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415 reviews for:
The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients
Irvin D. Yalom
4.24 AVERAGE
415 reviews for:
The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients
Irvin D. Yalom
4.24 AVERAGE
emotional
informative
fast-paced
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
fast-paced
informative
reflective
medium-paced
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
Was assigned the first half of the book for class and went on to complete the book. Full of great advice pieces for new therapists that I’m glad I read before graduating.
A thought provoking creation that's bursting with his wisdom, compassion and charm. So inspired 🤓
informative
medium-paced
I am astonished that this is one of the top books recommended for therapists. Yalom shares some good information such as the importance of the therapeutic relationship and being authentic with clients. That said, I cannot give this book more than one star because it is so influenced by Yalom’s white male privilege, biases, and questionable ethics.
One big red flag is Yalom’s grudge against empirically validated therapy (AKA evidence based practices). He rails against manualized therapy such as CBT in favor of psychodynamic therapy. He says empirically validated therapy has had “all negative” impact on the field of psychotherapy. This is an insane take. It’s important to read research critically. All studies have limitations. That does not discredit the immense body of work supporting CBT and other evidence based practices. Psychodynamic therapy can still be effective even if it is difficult to study. Clinicians should be evaluating the interventions they are using with their clients so they can ensure they are working, otherwise it is simply a shot in the dark. Hey Yalom - what I just wrote is called “nuance.”
Yalom’s ethics are questionable. He proudly recalls a moment when he told his client that lost her hair to cancer that he fantasized about stroking the wisps of hair still on her head. Then he actually did. He says it helped his client. That’s great. But he tells this tale to convey that therapists should not be afraid of physical touch. He says they are overly cautious out of fear of a lawsuit. Therapists should be afraid of a lawsuit. There is a clear power imbalance in the therapeutic relationship. Physical touch can muddy boundaries and cause psychological harm. Clients may consent to physical touch because they feel pressured by the therapist. They may come to regret it later. Was stroking his client’s head really necessary or could he have helped her by doing something less potentially harmful? Oh, to have the confidence of a white man.
Yalom is very preoccupied with women’s attractiveness. If a client asks, he says it is appropriate to tell her he is attracted to her and would want to get to know her if he weren’t her therapist. Again, let’s consider the inherit power dynamic. It is not uncommon for clients to fall in love with their therapist. Yalom even acknowledges this. Yet his intent could be so easily misconstrued as flirting or sexual harassment. The interaction Yalom described is likely reassurance seeking and may further the client’s dependence on the therapist. How does it help her improve her self-esteem so that she can provide herself with internal validation? Again, this is an easy way to muddy the boundaries between the therapist and client.
While discussing why therapists should not have sex with their clients, Yalom makes an offhand remark that “many women, especially those with low self-regard, believe that the only real gift they have to offer is a sexual gift.” This is just flat out misogynistic. Many women? No mention that the patriarchy is the root cause of this phenomenon? Give me a break.
Oh, and before giving the tip to do home visits more often, can we please consider that it would be far more vulnerable and risky for individuals that are not white cis men?
For someone that set out to write a book for new therapists, he certainly does not seem to respect them. Instead, he speaks highly of “senior” therapists whom he assumes all believe the same things he does. He gives no credence to the new teachings that younger therapists are learning in school. This seems unnecessarily defensive. No one is saying the therapists of his generation aren’t good at their jobs. Rather, our knowledge of best practices evolves over time. We are supposed to be lifelong learners in this field if we truly care about helping others and not stroking our own egos.
I have so many more issues with this book but these are just some of the highlights. If you are a therapist and read this book, please do so critically and don’t blindly accept Yalom’s advice.
One big red flag is Yalom’s grudge against empirically validated therapy (AKA evidence based practices). He rails against manualized therapy such as CBT in favor of psychodynamic therapy. He says empirically validated therapy has had “all negative” impact on the field of psychotherapy. This is an insane take. It’s important to read research critically. All studies have limitations. That does not discredit the immense body of work supporting CBT and other evidence based practices. Psychodynamic therapy can still be effective even if it is difficult to study. Clinicians should be evaluating the interventions they are using with their clients so they can ensure they are working, otherwise it is simply a shot in the dark. Hey Yalom - what I just wrote is called “nuance.”
Yalom’s ethics are questionable. He proudly recalls a moment when he told his client that lost her hair to cancer that he fantasized about stroking the wisps of hair still on her head. Then he actually did. He says it helped his client. That’s great. But he tells this tale to convey that therapists should not be afraid of physical touch. He says they are overly cautious out of fear of a lawsuit. Therapists should be afraid of a lawsuit. There is a clear power imbalance in the therapeutic relationship. Physical touch can muddy boundaries and cause psychological harm. Clients may consent to physical touch because they feel pressured by the therapist. They may come to regret it later. Was stroking his client’s head really necessary or could he have helped her by doing something less potentially harmful? Oh, to have the confidence of a white man.
Yalom is very preoccupied with women’s attractiveness. If a client asks, he says it is appropriate to tell her he is attracted to her and would want to get to know her if he weren’t her therapist. Again, let’s consider the inherit power dynamic. It is not uncommon for clients to fall in love with their therapist. Yalom even acknowledges this. Yet his intent could be so easily misconstrued as flirting or sexual harassment. The interaction Yalom described is likely reassurance seeking and may further the client’s dependence on the therapist. How does it help her improve her self-esteem so that she can provide herself with internal validation? Again, this is an easy way to muddy the boundaries between the therapist and client.
While discussing why therapists should not have sex with their clients, Yalom makes an offhand remark that “many women, especially those with low self-regard, believe that the only real gift they have to offer is a sexual gift.” This is just flat out misogynistic. Many women? No mention that the patriarchy is the root cause of this phenomenon? Give me a break.
Oh, and before giving the tip to do home visits more often, can we please consider that it would be far more vulnerable and risky for individuals that are not white cis men?
For someone that set out to write a book for new therapists, he certainly does not seem to respect them. Instead, he speaks highly of “senior” therapists whom he assumes all believe the same things he does. He gives no credence to the new teachings that younger therapists are learning in school. This seems unnecessarily defensive. No one is saying the therapists of his generation aren’t good at their jobs. Rather, our knowledge of best practices evolves over time. We are supposed to be lifelong learners in this field if we truly care about helping others and not stroking our own egos.
I have so many more issues with this book but these are just some of the highlights. If you are a therapist and read this book, please do so critically and don’t blindly accept Yalom’s advice.
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
Another lovely, humane and revealing book by Dr. Yalom with practical advice supported by colorful anecdote. Highly recommended.
A wonderful resource for therapists, as well as people who have exhausted therapy but miss the practice.
informative
reflective
medium-paced