the nurse handed him the night I was born, the measurements of my birth, tattered and adored in his wallet. He carries my beginnings like a prize. [...] I knew his expectations of education and success as much as I also knew he wanted me to be happy and loved outside of the confines of his shadow. He often reminds me that I am worthy" (21), my father doesn't carry that paper around but he constantly reminds me that I deserve the world and the very best treatment when it comes to men and he has always showered me with love. He's quietly been there to pick up the pieces so many times when I felt at my lowest, ugly and unwanted. I have obviously never been a father but I thought this line, "I knew his expectations of education and success as much as I also knew he wanted me to be happy and loved outside of the confines of his shadow" in particular was so beautiful and rang true. Additionally earlier in the essay she observes, "Perhaps it was my hunger for them to be a fraction of who my father is that drove me to forget myself and accept the scraps I was offered" (20) and I almost dropped the book because DRAG ME. I've often wondered if I self sabotage myself in that way but had never seen what I experienced so succinctly conveyed in one devastating line.
THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN is an intense, soulful memoir-in-essays where Dixon willingly exposes herself to the reader. This exposure allows for the creation of a stunning collection of essays where Dixon meditates on growing up in a small town, being a fat Black woman, the quirks of being a Black Midwesterner, lover of hip-hop, all while grappling with a desire to be seen, and feeling like a misfit. I was surprised by how much of myself I was able to see in these essays especially with Dixon's 90s culture references. I was fairly young in the '90s but I was delighted by her inclusion of MASH, AOL chat rooms and MTV Raps. Similarity having grown up in Chicago/Chicagoland I can't completely identify with small town Black Midwestern life but I find myself nodding in familiarity with some of the cultural aspects of Black Midwesterners. The writing style is pithy and evocative. The essays sing from one story to the next. Each essay contains multiple lines that reverberate with the reader. My copy is heavily underlined and I know I'll be coming back to this crucial collection when I need to feel less alone.
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