Reviews with content warning for Misogyny - Gender Queer: A Memoir

Like many people, I first heard about this book because of all the controversy surrounding it by the (far) right/conservatives. As an agender person I am always interested to find books with non-binary characters and I was interested to see what all the fuss is about. My library got a copy at some point so I decided to read it and find out.

Honestly? I was underwhelmed. Please note that this doesn't come from a place of hate. Again, I am agender so I understand how difficult it can be to live in a world where gender seems to be so central to everything. There were definitely some experiences that I related to, but overall? It was honestly just okay. Books with this kind of representation are so important. Gender non-conforming people are so often othered, even in queer spaces and seeing that there are others like you can be such a wonderful moment. But (and this is probably an unpopular opinion) I don't think that this book would be nearly as popular as it is if it weren't for all the controversy around it and people trying to ban it. While the representation is obviously important, I didn't think it was that special? (Please don't come for me!). I went in expecting to enjoy it, but it didn't quite hit the mark for me. I completely understand why people may love it, but I feel like while it explores deeply personal aspects of the author's identity, it fails to look beyond that very much. I know that this is a memoir, but given the limited knowledge most people have on the topic, this is an important part of these kinds of stories. At least for now.

While the author says that ey aren't misogynistic (and I am happy to believe em), the book does perpetuate a lot of stereotypes about what it means to be a woman. A lot of statements surrounding this made by other people (e.g. eir aunt and mother - and eir mother is even super supportive of eir identity - something many trans and gender non-conforming people don't have) are just brushed aside. I know that these kinds of statements are deeply problematic and that you are who you are and don't owe anyine a deep explanation. I get that this comes from a gender mismatch. But I know a lot of people have seen it otherwise. I think giving more space to just explaining this could have gone a long way. Yes, maybe ey don't owe an explanation, but if ey are going to share eir experiences with the public giving it helps immensely. Yes, queerphobes will hate whatever is said, but it will help educate those who are looking to understand. A lot of experiences are just kind of given. While I see what the author was going for here, I do think some reflection on some of eir experiences now that ey have a better understanding of who ey are could have added so much to the book. I feel like this book is more about representation than a message. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, bit we still very much need a stronger education aspect for non-binary identies. I probably wouldn't recommend it to someone who is looking to learn about them, but rather someone who understands them already and wants to learn more about non-binary experiences.

I feel like I haven't properly gotten all my opinions down here because I have very mixed views about this book. I might rewrite parts of this at some point. But is it as bad as the conservatives make it out to be? No . Especially since it's no even intended for young children? Is it an incredible and deep exploration of non-binaryness? Also no, but it does show how parts of how uncomfortable it is to live in a deeply gendered world. Would I recommend it? Probably. Maybe. It depends on who is asking. It's definitely not a bad book. It's deeply personal and the author put a lot of strength and bravery into telling eir story. But I do still wish it was more and maybe actually reflected on some of these experiences. I think exploring and re olving some of the discussions ey had had about eir identity could have helped a lot - especially as critics bring up some of the same points that ey never really dug into in the book beyond saying that the other person was wrong. The ending is also kind of abrupt so ey could even have included a deeper explanation at the end (possibly in text form as I can imagine it could be difficult to explain in graphic novel form).

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kirstenf's review against another edition

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tiernanhunter's review against another edition

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stitchbooks22's review against another edition

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