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brittishliterature's review
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
5.0
All the underlines and tabs for this one. You know those books that mark critical paradigm shifts in your life? The ones that expand your horizons in the best ways? This is one of those books for me. The past three or four years have held a lot of evolution, doubting, and rebuilding the way I see my faith. A big part of that was my evolving beliefs about the LGBTQ+ community and Christianity. This book was helpful for me in processing a lot of that.
I wish I'd read this book sooner, but I also think I read it at exactly the perfect time. I guess I was hesitant because while I felt that the church has caused a lot of hurt for the gay community, I also cannot escape the fact that my faith and the story of Christ continue to draw and compel me. The tension between caring for those I know in the gay community but not wanting to completely tear apart my faith was at times hard to reconcile.
Justin's own story as a gay Christian and his insights into Scripture and the message of Christ (and consequently God's heart) were packed with beautiful and important truth. So many times, these discussions end up creating even more polarization, but he manages to write an entire book full of compassion for everyone on either side of the discussion rather than angrily pointing fingers. I was left with a sense of hope and found that I don't need to scrap the Bible altogether or disregard bits and pieces of it in order to live out my faith with integrity. In fact, I think reading this book has renewed my desire to return to Scripture and the way of Jesus with a refreshed lens and view of the story of Christ.
Highly recommend for anyone. I loved this book and am so thankful my college pastor put this in my hands a few years ago.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Homophobia and Religious bigotry
Minor: Mental illness, Suicidal thoughts, and Outing
ejimenez's review
4.0
I come from a very different theological perspective than the author of this book, and both started and ended in different religious contexts. For the most part, I don't relate to the struggle he experienced in reconciling his sexuality and his faith. But I got a lot more out of the book than I expected to - I really appreciated and admired his compassionate and thoughtful perspective.
lukenotjohn's review
3.0
This book was assigned as a part of the curriculum for the Christian ministry I am a part of (missionyear.org check us out!) and reading it within that context really helped me to appreciate it. Because it draws Christians from a huge spectrum of theological beliefs, life experiences, as well as sexual and gender identities, it's critical to have a book that's capable of speaking across that spectrum, and I think Lee's proved capable of doing just that.
At least ten or fifteen times while reading this, I audibly expressed how impressed I was with Lee to the room I was reading in because he's just so damn generous and gracious and gentle. I was stunned at how he managed to so consistently choose forgiveness and kindness over judgment and bitterness, and yet it makes so much sense within the context of his story and the ways he felt, well, torn between wanting to be right and wanting to stay in relationship with so many who disagreed. It's really rare to find someone whose so committed and adamant about bridge-building and reconciliation that they're willing to undergo the kind of treatment and blatant hatred Lee faces and still keep on pursuing that. I hate that the reality is that it took him doing that to even dream of getting to the place he wants to, but am deeply grateful for his role in the Church for doing so.
Beyond being impressed with Lee's character as its demonstrated here, however, I was impressed with the ways he was able to so vulnerably and honestly share his compelling story while intertwining it with a straightforward approach of the concern at hand. Although there are some parts that are clearly written as a Q&A type style, and the (really valuable) chapters on Scriptural interpretations and hermeneutical approaches are less about his story, he really did avoid writing even those in a way that felt distractingly disjointed. In many ways, this reads as an absolutely brilliant piece of strategic rhetoric. Lee's words read as honest and earnest, and I don't doubt that the are, but they also read as the most inoffensive approach that could possibly be taken in a way that makes those with opposing viewpoints to be able to consider his own story without feeling threatened or attacked, or even criticized. Which, well, seems to be exactly the approach that's needed.
My inclination is towards anger, and I wouldn't have faulted Lee for a burn-it-all-down approach that gave voice to the more aggressive and direct pain, hurt, and fire that I have no doubt so many queer Christians experience. In a lot of ways, I think I would have preferred that "prophetic" take more than this "pastoral" one. And yet, I can't deny its effectiveness nor its simple, gentle, accessible beauty.
At least ten or fifteen times while reading this, I audibly expressed how impressed I was with Lee to the room I was reading in because he's just so damn generous and gracious and gentle. I was stunned at how he managed to so consistently choose forgiveness and kindness over judgment and bitterness, and yet it makes so much sense within the context of his story and the ways he felt, well, torn between wanting to be right and wanting to stay in relationship with so many who disagreed. It's really rare to find someone whose so committed and adamant about bridge-building and reconciliation that they're willing to undergo the kind of treatment and blatant hatred Lee faces and still keep on pursuing that. I hate that the reality is that it took him doing that to even dream of getting to the place he wants to, but am deeply grateful for his role in the Church for doing so.
Beyond being impressed with Lee's character as its demonstrated here, however, I was impressed with the ways he was able to so vulnerably and honestly share his compelling story while intertwining it with a straightforward approach of the concern at hand. Although there are some parts that are clearly written as a Q&A type style, and the (really valuable) chapters on Scriptural interpretations and hermeneutical approaches are less about his story, he really did avoid writing even those in a way that felt distractingly disjointed. In many ways, this reads as an absolutely brilliant piece of strategic rhetoric. Lee's words read as honest and earnest, and I don't doubt that the are, but they also read as the most inoffensive approach that could possibly be taken in a way that makes those with opposing viewpoints to be able to consider his own story without feeling threatened or attacked, or even criticized. Which, well, seems to be exactly the approach that's needed.
My inclination is towards anger, and I wouldn't have faulted Lee for a burn-it-all-down approach that gave voice to the more aggressive and direct pain, hurt, and fire that I have no doubt so many queer Christians experience. In a lot of ways, I think I would have preferred that "prophetic" take more than this "pastoral" one. And yet, I can't deny its effectiveness nor its simple, gentle, accessible beauty.
kpmgeek's review
5.0
This is one of the best Christian non-fiction texts I have ever read, and Justin Lee effortlessly navigates difficult waters as he not only shares his own personal journey to a "Side A" understanding of Christian morality and homosexuality (Monogamous relationships)but also equally explains the "Side B" arguments often made (in favor of celibacy). The book also delves into the flaws of the "ex-gay" movement and addresses common mis-truths. He remains remarkably apolitical, and humble in his quest to find a way to build bridges between the LGBT community and the church. I don't care what side of the argument you find yourself on, this is a book you HAVE to read.
patsaintsfan's review
5.0
An important book. Justin is a great writer, and shares his story bravely with us all.
venuscollective's review
challenging
emotional
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
4.75
Content Warnings
Moderate: Homophobia and Religious bigotry
Minor: Mental illness and Outing
mrswhiteinthelibrary's review
5.0
Probably one of the most powerful books out there on a very important, increasingly relevant topic. Part memoir, part plea for sanity, Justin Lee's voice is approachable and conversational, and he tells his story with capability and sensitivity. Lee's story unfolds as does the story of so many countless others: raised devoutly Christian, and a conservative Southern Baptist, no less, he discovers to his own horror that while feelings for girls never developed, he cannot fight his attraction for men.
So begins his journey for understanding: of himself, of Christ, and of how a person like him fits into a culture that routinely pits gays and Christians against each other. Throughout his quest for understanding, he immerses himself in research and Biblical study and brings his reader along to wrestle with his difficult questions, trying to make sense of who and what he is.
And unlike many others, he ultimately finds more solace in faith than ever before. This is not the story of a man giving up God to be true to himself, nor lying about his nature in order to fit into church culture. This is a man seeking, at all costs, to bridge the gap between his sexuality and his faith. His story is gripping and eye opening, shining light on so many misconceptions about homosexuality within the church and espoused by so many who mean very well.
Perhaps the best part about Torn is that Lee does this without at any point trying to jump through hoops or find loopholes to justify himself. At all points he knows Christians mean well, even as he reveals the increasing ways they have been lied to, causing the growing rift between them and the gay community. Rather than seeking to dismantle church tradition, Lee knows the church rhetoric and spouts it to himself as much as anyone else does, trying to unlock how he can live right with God while knowing that no amount of praying is going to turn him straight. His earnestness is palpable in the pages.
The resulting is a deeply personal story that begs for understanding without Lee at any point insisting his own ideas are right, or trying to draw too firm of conclusions. Rather than attempting to reconcile himself with God, he tries to reconcile the church to the gays they are failing. He longs not to be right, but for a dialogue between gays and the church and, ultimately, the understanding that it does not matter what makes someone gay, whether it's inherent or a choice, or whether all gays are called to celibacy or if a committed same-sex relationship in Christ is possible. It only matters, at the end of the day, that God loves the gays- and we should too.
So begins his journey for understanding: of himself, of Christ, and of how a person like him fits into a culture that routinely pits gays and Christians against each other. Throughout his quest for understanding, he immerses himself in research and Biblical study and brings his reader along to wrestle with his difficult questions, trying to make sense of who and what he is.
And unlike many others, he ultimately finds more solace in faith than ever before. This is not the story of a man giving up God to be true to himself, nor lying about his nature in order to fit into church culture. This is a man seeking, at all costs, to bridge the gap between his sexuality and his faith. His story is gripping and eye opening, shining light on so many misconceptions about homosexuality within the church and espoused by so many who mean very well.
Perhaps the best part about Torn is that Lee does this without at any point trying to jump through hoops or find loopholes to justify himself. At all points he knows Christians mean well, even as he reveals the increasing ways they have been lied to, causing the growing rift between them and the gay community. Rather than seeking to dismantle church tradition, Lee knows the church rhetoric and spouts it to himself as much as anyone else does, trying to unlock how he can live right with God while knowing that no amount of praying is going to turn him straight. His earnestness is palpable in the pages.
The resulting is a deeply personal story that begs for understanding without Lee at any point insisting his own ideas are right, or trying to draw too firm of conclusions. Rather than attempting to reconcile himself with God, he tries to reconcile the church to the gays they are failing. He longs not to be right, but for a dialogue between gays and the church and, ultimately, the understanding that it does not matter what makes someone gay, whether it's inherent or a choice, or whether all gays are called to celibacy or if a committed same-sex relationship in Christ is possible. It only matters, at the end of the day, that God loves the gays- and we should too.
jmanchester0's review
5.0
In a Gays-vs.-Christians world, admitting you're gay makes you the enemy of Christians.
Sadly, with this single sentence, Justin Lee sums up one of the biggest issues in Western Christianity today. Or maybe the biggest. It's extremely unfortunate (or maybe criminal is a better word), that we've allowed two or three misread passages to completely overshadow God's message of love in the Bible.
Torn is a must-read for anyone wanting to understand better what's holding back the love and compassion of Christians for the LGBT world. It's a good read for anyone: Christian, non-Christian, gay, straight. (Caveat: I say this as a straight Christian, but I'm trusting Lee's experience to overcome that, since this book is about him and his experiences.) I would recommend this to anyone not wanting to keep their head in the sand from such an important discussion.
This is something the whole Christian community needs to be thinking about. If you don't personally know anyone who's gay, you're probably wrong in that assumption. You just don't realize it. This is something that will impact each and every one of us, probably sooner than we expect. There is a lot of history to overcome - a lot of hate, a lot of misunderstanding. The sooner that we begin to understand, the sooner we can begin reconciliation.
In a Venn diagram, Gays and Christians aren't mutually exclusive - in fact, there's much more overlap than most people would imagine. Justin Lee enlightens us to that fact, and helps us understand how we need more compassion, more dialogue. This book is a simple read - it's accessible to anyone, and I think important for Christians, simply because his statement is so true:
I believe our goal should be truth, not ideology, and that we must have the humility to admit that we still don't have all the answers.
We would be better Christians in all aspects of our lives if we could admit this.
Justin Lee does a great job in discussing ex-gay movements and explaining how they might be able to help you change behavior (if that's what you want) but they cannot change the fact that you're gay. In fact, he cites many of the founders of the movement (and ex-gay poster children) and describes how they've returned to previous gay lifestyles. Reparative therapy doesn't work. Focus on the Family lied to you. His words are better than mine:
Focus [on the Family] then sent me a pack of resources promoting the same ex-gay groups I already knew didn't work, featuring testimonies from many of the same people I already knew weren't really straight.
Of course, this book is going to be controversial to conservative Christians because it's not anti-gay. Lifeway won't even carry it (I guess I shouldn't be surprised). On the other side, it may also be controversial to some on the LGBT side, because Justin Lee is tolerant of those gay Christians who believe the Bible teaches that they need to remain celibate (even though he does not subscribe to that). He wants more than anything for everyone to come together with a discussion of love, so that we can all understand each other - and replace the long-standing hate with compassion.
Read this book. If you're a Christian, read it to overcome your LGBT prejudices. If you're LGBT, read it to understand that the truth is that Christians shouldn't be fighting this war they have been fighting, and to understand the love and compassion we should be having.
Side note: I "won" a prize in our local library's 2012 reading contest. I got to pick one book to be added to to the library. I felt like this was important enough to add. So if you live in the Huntsville area, you can literally "check this out" at the Huntsville library.